Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

[Eve11]

Hi gang,
I'm back posting again and happy to see so many new modsters with great plans for moderating successfully. Haven't checked the Ruby Tuesday thread yet but for those of you who are newer, we try to utilize that thread as a weekly sounding board to post our weekly goals and then discuss on Monday or Tuesday how the prior week went when new goals are posted.

For those of you who don't know me, I got very busy in a master's program and have been posting much less frequently than I was. I was finding when there wasn't much activity here it was easy to get too busy in my life and not check in. It is valuable to have each other's support so am really happy to see our little mod squad is thriving again.

Looking forward to learning more about our newbies and big hugs to our oldies like Sarasmiles, Deebee, etc.
:l
Eve11

[KundaliniGirl]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Eve, I'm so happy to have found you. Have been posting on the monthly mod thread which is kind of quiet. It's nice to have company and someone to chat with. I am doing great so far at modding after 2.5 months AF. I'm really happy because I'm achieving my goal without a struggle!

Basically, my goal is no alcohol during the week at home. On the weekend, I'll have 1/2 bottle of wine or 2 margaritas depending on the meal with hubs when we eat out. The only exceptions would be social outings or if we have someone over for dinner (which typically won't happen more than once/week.

So far this week I'm doing great and have been successful with my goal for the last month. So happy to be achieving this!

Chat with you more later!

KG

[Eve11]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Hey KundaliniGirl,
Good to talk to you. We have similar goals. I have boys in school and don't like to model drinking on school nights. We're big into family dinners and I drink milk or ice tea or lemonade. I try to stay away from the bad habit of thinking I need a drink after work to relax or a drink with dinner to enjoy it. I do love wine and it does enhance the flavor of foods but just don't like setting that example on work nights/school nights.

I will make exceptions for a rare girl's night out where I may meet a friend for one glass of wine or go to a "girl party" (jewelry, etc.) and have a drink but I tend to try to keep my drinking to Friday and Sat. nights only and aim for no more than 2. If I have three it's usually a stretch of time between the drinks and a long evening (like a party). As you and the new modsters get to know me, I am the person who suffers from the "vampire effect" as I have named it. There have been those times where I HAVE to have another drink after I've had my desired max like the vampire who has tasted blood has to have more. Because of this I am VERY fearful of drinking at home and opening a bottle of wine at home with the belief I will only have 2 because that usually fails. Thus, I keep coming here to try to stay strong and keep my moderating goals in check. The support helps and the accountability to the people here and posting on the drinktracker does help me tremendously.

Look forward to getting to know you and our other newbies better.
:l
Eve11

[KundaliniGirl]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Eve, I think not drinking every night in front of your kids is a must if you are to be a good parent. Someone just posted a link on one of the other threads about how modeling drinking impacts children. I didn't read it because I don't have kids, but I just know from my own experience and others' that kids emulate their parents (usually)...........doesn't take rocket science to figure that one out, does it? Anyway, I think it's super that you're willing to forego drinking in front of them. Better for you and them!

I love your vampire effect analogy. I think we must be very similar in our relationship with alcohol. And, our goals sound similar, so hopefully we can be good support for each other. I think I'll use the drink tracker - haven't visited that part of the site, but sounds worthwhile.

Well, quitting the every night drinking has been the best thing I've ever done. I am feeling light years better without alcohol in my system all the time. And, my sleep is of an entirely different caliber. I had no idea the extent to which alcohol was impacting the quality/quantity of my sleep.

Take care everyone and have a fabulous day. I'm feeling great after an AF night's sleep. Looking forward to getting to know you all!

KG

[Eve11]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Alcohol affects our sleep

KundaliniGirl;1036382 wrote: And, my sleep is of an entirely different caliber. I had no idea the extent to which alcohol was impacting the quality/quantity of my sleep.

Yes, K Girl, alcohol does affect our sleep. The sleep-disruptive effect of ethanol will be in the first few pages of any sleep textbook. It is attributed to its effect on neurotransmitters, particularly GABA-A receptors. Alcohol activates these receptors potently but then leaves the body quickly, producing a withdrawal syndrome that includes disordered sleep.

Alcohol and Sleep - Alcohol Alert No. 41-1998 gives very good info on why sleep disturbances occur for those who want to take the time to read more.

Like you, I always feel so much better when I haven't had a drop of alcohol and have gotten a great night's sleep.

:l
Eve11

[KundaliniGirl]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Thanks for the link Eve.

Once my sleep started suffering greatly I had finally done the research and made the connection. Still, though, it wasn't until I gave myself a large chunk of AF time that I realized how mammoth the difference is. I am so glad that I was able to not drink for a long stint so I could really understand what alcohol was doing to me by drinking daily.

KG

[Gidget]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Hi Kundalini and Eve,
It is nice to see regular names pop up all over the Forum. I used to log in as wannabefree a long time ago and was unable to relocate my password after a sabbatical!
I was looking through some old posts and noticed that I basically did not reply to my own threads when people had taken the time to reply...I was not very impressed : )
So as Gidget, I shall make much more of an effort to reply and try to become a known name among the community.
Is there a way that I can track my own threads or threads I have contributed to?
I am coming up for 6 months sobriety and it has been pretty good actually. I am though going to give modding a red hot go shortly, I must say with quite alot of trepidation ,I will be entering into this.
I have been listening and actively participating in a NLP and Hypnosis CD specifically designed for binge drinkers and I am actually seeing slight changes. I used to have the odd drunk dream but the other night I had a dream where I stopped at 2!! I know it may sound insignificant but I still remember how in my dream I was working through the thoughts of having another but I used my NLP training to stop.....Well, lets hope this is something : )
I am in no way going to risk stepping back into the drinking domain until I see further stronger changes in my psychy.
Anyhow, I am happy to be on this thread and am sure glad that there are others out there with a similar problem whom are so supportive of one another.
Look forward to reading all your threads and learning from those that are making it work for them.
SJ
xxx

[Eve11]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Gidget;1037951 wrote: Is there a way that I can track my own threads or threads I have contributed to?

Gidget, :welcome: back!!
Highlight your name on any post you have done and it will open up a drop down box. It has 5 or so options. One says view public profile. You can actually see a small pix of me on mine in my vampire costume a year ago. LOL. At the bottom it says "Find all posts by..." and that's where you can find your old posts. Oops...needed to edit this. I'm not sure with the name change how you can find your old posts. You can always email technical support for help regarding that. They could also maybe help you get the old name back (give info on how to find it) as I don't think another person can even use that name.

I totally believe in the hypnotic tapes. I have done them and want to continue working in that field with listening to the tape I purchased from MWO as well as having a friend design one specifically for me.

More than anything, what I have found with all my years of doing this is that hanging with the right people is VITAL. I have a very hard time hanging with people who are heavy drinkers and have ended and/or changed relationships with people who would/could pull me down. I am not as strong as I want to be when hanging with big drinkers. Learning our triggers and weak points is vital in making this mod thing work.

Glad to see you again. Sorry you couldn't find your old name but we'll get to know you just fine as Gidget.

Welcome back.
:l
Eve11

[KundaliniGirl]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Gidget - I think it's really wise to feel solid about your abilities to mod before compromising your AF time. That's exactly where I'm at -- I won't do anything to get me back into a bad drinking situation. I really enjoy the evenings I don't drink, and especially enjoy the mornings after! Also, what I'm realizing is that now that I'm only drinking one night a week (1/2 bottle of wine at dinner), I still sleep well and feel good the next day. So, no hangovers or compromised days attributed to alcohol! However, I know that if I got into daily drinking that it would start to compromise my sleep - so I'm committed to not going there again!

When you do start to mod again, do you have a plan?

Eve, I just read your "Humble Pie" story - a great piece -- Gidget, you should read it. Just click on Eve's name and go to her public profile. Also, Eve, excellent advice about triggers. I too have to avoid big drinkers and control my environment in order to achieve my modding goals!

RE the tapes you guys listen to - I also meditate (via my yoga) and it's helped me tremendously!

Strength and peace to you girls,

xx,
KG

[Eve11]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

KundaliniGirl;1038441 wrote: Eve, I just read your "Humble Pie" story - a great piece -- Gidget, you should read it. Just click on Eve's name and go to her public profile.

KundaliniGirl,
I used to be a subscriber but quit for a while as I was donating my money to another charity I felt needed it more for right now with all of the troubling times people are having. That being said, when I tried to read my blogs yesterday it didn't allow me to and stated I needed to be a subscriber. I noticed you're not a subscriber and the way MWO is set up is everyone is supposed to be able to read the blogs but only subscribers can post. Will you do me a favor and click on blogs to the right of my name on this post and see if it allows you to read my work. Also, I couldn't find Humble Pie and should probably save that to an area on my computer as it's a good one to pull up here and there for newbies. Found an old piece I had written that I want to share. It's buried in the posts here on the long term thread but hard to find some of these things sometimes unless one is looking w-a-y back.
This medically explains things but still doesn't quite answer my question of the vampire effect. Maybe you and others will have some good ideas.
Hi Modders,
Found a very interesting article on this site (MWO) under research. Think the title was "Can alcoholism be treated?". It medically explains why we can have these crazy cravings. Read on and then I'll comment at the end once you've read. Here goes:

Campral, the first alcoholism drug to win Food & Drug Administration approval in 10 years, is designed to suppress alcohol cravings by targeting specific brain chemicals thrown out of balance by drinking.

Drugs that target the brain's addiction pathways can curb drinking.

Alcohol releases a neurotransmitter called GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid), instrumental in creating a sense of euphoria. Too much GABA can impair muscle control and slow reaction times, so the brain releases a stimulating chemical called glutamate to keep it in check. When alcohol is cut off, glutamate levels remain high and can cause irritability and discomfort. To relieve those feelings, the brain craves another drink. As more GABA and glutamate are released, brain cells change their structure to accommodate the excess chemicals, making them dependent on these levels. When alcohol is withdrawn, painful emotional and physical reactions are set off.

GABA may be the reason people drink, but glutamate is the reason they can't stop. This powerful neurotransmitter is a key player in the brain's learning centers, and excess amounts create deeply embedded memories of drinking. Years after a person quits, these memories can be triggered by a place, person, or even smell associated with drinking, setting off intense cravings. Such cue-induced cravings are the main reason for relapse. "They're why it can be easy to get off a drug, but it's very hard to stay off," says Dr. Herbert D. Kleber, director of the division on substance abuse at Columbia University.

Campral helps alcoholics resist these cravings by checking production of glutamate, bringing the brain's chemistry back into balance. Clinical studies of Campral have shown that after six months of treatment, 36% of patients were still abstinent, compared with 23.4% on placebo.
***
So, I may have the answer to the question that plagues ME which is why can I drink sometimes, have one or two and can quit with ease while other times I am out of control and want to keep drinking and drinking? So, from this article I am thinking when I have those out of control times I have more glutamate than other times and that makes the cravings more intense. What I don't understand is WHY do I have more glutamate sometimes? What are the variables that are making that higher?

Would love to hear thoughts from fellow members - especially those that have researched this.

:l
Eve11
p.s. When I have time I'll answer your question about how I got here. Typed a huge response yesterday and just as I went to post it the computer froze and I lost it! So, later but soon!

[Gidget]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Ta for the lovely hello's ladies, Am just rushing out the door. Have booked an appointment with a hypnotist and NLP coach which is in 2 weeks and have been listening to my cd each day. Fingers crossed I aint kidding myself. Will re read your msg's and reply soon,
thanks
SJ

[KundaliniGirl]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Eve, yes I can still read your blog by accessing it through the drop down menu. I copied Humble Pie for you. I can copy others if you want me to. Here you go: (you should be able to copy and paste this into a Word document to save for when you want to repost for newbies. As you said, if you don't save it somewhere else, it will get buried).

The Day God Served Me Humble Pie
Posted 02-25-2010 at 11:45 AM by Eve11 I felt pretty good making the choice to moderate when I first came here.. My past wasn?t daily drinking. When I drank it usually wasn?t even heavy drinking to most folks. I could get a real good buzz off of 3 glasses of wine and was sufficiently drunk with 4..

It was easy to believe I was an ?abuser? of alcohol and not a chronic alcoholic like my father had been. I remember hearing the beer bottle cap popping the first thing in the morning when he would get up and it never quit popping all day. He went through a case of beer a day and then started adding in hard liquor as well. Yet, he would balk if he was confronted about being an alcoholic. He died with cirrhosis of the liver and had been hospitalized numerous times for bleeding varicies but still never believed or admitted he was an alcoholic.

I was fearful of being in denial like he was so was always open to confronting my alcohol demons. When I went to therapy for co-dependence the counselor asked me the 4 standard alcohol questions and of course I failed. As a young 20 something at the time who had gotten into the partying mode and who had abused alcohol on more than one occasion I easily failed questions like: ?Have people ever criticizied your drinking???well, yes, I had a girlfriend who didn?t like it when I drank too much when out with her or ?Have you ever felt remorse for your drinking?? Heck yeah, everytime I had a hangover I had huge remorse.

She promptly sent me to A.A. before she would work with me on my co-dependence issues. ?Ok?, I thought. I must be an alcoholic because she says so. So, I quit drinking without any problem or craving, went to my first A.A. meeting and continued for 7 years to abstain from alcohol. Eventually I quit going to meetings and started to notice things about other people?s drinking. ?Hey!? I would think. I never drank like THAT!? I started to question whether or not I needed to completely abstain and so I started drinking again. Things went fine for a few years but then I started seeing a pattern of getting too drunk on the occasions I would drink. I wouldn?t count drinks but would just keep drinking at a party without thinking about how much I was drinking and before I knew it I would be slurring or stumbling out the door. That?s when I found MWO so that I could get the support I needed for moderating my drinking.

I was a little fooled by the board when I first came here because I thought it was a board for moderators yet the more I read the more I realized that the majority of people were AFers. Many had tried to moderate and realized that they couldn?t. Like my father, many had a past of hard core drinking?daily drinking where it was tough to get through a day without a drink. I had never been that kind of drinker. Remember when I was asked to quit by the counselor and I said ?Ok? and quit cold turkey without a problem for 7 years?. So, I learned to stick to the thread for moderators and if I went to other threads where AFers were posting (like the General Thread or Research thread) I would tread very lightly with what I said as I didn?t want to offend people who knew they couldn?t moderate.

One day someone joined our thread who was a happy moderator. He would expound upon the joys of being able to moderate. He motivated the group and was a big asset in many ways. But, he made a mistake one day. He posted something on a thread that AFers frequented and one in particular got very angry as she felt he was out and out promoting the benefits of alcohol consumption and she felt that that could be detrimental to folks that needed to be AF.

I tactfully defended our happy moderator and then was confronted by the disgruntled AFer who stated that she felt I wasn?t ?sensitive to the struggles of others who are not able to drink alcohol in a controlled fashion... and for whom the consumption of alcohol is truly a matter of life and death.?

I didn?t feel that I felt that way. I truly felt that I empathized with those who need/ed to be AF. But I?m not sorry she critiqued me this way as sometime we can?t really see ourselves. It made me more aware of how sensitive I should be when I post in other areas rather than the moderation area.

One day recently I met a hospitalized man who was admitted for severe liver failure. When I spoke to him he said he had been alcohol free for 8 years. He had gone to a counselor who didn?t understand alcoholism and she advised he could safely have a drink or two in moderation. ?She didn?t realize? he said ?that I?m an alcoholic. I thought I could have a drink or two?but I can?t?.

God served me humble pie that day.

As a moderator who is having relatively good success I always want to remember that many folks cannot safely moderate. For some it truly is a matter of life or death. May we be thankful for the fact that some (probably very few of us) can moderate. But may we always remain humble in the fact that we can do so. It?s fine to support each other here on our moderation site but let?s be cautious about what and how we say things elsewhere. And for newcomers who want to believe that they too can moderate, please be sure to read our posts here. Take our advice to try to get some AF time under your belt so that you can get alcohol out of your system to clear your thoughts about the best moderation plan for you and if moderation can be a plan for you.

Well, gotta run?have to finish eating my humble pie.
:l
Eve11

Just let me know if you want me to get you others. I know you can try to contact an administrator, but the only time I tried that, they didn't respond. Oh, and thanks for the article you reposted here about the brain and glutamate!

xx,
KG

[Eve11]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

KG,
Thank you! I think the board moderators are busy so if you don't mind, post the blogs under this thread so others can read them and I will save them to word. There's a glitch as I can't read any blogs and I'm supposed to be able to but just am not supposed to have the ability to post when not a paid subscriber so I appreciate your help!

This one above I particularily like because there is an accountability to posting how great moderating is. I dread the possibility of someone who is AF who won't be able to moderate and have it be a situation like the man in the hospital due to me sharing how great moderating is. So, I want to be very careful here and everywhere I post and hope the above article will help others and give them the "food for thought" they may need before they try modding if they've been abstaining well.

Hugs,
:l
p.s. What's great about this story is it pretty much answers your question of me and how I got here!!
Eve11

[KundaliniGirl]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Eve, here you go. This is the first post under your blog. The second is Humble Pie, which I've already posted. Will post the rest separately.


I have written poems about him...painful, poetic pieces.
Two paragraphs that sum up one poem go:

"When does fatherhood happen
When you never have control?
Fragmented lives were mine and yours
And never could be whole."

"Cause you were watching
Something else
That you thought much more dear
Your reflection in the bottle
As you downed another beer..."

It was so easy to be mad at him my whole childhood. My dad...the dad with a drinking problem. The father who never came to a game I cheered at, my homecoming queen crowning or even my high school graduation.

So easy to judge him back then.

But then I grew up, became a young adult who partied too hard, became a wife who drank too much, became a mom who's kids were too young to notice but then started getting bigger and started to become more aware of what was going on. "Mom, you were stumbling last night!" "Mom, I told you that LAST night...can't you remember?"

And one day I realized the reflection in the bottle wasn't his...it was mine.

I don't want to be a role model like he was. I want to be the best role model to my kids that I can be. I have a plaque that reads "Live in such a way that there will be no REGRETs when someone else follows in your Footsteps.

So dear dad, I forgive you. It's kind of like Mother
Hubbard who went to the cupboard and the cupboard was bare. There wasn't anything in your cupboard that you could give to me. But mine is overflowing...and I'm just not going to keep following in your footsteps.

I'm forging my own path.


KG

[KundaliniGirl]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Eve, the next post from your blog............

On the outside looking in
Posted 03-05-2009 at 12:32 PM by Eve11 Years ago I was in therapy for being co-dependent as my dad was a bad alcoholic.
I remember one particular session where everyone was sharing and it was interesting to see that the common denominator was the fact that everyone felt that they were on the outside looking in at situations in their lives?friendships, work relationships?even that particular group I was sitting in at that moment!

Sometimes I wonder if we feel that way here at MWO and that that is the reason some folks leave our board. Perhaps they don?t feel a part of the group and they feel like they?re on the outside looking in as well.

I will be honest and say that sometimes my feelings are hurt when I think I start a new thread which I consider a great thought provoking thread and few respond. Sometimes I admit to feeling a little envious when some are bantering back and forth and seem to have a relationship that I don?t have with either or all. But then I have to tell myself: ?Don?t take it personally!? ? The Four Agreements? is a good book to read because the author addresses this particular issue. He reminds us to remember that when we?re little it was so easy to feel the world was all about us? ? Me, me, me? as he says. But he then informs us that nothing is all about us. Everyone lives in their own world.

Have you ever been surprised when you?re talking to folks and you realize that they don?t know the latest gossip about you??maybe you got engaged or something somewhat major happened good or bad and these folks don?t know! I remember being surprised by that here or there and then realizing that I am not the major topic in other folk?s conversations. The author is right!! The universe doesn?t center around me.

So here we are at MWO?strangers on a board. Most names or faces we don?t know. We usually only communicate with the written word which can be misconstrued or misunderstood. A joke may be taken wrongly and then taken as a personal attack when it was only meant to be a joke. In the real world using the proper tones and eye contact we would know it was a joke?but maybe not here.

Why this thread?

Because there have been a lot of great people on the mod boards who have come and gone. Did they take something wrong and get mad and leave? Did they feel like they were on the outside looking in?

I can only say after doing AA for 7 years and having that wonderful support group every week that I crave and need a good support group here as well. So these are my words of wisdom to old friends and new ones reading today. Come join us?don?t allow yourself to feel like an outsider?and don?t take anything that you feel is negative personally!!
Hugs,
Eve11


KG