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KisstheBull
January 25th, 2011, 07:30 AM
Ok, i made it clear to my husband who is also the one I would drink most with, that my goal is to moderate my drinking if not possibly stop all together. He certainly seemed all for it agreeing he should do this too. Well, funny enough he is just as nasty as ever. I have not had a drink in two whole days ;) ( i know not much but still a good beginning). I think he is agitated because I think he may realize we may not have any other interests together. We have been married almost 20 years and his attitute is getting worse every year. He cannot go a day without starting an argument with our 17 year old son. He has no tolerance for our son whatsoever. I am stuck between the two of them. As much as I want to say your dad is an f..ing a..hole, I can't. I have been keeping a journal( not daily, more like incidents) of my husbands behavior during his drinking. He is definately a Jeckle and Hyde. One minute he can be laughing and joking then the next he is cursing everyone out leaving the room slamming things around. Generally he dosen't remember or if he acted like an ass his phrase will be "Well you know....I'd been drinking." i am so sick of that stupid ignorant excuse. If he says it again I don't know what I might say! Anyway what are your thoughts I feel his mood dictates my mood. I can come home in a pretty good mood and as soon as I walk in the door he bombards me with ...oh yeah look at these kids nothings done here, no one took out the garbage, put the dishes away, etc. Then if there is something that he knows will be bad news for my son he gets all fired up to tell him. For example my son was working delivering pizzas. Come to find out it's against the law till he is 18 and insuramce will not cover a personal car used for business use without different more expensive insurance. Well I told this to my husband and he starts up " Well he's just gonna have to quit! He's not taking my car for that F... That!"
Ugh!
Sorry this is rambling.

AllyB
January 28th, 2011, 01:17 PM
Your husband's behaviour is very common for someone who's recently stopped abusing alcohol. When someone abuses alcohol for a long time it interferes with certain brain functions. For example thiamine is badly impaired and thiamine is a chemical which regulates mood. So it isn't unusual for someone who has stopped drinking to be moody and irrational. Even if they don't feel a concious craving they may be having a physical withdrawal. I'd suggest at this point taking a look at the holistic healing forum and getting some suggestions about diet, exercise and supplements.

KisstheBull
January 29th, 2011, 12:25 AM
Thank you so much for your suggestion. I will definately check it out!

partner
January 30th, 2011, 06:13 AM
hi can someone help me...im not on here for me im here for my partner, he wont accept he drinks to much but last night he drank 2 bottles of wine and half a bottle of sherry. this is the norm most nights. its getting worse week by week.
iv noticed it more since i lost my sister on the 18th of dec because of drink she was 49. it opened me eyes to what drinking can do to you.
we are due to get married in may and i just cant see this happening if i dont help him.
thankyou for reading my message.

JackieClaire
January 30th, 2011, 07:04 AM
partner;1050926 wrote: hi can someone help me...im not on here for me im here for my partner, he wont accept he drinks to much but last night he drank 2 bottles of wine and half a bottle of sherry. this is the norm most nights. its getting worse week by week.
iv noticed it more since i lost my sister on the 18th of dec because of drink she was 49. it opened me eyes to what drinking can do to you.
we are due to get married in may and i just cant see this happening if i dont help him.
thankyou for reading my message.
Hi Partner,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister.

I'm sorry I can't be of any help as I was on the other side of the fence so to speak. Hopefully someone will come along soon with some advice for you.

J x
:l

AllyB
January 30th, 2011, 06:19 PM
partner;1050926 wrote: hi can someone help me...im not on here for me im here for my partner, he wont accept he drinks to much but last night he drank 2 bottles of wine and half a bottle of sherry. this is the norm most nights. its getting worse week by week.
iv noticed it more since i lost my sister on the 18th of dec because of drink she was 49. it opened me eyes to what drinking can do to you.
we are due to get married in may and i just cant see this happening if i dont help him.
thankyou for reading my message.
I'm not the biggest fan of all of the advice you'll get in al-anon but I do think in your situation there may be a merit in some of it. Do you do things for your husband when he was drinking, that you wouldn't do for a sober partner? For example, when my husband was in denial about his drinking, he used to get drunk and pass out on the couch most nights. I used to wake him and put him to bed. This was a mistake, as it meant that each morning he'd wake up in bed and he wouldn't remember the rest, so to him, there was no problem.

So after a while I stopped putting him to bed. If he passed out somewhere, I'd put him in the recovery position and leave him. That way he'd wake up in the morning downstairs and that started to break the armour of his denial.

I also stopped making excuses for him with our friends or doing things with him when he was drunk. If we were out with friends and he got too drunk, I wouldn't try to make the best of it. I'd be honest with our friends about what was happening. Eventually it ended up that my husband had no-one to pretend with any more and he had to accept that he did really have a drinking problem.

Another big one was that it became apparent that he had a problem after I had a miscarriage of a planned pregnancy and we were planning to try get pregnant again, ASAP. Once I admitted to myself that he really did have a drink problem, I told him that we needed to put having a baby on hold. He knew just how much I didn't want to stop trying for a baby, so that was something that really drove it home to him that I was serious. Obviously it's up to you, but I do think that you should tell him the wedding is off until he gets himself sorted, and really mean it.

partner
January 30th, 2011, 11:48 PM
hi allyb
no i dont do things for him like help him to bed i just leave him....most of the timehe slumps on the sofa and i go to bed.
we talked last night and i told him that he has to cut down as i feel im just here to keep him company while he drinks and i dont want that i have needs and a life too. and we have so much to look forward to, we are not young we are in our fortys and have found each other, and i told him all that is going to be lost for the sake of drink.
he has promised me he is going to cut down, so im going to give him the chance to show me how much i mean to him.
i want to support him and help him but he has to do it to.
we are in england and its 4.30am in the morning this is the norm for me, i dont sleep well because of worry, while he sleeps like a baby because of drink.
thankyou for replying and hopefully i will have some better news next time.
j
my sister drant for 6 years and it killed her, she did so well at hideing it. then lied when she took ill. it wasnt till she was put an a life support machine that we knew how bad thing were. i had the machine turned of in the end because it was to late for her, i sat with her while she passed away. all because of drink. i hope things are going well for you. all the best. x

mario
June 6th, 2011, 04:55 AM
Do you live with a problem drinker or live with an alcoholic? If the answer to that question is yes then you are in the right place. This is a website designed to help you change your life. It will give you the tools to empower you to reduce the problems in your life caused by alcohol and to help you to motivate your problem drinker to seek treatment.


If you want your life to be better then come in and join us. A recent research study found that this type of approach was more successful, than other methods, with two-thirds of partners who used the approach getting their drinkers into treatment.


This a site called bottled up and especially for people who live with problem drinkers, check it out and hope it helps.

bottled-up.memberlodge.com/