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Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

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    Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

    Tawny, I've been following all your posts. Wish so much that we could come over and comfort you in some way. This just seems so inadequate. I'm sorry. Love you.

    Nothing much to say this morning. There was a really great post by Mikeupnorth yesterday under abs, if you didn't catch it, you may want to check it out. It's about accountability, telling friends, family about the drinking, and how ultimately the decision lies within yourself. Our friend Sunshine Brian is also giving abs a try, just FYI! I know many times I don't have time to check all areas myself, but popped over there this morning to find these 2 things. Thought I'd play secretary and relay them to the muffin squad.

    Everyone hanging in there? so-so? yeah, I hear ya.

    AF yesterday. Feeling good (physically, like whole body... the mind will get there!). P.T. is advancing my exercises, but it's not comfortable:durn: . Oh well. Very anxious about my new job next wk. It involves more daycare for my children, although it's still not full time, (4 days per wk, and now my oldest will have to get off the bus 2-3 days per wk at the daycare), and I'm having guilt about it.
    I will not drink today.

    Love everyone's poems and songs and messages from yesterday for The Kanga. We played that Garth Brooks song "The Dance" at both my father's best friend's and my grandfather's funerals, so that really hit home.

    #2
    Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

    Thanks Becca, you are such a pillar of strength. Also, Fan, thanks for all of the words of encouragement yesterday. You are also truly wonderful. Even though I did not know of Kangra, I felt the grief vicariously through all my friends on the forum. We have all lost loved ones throughout our lives, and it is very difficult. With each passing it brings meloncholy memories of our own grief in addition to the current mourning of the loss. One of the things that really helped me yesterday to replace my sorrow with joy was I went to the Synogogue when no one was there, cleaned out the garden and planted four small plant-like evergreen trees. Not only will it add joy when they find the surprise this morning, but dealing with plant life really helps me deal with life-cycles in general. So, a little bit of Kangra will live in those trees, as I will think of them everytime I pass by them. It also kept me from drinking! So, I stuck to my goals yesterday.

    But of course, that puts me even further behind!!! So, I probably won't be around the forum much today, but my heart is with all of you.

    Much regards,

    MM
    Saving the day one minute at a time!

    Comment


      #3
      Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

      Hey everyone. I royally f***ked up yesterday. I am dieting (due to thanksgiving) and yesterday all I ate was a lean quisine and took a half of a diet pill. I proceeded to drink 6 glasses of wine, forgot to eat dinner. This resulted in me passing out to sleep, not going to sleep and I blacked out the end of the night. I have not had a black out in 5 months. Now I feel guilty and shakey as I sit here aat my desk at work. I hate this feeling and I was doing sooo well. I can't afford to feel this way today as I have an important conference call in an hour, a management meeting and have to disicpline an employee. I am drinking a red bull and hope I can snap out of soon. I am so freaking disappointed in myself!!!! :upset: :upset: :upset:


      I felt I was doing so well only yesterday afternoon. Please guys, I really need some words of encouragement here. I feel like a loser..............
      Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.

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        #4
        Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

        Precious, I have had many slips as well so I know what you are going through. I have learned drinking on an empty stomach is a no-no, no matter if it is even one glass. Try and get through today. I know it will be hard because you feel like crap and just get back into the routine that has been working for you.

        Tawny, you are in my thoughts as usual. Lucky summed it up pretty well yesterday when she said this cybergrief has taken her by suprise; it has for me as well.

        We have six inches of snow outside which is very unusual for us and especially this time of year. It is just so serene and beautiful outside. Makes me more grateful than usual for all I have, especially in light of the circumstances around here this weekend.

        BTW, I am sure you can all see I have surpassed the 1000 post mark. Do I get an award or something, or should I be banned for a while? I never talk this much in my real life. Honest.

        Happy Tuesday to all of you wonderful people. Gypsi, hope all is well with you...........
        I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

        Comment


          #5
          Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

          Precious, you are not a loser!!! It is human nature to have a continuum in our struggle between natural basal desires and our wish to achieve some greater perceived goal. This has been the way since the beginning of time. "Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes the blues get a hold of you" (Fan, you are rubbing off!). To say that you are a loser because occasionally you give into your desires is to condemn all humans (I'm not going there either). Years ago, when my business collapsed, I ate and drank so much, I went from 105 to 180 in six months!! Yes, I lost the weight, but it took two years and a lot of work. I went to weight watchers and the instructor gave me great advice. She said if you crave something, sample it because if you don't it will drive you so nuts that when you do indulge, you will over indulge. That was great advice for me. It certainly has been true for alcohol. When I completely remove it, I often think about how much I miss it until finally I go back and develop the same bad habits. But since I have started moderation, it has been great. Do I over-indulge and not meet my goals -- sometimes. But I don't beat myself up about it because I'm better than I've ever been on this issue. I maintain full control most of the time and it is getting better and better. I think if I were to beat myself up about it, for me, it would create a spiral downward trend. So, when it happens I recognize I screwed up, vow I'll do better the next time, and move on.

          When it comes down to it, the cliche is very true -- "today is the first day of the rest of our lives" -- I don't want to waste it feeling guilty. Sorry everybody, sharing my silly thoughts is my feable attempt to assure you Prescious that in my eyes, and I venture to say everyone here, WE BELIEVE IN YOU; YOU ARE NOT A LOSER. Even when we fail, it does not make us a failure. By the way, Lush, I talk even more than this in my real life (ha!ha!)

          Really love you guys!

          MM
          Saving the day one minute at a time!

          Comment


            #6
            Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

            Hi everyone, your posts yesterday for Kanga were amazing, I didn't know him personally but yesterday touched me very much.

            Just wanted to say PP that you're certainly not a loser, A loser wouldn't have posted and told us, they would have just gone into denial. So I think you need a huge

            WELL DONE.................... FOR SHARING IT WITH US AND ASKING FOR SUPPORT......:l :l

            Take care everyone, Love Paula xx
            sigpicXXX

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              #7
              Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

              Tawny, dear, thank you for the reminder and the posts showing us what a wonderful man Steve was. As Becca said, nothing we can say but sure wish we could be there to hug and comfort you.

              Thanks Becca, great thread starter. PT does suck for the pain but it does help in the end. You are strong and determined girl, you can do this!! I have not been back to PT for two months and can feel my hand numbing again and have had more problems with my kneecap. Rode the bike last night but only for 15 minutes then had to ice it. Think the cap is off the track again. AYE YI YI. You know the 160 lb runaway guy? that's the one I tripped over in the middle of the night. Scrambling to get out of my way, he took me down like a Kung Fu master onto the brick floor and tore my PCL.

              Lushy- 1000+ WAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOO! We love you! shows how much you are always there for all of us . . thanks!!

              Precious - we have all been there at some point on this process. Just what it is . . . a process. . . .not a failure! If you didn't have a slip here and there you would not have a reminder of why you are doing this and how far you have come! MM is right about the forbidden fruit issue. At least I feel the same as she does on that, just knowing I can occasionally have a bit instead of never, is why I chose mods. I am proud of you, today is a new day and you will do great.

              Mike - Generous as always with your concerns for all here. We don't tell you often enough. We love you!

              Judie - How's the painting coming dear? I actually love painting and would come join you but who would get this work done over here! I was a lefty whose mom changed me to a righty and well, it never stuck totally - so I am ambidextrous and can get on a ladder with a great 2 1/2" sash brush, wet edge, cut in from far left to the far right changing hands and knock out a room in no time. Everyone else is still trying to figure out how to fill that brush or how much tape they need. Tape? Never use the stuff! And thanks for asking Bandit aka Forrest is doing well. He is pretty darn furry I should hope your hubby isn't quite that bad!! I mean, hair everywhere!!

              Ivy the kitty is another whole story and we are still touch and go on her. I am losing significant amounts of sleep every night taking care of her as she has remained nocturnal and seems to eat best if at all in the middle of the night. I hope she can get up and over the hump. this seems so minor compared to Kanga so why go there?:upset:

              PaulaW - I am not sure I have offered a welcome to you yet . . :welcome:

              Rachele, SM Mary, Allie, Waves, Tracy, Tu Madre, Jen, Gypsi, Sophia, Eustacia, Mary Anne, Macks, Hawk, Tinkerbell, Dilayne Pink Milk and all I missed.

              I love you all and truly cherish your friendships,
              Mary

              Comment


                #8
                Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

                Good Afternoon,

                I would have to agree completely with Lucky as to the cybergrief.....I have been taken by surprise as well. I haven't stopped thinking about it much.

                I feel deeply for our loss of TheKanga and just as deeply for Tawny's loss, especially after she shared with us a glimps into the beauty they shared.Tawny I just want to say once again how sorry I am for what you have lost.:upset:

                Precious,
                I don't know what kind of diet pills you are taking but I can tell you from my experience with them....they tend to race up my system and make me want to drink to calm myself down.
                Today is a new day:l

                I walked 9 miles yesterday with my friend! I'm feeling it todayuch:

                I have yet to commit myself to a firm moderation plan.

                I need to get back with the plan or I will be right back to where I started.


                I care for you all.....I really, really do:l

                Rachele
                :h :h :h :h

                Comment


                  #9
                  Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

                  Mary, please come over and finish my bathroom that I royally f**ked up. I abhor painting and I am very impatient and I know nothing about painting so I did not know to do the ceiling first. I did a fine job on the walls but now the ceiling is a mess and I cannot paint to save my life, even with taping. I am convinced the bathroom will never get completed. I am sorry your knee is acting up again and also hope your kitty starts getting better soon. You are such a good animal owner.

                  Rachele, you certainly downplayed the fact you walked nine miles yesterday!!! Way to go girl!!!!! Maybe we should agree to make a moderation plan come January and this time stick to it!!! I have not been great lately either.

                  Fan, I will let you use your wonderful, creative imagination as to what kind of an award I deserve. I am sure you will not let me down!

                  Jen, where are you? Waves, how is moderation working for you? Laura and anyone else I am forgetting hope we hear from you.

                  On my way to 2000 posts!!!! Wahooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
                  I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

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                    #10
                    Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

                    Mike is in General Discussion Right Now......Please go Get him Ladies!
                    :h :h :h :h

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                      #11
                      Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

                      Precious Point -- just dropped in here...
                      You are absolutely NOT a loser...silly girl. Look at you, your life ...you are successful by everyone's estimation -- just not your own -- so relax --you are fixing that -- it will come -- takes awhiel to recreate a beautiful complex creature

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

                        Hi all -

                        Precious - screw ups happen. I've had many. I read your post and I thought WOW - that's nearly identical to my day yesterday. I had a most productive day around the house, didn't eat, even got to the gym and then rewarded myself with a bottle of wine - which I really feel today. Not what I had planned, but it happened. Try to move past it, its over and done. Today's a new day and the lesson is learned. That's how I am dealing with it. You are not a loser. I hope you are feeling better.
                        Hawk

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                          #13
                          Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

                          Hiya all,

                          Well..The plan is to have a few Friday night....But i really want one tonight...I mean really...You'd think the amount of AF days i've had since June this would be a walk in the park.....Its not....I've planted a seed in my head now and my mouth is watering....I dont know if this is such a good idea....
                          I don't care who you are...Your not walking on water while i'm fishing..
                          One drink is too many... A thousand is never enough...Sober since July 2nd 2009

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                            #14
                            Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

                            Good luck with the moderating Macks. Try really hard. You can do it. If not, then you can always re-evaluate.

                            May I please point out that I am now considered a senior member here on the board???!!! Right under my screen name it says so. I would like to be treated with much respect from now on. Thank you!!!
                            I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Tuesday, Nov. 28th.

                              Oh yeah.....All bow to Lush....





                              I don't care who you are...Your not walking on water while i'm fishing..
                              One drink is too many... A thousand is never enough...Sober since July 2nd 2009

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