I am new here and need help (friends)

[theislandbaby]

Hi I am new here. I have been battling this disease for almost half of my life. I am 34yrs old. I am a mother to a 13 year old and a 1.5 year old. I know that I shouldn't be drinking and it scares me to death because I have such a small child who, at the rate I drink will be motherless. I didn't drink while I was pregnant with either of my children, so why is it so hard to stay away from it now? Most of my relationships have ended because of my binges, and I have also lost a couple of jobs as well over the last few years because of it.

After my youngest was born, I managed to drink once in a while until recently when my husband has left town to work and I haven't seen him in 5 weeks. After the first two, I found myself running to the liquor store every second day. I did everything I could yesterday and today because my oldest noticed I was drinking on Tuesday night and informed her father (different relationship). Well seeing she has mainly lived with him for the last 8 years because of this, why would of I have been so stupid! Now I will probably have her taken from me again. I am in total dire straights and I don't understand why I am soooo stupid and did this in front of her. Not to mention, I hurt her because she thought I have been sober the last three years. Also, my youngest, I am terribly scared that if I continue on that bandwagon, I will die.

I have been searching for a support group online and am in desperate need of reminders of how important it is to remain sober. For myself and my family. My current husband drinks too, but he isn't around and I am drinking more now in the last three weeks than I did when he was around. God, help me!

So after the confrontation of my oldest's daughter's father and his wife last night, and I totally denied it and made my daughter even more upset with me, I told myself I have to stop. I just need to be apart of a good support group and remind myself daily what it means to be a drunk and what it means to be sober and the impact on my life.

Thank you for having me here.

Hilary
2 days sober and PRAYING to stay that way.

[Helensback]

I am new here and need help (friends)

Hi Hilary

Stay the course.

We'll be here. ALWAYS someone on line. From one end of the world to the other.

Good luck with your daughter. I have an eight year old who is starting to pay attention...........

[Guest]

I am new here and need help (friends)

responsibilty

One smart doctor told me that "its not your fault you got this, but it is your responsibilty to take care of it". That really hit me square in the face. There is a ton of support here, but ultimately it is up to you. The hardest are the first few days. Once when a craving almost took me over the edge I just started praying--and I was shocked when it actually worked. One thing I have been so grateful for the last few months has been knowing that if one of my kids got sick, hurt or anyone needed me at any moment--I would be able to handle the situation.

Wishing you the best.

[theislandbaby]

I am new here and need help (friends)

Wow - Thanks!

Discovery 0823 - Thank you for sharing that with me. I can't stop reading it. Your doctor is a brilliant man. I have copied your reply into a Word Document, I hope you don't mind. It is so brutely honest and I would like to use it to keep thye focus on how important it is for me and my children that I remain sober. Thanks, so much.:l

[lushy]

I am new here and need help (friends)

Discovery, that is such a profound thought. I am printing it up as well. It is NOT our fault, but it is our responsibility. Beautiful. And welcome Island. I wish nothing but the best for you. Keep us posted.

[pixie]

I am new here and need help (friends)

Welcome Hilary!

I'm new too and hoping to make some lasting changes with the help of this site. I think you'll find many pearls of wisdom here, and lots of stories that will sound very familiar. Come often to help you meet your goals - it sounds like you're off to a great start. Hope to see you around.

pixie

[betty boop]

I am new here and need help (friends)

Welcome Hilary :welcome:

You will find sooo much support from this site, I.ve now been here 2 weeks and this is what I posted to someone new 2 days ago, sorry for everyone else for repeating myself but it means so much to me.

p.s. I have a 9 year old daughter that say's she 'doesn't like it when mum's drunk' and that hurts.

Discovery, I love that quote...........

I've opted for moderation and this is what I posted tonight. Hope that it inspires you....

Since finding this site 12 days ago, i've had 2 AF nights and on ALL of the others only had one bottle of wine instead of 3, didn't start drinking till at least 7pm, and i've sipped instead of gulping!!!!

I can ACTUALLY REMEMBER GOING TO BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............

I don't feel guilt and paranoia.................

I haven't drove drunk..............................

I've helped with my daughters homework....................................

I've done housework BEFORE going to work.....................

I've COOKED dinner EVERY NIGHT................................

I don't have any unexplained bruises...................

I've paid ALL my bills...................................

There's probably more but just wanted to share this with you, I owe it to all of you for your help and support, and you can all remind me all of these things if I slip back.....

Take care all, Lots of love, Paula xx

[Guest]

I am new here and need help (friends)

Paula,

I have just printed that off and magneted ( is that right)? to my my fridge. And Hilary I have a 4 and a half and a 3 and a half years old and it is very difficult. Trying to function like normal and speaking to people is really hard. I hope we keep in touch, I am new here and it's all a bit daunting. A bit like life off the juice. !!!

[Newyear]

I am new here and need help (friends)

Hi Hilary-
Welcome and good for you for looking for some help and some support.
I have been here since July. I tried cutting down to a couple of glasses of wine a night but it increased to lots more a few more times than I wanted. So now I decided not to drink at all - at least for a good long time. Today I am at day 34 alcohol free (AF).
There are so many positive things about not drinking that I don't know where to start.
No hangovers, no guilt, no shame....my health...my bank account (alcohol can be an expensive habit).
I have started doing some exercising too which I think is helping with anxiety and stress -- good triggers for getting a bottle of something.
Anyway- so glad you are here and you have every reason in the world to make this work for you- we all do.

Lisa

[betty boop]

I am new here and need help (friends)

Hi Caitlin, of course you can copy anything that you like...............

So glad that I could help, hang in there & keep in touch.

Take care, Paula xx:l :l

[theislandbaby]

I am new here and need help (friends)

You all are so nice... Not use to nice LOL

It is difficult to have this problem and have young children isn't it? It is difficult to have this problem without children - it is just difficult! My 13 year old was so hurt and devistated with me last Tuesday evening she decided she wanted to have nothing to do with me anymore and on Friday 'moved out' back to her dad's fulltime. I feel so much shame.... and feel so much pain for her. I know that she will forgive me in time if I am lucky. But I just cannot believe that I was too relaxed about it at the time and drank in front of her when I knew damn well she would be crushed. I cannot believe my addiction took me over like some alien and that I subconsciencely thought she would be OK with my having a couple. God, I am so selfish. BOY was I ever WRONG. She thought I was clean for two years. I pretty much was, but the last 5 weeks have been tough and lonely seeing my partner is away working and I haven't seen him since and wont until the 22nd of this month when he is home for 10 days. Lame excuse, I know. But that is what I am good at - excuses to drink. I don't want to go there - down that road of destruction. I have to keep myself together and stay clean. I just feel so badly about my poor daughter. God, do I hate myself so much right now! How could of I been so stupid! It was bad enough my hiding it from her, but gosh to be so blatent! I guess I should just be thankful that whole episode didn't send me to the drunken time warp. I keep looking at the pictures of my two beautiful daughters and pray like mad to keep me going. I did have two drinks with my mother on Saturday afternoon, and felt like sh** for even having those. I prayfor strength, forgiveness and for sobriety! Sorry for rambling. Just needed to dump my emotions for a moment.:upset: