AF Days

[spacie]

Hello,

I don't have much to say, it's been an emotional week and I feel a bit drained and need to force myself to get some exercise as that always helps. Today is 85 AF days in a row for me and if I total it all up for this year I've had 157 AF days - I'm a work in progress. When I started MYO in April I had a stint of 72 days AF and in June decided I was strong enough to try moderation. My so called moderation lasted a few days before I went back to my old ways. I didn't pick up again until September and this time understood I could never drink and I'm feeling great about not drinking!

How many AF days does everyone have? And how are you feeling?

My best to all,
spacie

[Guest]

AF Days

119 days

I just love the sound of it--119 days! I know that a drink for me would not result in anything positive in the long term.

I liked the light switch analogy that was made on here. The lights are going out one by one. However, one drink would flick them all on full blast like the Griswold house--in Griswold's Family Christmas. I would think I was in heaven, but really headed to hell.

I have no intention of playing with fire. I love the peace and happiness I feel now. Neil, I think it was you that said you quit because you knew you would die. I quit because I was afraid I would live--live in misery for another 40 or 50 years....that was worse than the thought of death for me.

Kim

[xtexan]

AF Days

352 days.

Coming up on a year in two weeks.

I feel like a completely different person. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

It's as if I have drinking Neil buried pretty deep. He does have the nasty ability to pop up when I least expect it. He's like Freddy Krueger or something. Jumps out at me when I least expect it with his razor gloves to slash me up, and laughs while he does it. I hate that guy.

After a while, it's not the day count anymore you know. It just becomes today and the future after a while.

If you ever think that you cannot do that, please think again. I am the last person on earth, you would have ever thought could make it this far. I had drank so much for so long (35 years), that it had become like an arm or leg. A part of my existence I could not even fathom going through life without. Booze and drinking had become like my eyesight. I just knew if I ever lost the booze, I would sink into despair and hopelessness. It is hard to describe how it is like I have had two lives now. One was the drinker, and the one born almost a year ago. It is very hard to describe what I feel after this long.

I guess freedom is the word that best describes what I feel.

Be well.

Neil

[lucky 2.0]

AF Days

Good job Neil. I love reading your post. I know you will have continued success!

lucky

[Waves 2]

AF Days

Thanks Neil Such an inspirational post.

[mikeupnorth]

AF Days

Wow Neil -- coming up on one year (yeah!!). There should be a year+ club here.

I am on day 75. This is the longest I've gone without a drink since 2002. All my attempts at sobriety since then have been 30 days or less. Those times, I was never willing to make a commitment to sobriety and I always gave in to cravings. This time something changed for me and I knew it was going to be different -- and it has been so far.

I am feeling very, very good -- and also very, very strange. I'll try to explain.

The good part is easy. I don't have hangovers any more. I don't wake up in a panic and run around the apartment, looking for clues as to what I might have done the night before, and then spend the morning trying to piece together memories of the evening. I haven't gotten a bank statement with charges I don't remember making or a phone bill with 3-hour phone calls in the middle of the night on it. I haven't once called in with an excuse for being late or sick to work.

The strange part is harder to put my finger on. I think it has to do a little bit with the Topamax, and a little bit with just my body still adjusting to life without alcohol. I'm also paying the price for abusing myself and refusing to exercise or eat well for all these years. Anyway the symptoms are these: feelings of fatigue during the day, falling asleep by 8 or 9 PM, waking up (fully energetic) by 3 or 4 AM, and stressed at work. So I'm getting enough sleep: it's just on a weird schedule. The topa is keeping me somewhat fatigued, I think, as is the stress from work.

I know what to do. Exercise. I've started walking this past week.... only a couple of times but I'm going to increase the # of times this next week and see if it helps boost my energy. I've also applied for a job with the same employer that would be the same pay but less stressful... so hopefully that will work out. I've also bought a set of meditation CD's that I started this past week and I like them so far.

As for the topa -- I would like to get off it, but I don't dare until after my trip home to see family at Christmas, and until I have a couple of other aspects of my program FIRMLY in place. So for now I'm plugging along, feeling both "good and strange" and letting that be OK until I just feel "good and not strange."

Does that ever happen?

~Mike

[newbegin]

AF Days

:h I am new to Topa. Only 3 days so far...............is fatigue assosiated with it? I was not aware of that. I too have a rather limited life style. I am 60 day AF, for the first time in 21 years..........feel wonderful. On the vitamin program and just started the med and cd 3 days ago as said. Don't know if it's because of the winter month, darkness and lack of anything to do outdoors; but I have an early start time for work. 6 am getting up at 4:45 so guess getting to bed by 8 or 9 isn't too terribly early. I could use a few more trips to the gym; but it's cold outside and once home seem to stay there. But not going to beat myself up either. I never dreamed I could do this and love it. Having gone through, Halloween, my birthday (59), Thanksgiving, and will enjoy Christmas and New Years clean and sober as well............that's quite an achievement for this ole gal. I am loving my new life and look forward to learning to live life to it's fullest, healthy, happy, slimmer too. What's the word on weight loss with topa?????? Anything to look forward to?

Good luck to all