View Full Version : Sunday, December 10th

December 10th, 2006, 05:54 PM
Hola amigos:

I did have my big honkin' sirloin last night, with a baked potato, and a salad of raw carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower. Well, actually I cut the steak in half, so it ended up being about 11oz, and cut the rest up into little bits for later use.

I wrote about a book I got in the "What We're Reading" section. I always get pretty excited when I think I have found a new powerful way of increasing my strength, will, and commitment to sobriety. It's like I have found a new gun and cache of ammo to blast drinking Neil with.

I know deep down, that drinking Neil is incredibly sly, crafty, manipulative, and persuasive. I fear him like a enraged grizzly bear. I still have much work to do, to get to the core of my fears and anxieties. I fear becoming like a Mel Gibson, or Robin Williams and one day just falling apart after years of being abstinent. I do think that those guys never did address core issues of the psyche, and never came to a resolve with their own "drinking Mel", and "drinking Robin". Maybe they used some other system, and to read how they crashed and burned after years is like watching a horror movie.

Some of you may have seen that movie, "In the Mouth of Madness". It always sticks in my mind, about dealing with the deep down drinking monster that is in many of us. Those of us who know that moderation will never, ever be a possibility. It's the same monster that got Mel and Robin I bet. Even after five or ten years, or whatever. The monster says to us, "Oh yea, you have got many years of sobriety now, and all the bad stuff is healed up and gone!" "You can have just a couple and let it go at that!"

Ummm. Nope, nada, nil. Went four years without a cigarette, back when I was in my early 30's, and it only took one. Just one. Just one, and I was off and running back to a carton a week land. So there it is. The evidence that the monster must be dealt with, and not fed in any way,shape, form, or fashion.

Look for more on stretching in the near future in Holistic Healing. Be well.


December 10th, 2006, 08:15 PM
Hi Neil-
Your reference to cigarettes got me. I had quit for 8 years....didn't even want to smoke...when a guy I worked with wanted me to smoke one with him. He didn't smoke either but was around lots of people who did and just really wanted to try it.

So, I did it. I smoked one cigarette. He never picked up the habit. Me, well after another 15 years of smoking a pack a day ...I finally quit on 12/31/05.
I can never ever ever have another cigarette. Ever.

I don't know for sure if that is the same for me with alcohol. I think it may be but I'm not 100% convinced yet. Maybe I don't want to be convinced yet. I believe today is day 43AF for me. I don't know what that means exactly. I quit drinking for a year once - about 15-16 years ago. I have some things coming up that involve drinking and I don't want to drink- really don't want to.
I think I just don't want to say never yet. But I have a feeling one day I will and it will be forever.

Thanks as always for your posts-

December 11th, 2006, 12:50 AM
Hello Neil,
I think that I will have to stop drinking totally. I have been here for a month now and I have drank twice - consecutive days - when I didn't really need to. Looking back, it was like I was giving myself some reward for staying sober for two weeks. Surely a reward should be a good thing, not a stinking hangover and another pile of guilt and self-loathing.
Anyhoo, the point I was going to make is that I shall have to aquire some more weapons to keep drinking Paul in order. I have learned a few things since coming here, not least from your posts, and I aim to put them to good use. Thanks

...and Lisa,
when I had stopped smoking for about 18 months....thinking the worst was over, I was working in Edinburgh....I work outdoors... and I saw someone throw a half-smoked ciggie on the ground. It took all my effort not to go and pick it up and finish it off. I could see it lying there, the smoke rising from the floor...then someone stood on it and put it out. I went and bought a pack, smoked two and threw the rest away. That was quite scary.

Well, I hope you Have a great Monday, If there is such a thing. I'll be popping in here regularly to glean more help from you guys.

December 11th, 2006, 02:07 AM
Thanks Neil, I'll be heading over to What We're Reading... I too grab everything I can to add to my resolve. I have a different issue with cigarettes... I can go ages without smoking, and actually can't stand the smell on people or around me normally, but give me alcohol and I have to HAVE one right away. The two are intertwined... all the more reason to stop drinking. Wouldn't it be great to talk with Robin or Mel and get their "after the fact" thoughts.
take care, Olly