I keep getting asked "how" have I stayed sober for 130 days. I had sent this e-mail to someone on the board and decided to share it with you guys. Being sober for me is way more than just putting down the drink--it has been an awesome journey thus far.
Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. Helping another person with a drinking a problem is and never will be considered "taking up my time". I am grateful for every sober second I get. I really can't give you any advice other than to tell you my story--short version.
I noticed that my drinking was becoming a problem around the age of 28 (I am 35 now). I am sure it was before this, but this is when I started to "get an idea" that it was a problem. My drinking was becoming the center of my life. Then I got pregnant and did not drink for 9 months. A few days after coming home from the hospital I started back up. We had decided that my husband would stay home with the baby instead of daycare. This enabled me to continue. When my son was about 9 months old I had an awful panic attack while driving to work--I did not drive on a freeway again (and I am in freaking sales!) until I got pregnant with my second son. The day I found out I was pregnant with my second son--I literally did a dance in the bathroom--because I knew it would keep me from drinking for 9 months. This time the very day we came home from the hospital I drank. With my husband being a stay-at-home Dad--I was able to keep drinking with relatively few consequences. I never drank before 5pm, never got in trouble at work, got a DUI or drank hard liquor (not even mixed fruity drinks). In January of 2004 I had enough and went to AA for 7 months--and did not drink. I also spent most of my time disagreeing with everything in my head and did not work any steps past 3. After 7 months I decided that I didn't "need" those meetings. At 9 months I had my first drink--this was in November of 2004. I actually moderated (if that is what you call it) for quite some time. I would have 2 or 3 drinks every couple of weeks. I remember being amazed at the massive headaches I would have in the morning after just 2 drinks--good Lord how had I ever drank so much before! I promised my husband that if it got bad again I would head straight back to AA. I was classic, after a few drinks I could tell you every single false myth about AA--and back it up that I knew--because I had been there before. I can't tell you when or how it got bad again. I do know that by July of 2005 I was in deep again. How much did I drink (it was always light beer)? It really varied. Some nights 2, some 0 and some 20. Then in March of 2006 I went back to AA. Stayed about 45 days (did not drink)--and left and drank. Then on August 3rd I had an awful night. I spent the entire next day curled on a chair--sick, ashamed and just hating myself. August 5th--I went back to AA. This time I didn't care if I spent the rest of my life in a church basement. I had to admit that when I went to meetings I didn't drink--don't know why--just didn't. This time I sat next to the people who had what I wanted--long term sobriety. I listened to what they said without judgment--which meant not disagreeing with every little thing. I did the things they asked me to do and I continue to do that. My last real thought of drinking was about 45 days into it. The kids were screaming and the house was a mess. I was over taken with the urge to drink. For the first time in my life--I prayed for God to please help me get rid of this feeling. I called my sponsor. In less than 5 minutes this awesome peace came over me--and I have not wanted a drink since. I have been to drinking events--my mouth does not water and I don't think poor me. I blew through the steps--knowing that if I did them wrong my sponsor would direct me--and I can always go back and do them again. It was Gina on the board who told me that 90% of the people who do the steps stay sober. I didn't have anything to lose. Going to meetings, having an awesome sponsor, listening, asking for help, doing the steps and helping others has been the difference. Now if I start to feel a little bit off I go to a meeting--I always feel awesome when I leave. Even if I had not drank--if I didn't do these things--I would not be happy and most likely on my way to my next drink. I have a constant peace and happiness that I can not describe. I don't need supplements or medication to have this feeling that comes from the inside out. I have made some awesome friends--and I went to a party where it was all AA women--and I had a great time--and can't remember when I had truly laughed so much. A place where I don't have to hide who I am or who I was. They like me anyways. I can not tell you why or how the program works--all logic would say that it doesn't--it does--at least for me. If you had told me even six months ago that I would have anything remotely like this to say about AA--I would have outright laughed at you.
Was I cranky for awhile-yep! I have a very understanding husband that put up with me. When did it change and get better? A little tiny bit each day. As far as being in a great "head" space--I try not to listen to my brain too much--it told me lies for too long. Instead I am in awesome place with every fiber of my being.
That is my story. Now I would not change one single miserable moment of my drinking. Without walking through my hell--I would not be as grateful as I am today.
I hope that this helps. If it ever gets so bad that you are truly done (and I mean on the inside--on the outside my life looked great)--always know that the hand of AA will be there. For a long time I could not figure out why these people were so willing to help me--it is because someone was there to help them. I hope that someday I can be there holding out my hand when someone needs it.
Kim
One of the free gifts I get by being sober is from my kids. When I started meetings I told them I was going to "Mommy Meetings" so that I could be a good mommy. Just recently about 5x a day I get "Mommy you are the best mommy ever!" When I tell them I am leaving for a meeting--they tell me to have a good time. I used to think that I didn't have time for meetings-I work full time-have 2 small kids. The truth is that the 3 hours a week I spend there is priceless--since it truly gives me back those hours--no more laying on the couch because I am sick from the night before.
Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. Helping another person with a drinking a problem is and never will be considered "taking up my time". I am grateful for every sober second I get. I really can't give you any advice other than to tell you my story--short version.
I noticed that my drinking was becoming a problem around the age of 28 (I am 35 now). I am sure it was before this, but this is when I started to "get an idea" that it was a problem. My drinking was becoming the center of my life. Then I got pregnant and did not drink for 9 months. A few days after coming home from the hospital I started back up. We had decided that my husband would stay home with the baby instead of daycare. This enabled me to continue. When my son was about 9 months old I had an awful panic attack while driving to work--I did not drive on a freeway again (and I am in freaking sales!) until I got pregnant with my second son. The day I found out I was pregnant with my second son--I literally did a dance in the bathroom--because I knew it would keep me from drinking for 9 months. This time the very day we came home from the hospital I drank. With my husband being a stay-at-home Dad--I was able to keep drinking with relatively few consequences. I never drank before 5pm, never got in trouble at work, got a DUI or drank hard liquor (not even mixed fruity drinks). In January of 2004 I had enough and went to AA for 7 months--and did not drink. I also spent most of my time disagreeing with everything in my head and did not work any steps past 3. After 7 months I decided that I didn't "need" those meetings. At 9 months I had my first drink--this was in November of 2004. I actually moderated (if that is what you call it) for quite some time. I would have 2 or 3 drinks every couple of weeks. I remember being amazed at the massive headaches I would have in the morning after just 2 drinks--good Lord how had I ever drank so much before! I promised my husband that if it got bad again I would head straight back to AA. I was classic, after a few drinks I could tell you every single false myth about AA--and back it up that I knew--because I had been there before. I can't tell you when or how it got bad again. I do know that by July of 2005 I was in deep again. How much did I drink (it was always light beer)? It really varied. Some nights 2, some 0 and some 20. Then in March of 2006 I went back to AA. Stayed about 45 days (did not drink)--and left and drank. Then on August 3rd I had an awful night. I spent the entire next day curled on a chair--sick, ashamed and just hating myself. August 5th--I went back to AA. This time I didn't care if I spent the rest of my life in a church basement. I had to admit that when I went to meetings I didn't drink--don't know why--just didn't. This time I sat next to the people who had what I wanted--long term sobriety. I listened to what they said without judgment--which meant not disagreeing with every little thing. I did the things they asked me to do and I continue to do that. My last real thought of drinking was about 45 days into it. The kids were screaming and the house was a mess. I was over taken with the urge to drink. For the first time in my life--I prayed for God to please help me get rid of this feeling. I called my sponsor. In less than 5 minutes this awesome peace came over me--and I have not wanted a drink since. I have been to drinking events--my mouth does not water and I don't think poor me. I blew through the steps--knowing that if I did them wrong my sponsor would direct me--and I can always go back and do them again. It was Gina on the board who told me that 90% of the people who do the steps stay sober. I didn't have anything to lose. Going to meetings, having an awesome sponsor, listening, asking for help, doing the steps and helping others has been the difference. Now if I start to feel a little bit off I go to a meeting--I always feel awesome when I leave. Even if I had not drank--if I didn't do these things--I would not be happy and most likely on my way to my next drink. I have a constant peace and happiness that I can not describe. I don't need supplements or medication to have this feeling that comes from the inside out. I have made some awesome friends--and I went to a party where it was all AA women--and I had a great time--and can't remember when I had truly laughed so much. A place where I don't have to hide who I am or who I was. They like me anyways. I can not tell you why or how the program works--all logic would say that it doesn't--it does--at least for me. If you had told me even six months ago that I would have anything remotely like this to say about AA--I would have outright laughed at you.
Was I cranky for awhile-yep! I have a very understanding husband that put up with me. When did it change and get better? A little tiny bit each day. As far as being in a great "head" space--I try not to listen to my brain too much--it told me lies for too long. Instead I am in awesome place with every fiber of my being.
That is my story. Now I would not change one single miserable moment of my drinking. Without walking through my hell--I would not be as grateful as I am today.
I hope that this helps. If it ever gets so bad that you are truly done (and I mean on the inside--on the outside my life looked great)--always know that the hand of AA will be there. For a long time I could not figure out why these people were so willing to help me--it is because someone was there to help them. I hope that someday I can be there holding out my hand when someone needs it.
Kim
One of the free gifts I get by being sober is from my kids. When I started meetings I told them I was going to "Mommy Meetings" so that I could be a good mommy. Just recently about 5x a day I get "Mommy you are the best mommy ever!" When I tell them I am leaving for a meeting--they tell me to have a good time. I used to think that I didn't have time for meetings-I work full time-have 2 small kids. The truth is that the 3 hours a week I spend there is priceless--since it truly gives me back those hours--no more laying on the couch because I am sick from the night before.
. I appreciate everything you've done for me and everyone else here who needs help. 
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