Friday, Dec. 15

[soccermom]

Hi Wonderful Friends,
God, so much to comment on....things have been so busy. Today is the last day of the semester before Christmas Break so I can't wait to be able to be on here more...I NEED to be...
Wednesday I made the decision to make my kids' teachers gifts instead of buying them. (thought it would be cheaper and no big deal)...so I was baking and dipping those damn strawberries in chocolate until 2am ...oh, and DRINKING wine...did I mention that???
So----needless to say---yesterday was pure He%%. There is nothing worse than that feeling...had it in my head what MikeupNorth had described as you first awake and realize that you have that hangover and that's how your day will be spent. Worse, I had a student teacher observe me ALL day and she was rather on the perky side, and we ALL know that nothing goes together less than: Perkiness+Hangover...Ugh!
So----I was not too pleased with myself yesterday. I can say that I was up for a good cause, but WHY can't I just behave myself?? and be a normal mom??
So far this school year, that has been the 3rd time (and by far the worst) that this has happened...a record for me! But...if only...sigh..ugh...why can't I be a different person!!???
I have so much to comment on: beautiful becca!! rachele and your thumbprint cookies--(showoff!) Allie, I hope your daugther (and you) are doing okay this morning...Paula--you did great at the Chistmas Party--don't worry about this morning...we'll get through this.
Lushy--just wait until I have some time and then we'll let the Reindeer Games begin!
More Later and I love and cherish each and everyone of you!!
sm-mary

[fsophiah]

Friday, Dec. 15

I did everything I needed to do yesterday, graded 7 papers, cleaned up the residue of kitchen remodeling, worked out, baby sat my granddaughter, drank wine with dinner and ended up pouring the last bit back in the bottle. I don't bake. I don't send Christmas cards. It's just too much when I have finals and all that. If I can see daylight, I might try this year, though. Anyway, there are two parties this weekend, but neither of them is much of a challenge. I can come home early and watch tv. I heard a piece on NPR this morning about why writers drink. It made it all sound so creative and glamorous. Too bad.

[Mighty Mouse II]

Friday, Dec. 15

Hi Everybody!! Wasn't around yesterday because I had to meet a new client in Trenton, New Jersey (3 hours away). Today, I have the radio show and getting ready for Channakah! I am trying to keep up with everybody and saying prayers for all of you and wishing you well!!

MM

[InnerStrength]

Friday, Dec. 15

Good morning all
I hope everyone is well. Soccermom Mary - you sweet person. I am sorry you had a bad day yesterday but it could have happened to ANY of us. In fact, I have done that sort of thing many times. And I know what you mean - my hubby's brother's wife (still with me?) is so bubbly and happy that sometimes I want to throttle her. Im sorry - thats horrible but its true. You know those Juicy Fruit commercials with the blonde guy, all happy and perky and singing and people smash his guitar? Well, this girl is like that - female version. In fact, she indeed plays a guitar and is blonde and sings. And a few others have told her that she reminds them of that guy. LOL. And she sings happy happy songs and is always running around all bubbly and excited. I love her, dont get me wrong, but if you are not in the mood for it or not feeling 100% bubbly and excited about life (like, you are NORMAL), you get a little tired of it.
Wow, listen to me, i sound like a terrible person. I have to admit that I have had that little fantasy of the guitar smashing thing.
Anways, back to you Mary - you are great great great. Dont be down on yourself - this is a VERY hard time of year. I have cravings worst right now than I have in a long time. I am going to have to be really careful. I wont have to worry about the drinking when I am around my parents since none of my immediate family will drink anyways (in support of my mom, and because they think I SHOULDNT drink...they think AA and its ideals are the only way...grr). But other parties might be a bit tougher. I have a christimas pot luck/party/gift exchange this Sat with a group of heavy drinking friends so I will have to prepare myself for that!
Fan - how are you darling? Nice seeing you on chat yesterday. Did you figure out the bra thing? LOL - I am so sorry!
Guys, I am just teasing dear Fan. He didnt have anything to do with a bra!
Luschy - love ya! Ill try to catch ya on chat later.
Sophie - sounds like you are doing really well and being really organized etc. Keep it up, we love you around here.
MM- you always amaze me with all you do. I hope things go well for you today - but I am sure they will - you are doing just great!
Well all, I will check in later and see how everyone is doing then...phew, sorry I only addressed a few of you...will add more later 'cause you know I love each of you!
Love Jen

[Preciouspinot]

Friday, Dec. 15

Hello to all and a very merry Friday! Soccermom- you are a normal mother...stepford wives are no fun. Don't let it get you down. A slip does not define you and you're doing great!

Everyone else seems to be doing well today. I myself am still navigating through my sea of emotions but, today feels like a good day. A big thank you again for yesterday.

I think I now owe Fan and Lucky a check for my therapy session last night in chat! Thanks guys!!

[MKR]

Friday, Dec. 15

SM, glad to see you here. Don't beat your self up please. This holiday stuff is harder than I could ever imagine. YEAH!!!! you are finished this afternoon and heading to a much needed break even if it means catching up on all the holiday stuff, it is still a break for the norm.

PP, glad you are feeling better. I often feel I miss so much not going online at home in an evening - don't feel comfortable with that around my husband!

I applaud you Fan for ignoring the party this afternoon.

Like Paula, though I do pretty well at all those parties and then let my guard down at home. Paula I am so glad you stopped the beers this morning.

Welcome back MM, we missed you and your energy!!

Jen, I know a couple of those perky characters - they sure can get to you when you feel like pulling inside.

Sophia, great job!

Lush, hope you weathered the storm with power in place.

I did horribly yesterday for a variety of reasons I think. I started the day with benadryl for the allergies and sinus headache, by lunch time I was falling asleep. In the meantime, UPS guy dropped off some Christmas presents I had ordered online, taking them to my car, I displace SI joint again Had to chase down getting my BP meds as I am back on half dose and was feeling sorry for myself that I could not maintain without meds. I mean that was part of the lovely thing about being in mods and hardly drinking. I was able to get my BP under control. Last week got that pounding headache and palpitations and well, BP was 168/108. It has been floating around 110/ 75 without the meds. When I finally got home I drank a diet coke, so I could stay awake to finish the blasted cards, first time I have done one in months. OMG, it was 12:30, the cards were all finished and I am climbing the walls. Instead of going to bed with some calms forte, I started in on the tequilla, had 4 straight shots in a row and then went to bed. No water, no being careful just a BAD attitude. I feel OK this morning, just kind of sad and worn down, definitely disappointed with myself, and every movement I make the SI just catches my breath. (sorry Lush, I will say no more on that)

gotta be AF today, just need to rest my body!

Hoping everyone will try to hang in and get through the holidays!!

Hugs and Love,
Mary

PS: Judie, where are you? hope U R OK.

[InnerStrength]

Friday, Dec. 15

Hey MKR Mary
Please, please don't feel horribly about the tequila. My Gosh, this time of year is brutal. I will confess something - last Sunday - you will note I had a few drinks on my drink tracker. Well, what I didnt mention (not that people ask this type of thing or anything ) was that three of those were shots - yes SHOTS of rum. I just had this itch. I wasen't even feeling particularly anxious or anything but it was just like you described it - like crawling up the walls.
I love you, seems like a few of us are struggling this time of year. Well, who can blame us? To be honest, this season is FULL OF references to "good times", celebrating, indulging and this has always included (atleast for me, and if I judge by commercials etc., a lot of people) alcohol. Let's just grip one another's hands (cyber-style), take a deep breath and do our best. Please dont beat yourself up - you are too special.
Love Jen

[Waves 2]

Friday, Dec. 15

It's true Jen. Also every programme or advert on tv seems to feature alc in some way or other. Sorry you've put your SI joint out again Mary. I know how heatrtbreaking it is- especially at this time of year when everyone is expected to be all singing all dancing. Sending you positive vibes.:l :l

Love to all as always
Waves

oops you said commercials! Dopey me

[Saint Jude]

Friday, Dec. 15

Here I am!
Sounds like a doozer of a day yesterday Mary. Hope today goes by better, and at least ya got your cards done!
We've had the power out, phone out, puter down... all kinds of fun around here! Oh the fence blew down out back last night, so I can't let the dogs out without being on a leash... or they're gone! Way too many deer & wild turkeys, etc... to chase.
So needless to say, I've been feeling a bit "disconnected" Other than that, pretty good.
Drove down to Calif. yesterday for some last min. shopping, in between storms. We were supposed to have 90 mph winds on the coast last night.
Didn't seem too bad here(10 mi upstream). At least the power wasn't off for too long, & we do have a generator, if need be.

We did buy some extra holiday booze in Calif., it's much cheaper over the border. So this is kind of a new trial for me... we don't normaly have it in the house. In fact Hubby and I "had" an agreement that I wouldn't drink the hard stuff... But he brought home some brandy last week when he got this cold. Thankfully, I don't really care much for it.
Buuutt, I did buy a bottle of rum that was @ a great price, & some Khalua, so I'm gonna have to be extra vigilant. But for some reason I'm feeling pretty strong about this.
It's the first time I've had a bottle of Khalua in the house, without having to hide it from my Hubby! And I haven't done that in years.... So I hope I'm making progress. I promise I'll be honest & open about with all you as well him. I did talk myself out of buying the big bottle @ the great price too!:H .... Yeah, I know.... I can see ya shakin' your heads right now.

Love ya guys! Hugs to all!

[Mary Anne]

Friday, Dec. 15

WOW, you guys are all making me cry, there is soooo much love at this site!! I am too struggling with this whole holiday season, the drinking is out of hand, am quickly titrating up my topa, am at 150 now and plan to go to 175 this weekend, then 200 by next week.........

I just can't get it all done, the shopping, the cards, the decorating, cooking, we are having a bonfire tomorrow w/ about 50 people (including my boss, boy do I need to be on good behavior!? ) Talk about STRESS!!!!!!!!

Allie, hope you and daughter are alright, but at least she didn't lie (like I did too!) about what happened! You have a super girl there, she will grow up to be very responsible!

Jenneh, Imagine, Wave, Pinot, Fan,Mighty Mous, Gypsi, Mary, Judie............SM Mary, Becca I love you all!!! If I missed anyone, it is just all the fried brain cells, don't take it personally! You all don't even hava a clue how much you have helped me this past 6 months!!

Much love and hugs!!:h :l

[lushy]

Friday, Dec. 15

Okay your cheerleader is here!!! How did I end up taking over Jen's duties? Well, actually we are co-cheerleaders since she is much more Rah Rah than I am. I am just now getting power back on. Had a VERY scary night with 70 mph winds which we never get. I did not sleep a wink and was just plain terrified. Thankfully we had little damage and we are all okay.

SM, so glad to finally hear from you. Staying up late, catching a second wind and drinking is a bad combo, isn't it? I HATE that feeling that Mike up North describes where you wake up in almost a panic and realize you have just ruined your whole day. And that perky person you were working with? You needed to slap her. Drinking or not perky people make me mental. I feel like such an outsider at my daughter's school because everyone is just SOOOOO smiley and happy and that is just not me. Never has been. Not that I am a sourpuss, but well you know what I mean I am sure.

MKR, I do not like the numbers on your BP. Did they go down I am assuming? You must be in so much pain all of the time. I applaud you for not drinking more to mask the pain.

Fan, yes chat was very interesting last night. Sounds like I missed out on a lot more though after I left. Don't let Jen fool you everyone, Fan likes his bras.

Waves, are you okay? You seem a little down. Maybe it is my imagination. I send you a cyber hug.

To everyone else I did not personally mention I wish for you a peaceful, stress-free weekend. I will TRY hard to do the same. Love you guys.

[MKR]

Friday, Dec. 15

Thank you cheerleaders! All you ladies are so sweet and supportive. I guess I expect more out of myself.

Judie, I did so well until recently because the hard liquor that was in the house was easily stuff I wasn't crazy about so I could ignore it. The stuff I love and have problems with is so tough I keep hearing it call me, somtimes all evening long.

Lush, yes BP went down. Weird thing is all my blood studies came back and I am on the low side of normal for everything. My mom all 90 lbs of her has had BP problems since her early 40s. I just thought I could out think this one with positive thoughts. Next morning my BP was low again. I know for both of us it is the amount of relaxing we can manage under stress. thanks for asking. It is a frightening headache that just comes on quickly I could hear the blood rushing in my head.

Jen, I still think your chart looks GREAT!!

Waves, you know the fun part of this SI. I thought about carry small loads out to the car and decided that was a waste of time. Pushed a bit too soon. Are you getting a break today yourself?

Mary Anne, you can do this party today. I should follow my own advice here . . .maybe cut your lists down a bit so it seems easier to manage.

Hugs and Love to you,
Mary

[Guest]

Friday, Dec. 15

Dear Janet:
uuaaaahhhh! (that's my push for ya.) All the best with this decision. At least you're looking to the other side. Something many of us never did, I believe.

MKR, SO SORRY about your SI. That hurts! You are busy busy now. I hope you get some rest. You are the shining example of moderation done well, as far as I'm concerned. You will get back on track. Look at your old trackers. Awesome! Day by day, sista.

Lush, glad your house didn't end up falling on any old wicked witches. Sounds scary! Get some rest as well, now that things are settled down.

Pinot and Waves, are you guys hanging in there? I am SO there with you. Completely understand. This "push" into abs will hopefully be worth it, but it's a tough decision to make. Stay strong and stick to your convictions. You both will, I know. Might take an a-ha moment, but you will do what is right.

SM Mary, just keep plugging. Day to day again... make your plan in the morning and stick with it. It's HARD this time of year, you guys are right!

Mary Anne, Eustacia, MM, tink, Fan (I'm REALLY gonna need my red bra back for the holidays. c'mon, man), Brian the running man, Allie, Jude, Jen, Sophiah, Tawny, everybody else!!! Have a great night and weekend.

Went to the docs today. It went better than expected. I was prescribed Campral, but not the antibuse. Hopefully I can do this thang without having to take the drug that will kill me if I drink. Geeeeez. Brighter spirits today...just trying to believe this is OK, and I'll get used to it some time. Day 5 abs. Physically feeling great! And hey, no hangovers and more patience for my kids has been a major plus. Step by step, day by day...I keep saying it, but that's how I've gotta do it now. I still can't think about "forever". The shrink says that's OK .

much love,

[Saint Jude]

Friday, Dec. 15

Hey Becca! Been thinking about you.:l Glad the Doc visit went better than expected! That's always a nice suprise. If anybody can do this YOU CAN.
I have a bottle of antibuse in the cupboard the Doc prescribed @ my request about a year ago... just have never had the courage to try it
Plus after reading about all the side effects... well, I decided I really didn't want to take it anyway...
I hope the Campral works well for ya. Keep us posted.

Somehow I volunteered to cook the turkey for Christmas dinner today, when I was talking to my Mom...? Not sure how that happened...she's tricky. I was just asking advise, because I've done it before! Oh well, I guess @ 46, it's a good age as ever to ruin a Christmas dinner!

[Mary Anne]

Friday, Dec. 15

Becca, you can do this!! I know you're strong and you can do it!! Love you!!!! Stay strong, it may be tough at first,but you will make it.....

Just so you know, I totally admire you and am proud of you, I intend to join in your program after the first of the year, just not possible right not (think of all the weight you will lose, "like you need too"....doesn't look like it from you pic!!

Love and hugs :l :l

MA