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**Changeling** · December 17, 2006, 04:43 AM

Sunday 17th December 2006

Hi Waves
Really pleased to hear you are doing so well.
Would be interested to know what your mods target is and how you plan to cope with the holidays coming up.
Glad that you are sounding so positive - keep it up.
Best wishes
Changeling

**tumadre** · December 17, 2006, 05:24 AM

Sunday 17th December 2006

Good Morning, all-
Sorry, Waves, no knowledge about paste! I've been a bit silent lately, depressed and drinking more than before. For some reason, when my daughter got home from Central America, I stopped the supps and topa. The topa made me blah, depressed and unemotional. Or, at least that's what I thought. I wanted to listen to her stories and be there for her-I'd missed her so much.
I'm only on here until tomorrow, then heading down the California coast to celebrate with my large family there. We're taking almost a week to get there, so that's a present to me-my husband and 2 daughters on a road trip.
However, I'm still depressed even after I stopped the topa. And physically, my stomach hurts-kinda nauseous and crampy. Not sure what that's about, except it's been going on for 3 days. I pulled back from posting on this site because (reason #1) I wasn't accomplishing anything with my business. I am pulled in (at least) 4 different directions, and that is on a slow day, as I'm sure many of you can relate. I felt I needed to "un-obsess" with MWO. Not that I saved all that much time~I come here and read every post I can so that I keep up. The mini-dramas with the "person who cannot be named" was so emotionally draining for me, and it hurt me to see some of you SO affected by her. I had to pull back. I'm either in, or out. I can't be both, and if I were to stay in with her around causing so much damage, I'm afraid my to think about how much I wanted to hurt her back. I understand mental illness...I just don't understand causing intentional harm.
Also, on a very personal note (cover your eyes, anyone who doesn't feel comfortable with "sex stuff"), I'm really feeling sad about my physical relationship with my husband. I'm a night owl, he's an am guy. Ideally, I'd go to bed about 10 pm with him, but that's usually when I get going with a project, or one of the girls are on their way home, etc. So, we've kinda stopped expecting to go to bed together. And he's stopped asking me to come to bed. I guess I expect a seduction (jumping off the nightstand comes to mind) :H In the afternoon, he's got his projects going. There's something about me and the computer (I am a geek) that will keep me here for hours. Give me a bottle of wine and a Mac, and I'm good to go-when I drink, I always stay up much later. My mind becomes free of its editor, and I accomplish so much more.. I've been meaning to talk to Dilayne and others about creativity and alcohol..Also, I'm the one who wants to have sex more often then he does. Go figure, guys! The only time he really initiates it is when he's been drinking-he drinks almost as much as I do, or he feels he has the time-of course, I notice it so much more now that I'm sober more often. Don't get me wrong, he's incredibly affectionate, and I've been with many a man who just wanted sex and weren't able to emotionally support me, etc., but WOW! Girls just wanna have fun!
So, Christmas with very large family, might have to see ex-step-father who I haven't seen in 18 years (my choice), cause he began criticizing my 2 yr. old daughter-and I thought OH NO-not gonna let him do the same thing to her as he did to me! Oh well, he's moving cross country, and if I see him one last time, it's OK. I'm finally at peace with it. He'll see that I have raised 2 incredibly talented and wonderful daughters. I just hope that no one compares them to their cousins, (my brother's kids) who excel at anything they attempt-not exaggerating! Play the cello? Sure! Vocal scholarship or academic? Sure! Chosen as XYZ representative? Of course. Homecoming Queen? Here are the pictures! However, they are still lovely people and I work so hard at not comparing my children with them. It is SO HARD sometimes! I truly believe in the concept of "7 different types of intelligence", and my daughters are gifted in many ways, yet our culture places such a strict concept on what constitutes successful. My brother, the incredibly successful enabler, is trying to make this all work within his household, as they are hosting the 2 day shebang...God forbid he should do something his wife doesn't agree with!
So-continue drinking through Christmas, especially with how much fun I have with my SIL when we are drinking? It's only a night or two. We had a hysterical time a couple of years ago trying to find the stocking stuffers, which we'd only hidden the day before. But of course, we were completely smashed, and it remains a really funny story to tell...Take the supps with me? Gotta get one of those very large drugstore pill sorters!:H
So, on that (VERY LONG) note, I guess I'm just checking in...
Love to you all
Tumadre

**lushy** · December 17, 2006, 12:12 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

Tumadre, so glad you checked in. I was asking about you yesterday. It seems a lot of us are in the holiday doldrums and I have been far from perfect so I can give no advice. I can say, however, to not let that prevent you from still posting here. Only you can set and meet the goals you make for yourself and we are not going to "fire" anybody for not fulfilling those. I hope your vacation is truly a nice time for you and your family. Regarding the sex? Again no advice because my husband would be happy if I wanted it more, and well I will stop right there.

Waves, stinky wallpaper? You think your husband mixed something in with the paste, like limberger cheese, as payback for you making him step in the bucket of plaster? Just an idea. Now get out and exercise. While I sit here and read posts!

To all the rest have a great Sunday. Have I done one card yet? Nope. Hopefully today. I was out shopping the other day and I was SHOCKED at just how many drinking games they are pushing this year. It must be a real popular industry and I found it very, very sad. There is only one goal in drinking games and that is to get hammered. I just hope my daughter inherited her dad's non drinking genes..........

One week until Christmas Eve Hawk....you ready?

And SM, did you really mean it that you went for a three hour walk!!!!! Good Lord, that is amazing. Rachele, where are you? I know you are busy being Martha but let us know how you are doing.

Hugs to all the rest of you!!!

**soccermom** · December 17, 2006, 01:06 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

Good Morning...Tumadre--thanks for the honesty in your post...hit home with me in many ways. I am in a job that does not allow me to check in here during the day and by the time I get dinner done/kids homework done...well you know...I am really feeling the need to check in..it's just so needed for me. On the flip side..I can see that I would be tempted to spend entirely too much time here if I had free access--
We'll see how it goes in the next few weeks as school is out and husband will be working and I will have ALL the access I want to MWO!
Sex? Well--that is a tricky balance..isn't it. My husband is 10 years older than me and in all honesty this age difference has been getting more pronounced lately..especially since his heart surgery..I am feeling like I am married to a very old man. Each ache and pain has to be explained to me in detail...and I am not finding the attractiveness in that at all and I hate myself for that...as he is a wonderful man who loves me very much and would love to have a more active sex life...I am finding it difficult. I don't know any answers to anything I've decided. Sorry--this is so personal..I have never shared this.
Okay--yes 3 hour walk---I bet it was about 12 miles and let me tell you why...because I obsess over things:
I had not done any exercise all week (unacceptable!) and eaten way too much junk (could feel the brownies and cookies layering my butt!) so I make up for it by forcing myself to walk 3 hours..and I plan to walk at least 2 hours today....see...this is my problem...I overdo in all areas: Food, alcohol, exercise (than no exercise)...addiction much?
okay---and I no nothing about smelly wallpaper either...and yes Rach--where are you??
Cards----Lush--I just stuck my kids picture in them and signed our names..those I'm done with! Phew!
One down my friend!
sm-mary

**Saint Jude** · December 17, 2006, 01:40 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

a little something from a friend

This is the season to weave what you feel into the fabric of your life. Plant a seed of kindness wherever you go. Nurture the love that you have with friends and family. If a relationship seems to be failing, feed it with faith. Mulch your newly found friendships with care and understanding. Pull the weeds of discontent before they get a stronghold. Keep an eye out for pests and diseases that may destroy what you have planted. Make a plan for that which you wish to accomplish in the upcoming season.
Research the answers to the questions that you may have or the uncertainties that may have put you in a quandary. Take the time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Reflect on your past performance and don't repeat what now does not seem like time well spent.
Know your tools and how to use them to your best advantage. Educate yourself about things that interest you. Share your harvest. Expand the boundaries of your growth arena. Compost that which would be waste but could be nutrition.
Slake the thirst of those who are thirsty. Teach those who have interest in your skills. Store your abundance for future needs. Be innovative when overcoming that which appears to be a problem and it will become a challenge.
Listen to answers. Care for the things that need your care.
Respect your mother, the earth. Find your god in your garden. Feel harmony in your endeavors. Stop to smell the roses. Have compassion for those not blessed with your good fortune.
Remember that what you sow so shall you reap. Count your blessings not your worries. Enjoy your bounty. Love what you touch. Pray for peace within yourself.
Party on. Merry Christmas and may you have a happy, healthy and healing New Year.

My friend Kathy in Colorado does a weekly backyard botany column in the local newspaper. I thought you guys might enjoy this :h

Hope everyone has a great Sunday.

:l , Judie

**tumadre** · December 17, 2006, 03:56 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

I had already felt so self-absorbed and cringed this morning at what I posted last night. It isn't all about me! I swear I'm not usually like that! I just set too many goals for myself, then hit bottom when I can't meet them all successfully.

Thank you, Judie, for reminding me what's important, especially at this time of year, and with what is happening in your world with the crab boat. Is there any chance they could still be okay? I know the odds, just praying. Your neck of the woods has had too much fear and tragedy lately! :h

sm-mary: I, too, feel it's so personal what we post...but, thank you for sharing your stuff with me. We make a lot of sex jokes on this site, but every once in a while, some secret/truth comes through, and knowing that there is support & understanding is wonderful. Sometimes I wish I had one of those husbands who "always" wants to, but then I'd probably be complaining about that! :H Really, though, it's the intimacy that I miss.

Lush & all-Have a hug-filled Sunday, and thanks for being here! I forget sometimes how much I love and need y'all...:l

**Saint Jude** · December 17, 2006, 04:03 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

Tumadre, unfortunately, after only 10-15 min in that cold water, there's pretty much no chance of survival, even with the best gear. The ocean is so turbulant & ruff right now with all of these winter storms we've been having... I couldn't even take my dog to the beach the other day... there was no beach. The tide has been so high.

**fsophiah** · December 17, 2006, 04:18 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

It's weird, Judie. I'm thinking of you every time I see the news lately. It sounds as though things have been pretty hazardous out your way. Not the best time to go adventuring.

**Quiescent** · December 17, 2006, 05:09 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

SM Mary here I am.......Okay not really. I wish I was still there. It was Key West this summer. I'm really knee deep in Christmas shopping, working and really, just total madness right now. I miss you :l and everyone else. A three hour walk! Now that's a walk!

I promise to get back into the swing of things around here after the New Year.

Judie, I loved the message from your friend. Thanks for sharing it!

I wish EVERYONE a wonderful week!:l :h :l

I'll just keep checking in whenever I can.

**Allie** · December 17, 2006, 06:38 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

Hey guys!
I've been so very busy and have managed to read a few days but not post much. Which is okay I guess. I'm doing a little better -- last time I posted it was right after my daughter had the wreck that night and I drank too much like I tend to do when the stress seems overwhelming. The car is fine mechanically, but huge scrape almost all the way down the drivers side so my husband said we are not fixing it for her; she will just have to drive around in a dented car and look like a redneck for her punishment. So this weekend we had two rooms on the ocean for my husband's birthday and we went out both nights. Last night was his birthday and we went to a really nice restaurant and he ordered this bottle of wine that was really expensive that he loves ( I wont say how much because I think its insane), but it was 15.5% alcohol and after we got back to the hotel, he actually threw it up! I dont know why it was funny.... I even took a picture of him afterwards and texted it to Becca along with some laughs. We've been sending hilarious texts back and forth for two days now! So after all that we went to church this morning and Becca texted me right in the middle of church to tell my husband that she had a fresh pot of coffee brewed for him! We were sitting in church during the sermon with hangovers and texting with Becca! Now how's that for being religous!! All the teenagers watching me send text messages during church... who knows what they were thinking. Anyway, now tonight, we have two guys here from China on business with my husband's company and we are all about to go out to dinner again.... good thing they're not drinkers! I think we are going to just enjoy the FOOD tonight!

Love to you all --
Allie

**lushy** · December 17, 2006, 08:40 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

OKay wait, I gotta know....he threw up from two glasses of wine, or had you drank more before that??? I am howling at you texting during church. Shame on you.

Becca, listened to that song on Utube. Good one!!!!!

**Guest** · December 17, 2006, 08:45 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

Hey, I didn't know they were in church! HA HA HA! Before they even told me they were in church, they asked if it was Starbucks!!!:H
Ok, Bless us Father... yikes. I was cracking up at Allie and her hubby last night. They were a riot. What a fun couple. Those are the times I'm worried we will be missing... then again, the BAD times are BAD when it comes to the drinking. sigh. hopefully this will get worked out.

Lush, glad you liked the video!

**SKendall** · December 17, 2006, 10:03 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

Allie, Becca, Lush, love reading you guys, that's funny about the expensive wine!

I've been mostly A.F. but I live in a place that I hate and with a husband that I'm starting to. We've made the decision to move. A smaller home in TX and I'll get a condo on Victoria Island (small one - it's so expensiv e there). Texas is where my kids are and Vancouver Island is where my friends are.

I can go mostly alcohol free, but after more than a week here, I don't feel like drinking, but just need to get through the evening without feeling so isolated, etc.

I think my ratio of drinking is 6 days alcohol free to 1 blasted night. I need to do the drink tracker, and in the New Year I plan to do it more seriously, and post more consistently.

Love you all,

Hilary

**Allie** · December 17, 2006, 11:52 PM

Sunday 17th December 2006

Skendall you sound like you are doing overall great!

My husband threw up because he is not a big drinker, and he had THREE glasses and I only had one. And no, no drinking before that. I guess that's what was funny.... I'm texting Becca to send her a picture of my husband laid out in the parking lot of our hotel (in the car) trying to gain strength to walk through the lobby without making a fool of himself after 3 glasses of wine. I just had to send the pic to Becca because I cant hardly get a buzz off that and he was hurling. I found out today why he bought that wine.... it was because he knew the one and only time I ever drank it that I wound up with no clothes on and still cant remember. I think he had a point in the beginning anyway.... too funny. Yes... tons of texts about Starbucks and I told Bec we were at church confessing and she sends me this text back right in the middle of church saying "Holy Father"..... my husband actually "snorted" he was laughing so hard Becca.... you are a riot! I must admit it was a fun weekend. Now I must don my soccer mom cap and wipe that "I had too much fun" look off my face. :H

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