Hi,
I've just found this site and think its no small miracle that I have found my way here. I'm 40 with 2 grown up kids. I have always enjoyed drinking since my first drink at the age of 13. It helped relive the pain of a crappy homelife and BIG problems with my dad. My Pop died an alcholic. High school was just one long party and I had no lack of drinking buddies, we had some great times, and some really stupid ones. We would skip school and find somewhere where we could drink and basically wipe ourselves out, with some of us getting hurt, including me, (motorbike accident). I got with boyfriends who drank, and had my two kids, life continued to be a party, though not all that much fun..... Then I broke up with my sons dad due to physicall abuse, and he took my son into hiding, the next twelve years became a nightmare which included two nervous breakdowns, major depression, lot's of pills and of course lots and lots of self medicating with drink, a cask of wine a day at my worst.
Now I have my son back in my life, for which I am very happy, but find that while I drink no where near as much as I used to, I still self medicate whenever I'm feeling stressed or down, or just plain bored, and once I have one, I can't stop. I have fooled myself that I no longer have a problem, until recently when I met a guy who doesn't drink (he has the odd light beer) and while I know he loves me, he hates my drinking and has no understanding of the problem. I don't want to lose him, or myself to the drink , but everytime he gives me an ultimatum, all I want to do I reach for a drink, and so the cycle continues. I have been to doctors, councillors and controll drinking programs in the past, but none has helped with the craving.
I'm hoping the support I get from this site will provide the understanding and help I need.
Jasmin
I've just found this site and think its no small miracle that I have found my way here. I'm 40 with 2 grown up kids. I have always enjoyed drinking since my first drink at the age of 13. It helped relive the pain of a crappy homelife and BIG problems with my dad. My Pop died an alcholic. High school was just one long party and I had no lack of drinking buddies, we had some great times, and some really stupid ones. We would skip school and find somewhere where we could drink and basically wipe ourselves out, with some of us getting hurt, including me, (motorbike accident). I got with boyfriends who drank, and had my two kids, life continued to be a party, though not all that much fun..... Then I broke up with my sons dad due to physicall abuse, and he took my son into hiding, the next twelve years became a nightmare which included two nervous breakdowns, major depression, lot's of pills and of course lots and lots of self medicating with drink, a cask of wine a day at my worst.
Now I have my son back in my life, for which I am very happy, but find that while I drink no where near as much as I used to, I still self medicate whenever I'm feeling stressed or down, or just plain bored, and once I have one, I can't stop. I have fooled myself that I no longer have a problem, until recently when I met a guy who doesn't drink (he has the odd light beer) and while I know he loves me, he hates my drinking and has no understanding of the problem. I don't want to lose him, or myself to the drink , but everytime he gives me an ultimatum, all I want to do I reach for a drink, and so the cycle continues. I have been to doctors, councillors and controll drinking programs in the past, but none has helped with the craving.
I'm hoping the support I get from this site will provide the understanding and help I need.
Jasmin
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