"Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct! "
"Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, which art in heaven...'"
.................................................. .................................................. .........................
A blond gets on a plane and goes up to first-class.
The flight attendant tells her that she will have to move back; her ticket is not for first class. The blond says, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to California."
The main flight attendant is brought in and explains that she will have to move.
The blond says, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to California."
The attendants tell the pilot. He comes in and looks the situation over. He leans over and whispers something to the blond and she gets up immediately and moves out of first class.
The attendants are flabbergasted, "What did you say to her?"
"I just told her that this section of the plane doesn't go to California."
(sorry blondies ,)
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However my favourite by far
Santa and the FAA
Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.
In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his log book out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and even Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass.
Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.
"What's that for?!?" Asked Santa incredulously.
The examiner winked and said,
"I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."
"Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, which art in heaven...'"
.................................................. .................................................. .........................
A blond gets on a plane and goes up to first-class.
The flight attendant tells her that she will have to move back; her ticket is not for first class. The blond says, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to California."
The main flight attendant is brought in and explains that she will have to move.
The blond says, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to California."
The attendants tell the pilot. He comes in and looks the situation over. He leans over and whispers something to the blond and she gets up immediately and moves out of first class.
The attendants are flabbergasted, "What did you say to her?"
"I just told her that this section of the plane doesn't go to California."
(sorry blondies ,)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
However my favourite by far
Santa and the FAA
Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.
In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his log book out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and even Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass.
Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.
"What's that for?!?" Asked Santa incredulously.
The examiner winked and said,
"I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."
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