PDA

View Full Version : July Modders



rebirth
July 7th, 2011, 05:54 PM
Hey it's July already..forgot to start a new thread.

Lila thanks for the encouraging words. Your comment was really interesting and I definitely believe in positive encouragement. If I beat myself up, I tend to give up easily ( which feeds my all or nothing attitude). I am learning to moderate with everything again..food, alcohol, spending time by myself etc. I also love my garden too. I am growing peas, carrots, tomatoes and salad. I did have strawberries but the birds keep eating them. Very annoying!

THM- I will take a look at this thread. Well done on your workout. What is your exercise routine? I have lost a total of 8 pounds in 12 weeks. Really happy with that as I have not deprived myself at all. :)

Lila
July 7th, 2011, 07:38 PM
Rebirth
thanks for starting the new thread. Eight pounds in 12 weeks! That is great, not starvation when you lose muscle.
I just got back from a bike ride again. I really can tell I am working muscle.
I wish summer would never end!
Hope everyone is doing well...I had a rough day today, but moods pass, and disappointments are gotten over, what is a bad day one day is soon forgotten, right?
L

rebirth
July 8th, 2011, 11:12 AM
Absolutely Lila. When i have a bad day I just think that things will change and the next day is a new day.
And it is so true. Every day is a new day!

Cycling is excellent cardio. It works your legs and your core muscles. And it burns some serious calories!I may get a bike to cycle to work..hmmm. Something to think about.

Anyway have a great weekend. Will post later about it as I am off to Legoland with my son. It's his birthday. x

ToMyHealth
July 8th, 2011, 01:14 PM
Hi! 1 week of July gone already! Today I R/W 4.5 miles, then did some yoga stretches. Incorporated library stop at end of walk as Easy Way to Control Drinking was on hold for me. Would like to hit pool later and start reading but not sure, the packing boxes are calling my name. Maybe some of each as in "moderation".

Rebirth: I try do 3-4 miles daily, one day I run/walk it; next day I just walk it. I have osteoporosis in my hips (genetic) and if I try running everyday they will talk to me at night. Hard enough time sleeping as is because of no or at least a lot less alcohol. My bike is at our home in FL so only biking I can do now is on stationery and that doesn't appeal to me in the summer. I also do home exercise tapes, Firm, Slim Series, etc. Have some Jillian Michaels but find them too high aerobic for me now. Have fun at Legoland! Reminds me we need to put together a b.d. outing for grandson before moving. He will be 6 in Aug. He loves Mall of America but again, have an aversion to being indoors. Guess I get that from living in the midwest all of my life where we only get about 3-4 months of nice weather or so it seems.

Lila - how you doing today? Speaking of biking, that is one thing we are lucky in these parts, nice jogging and bike trails.

Lila
July 10th, 2011, 01:45 PM
I had a bad day yesterday and still today. Still upset about something, and waiting to bounce back, be my usual happy self. I am reading some Julia Ross books, diet cure and mood cure, and have been taking amino acids like crazy. I seem to have all the mood problems! The good thing I didn't want to drink at all, all that stuff really does take away cravings. The bad thing? I still feel bad.
My daughter and I are going to the beach right now. It is so hot.
tmh - are you pretty excited to move? Imagine, no more awful winters!
rebirth - how fun! legos are great!
L

ToMyHealth
July 11th, 2011, 12:27 PM
Lila - Any better today? Like you say the good thing is it's not causing you to drink. That's something to be happy about. It was hot yest. Loved it! How was the beach? Refreshing? Played 18 holes of golf mid afternoon. Yes, am very excited to move. It seemed right the very first day we drove into development. One of those things you just know.
Rebirth - have new legos at your house? Sounds like a special day for your son.
Eve - still vacationing?
TMH

rebirth
July 12th, 2011, 08:40 AM
Hi Lila and TMH,

Just come back from a weekend in Legoland. It's a huge amusement park near London. My son and I had a ball. My drink intake was healthy but I really overate on the doughnuts! When i overeat I feel absolutely CRAP!
Anyway, its back to my healthy food again and I am looking forward to my exercise this weekend. Funny how my body craves the exercise now.

Lila can you pinpoint why you are sad? Do you know what it is making you feel this way?

TMH- Golf is a great relaxation game. I have never tried it. just mini golf!

ToMyHealth
July 12th, 2011, 07:19 PM
Another day mostly gone all day (hard to get any packing done that way) LOL Did my w/o this a.m., then went to see 4 month old gd, then had book club lunch and helped a friend with ALS; we went for a 2 mile walk, she in her wheelchair. her Helping Paws or service dog and I.

Rebirth, In the States we have Lego stores; I thought you were going to go buy a new Lego set for him. Amusement park sounds like a lot more fun. Sure you're right back on the healthy wagon. I have found golf to be more physically and mentally challenging than I ever thought. Used to say I'll play golf when I'm too old to run - here I am! Path we walked this afternoon took us around a mini golf course.

rebirth
July 13th, 2011, 11:21 AM
Hey TMH you are not old!

I had a great workout last night and today I am taking my mother out for dinner. It's her birthday and I have booked a table at a lovely restaurant. There will be NO wine for me tonight as it falls in the week. And I dont drink during the week. But I will eat desert. Cant say no to that. x

rebirth
July 13th, 2011, 05:09 PM
Just come back from the restaurant. The meal was delicious! My mum wanted us to share a bottle of wine but I told her that I give my body a rest from AL during the week. So we celebrated with glasses of diet coke.
We still had a ball. Nite folks. x

ToMyHealth
July 13th, 2011, 06:28 PM
Rebirth - Wow! You are the most disciplined person I know!!! WTG, I mean after all your Mum's b.d. is a special occasion, I'll bet she is so proud of you!

TMH

rebirth
July 14th, 2011, 06:25 PM
Aww thanks TMH,

To be honest my mum doesnt know how much of a problem I had with my drinking. She always knew that I drank too much but wasnt concerned. On the outside I looked like I was in control. I had (still have) a thriving business and I am a good mum in her eyes. She never knew about the drinking I secretly did at home or the weekends I would blackout when out partying. She would have been horrified!

I didnt drink alot when I was in her company so yesterday seemed normal to her.

BUT! I am proud of myself!! Thats what counts. I could have drank but decided there was no point.I also had no desire for AL. I was quite happy to stay AF till the weekend.

What a change in me. Unbelieveable. I dont know where this comes from because a year ago I couldnt last 24 hours without drinking. I use to wake up every morning determined not to drink that day and by 3 pm I would falter and give in...and cry alot. What a change. Astounding.

I still have to pinch myself that I have not had a hangover for over a year. It use to be regular weekend occurence. I dont know how I manged to carry on with my daily routine in that AL fog. I guess I just did the bare minimum that I needed to do.

rebirth
July 14th, 2011, 06:32 PM
Just thinking about the quantity of wine I use to drink.
Just over a year ago it use to be 28 to 32 bottles a month and now its dropped to 4 to 6 bottles . My liver must be thanking me!

rebirth
July 14th, 2011, 06:38 PM
sorry about the rambling.Just having a grateful moment that I have my drinking under control. I feel blessed because I know how hard it is to quit or drink less. I have had to climb mountains to get to here. Slowly but surely...

Bean
July 14th, 2011, 08:55 PM
Awesome Rebirth! That is one hell of an achievement. Long termers often advise newbies to look around for someone on here who has what they want and then follow the same steps they took. Well, you've got/are doing what I want and if you can do it, I can do it!

Thanks for the inspirational example. :)
Bean

rebirth
July 15th, 2011, 03:48 AM
Hi Bean,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. Means alot to me.

I had a great workout last night so i am feeling really good this morning. Will have my usual couple of glasses of wine tonight and looking forward to ending work and just chilling in front of the tv tonight.

Seeing a live band in a pub tomorrow but I will stick with my maximum limit no matter what.

Have a lovely weekend all. x

ToMyHealth
July 15th, 2011, 09:27 AM
Rebirth - Awesome - it's like you have to pinch yourself, right? I mean, is this real? I'm discovering it's harder to stick to that maximum now that dh & I are together again. We were not separated, just I was staying at our retirement home as he was/is winding things down to retirement and working long hours to get there. When I'm alone and I decide to drink, I do other things while I sip slowly - I measure it and time it, 1/hour. When together he drinks so much faster and so I tend to also, we're just sitting talking and before I know it the whole LARGE bottle is gone. Can't say I haven't had a hangover.

Also, when I was gone I'd add in another workout at night - go for a bike ride at 5:00p, come in and eat dinner and once I do that I'm no longer interested in drinking. Just have 2 more weeks here, then we'll be driving cross country and settling into our new life. Need to think about, even write down, a retirement lifestyle plan that includes successfully modding - like you. I like your phrase that you give your body a rest from alcohol during the week - makes for a happier liver! Right now I feel I'm successful with modding in that I'm far from drinking every night (like I used to) but I've gone back to drinking more than I should when I do drink.

You are so smart to have caught yourself early in life. And see how much you are helping by sharing your thoughts and experiences. Please stick with us. Thank you!

Lila - missing you, drop by, ok? We care how you are doing.

TMH

Bean
July 15th, 2011, 12:34 PM
Hi Modders

Just wanted to let you know I have decided to join you. I've been on and off MWO for a few years now - almost exclusively on the AF threads but I feel I've reached a stage where I am ready and able to give moderating a serious go.

Early days but going great so far. :) Looking forward to giving and receiving support as the journey continues...

Bean

Lila
July 15th, 2011, 01:49 PM
hi Bean, welcome. I rejoined here too, after being gone for awhile.
Modders, I have been camping the last few days and haven't checked in here. It was a lot of fun. Now I would like a break from the kiddos!
I find I don't drink if I really load myself up with aminos.

ToMyHealth
July 15th, 2011, 02:00 PM
Welcome, Bean!! Yes, we are on quite the journey. Mind sharing your moderation plan?

Lila - and welcome back to you! Hope you were able to relax a bit during your camping. Aminos -
L-Glut or something else? Reminds me to go take some.

TMH

ToMyHealth
July 15th, 2011, 09:02 PM
Checking in. Am pretty much done packing except for the kitchen, most of which needs to be last minute. Feel good about accomplishment but missing my workouts. So.........R/W 3 miles while dinner was in oven, then did some situps, etc. and stretched. Showered, had 1 glass of wine with dh, during dinner poured a 2nd which I'm still nursing and that's all I plan to have today. Yeah!!!

TMH

Lila
July 16th, 2011, 11:24 AM
that's great, TMH!
I find I do well on L-glut, 5 htp, kudzu, and a bunch more to combat depression/anxiety. Mostly, my weakness is the habit of having a drink at the end of the day, that often turns into a few more.
Bean, can you share more about your journey? Where you were when you started at MWO, and what you found worked for you?
TMH, when do you go to Florida? And are you near the ocean?

Bean
July 16th, 2011, 10:20 PM
Hi TMH, Lila and Rebirth

I have been on and off MWO for about 5 years. I used to drink every day, probably a bottle of wine which slowly crept up (as it does!). I was in a relationship about 5 years ago where we drank a lot together but my ex wouldn't acknowledge it was a problem and didn't really support me in any of my efforts to quit or cut down.

In recent years I have done a lot of drinking on my own and that may be something I have to knock on the head if I am going to successfully moderate. The last year has been really transformational for me. I sank into a pit of despair last Autumn, ended up on anti-depressants because I was so desperate and miserable. I have an on/off boyfriend who was amazing during that time and just supported me. Him doing that was instrumental in helping me see that it is my behaviour and not myself (as a person) that needs to change. I quit completely for 3.5 months just after Christmas. That was a great time and I also trained for a half marathon which had been a long held goal.

Now I am in a WAY happier place. I quit taking the ADs in May (I'm not sure they were really doing anything to be honest), I have made it through an intense school program, I love what I do, I am fitter, healthier, more productive and generally in a good place. And I want to moderate because I think my drinking was more to do with a 'thinking' problem than a 'drinking' problem. I enjoy being AF and all the benefits that brings but I also would like to have a drink once in a while. I see there are people on here who are successfully moderating and I believe I can too.

I'm still working out my plan. I have discovered that if I have more than 4 drinks, all resolve goes out the window and I just want to get drunk. So my limit needs to be 3, absolute max 4. I don't have a problem with controlling it when I'm out with friends. It's the drinking on my own that is my danger zone. I am trying to figure out whether to allow myself a certain number of days a month I can drink (thinking 4-6, maximum 8) but haven't decided if it should only be weekends or random nights, but no more than that number. What do you guys do?

That's it from me for now. It's very early days so I want to see how I go. I would welcome any suggestions if you have been moderating successfully for some time and can share any good tips! (Rebirth has already shared a lot of how it's working for her and I feel inspired to give it my best shot).

Bean

ToMyHealth
July 18th, 2011, 09:22 AM
Weekend update: Drank both Fri and Sat nites. Moderately Fri nite, not so mod Sat nite. :no:

Lila - know it sounds silly, but I have a hard time finding the time to take all those dang pills. Part of the reason is I'm on a thyroid med which you have to take on empty stomach and supposed to wait 4 hrs til you take anything else. Some should be taken with food and when I practice my food plan that doesn't happen til mid afternoon. Have to manage that better. Geez, I've got a lot of things need to manage better :ouch: In 2 weeks we will be out of the state on way to FL. Moving to golf community, thought I better learn how to play, picked up clubs for 1st time at age 60. Abt 45 min from ocean, of course, will take you a lot longer during spring break. Yest I showed people we golfed with temp here - 92 and temp where we're moving - 77. Hotter here this week than FL. :what?:

Bean - thx so much for sharing your story & again, welcome! There is a Focus on Fitness section you can check out. There is a July AF one, but there is also a July 10 days one (as in reporting how many days you drink with goal being no more than 10). That's one way. I've noticed for me it has lifted the ceiling tho, meaning I just count it as a drink day and have not been paying enough attention to amt and have to get back to that part of moderation. Yes, Rebirth is an inspiration to all of us!

Rebirth - good weekend?

Lila
July 18th, 2011, 09:30 AM
TMH - I know, and I take a thyroid pill too. Four hours? I thought it was half an hour! (I take a natural thyroid pill).
Bean - I struggle with depression as well.
Okay, Modders. Here's where I am at. I don't feel cravings to drink, but I guess I think it is somehow a good thing. Last night I accidentally had more than I should have. THis morning, I am supposed to go see a friend. I kinda don't want to. Because I am an introvert and kind of depressive. I always have this feeling of Why don't I have time to myself? To collect myself? To reflect? But this morning, as I drink my coffee and pop vitamins and feel kinda yucky, I think I DO have enough time to myself. But I am on a vicious cycle. I don't really drink much, but I think, I know, I am still on a cycle. I am reading Kick the Drink -Easily, by Jason Vale, and one of his points is we are so programmed to think alcohol relaxes us, and we will be deprived if we don't drink, and it really rings true. I just think I am going to go awhile with no drinking. And see how I feel, observe myself, and see is this REALLY making me happy and relaxed. Because I just don't think it really does. I think it is making me more introverted and depressed.
Does this make sense? As long as I think there is something good that comes from drinking, I will keep on. SHould I try to stick to one? Right now I just want to stop for awhile.

ToMyHealth
July 18th, 2011, 09:48 AM
Lila - Alcohol is a depressant, so you're right, it is contributing to your depression. You could break it down, say I will be AF for 7 days or 10 days or 30 days.

As for my dilemma of following the 10 day rule, it just clicked. Rather than concentrate on how many days I CAN DRINK, I need to go back to concentrating on AF days. Simple act of turning it around.

TMH

Lila
July 18th, 2011, 09:55 AM
Yes, sounds good. I could also make myself think, yuck, alcohol is disgusting! to counteract all the messages we get from society.
Today, I am going to have fun, realize how good my life is. And see if it is better af.
And you are off to Florida! That is so exciting!

newdaynow
July 18th, 2011, 11:50 AM
Bean, your story seems very similar to mine. My husband and I drink almost every night. It used to be just 4 nights a week, and now it has crept up to every night. I usually drink a bottle of wine, and then want more. He, however, is able to stop and doesn't drink as much as I do. But it really just seems to be a habit. It is something we enjoy doing together, and seems to be a part of everything we do. We have favorite restaurants we go to and then usually a drink at that restaraunt is what we do. And when we get home after work, we open a bottle of wine. It has become such a habit. I don't know that I am really escaping anything, but sometimes it is due to loneliness or boredom. But the major trigger is that it has become such a habit. There is hardly anything we do that doesn't involve alcohol. Even if we work out, we then open up the wine.
I find if I can limit it to 4 glasses, I am okay, but once I have that 5th...it continues on. I hate it. I hate how my son sees me, and that I can't remember things, as I black out. And now, my eyes look permnanetly bloodshot.
I really want to stop. I have tried hypnotherapy several times, I have tried the Kudzu, and been to several therapists. During the day, it is all I think about, how I don't want to drink, and then as soon as 5pm comes, I start wanting to drink. I always think it is okay, I will just have a few, and then bam, I have drunk too much and am blacking out. I am able to go a few days, and am definitely making an effort to not drink during the week.
I really want to get off this merry go round, but don't know how to make it happen.
Really glad this forum exists so I can express myself instead of having to hide it and cover it up.
Thanks all for listening.:thanks:

rebirth
July 18th, 2011, 04:06 PM
Hi modders

Hi newdaynow- welcome!

Lila- When I drank too much in the past I became very moody and irritable so focusing on being AF sounds like a good plan for a while. It would be a good comparison for you to see how it affects your moods.

TMH- I mainly drink with my partners because we meet up on the weekends. It’s easy to get carried away in conversation and drink faster than intened but I try to keep myself in constant check with my watch. . Sounds tedious but it has become a bit of a habit to check my timing. I always ask the bartender how much wine is in the glass too. My partner thinks I am being pedantic but there is no point having four glasses of wine when each glass is larger than I would normally drink. Then it’s not four..

Funny how four seems to be the magic number for alot of us. If I have more than that I am on the way to a serious hangover.

Newday - That’s exactly how I use to drink too. A bottle a day..and you are right in thinking it's a bad habit. How about focusing on one day at a time? Could you try and not drink for one day? I remember my first AF weekend.I took each day and broke them down to hours. I was extremely determined not to falter and kept myself ridiculously busy. By Monday I felt like I had climbed Mount Everest ! It’s tough but it’s possible. x

It’s what Bean says..its your thinking not your drinking. I truely believe that now. I use to think that I couldnt control my drinking but after being AF and now able to moderate, I see that I just had some bad habits that I needed addressing.

My weekend was busy. I had my usual two glasses of wine on Friday. I woke up Saturday, felt energetic so I did an hours workout first thing in the morning evening. I drove to a bday party. Had one glass of wine. Then drove back to a pub and listened to a live band. Had three glasses of wine.
Woke up Sunday feeling my usual tiredness but happy with myself.

rebirth
July 18th, 2011, 04:11 PM
Unfortunately my eating habits have not been so good for the past two weeks. Been eating too much sugary foods lately. Tomorrow I will stop that nonsense.

But thats tomorrow so tonight I shall eat a packet of biscuits. Ha Ha

Lila
July 18th, 2011, 10:29 PM
No drinking tonight, instead I read my book and watched a little tv, the evening flew by....
New day, hang in there!
Rebirth, I am thinking of getting a spinner cycle. What do you think? You know, with all that money I will save by not drinking. Sugar makes me feel awful - physically, mentally. Bleh!

Bean
July 18th, 2011, 11:41 PM
Hi Modders.

Welcome New! I hope you manage to get some AF days under your belt soon. It really helps. I think one of the problems of drinking very regularly is that you get used to constantly feeling crappy and think it's 'normal' and that somehow feeds into the feeling of despair at not being able to change/stop. Also that AL is a depressant. Having had a decent length of AF time, I can really feel how drinking affects my mood now. It definitely makes me feel more lonely and low and that can then be a trigger to do it all over again.

If you feel overwhelmed at the thought of quitting completely or even during the week, try as Rebirth suggested and just go for one day. Try and plan to do something that will keep you busy that evening or go somewhere where you can't drink. You may not start to feel better instantly but as soon as you do, that will be very motivating!

Sounds like you really need to break the habit you're in of daily drinking. Can you get your husband on board to support you? My ex didn't take it seriously enough when I said I wanted to stop and would try and entice me to drink. It's definitely not easy when you're around someone else who is drinking a lot too. Maybe you can set a goal together or plan something you want to do and put the money you would have spent on wine towards paying for that goal?

Read and post on here as often as you can - it helps to read about what worked for other people.

TMH: I am realizing that I have to be very clear about how often in a month and how much I will drink if this is going to work. It's so easy to think, screw it, it's only once a week or whatever and then have a binge. Part of my plan is not drinking to hangover causing levels anymore. I hate hangovers and I don't want another one!!

Bean

ToMyHealth
July 19th, 2011, 08:01 AM
Top of the day, Modders! Yest DH came home and said he was going to have an O'Doul's, did I want one? Sure, I'll join you. He said well, you can have wine if you want. Very easy to say O'Doul's is fine. 2 nights in a row hit the sofa as don't sleep well when AF so I read. Finished Easy Way to Stop Drinking; sure it's cuz I aim to mod but that book did not click with me. Started a fiction book club book and think taking my mind off all this helped some - OR maybe it was the Benadryl + 2 Advil. :lol3:

Bean & Rebirth: Both of you commented to New on breaking the habit of daily drinking and really that is exactly what life had been. That is just what we did at end of day. I too believe it was just a bad habit I had gotten into. Not that I haven't abused alcohol; I have. Arming myself with Diet Tonic, V8 & limes and O'Doul's has helped. Feel pretty good this a.m. and have a running date with several friends.

Lila - WTG :goodjob: Bet you feel pretty darn good today yourself!

TMH

Lila
July 19th, 2011, 10:13 AM
Thanks TMH! The book I just read, it really made the point that alcohol promises you something, relaxation, happiness, etc, but really doesn't do that at all. I wonder how similar the two books are?
Anyways today I am not going to drink either. I am a moderate (usually!) and daily drinker so I want to see how I feel when this all clears my system. Like you said, Bean. Maybe I am used to feeling a certain way.
One point the book makes is you have to explain why you turn down a drink. But nobody has to explain why they don't want a cigarette, or heroin, cocaine, etc. Why is that??
And if we don't drink, are we really deprived? Or is the drinker cuz they are numbed out?
New day, I could really see it being hard if your husband likes a drink. Can you work in another ritual? An evening walk? Of course here in the Midwest, it is a little too steamy!
TMH, I got limes and made fresh squeezed lemon and lime aid. Now that's a yummy drink! We deserve it!

Lila
July 19th, 2011, 10:18 AM
Ps, don't mean to go on and on about a book, just feeling good today!

newdaynow
July 19th, 2011, 12:26 PM
Rebirth, Bean, and Lila-- Thanks for the advice. I am definitely trying to go AF during the week, and so far have been able to manage at least one day a week, and continually try to work towards 4 days AF. So far this week I am 2 days AF. Having my husband out of town is a huge help. He will be gone the next 5 out of 6 days, so I am hoping to be AF all of those days.

Breaking habits is sooo hard, but I know I need to do it. He will eventually match what I do, and if does drink, it is only 2-3 glasses of wine. That is where I want to be, if I choose to drink with him.

So, I will keep trying. Thanks for the support.

rebirth
July 19th, 2011, 05:46 PM
Lila- I know what you mean about the sugar. When I overdose on it I feel bloated and sluggish. If I manage four days without eating any sugar and high carbohydrates I feel so energised! A spinner is a great idea! You love to cycle so it’s ideal for you. I would love to get one too but I don’t have any space in my house. Would love a rowing machine also. How long have you not been drinking now?

TMH- Another good book is Responsible Drinking by Frederick Rotgers. It helped me alot. You sound really fit by the way. Do you exercise regularly? Have you exercised all your life?

Bean- I hate hangovers too and I hope I never experience another one ever...I am done with them.

Newday – This is a section about breaking habits from the book Responsible Drinking:
...It’s not easy to change our beliefs and the habits that have evolved over many years. First we need that inkling. An inkling that all is not as it should be. That inkling needs to be walked around, stared at, thought about and it grows slowly, little by little. And works its way into “ I want to change” and transforms itself into “I can change” and moves onto “change”. For most of us “I want to change” doesn’t magically result in change. We have to work the steps, the baby steps everyone talks about...

Lila
July 19th, 2011, 05:57 PM
Rebirth - I want that book! Today is only day 2, but I feel different, I just do.
I can't fit a spinner in my house either, but I will make it fit, maybe in a corner somewhere. I would almost like to start juicing, but I wonder If that is more sugar, even if it is from fruits and vegetables.
When I strictly don't eat sugar I feel very energetic too. Alcohol is of course a very sugary!
Newday, 2 days is huge! I think. I guess right now I don't want to mod, I just want to get used to life without being anesthetized.
Let us know how you're doing each day.
Thank you all, by the way, for all the encouragement this past month or so. I came here so tired and depressed, and now am feeling more and more in control and strong, and it is so great to be in this encouraging non judging place.

rebirth
July 20th, 2011, 03:53 AM
Hey Lila- Well done! Day two is fantastic!! A juicer is a great idea and I dont think it's too much sugar. Maybe you ought to juice more vegetables than the fruit though. Did you exercise yesterday?
x

Lila
July 20th, 2011, 10:36 AM
A little bit. I am in the US Midwest, so it is dangerously hot - I was at the pool with my daughter last night, earlier in the day I biked to the library, which is just a few blocks and got woozy, it was soooo hot. I was looking for health books!
I feel so good, this is different, no cravings, nothing. I am just proud of myself -and excited to get sugar out of my system!
According to the book, after 3 days, alcohol is totally out of your body.
Thanks for the encouragment. I have a pair of skinny jeans that look really cute on, but after I lose a little weight!!! they should fit fine.
I have noticed I am eating ice cream a little bit (i got ice cream treats for the girls due to this heat wave), I think I will use L-glut, so I don't replace alcohol sugar for junk food sugar!
I don't know what I want to do in the future with alcohol, just now I don't want it as part of my life.
I am not full of energy, rather sluggish. Maybe that will change soon....

newdaynow
July 20th, 2011, 10:56 AM
Rebirth- thanks for the section about change. I really need to reread that over and over to help it sink in. I know how I want my life to be- not AF, but Alcohol Responsible.
I made it another day. So it is 3 days AF. Woohoo! I am sure I can do it again tonight.
But tomorrow night, my husband will be home and I know I will be drinking. My goal is just to drink responsibly, and not overindulge. I have tremendous willpower when it comes to food, but not to alchohol.
Well, I am going to keep trying and make this shift so I have a new normal.
Thanks for all of your help and it really does help to come here and get it all out.

ToMyHealth
July 20th, 2011, 11:01 AM
Rebirth - Tried getting Responsible Drinking on Kindle, did not succeed. Will try again esp. with your recommendation, thanks. I live in US Midwest also and did get in trouble with my exercise yest. 6 of us met to walk/run. I normally don't eat until afternoon so with nothing in my stomach, did not carry water and after climbing a ski hill I dang near fainted, kid you not. I was very, very close to passing out. :overheated:

Lila - re: energy & juicer, try carrots. My nephew used to come home from work all worn out, drink some juiced carrots and claimed it gave him energy for the whole night. I also know a woman who swears it helped 'cure' her cancer. I've done it, don't mind the taste esp using organic carrots, but hate cleaning the dang juicer.

Bean - how goes it?

rebirth
July 20th, 2011, 01:37 PM
Lila- Thats makes sense that AL is out of your system after three months.After drinking on the weekend, I am always tired on monday but thursday morning I am really energised.

TMH- How about carrot soup? Or is it better tyo eat it fresh? Did you try Amazon? I bought this book from that particular site. Not surprised you nearly passed out if you dont eat till afternoon time. How much weight do you want to lose?

Newday- Well done on the three days. I wont be drinking today either.

Right. Gonna have a coffee and then do a workout.

ToMyHealth
July 20th, 2011, 07:51 PM
Accomplished a lot today. Low energy early afternoon so told myself if I did 2 miles on the TM, I could then go out by pool and relax. Ended up extending running time on TM, spent a little time at pool but was surprised how noisy it was (traffic close by). Having little party for gs out there tomorrow night. His b.d. is in Aug but we will be gone so a little early celebration. Play in pool, then pizza and DQ cake.

Rebirth - carrot soup wouldn't be the same because of killing the enzymes. My Kindle is loaded by Amazon, on website can order it and see it doesn't give you Kindle option. Looks like there is a workbook with it or exercises to do so I'm going to wait & buy it after our move; that way I can journal along with it. Wt? Right now .8#. Goal wt is 112; I follow Fast-5 food plan, lately more like F-8 but seems to be working as well. I have not been eating as healthy as usual. You can have coffee after work? Man, I'd never sleep.

Bean
July 21st, 2011, 12:15 AM
Hi All

I'm not having a very good week. I have been drinking less than I normally do but still too much. It's clear as day to me now that I mustn't have any in the house. I'm happy to have clarified that to myself. I've also identified loneliness as my biggest trigger.

It's been leading me into all sorts of despairing places in the same way that AL used to a lot of the time. :( I know I am a person who thrives on company and the energy of being around other people but when I get lonely, I seem to isolate myself, spend inordinate amounts of time on here or Facebook and that frustrates the hell out of me. I end up feeling worse than I did beforehand. And I can easily end up drinking when I feel that way and the incumbent lethargy the next day only adds to the problem. Argh.

Sorry not to write some more positive and upbeat post. Today I have also been stewing over a couple of things my 'sort of' boyfriend (long story) has said to me that hurt my feelings. I've allowed the feelings to fester. So today has been about some realizations that my thought patterns completely dictate how I approach life and I seem to be indulging in some very unhelpful ones. That needs to change. Just today I feel defeated and fed up and that everything is just too big of an effort. :(

Tomorrow I have got plans to see some friends and I know that will cheer me up and get me back on track.
Hope all are doing well.
Bean

rebirth
July 21st, 2011, 03:34 AM
Morning all,

Bean How are you today? I know those days really well!Life can be so hard... I use to drink myself stupid in the evenings just to drown my thoughts. But we both know that it doesnt solve anything. Just remember the baby steps. x

TMH- I drink so much coffee that I can feel the effects. Unless it's expresso. I read somewhere that drinking coffee will help you train better and burn extra calories before a workout. So silly me is doing so. 112LBS? That sounds really low? I am currently 116 and a healthy BMI but ideally I would love to be 112. I am only 5ft 1 though so it doesnt look thin.

ToMyHealth
July 21st, 2011, 08:16 AM
Morning,

Bean - new day, eh? I just came back from eastern Canada. My daughter married a Canadian and has been there 19 yrs. I woke up happy this a.m.; so hoping you did too or at least with seeing your friends later you will feel better. Reflection time can be good or like you identified, can blow things out of proportion. Be kind to yourself. :l

Rebirth - Well, yest I got into some bad junk food (left over from car trip) and gained 2.4#. I'm 5'4" & very small boned. It's cooled off here, AC off, windows open, and I am going to go for an outdoor run. Tonite's pizza won't be bad for me if I stick to the Veggie DeLite and I'm not fond of DQ cakes - but hey, it's not about me.

Lila - still in a good place my friend?

Lila
July 21st, 2011, 08:50 AM
hi Modders
Day Three was yesterday!!! RIght now I am just waking up with my coffee so I am interested to see how my day goes, energy and all. Plus mood.
NewDay, really too bad you can't go a little longer, you are doing so well...it seems a little early in the game to try modding, but three days really is great!
TMH, my juicer doesn't seem as powerful...then my neighbor said the fresh squeezed carrot juice at Costco is really the same price as juicing. Maybe I will get that. Carrots must be pretty hard on juicers.
I know, the heat has been dangerous! But I think it is back to normal now. You sound like you are getting as much gs time until you move! But I am sure it is a very short flight back "home."
Bean, sorry you are feeling bad, but you do sound self aware and reflective. You might want to try 5 htp, or other amino acids. THey really help with mood. I don't mean to go on and on about books I am reading, (this comes from The Mood Cure, and the Diet Cure by Julia Ross) but I really think the aminos I have been taking might have really kicked in and gotten rid of my cravings. The theory is that we eat sugar or drink alcohol to boost our depleted serotonin levels, but if we boost them in a good way with amino acids, we won't crave that stuff. Well, if that helps. Certainly I understand getting into being isolated, and company does cheer a person up, even introverts like me. I hope today is more positive for you!
Rebirth, I love coffee! THat is one addiction I am not giving up! It has a lot of health benefits, too! I can't wait until I get to where you are, focusing more and more on how my body is, something that I really have not been willing to look at for so long!
Have a good morning Modders, will check back later!
L

Lila
July 21st, 2011, 09:23 AM
one more thing - after I wrote all that, finished my coffee, I realized I feel REALLY GOOD!! And have energy. I have hypothyroid, so that is always an issue for me.
I have read over and over on these boards that one doesn't realize what a depressant alcohol is until you stop for a few days, and it is true.
Maybe I will even clean and organize my house later on :-)

newdaynow
July 21st, 2011, 11:04 AM
Well I made it. Day 4 AF. Last night was rough, because I was so bored, and really wanted to drink. I didn't crave it, I just wanted it. Though why I think drinking will help with the boredom is crazy, it doesn't change anything, in just delays it, and then I wake up in the middle of the night feeling worse than being bored. I am mad at myself for drinking and then spend hours berating myself for doing it.
I have been trying for almost 6 years to break this habit. Originally it was just when I was with family or friends partying, maybe one or two times a month, but now it is every week. And sometimes it gets out of hand twice a week.
Bean- I really understand what you are saying. Even though I am married, I feel very alone. I love my husband, but he travels a lot, and then when he is home, most of the time he is tired and just wants some down time. But I am bored from being home and think oh, I will have a drink and that will liven things up. Really need to change my mindset. It doesn't help. I just need to keep repeating that.
Tonight I am going out with a girlfriend, and we are meeting at a bar. So, I am going to try to see if I can do it. No more than 4 drinks! And then the weekend comes, so it will be a challenge.
And to Rebirth and ToMyHealth- all I can say is Wow! I am 5'3" and I weigh way more than you guys do and yet you are still trying to lose weight. You are awesome!! Good Luck. I need to get back to working out. I am hoping to on Friday, but there is no way I will ever weigh that little. But I know what you mean, by every pound makes a difference.

ToMyHealth
July 21st, 2011, 11:58 AM
I'm back- had a good 3+ mile Walk/Run, 1/2 hr strength training and stretch. Having an iced coffee now.

Rebirth - I know, maybe 112 is too low as I have a hard time getting or at least staying there. That's why when I was researching that Dukan Diet it just blows me off. I was at 112 last fall/winter, fit into Sz 2 and those are the clothes waiting for me in FL and this is exactly where they won't fit :bum: I realize there are many women half my age that wished they were my size. It doesn't just happen, takes work.

And Lila you are back!! Back to a good life! Good job completing Day 4 and yeah for the energy!

Newday - we do waste a lot of time over AL, don't we? I even was thinking about it on my walk, am participating in a charity golf tournament tomorrow and dh warned me there's a lot of drinking. I told him to go ahead and have fun; I'll drive. So why did it pop in my head? Let it go, right? Made my decision. Will you feel ok tomorrow having 4? I'm still kind of new at this moderating thing but one thing I've discovered is when I do drink I'm best off stopping at 3 (sure that's weight related). It's good that you have a ceiling in mind.

Bean
July 21st, 2011, 02:07 PM
Hi all

Pleased to say I am feeling better this morning after a good sleep. The next few months are going to be hugely transitional for me - finished school yesterday, moving house for a month end of August (and have yet to find a new place to go), plan on moving back to the UK in October, will have to say goodbye to the 'sort of' boyfriend which I think will be liberating but am dreading at the same time, I have some financial worries at the moment, scared of setting up my own business when I get home, where will I live? etc etc Guess it's not surprising I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately!

I am reminded time and time again that I easily end up feeling this way when my hopes and expectations don't align with what actually IS. Not that we shouldn't have hopes and expectations but there are certain things and especially people that we can't change (and shouldn't try to) and all we can do is work on ourselves. It's really quite simple when I see it that way!! Duh. :)

Hi to everyone - TMH, NDN, Lila. Glad you all seem to be doing pretty well this week.

NDN - just wanted to say that I was doing a lot of reading on the mods posts the last few days. Something that came up was about how it's actually only the first 2 drinks that have the effect (calming, enlivening, relaxing etc) that we seek, the 3rd is sort of the threshold and after that any AL just brings all the negative effects that we DON'T want. I thought that was interesting. I'm not trying to give you advice as I am totally new to the modding thing too and figuring out my own limits but I have set a limit of 3 with an absolute max of 4 and I think the 4th one could very well be the one where I lose control. We shall see....

Have a great day all.
Bean

Lila
July 21st, 2011, 04:04 PM
Bean, glad you are feeling better! I hope all goes well, I know transitions can be exhilerating and scary.
NewDay, are you sure you don't want to go a few more days? We are both on the same days for AF, and I really am starting to feel great. But whatever works for you!
TMH, wow! you and Rebirth leave me in the dust! I can't wait to get in better shape, too! The girls and I are going to see HP8 movie, and later I will do my bike ride, which is something.

rebirth
July 21st, 2011, 05:32 PM
Hey all,

Everyone sounds so much more upbeat today. Glad to hear!

Bean - Was interesting what you said about the three/four limit. You are definitely right in saying that more than three does bring on the negative effects of AL. Whenever I have my limit of four, I never suffer from a hangover but I am very tired. However, this number still works for me as I have had an enjoyable evening and still able to function normally the next day.
You are absolutely right in saying that everyone is different and it really does depend on the measurements and what type of AL one drinks too. We got to figure that one out individually.It also depends on your mood as well.
Sometimes I have to stop myself from over drinking and other times I have absolutely no desire to drink my third or fourth. and I dont drink them. It's odd.

What business are you planning to open? You have alot ahead of you! I like your spirit!

TMH- You are really fit and healthy! I have issues running as I have a pain under my heel. Think it comes from over exercising? I may need to get an insole...

Lila- Great going with the AF! Will you be drinking this weekend? I usually have a couple after work on friday but I may join you and not do so...

Newday- Tune in and let us know how it went with the Gf.

Managed a very feeble 30 minute workout but it still felt good. Did really well with my diet this week so far so i am really pleased with myself. Tomorrow is friday so I may/maynot have my usually two glasses. See how I feel tomorrow..

rebirth
July 22nd, 2011, 02:37 AM
Good morning Newday, TMH, Lila and Bean!

I have lost another half a pound! Yeehaw! Exercise works! Have a good day all.x

newdaynow
July 22nd, 2011, 12:03 PM
Hi Everyone!

Bean- thanks for the posting about the first two drinks. It makes a lot of sense. If only I could ensure that happens, as while my brain understands it, the alcohol keeps telling me to drink. Part of my problem is that I have developed such a high alcohol tolerance that I don't really feel anything when I drink, so I keep drinking, searching for the buzz. Just like an addict. It is terrible. But, I am definitely going to keep reminding myself that I only need 2 drinks.

Lila- I should have checked in before I went out, as your support was great and I might have had second thoughts and not drank.

But, it is okay. I had fun with my girlfriend. Only 2 glasses of wine. But, then I went home and had 3 more. But, I drank a lot of water, and as I mentioned my tolerance is pretty high, so I don't really feel that bad in the morning. I know it is not the same as feeling feeling clear headed. I don't usually feel that good in the morning as I am not a morning person, and don't sleep well, I never have.

But, I am ready to keep going and get back on track. My husband is gone this weekend, so the goal will be to not drink and try to get 6 days AF, as my goal is to not drink during the week, and only drink Thurs-Sat. And to only have 3 drinks max.

Rebirth- congrats on losing the half a pound!

Thank you all for caring. It is so hard to talk about this with my friends, so it is nice to have a safe place to share. :thanks:

Lila
July 22nd, 2011, 10:11 PM
Rebirth, that is great!
New day, I know what you mean. About a week ago, I had 4 drinks and barely felt it. Drinking lots of water is a good idea, though.
This is Day 5. Yesterday, I really, really wanted a drink. Today I did a little bit. I am not sure what to do here, go a month? I am too embarrassed to order Responsible Drinking, and certainly can't buy it from a real store! Today I am tired, not sure why. I took my daughter to the zoo and it was really hot, maybe that is it. Or my body is adjusting??
Modders, hope you are all having a great Friday evening!

ToMyHealth
July 23rd, 2011, 11:58 AM
Good day. Doing fine here. Feel good after only 2 beers yest playing golf. This was an afternoon-evening event but because dh always likes to get there early it was more like an all day event! Gone 11 hrs, had lunch & dinner there.

Lila - sure it was the heat yest as we were exhausted when we got home too.

Rebirth - yeah for you, you'll take it all off in no time!

Bean - lots on your plate. You remind me of my sd as she just moved back to the midwest from VT. No job except 'nanny' for new niece, no place to live. Family is happy she's back, and I'm sure things will work out fine for her AND YOU. Scary, I'm sure. We're moving too. Will be here one more week, on the road by Sunday the 31st. Difference is for us it's a planned move into retirement, well semi-retirement for dh but I've retired 2X now and don't plan to do it again. That is partly the reason for becoming a part of MWO - have already witnessed the slippery slope that can happen living in a retirement community where it's like vacation everyday! Want to get a good handle on things as know we will get plenty of visitors during the winter and I can't be entertaining as in drinking every night. Sorry, didn't mean to go on and on.

NDH - you did well! Glad you have a nice time out with gf.

TMH

Lila
July 23rd, 2011, 10:46 PM
I never thought of that, being retired as an excuse to drink a lot. It makes sense. I mean, it just sounds like a dream, retiring to sunny Florida!
Today is my day 6, I think. I am tired, when I got home I just felt so tired. I went swimming with a friend, maybe that is my excuse...is this part of detoxing? maybe I am worrying, a person can be tired sometimes...

Lila
July 24th, 2011, 07:48 PM
...and day seven! Not as tired, but I would like to be more energetic. I ordered a Coconut Diet book, I forgot what it is called. Something detoxing would be good right now, since I have time for myself...
how is everyone? hope everyone is having a great weekend!

newdaynow
July 24th, 2011, 08:16 PM
Lila- you should be so proud that you are on day 7. Congrats, keep it up!

Didn't go so well last night for me. Ended up drinking with neighbors. It was the weekend so my plan backfired on me. My goal is to be able to drink on the weekends, so I used that rationale instead of keeping on the right path.
So, it's Sunday night and I am not drinking. Hoping to have a good week. Been reading the book- the easy way to quit drinking. Very good read. Though since I want to moderate, it isn't quite clicking with me. But it does make some good points.
Anyone else read it?
Anyone tried the hypnosis CD's?

Hope everyone had a good weekend.

ToMyHealth
July 24th, 2011, 09:36 PM
Lila - are you sleeping ok? Maybe that's why you're tired. I know when I was AF and even now inbetween planned drinking days I don't sleep well. Guess if you are AF long enough that turns around to blissful sleep. Congrats on Day 7! Oh, sometime ago you mentioned not wanting to buy a book or being embarrassed to do so. That never occurs to me. Do you think other people really care or notice what you're doing, reading? Really, I am curious if you think such. Some of the posts talk about purchasing at diff liquor stores, hiding bottles or being embarrassed about recycling bottles, all that blows my mind. Never has crossed my mind other than if we've had party at our house and 'joked' about wonder what the recycling guys thought. Really could care less. I assume they think we had a party! Never mind me, kind of thinking out loud.

NDN - felt exactly the same way about the Easy Way to Quit Drinking. I finished it, but maybe because of the mindset of wanting to mod, it just didn't resonate. I have not tried the hypnosis CDs. I did download an app on Iphone for sleeping but just barely listened to it. Not too tech saavy, just joined the world of texting a few days ago.

Went to party last night where I knew wine, food & company would be excellent. It was! So that was a couple beers on Fri playing golf and party with wine Sat. nite. Did not overdo but still had lots of water today.

Rented movie Days of Wine & Roses - working my way through that. Hard to watch black & white flick and think I've tried watching it before and found it boring. We'll see if I finish it, maybe sometime tomorrow.

Good night and looking forward to a healthy, happy start to a new week!

Lila
July 24th, 2011, 10:19 PM
hi Newday and TMH
Thanks for the encouragement!
Everyone sounds like they are in a healthy place! TMH, I embarrass easily! I hide beer bottles under cans, etc in the recycling. I wonder if "they" at Amazon keep track of books I look at. (they do!) I could order that book, Responsible Drinking, I did look up MM website, and it sounds helpful.
I think I am going to do a month, or whatever the plan says. I don't want to never drink, ever. I want to mod!
Newday, it does sound fun to drink with neighbors. That sounds...neighborly! And that is important.
I do have the hypnosis CDs, I bought them years ago, never really used them. Yes, I have been coming to this site for years and this is the longest I have gotten AF, and with really no cravings either. Must just be the right time.
TMH, I just learned to text about six months ago! It is nicer sometimes not having to actually call someone...
I am sleeping very very deeply. Maybe my body is just adjusting, or whatever. Today was normal as far as energy. I wish summer would go on and on....
goodnight all!

newdaynow
July 25th, 2011, 11:39 AM
Since I have been reading the book- easy way to quit drinking, it has definitely got me thinking about alcohol in a whole different way.
But, my son, has watched us, his parents, and all of his family/cousins, drink for years, play games with family or friends and have a lot of fun. While he has been drinking since he started college, he turned 21 last year and now he is joining in with us, at family functions where there is a lot of drinking, and at our monthly card club, again where there is a lot of drinking. And he is having fun being a part of it.
He came home from a weekend of partying and drinking, and I made the comment, that he needs to watch how much he drinks and he should be having fun without having to drink. His comment was "C'mon Mom, don't you think it is more fun when you are drinking." I didn't know how to answer that. He has seen us for years, drink and there has been a lot of laughter and people having fun. He has not seen the dark side, and he does not know I struggle with drinking, as after all of these years, I have trouble stopping, once I start.
So, my question is..... how would you have responded? I don't know if warning him about the dark side, or how someday he could become an alcoholic, is the right approach. I just wasn't sure how to answer the question. Any thoughts?

ToMyHealth
July 25th, 2011, 01:28 PM
NDN - ah, that's a tough one. I'd be hard pressed to answer that too. I remember several years ago going AF for awhile and we had a party. My sd was there, I was drinking NA beer, and distinctly remember saying to her "drinking this beer is like kissing your sister". And I'm sure I poured myself a glass of wine. Funny to me now as we had a little b.d. party last week for gs (pizza and cake) and she was there. My dh, SIL, and son were having a beer and I had one NA beer and didn't think a thing of it.

Finished Days of Wine and Roses. Powerful movie!! Really. And way before its time, I think, I mean they even brought up the woman being susceptible to becoming an alcoholic because of her former love/addiction to chocolate.

Had a good workout so starting the week off well. Hope you're all having a good start also!
TMH

rebirth
July 25th, 2011, 05:56 PM
Hi Ladies,
Checking in quickly. Had a close one on saturday night. I was in the company of some serious hardcore party animals. The conversation was flowing and I was having a great time. I suddenly had the urge to get drunk with them!
I didnt do so but it shows that I will always have this wild side in me and I have to keep it tamed.

Will post some more later.x

Lila
July 25th, 2011, 10:42 PM
Day 8!!!
Newday, that is a tough question. My children have been used to me (oh shame!) guzzling (quality) beer every evening. Or getting home from a long day and just taking one out of the fridge. And that is fine, but I would never want them ever to give alcohol that central place I did for so long. Maybe you could share with him what you have been through, how it slowly takes over your life, etc, etc. Maybe it looks fun, well, you could talk about the cumulative effects. My last night drinking, I just remember the peacefulness never came. I just got more tense, and I couldn't really feel the effects, then angrily went through the kitchen looking for sweets. The next morning my head hurt, and the book I read said my brain had SHRUNK from dehydration. Yuck!
You could just share with him the yucky side. There are posts in the general section here, a lot of people really struggling with addiction and profoundly depressed and disempowered.
No easy answers! Probably an issue I will face soon enough.
TMH, when you say you didn't think anything of having an NA beer, are you getting indifferent to alcohol? If so, that is great! And a good example.
Rebirth, good for you. Good that you were just observing and aware of yourself.
have a good night everyone!
L

rebirth
July 26th, 2011, 03:42 AM
Good morning modders,

Newday - Its tough to warn your son about the negative effects of AL. My mum use to warn me about Al and drugs but I still took them because of peer pressure. I think all you can do is hope that he will see for himself that it's not the route he wants to takea.But I understand your worry. I worry for my son too and he is only seven!!

TMH- Who is in this movie? Has it just been released?

Lila- Well done on day 8!! You are rockin girl!

rebirth
July 26th, 2011, 03:51 AM
I decided to go to an AA meeting yesterday, just to check in and see where I was at. It was actuelly nice to see old faces and I enjoyed the group therapy. Hearing people struggling made me feel grateful for my inner strength and it reminded me again of who I use to be.

But their principles just dont work for me as I dont consider myself a raging alcoholic. I still feel I have some control over alcohol and I am determined to find out how to resolve my drinking issues without having to totally abstain.A few of the old timers still told me it wasnt possible etc etc. But I am not listening and i need to find out myself. Its a shame there are not any support groups for people who want to practise controlled drinking.

But I still enjoyed the meeting and it was very uplifting to hear the stories of people dealing with life without the need to drink on it.

rebirth
July 26th, 2011, 03:52 AM
So now I am thinking of only drinking every two weeks....

ToMyHealth
July 26th, 2011, 09:10 AM
Good morning ~ dressed to meet up with several friends for last trail run. Last for me because of move this weekend. And yes, we are all retired or have Tuesdays off.

Rebirth - you had the urge, you squelched it! This is your support group for practicing controlled drinking. But I know what you mean - live. Really? Drink every 2 weeks? Must be because you feel so much better AF. Good for you! I looked up AA when in FL and couldn't find any too close. Has to be nonsmoking so that takes out half and then also leaned more towards a Women's AA group which halved it again. The movie Days of Wine and Roses is old, won lots of awards. So old it's in black & white. Jack Lemmon and Lee Remerick. Depicts raging alcoholic. Makes you think.

Lila - you're trucking right along, aren't you! Day 9? I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say I was indifferent to alcohol, but I certainly wasn't feeling deprived. And yes, that is progress, isn't it?

NDN - others gave you good feedback about son. Thought of you when I read the paper today. U2 had a concert here last weekend in university stadium that does not sell alcohol. Editorial read, imagine 58,000 people having fun all without alcohol.

TMH

Lila
July 26th, 2011, 09:56 AM
TMH, yes day NINE!!!! the first few days it was like yikes, can I really do this, but now cravings are like, well, someday, it would be nice to have a beer...not like there had better be enough for tonight!! I think it is great you didn't feel deprived. And, like I said, a quiet example of someone who can either drink or not drink and have a good time.
Rebirth, every two weeks? That sounds like a great goal. I do really feel more empowered now, nights aren't automatically reserved for "a few beers."
AA (I have never been, but used to be involved in al anon) is great for companionship, but they do seem to know "everything."
it is looking like a beautiful day! wishing you all a great day!

Bean
July 26th, 2011, 12:35 PM
Hi Modders

Quickly checking in. All is well here. I finished all the AL in the house last week and will not be keeping any here. It's just a no-brainer (though, of course, I still had to check one LAST time ;) ). Other than that, I have now twice shared a bottle of wine with my chap and although 'aware' of how much is left while we are drinking it, once it's finished, I am done. And have moved onto tea!

And then got up in the morning feeling fine. :) I know it's WAY too early days to think any of this means anything at all but just thought I'd share how it's going. The one thing I have yet to get stricter about is how often. I don't want to start drinking every night even IF I am successfully sticking to the 3 drinks limit. All in good time...

Rebirth: sounds like your experience at the weekend has really shaken you but don't forget, you DID IT!! You REMAINED in control as you have done since Nov last year and that is a great accomplishment. Only you know what will work for you and what you need to do next - sounds like the whole experience has got you a bit panicked. It's good to stay vigilant but also no reason to suddenly think you were white knuckling this whole time. From all your posts since Nov 2010, you weren't. In fact I think only last week, you posted that sometimes you don't even drink your allowed quota because you 'just don't feel like it'. Anyway, I am absolutely not encouraging you to drink, but just hope you can regain the healthy, controlled perspective you've had so far.

Have a wonderful day everyone and remember: "Everything in moderation, including moderation!"
Bean

rebirth
July 27th, 2011, 06:48 PM
Hey Bean,
I liked your quote "Everything in moderation, including moderation.

I did panic there but I am forgetting that I didnt succomb and get totally trashed. So it was a successful night. I am being way too hard on myself! Thanks for pointing that out to me TMH and Bean. I will want to practise drinking every two weeks in the future though, just to strengthen my will power.

Well done Lila on nine days!!Are you sleeping okay?

Anyway, I am off to Barbados this sunday and it will be interesting to see how I will cope with all those bars and happy hours... The plan is to stick to my no drinking between monday to thursday policy, and controlled drinking on weekends only. I will try and post when I can but it may be difficult. I am determined not to get drunk on my holiday.

Have a good evening all. x

Lila
July 27th, 2011, 10:33 PM
I like that quote a lot too.
Are you getting excited about moving, Bean? I always liked getting a fresh start myself. Do you have a plan, like abbing or modding? I am interested, because I don't have a plan. Just that I will want to mod. I do think 3 drinks is a lot, that is where I was, that or more, or less every night.
Rebirth, wow, Barbados! I am so jealous! Someday I want an island vacation. It would be fun to hear from you if it is possible. How long are you there for?
I think today is day 10. Last night I wanted a beer really bad for awhile. Should I have had one? I am not sure...
Hope everyone is having a great week!
L

rebirth
July 28th, 2011, 02:22 AM
Good morning,

Lila- Try and do 30 days? But if not ten days is fantastic girl! Well done! Do you feel better?
I am in Barbados for two weeks. But I heard that its raining...boo hoo.

Lila
July 28th, 2011, 11:20 AM
aw, Rebirth! It will go away, I am sure.
I had a glass of wine last night. I am neutral, not sure if I am sorry, or if it was a good thing. I enjoyed it. I drank it while I journaled. But maybe I should just see this as a small bump in the road and keep on going and pretend it never happened.
But these last ten days have really helped me see that I am, and can be in charge of my life. Maybe I am abstaining, but abstaining in moderation!
I really don't feel like I failed, I feel like I did it, and really have the power of decision.
I am curious, why 30 days? Is it just so it is good and out of your life, and then can decide from there?
I kind of want that book...
L

newdaynow
July 28th, 2011, 11:30 AM
Lila, that is awesome. You have gone 10 days, congratulations! So, you had one glass of wine. I think that is fantastic, in that even though you decided to have a drink, you did it your way, with just one. You seem very in control of your situation and seem to have a clear head on your shoulders.
I, unfortunately, am going back to my bad ways. I am drinking during the week when I don't want to be. It's a big conflict, because I do want to drink, but know that it is healthier not too.
And, now the weekend is coming and I don't want to get out of control.
Hope everyone has a great Thursday!

rebirth
July 28th, 2011, 07:01 PM
Lila- I suggest 30 days because of this book I read ( Responsible Drinking). A small glass of wine after ten days is fantastic! Do you feel the urge to drink further or do you want to carry on abstaining?

Newday- Maybe you should read it too? It could help break your drink pattern...

Here's an extract from the book Responsible Drinking:

The benefits of a period of abstinence ( we call it the thirty):
Becoming abstinent for a period of time is one of the key techniques used by people who successfully moderate. Some of the reasons are:

For one , if you have a feeling that your use of alcohol is slipping out of control, you may have become a bit demoralized about your ability to cut back. But with abstinence, the tide promptly turns in your favour. People often take a real pride and accomplishment from the abstinence period.

Most people rediscover how good life can be without AL and how unecessary and counterproductive drinking can be in many circumstances. They find that situations they thought they "needed a drink" can actually be handled better sober. And all of this can help give a much smaller role in your life.

Abstaining for a month dramatically reduces your tolerance for alcohol. After thirty days abstinence the ability to sense the effects of modest amounts of AL returns

rebirth
July 28th, 2011, 07:12 PM
I personally think 30 days is crucial for successful moderating (Well it was for me personally but everyone is different)
When I first tried to control my drinking, I would manage two days at the most, then binge drink. I didnt think it was possible for me to control my drinking once I started. I truely believed that the only way to resolve my drink problem was to abstain totally.
But what worked for me was a long period of abstinence because it changed the way I thought about AL. I learnt to deal with boredom, loneliness, anger etc without picking up a drink. This has definitely been the key to my successful moderating.

rebirth
July 28th, 2011, 07:17 PM
I went to the gym today and did a circuits class. There were alot of men there so I thought the class was going to be difficult. But I kept up! My 14 weeks of at home training is paying off! I could run, jump, sprint as long as everyone. It was a proud moment for me. Still have that wretched pain under my foot though.

Tomorrow is friday and I will meet up with the BF after work, have my usual two drinks.. and then start packing my suitcase.
I am flying on sunday and determined not to drink during the week while I am there. Will try and post when I can.

Take care you all. x

Lila
July 28th, 2011, 10:59 PM
Thank you, Rebirth and Newday for keeping this positive and not being disappointed in me. I never thought I could go this long, and now that I did, I feel so much in control. I am still on my thirty days then. It really makes more and more sense to really abstain for so long. And then I want to follow the guidelines.
Rebirth, so great that you kept up so good! You are so inspiring!
I am more active than I have been in years, too. It really is a good feeling. After my college overload, burnout, coming here, I decided to have a really good summer. My daughter and I go fishing and swimming a lot, I am reading books, journaling. I am tan, and I have a bit of a social life , too. (I am a huge introvert, so this is good)
Newday, I think you will get where you want to be. If someone had told me a few weeks ago I would have gone 10 days, I wouldn't have believed them! I do think supps really help, not immediately, but after a few weeks.

rebirth
July 29th, 2011, 02:45 AM
Good morning ladies,

Counting my days till I fly. I cant wait!!

Lila-It's been such a joy to read your journey so far. Your posts clearly show that you are in a better place. I am really happy for you because i remember how bad you felt about three weeks ago.

Newday- On average I drank a bottle of wine a day and I binge drank on the weekends (wine, tequila, jagermeister,gin ).I use to start my sunday with a glass of wine at 9am in the morning and carried on drinking throughout the day.I could not stop drinking...Just dont give up to your moderation plan.
You can do this, just never stop trying. You will get there.

Have a lovely friday. x

ToMyHealth
July 29th, 2011, 09:50 AM
Wow! Everyone sounds terrific.

Lila - agree with Rebirth; you sound positively upbeat compared to 3 weeks ago. So good to see. Thanks for bringing up the supp issue to Newday as I'm a bit indifferent to them, know I haven't really given them a chance. I'll get with that particular aspect of program once moved. In my mind tan = healthy look.

Bean - how are you doing? I know I went through that for a bit too where when I drank I drank more than I initially planned, but now it seems more like a no brainer, 2 gl of wine and feel fine the next day, 3 and it's a little more iffy, but not bad, more = hangover.

Newday - know the 30 days abs is important; I read a Control Your Drinking book and it said minimum 14 days and that is what I did. Not encouraging that, just sharing another perspective. Being part of the AF July Fitness thread, 10 Days Allowed has taught me a lot this month. Because of extenuating circumstances with the permanent move, i.e. lots of get togethers with old friends, retirement parties, etc. I did not stick to rule of no drinking during the week but rather revolved around that, picked my days and I hit 10 for the month at dh retirement party Wed nite. Nothing last night. Tonight we're invited for dinner; I'm choosing 0 again as tomorrow is load up truck day & I want to feel good; and if I abstain Sat. nite I'll have made the month. Even if at end of day Sat. everything is done and dh & I decide to have a beer or glass of wine I'll feel successful as that is 1/3 of what I used to drink.

Rebirth - you are one fit young lady!! Bet you look hot in your bikini. In everything, you have come so far! Thanks for sharing what you used to drink. My binge was the bottle of wine/day; normally I'd have 2-3 glasses everyday, it's when dh & I killed the large bottle so know I had 5 and even once in awhile opening the 2nd big bottle that I'd suffer. Should qualify that to say on weekends I'd sometimes have 1 or 2 beers playing golf in afternoon, then progress to wine at night. That never felt as bad though as killing the one big bottle, probably because of the time involved. Have a wonderful Barbados vaca! Assume you're going with BF and/or friends; you will be such a great example! Will be thinking of you ~ ENJOY!

TMH

Bean
July 30th, 2011, 01:34 PM
Hi Gals

Hope you are all doing well. It's a beautiful day here and I am heading to the beach later for the first time this summer. :)

This moderation business seems to be working! I am still 'tweaking' my plan since I've only been doing this for a few weeks but am very happy that I set my 3 drink limit and am STICKING to it!! I decided not to have AL in the house and I know that's instrumental for me in successfully modding. I have really enjoyed having a couple of glasses of wine with friends this week and then wake up feeling absolutely fine!

I think I am going to allow 10 modding days a month and plan them around social occasions rather than say 'only weekends'. My social life doesn't follow a Mon-Fri 9-5 kind of routine so there are frequently occasions in the week when there is a get together and I want to be flexible. Rigid rules ask to be broken - guaranteed!

For now, that's it. I plan on being very mindful about the number of days I drink in August. I will be keeping close track so that I don't go over my limits. I read somewhere else that someone wrote "Make moderation work or quit completely' and this is my mantra when the odd craving creeps in. I am also taking it ODAT, just the same as I did when I was AF.

Have a brilliant holiday Rebirth. I know you will rock the modding over there just as well as you do at home!

Lila - good for you on your AF time. I don't think you need to ask permission from anyone about whether or not it's 'good' or 'bad' that you had a glass of wine. What's important is what YOU think about it. In fact that's that only thing that matters. No judgement here as you find your way through the maze...

TMH - how's it going? Sounds like we are following a similar path. Have you had many times when you just didn't stick to your plan? If so, what triggered it?

NDN - what's happening with you? Sounds like you are quite conflicted about how to move forward with
AL. Part of you is saying that you really should cut AL down/out but another part really doesn't want to. This is normal when it's been a big part of our lives for so long and when it's very habitual. Would it help to think about where you ultimately want to get to? Have you heard of SMART goal setting? It stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timeframe. It's a useful way to make a plan because without one, you can't possibly know where you're going and if you've got there!

I know you feel you shouldn't drink in the week but it seems to be hard for you not to. Maybe you could make a goal to have for example 2AF nights a week and see if you can do it for 2 weeks or a month. Then you reassess.

Something very important is that success breeds success. The first time I went AF for a sustained period I felt so good about myself. I managed to retain that proud feeling even though I then fell back into old ways. The next time I went for even longer AF because I knew I had it in me to achieve that. And now with moderating - every time I successfully stick to my limits it builds my strength and confidence in myself that I can do it and I can have control. That's a great feeling!

Looking forward to August being a happy, successful and moderate month!
Bean

Bean
July 30th, 2011, 01:38 PM
Oh I meant to say that I am starting the Stone-Age Paleo diet. I am very interested to see what impact, if any, it has on cravings and desire for AL. I have noticed many times over the years there are times when I am indifferent to AL and then other days, the cravings are so strong I am climbing the walls. I think this HAS to be connected to diet. I've never really tracked what I was or wasn't eating at those times but the connection seems too obvious to be ignored.

I'll let you know how I get on!
Bean

4me
July 30th, 2011, 03:33 PM
Hello everyone, I am starting a moderation program. I am still putting together a plan. I have been blogging in the newbies nest and they suggested I check out the moderation blog. I just started reading the book and trying to figure out what supplements I should take. Any suggestions would be welcome!

Bean, what is ODAT?

Thanks!

Bean
July 30th, 2011, 11:26 PM
Hi 4me

ODAT means One Day at A Time. I know, there are so many abbreviations on these boards, it can be hard to keep up.

I read the book about 5 years ago and haven't since so I don't really remember what it said about supps but there's masses of other posts on here if you go looking that will give you the info you're after.

My best advice with putting together a plan is to follow the SMART goal setting that I mentioned a couple of posts back. If you tell yourself "I'm just going to cut back" or I'll only drink a couple of times a week/month ---- it won't work. You have to get really specific so that you know when you are achieving what you set out to or the exact moment when you are about to have a major slip up. I know all this because I spent years failing to make a specific plan and then thinking that I obviously couldn't possibly moderate because I would always disregard whatever incredibly vague promises I had made to myself.

NOW I'm doing it differently. My plan is this:
- 10 drinking days allocated each month. Preferably spread out 2-3/week but at this stage am not going to get hung up on when they happen. If I drink every day for 10 days then that's something else to figure out but I will have to be AF for the rest of the month, come what may.
- no more than 3 drinks at any one time. 4 ABSOLUTE max. I think 4 is the place where I lost control and stop caring about my plan so I don't want to tempt fate by going there.
- No AL in the house. I am ok with sharing a bottle of wine with someone AT my house but I won't buy any with the intention of having a couple of glasses or 'saving' it for another day. From experience, I know that leads me down the wrong road.
- No drinking alone.

For now that's it and I have managed to stick to my limits each time I have drunk in the last few weeks. This is new for me. I spent a long time telling myself I couldn't moderate and guess what? I couldn't. I decided to change the internal dialogue to tell myself I could, and guess what? So far, I can!

It's early days so I'm still a long way from this being a normal lifestyle but like I said, I'm just taking it ODAT for now.
Best of luck putting together a plan. I'll be interested to hear what you come up with if you care to share.
Bean

4me
July 31st, 2011, 12:58 AM
Thanks Bean, I do believe I can moderate. I love that you have a very precise plan. That makes such good sense. I 'll let you know when I have put my plan together. Do the moderators go to the boards where the AF people talk? I was reading a blog today in the newbies nest by someone who said she thought people who try moderation are just the people that aren't able to quit and they are just lying to themselves. I am sure that may be true for some, but not all.

Thanks again!

Bean
July 31st, 2011, 10:13 PM
Hi 4me

How's that plan coming along? ;)

I've only recently joined the mods boards because previously I was trying to be AF. In my experience, there's not a lot of overlap for obvious reasons although I do read some of the AF threads. There's such a wealth of information and helpful advice on these boards - if something resonates with me, I don't care where it was posted!

I think there is a lot of sensitivity around the dialogue between modders and abstainers which is probably why that person posted that moderaters are just people who can't quit. Personally I disagree and that's the beauty of this forum - everyone is entitled to their own opinion. My perspective is that [I]whatever your chosen path[I] you have to commit to it 100%.

Giving up AL is not an easy thing to do and nor is moderating - they both have their challenges. Some people get themselves into such a mess with trying to moderate that it's easier for them to abstain completely. And I think in order not to spend their whole lives feeling that they somehow 'failed' at that too, they have to tell themselves all sorts of things to reinforce that AF is the best way to be. That's ok. Whatever works right?

That said, there ARE people who can and do moderate successfully - check out Rebirth's post. She is a real inspiration. And they are not just people who 'didn't really have a problem in the first place'. It's too early for me to claim any sustained success with it but as and when I do, I will be one of those people who 'had' a real problem and managed to overcome it.

I believe that the biggest part of any addiction is psychological and if we can fix our thinking, we can solve the problem. Almost more than the hangovers, I got sick of feeling remorseful and guilty and then I got resentful of having to say I had 'slipped' even at times when I didn't think it was a problem. I have decided not to behave in a way any more that brings on those feelings and I intend to do that by drinking moderately. Watch this space... :)

Bean

Lila
August 1st, 2011, 09:33 AM
welcome, 4 me!
LTModders has been great for me. I really like that we all affirm where we are all at, whatever that may be, abbing or modding. Supplements have worked, but I did take them when I was "modding" which basically was me not really changing my behavior. I do think supps got me to a place where my brain craved alcohol (carbs) much less.
I was at MWO a long time, "modding" but without a period of abstaining, wasn't really getting anywhere. My 10 day AF time really was huge for me, as I now know that I am in control.
Modders, thank you all for your encouragement. I love how I am never "in trouble," just encouraged.
I haven't been on for a few days, my computer was acting funny. Another thing - I had ONE glass of wine 2 nights ago, and a few 5 htps capsules, and got pretty sick. My head was spinning and I could barely stand up. Then I read that you should never combine the two. I have before and been fine. Yuck! Last night, of course I didn't have anything to drink as I was still trying to get better. And I want to continue on being AF for awhile. Still, 5 htp has been very helpful. But I am completely done with that supplement.
Rebirth, I am excited about your trip! I agree, you must look great in a bikini!
TMH, when is moving day? I am jealous of you and REbirth, going to the tropics!
Bean, thanks for what you said. THis is all about empowerment after all. I am very interested in the Paleo diet. Alcohol is sugar, and I have gone sugar free, which is not easy, and felt really good. I really would like to know how it is going for you. I don't know a lot about Paleo, but it should be meat and plants that are not processed, right? I am reading a lot about food. I just learned that "texturized vegetable protein" is soy! I avoid soy because I am hypothyroid, and it is really a franken-food, I guess. The things they put in food! I can't afford to do the grass-fed beef and organic produce thing, but I am making better choices.

4me
August 3rd, 2011, 12:13 AM
Thanks Bean and Lila,

I finished the book last night. I found out I am in the early stage, so maybe mod will work 4 me. Ha Ha. I have been AF for 2 days and walking for an hour in the am. I don't have the supplements or the cd's yet and I am sure they will help. Actually, it hasn't been that hard yet not to drink. I do think about it after work, that is when I usally have a glass wine or four. At this point I am not going to make a decision. I will do some reading on this thread and maybe that will help point me in the right direction.

Have a good night!