Well, I don't know how it happened, but Christmas is just two days away. Who forgot to put THAT on my calendar? We started talking a couple of months back about how we were going to deal with the holidays without alcohol, with all the parties, and stress, and family get-togethers, etc. How's everyone doing?
I am flying out in a few hours to spend 10 (11?) days at my mom's house in suburban Memphis. My sister and her 3 kids just moved in with my mom a couple of weeks ago, so it's going to be a very busy setting. In years past I've had drinks with all the adults, but of course that's not going to be the case this year. A couple of months ago I was worried about this. Even a few weeks ago I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it. I wrote my sister a letter explaining about my problem, about MWO and how I wasn't going to drink during the holidays. She wrote me back and said how proud of me she was, and how she would help do whatever she could to make the time easier for me. My mom and I haven't had "The Talk" yet, but we will when I'm there. (The dynamics with my mom are different, so I just decided to tell her I've quit drinking when I get there.)
Somehow, over the last couple of weeks, I've just realized that I don't have anxiety any more about drinking while I'm there. Hopefully this is a good sign, and I'm not being overconfident. I just don't have a desire to drink, and I cannot imagine putting that sh%t in my body. It's as foreign a concept to me at this point as drinking lighter fluid.
Don't get me wrong: I know I'm an alcoholic and I know there's always a danger of my changing my mind, especially in certain environments. So I'm taking precautions. I've seen my doctor and temporarily upped my dose of topa from 200 to 250 mg, and will go up to 300 within a couple more days if I feel the slightest cravings. I'm going to take my laptop and find an internet cafe or coffee house so I can stay on board with MWO daily while I'm there. I will go to an AA meeting if I feel the need. If I have to, I will go stay in a hotel and just "visit" with the family.
I don't expect I'll have to go to such drastic measures, but I have the plan in place if necessary. My focus while I'm there is going to be mainly on spending time with my nieces and nephew. Since I only see them once a year, they change a lot in between visits and I cherish the time I get with them. And I know my mom and sister love me and wouldn't want me to do anything to hurt myself.... I just need to watch out that I don't start playing any head games on my own.
So -- I'm off to do laundry and pack, so wish me luck. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a happy, healthy and sober new year.
Love and peace to you,
Mike
I am flying out in a few hours to spend 10 (11?) days at my mom's house in suburban Memphis. My sister and her 3 kids just moved in with my mom a couple of weeks ago, so it's going to be a very busy setting. In years past I've had drinks with all the adults, but of course that's not going to be the case this year. A couple of months ago I was worried about this. Even a few weeks ago I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it. I wrote my sister a letter explaining about my problem, about MWO and how I wasn't going to drink during the holidays. She wrote me back and said how proud of me she was, and how she would help do whatever she could to make the time easier for me. My mom and I haven't had "The Talk" yet, but we will when I'm there. (The dynamics with my mom are different, so I just decided to tell her I've quit drinking when I get there.)
Somehow, over the last couple of weeks, I've just realized that I don't have anxiety any more about drinking while I'm there. Hopefully this is a good sign, and I'm not being overconfident. I just don't have a desire to drink, and I cannot imagine putting that sh%t in my body. It's as foreign a concept to me at this point as drinking lighter fluid.
Don't get me wrong: I know I'm an alcoholic and I know there's always a danger of my changing my mind, especially in certain environments. So I'm taking precautions. I've seen my doctor and temporarily upped my dose of topa from 200 to 250 mg, and will go up to 300 within a couple more days if I feel the slightest cravings. I'm going to take my laptop and find an internet cafe or coffee house so I can stay on board with MWO daily while I'm there. I will go to an AA meeting if I feel the need. If I have to, I will go stay in a hotel and just "visit" with the family.
I don't expect I'll have to go to such drastic measures, but I have the plan in place if necessary. My focus while I'm there is going to be mainly on spending time with my nieces and nephew. Since I only see them once a year, they change a lot in between visits and I cherish the time I get with them. And I know my mom and sister love me and wouldn't want me to do anything to hurt myself.... I just need to watch out that I don't start playing any head games on my own.
So -- I'm off to do laundry and pack, so wish me luck. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a happy, healthy and sober new year.
Love and peace to you,
Mike
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