Time to get real!

[daisy45]

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[daisy45]

Time to get real!

Well, here I am on day 4 - yeeha! I got started again. I feel so relieved to be here. The fog of those drunken nights is lifting and I can see myself again.
What has really helped this week is that I have volunteered for a drama group a couple of weeks ago. They are putting on a Christmas panto. I have put myself forward to do the stage backdrop. Normally this would take months but I have now got 15 days to get it done. This is such a big project that I am literally up to 1 or 2 in the morning drawing and painting. I am really enjoying doing it and the challenge is a surefire way of me not drinking. There is no time and I would let so many people down if I didn't get finished.
I know that once I get to 3 weeks I will find being AF so much easier but for now I am happily taking one day at a time.
The continuous cycle of being AF, then drinking is so self-destructive. One minute I am on top of the world as anything feels possible when I am off alcohol, then I drink. The disappointment and sadness I feel is immense and everything that was possible before feels out of reach.
When I was continuously drinking before I don't think I felt so low as I do when I mess up now because then it was just continuous oblivion with no vision of a happy future - I think now I have seen how good life is AF, I know what I am missing out on each time I take a drink, it is like continually going for the goal and missing.
After just 4 days I can already see possibilities again and I have enough knowledge to know that they can only happen as long as alcohol is removed from my life.
I left my daughter to school this morning and was singing and rocking along to the radio and being goofy. She and my niece were laughing and it was great craic. A far cry from the grumpy, hungover state I crawled out of bed over the past few years. This is the way I like it.
Anyways, lots to do, being a non-drinker and all!!!!!!!!