here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

[dove]

sorry, had to leave for a bit. hubby still doesn't want me to stop drinking.
buried this in the back of an earlier post today and just seeing what anyone has to say...

what hubby wants and, what i want to tell you the truth, is to just be able to have a couple beers and come home and not drink anymore here at home...he goes to bed and i stay up an drink a bottle of wine...and the other night he and i are both mad about...i had to be carried out of a bar...why we went to that bar i am not sure except that we were both drunk by the time we decided to go there...it is not even our scene but went to be with some friend bc it was new years eve.

if i was to start counseling - hubby told me today i don't need to - i know i would have to put a lot of time into it and i just don't have much time to give up (1) and (2) don't feel i have the energy to put into it what it would really take to undergo real change...so therefore, i would just be wasting money and wasting time and set up to fail again so why even start?

thanks,
dove

[Struggles 106]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

Holy Cow

Well....Dove-here's my opinion for what it's worth.
Counseling is fine, but not necessarily the answer. To be honest I'm not sure if you and your husband are facing reality-in terms of your drinking for sure and possibly his as well.
You might ask yourself why drinking is so important to your life anyway.
Is there fun to be had without alcohol? If not why?

Being carried out of a bar? Been there-husband didn't like it but still he denied my alcoholism.
You cannot count on anyone else to find your truth for you. You know what you need to do.

And you are right-counseling would probably be a waste of time and money UNTIL you face the stark truth of addiction. It's not going to get better on it's own. It will get worse.

How do you feel about being out of control? Not good? I hate it, and when I heard from people who were in that bar I was carried out of I felt like shit.

I've had enough. I hope you get there

[dove]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

yeah...i know ann, i know.

[Unwasted]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

Dove, I think Ann has already given you great advice.

Sending you peace and strength.

[DriftyAlison0]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

Yeah. Your husband is probably afraid that if you quit drinking, that it will make him the person that drinks too much but only he wouldn't have you to turn to. You need to quit for yourself, and not for him or anyone else. Perhaps if he sees the sober you, it will make himself look at his drinking and perhaps he will join you someday.

[Supercrew]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

Great advice Ann and DA! I went to counseling about 12 years ago, because it was court ordered, and even though I know I wasn't ready to quit drinking it was a good experience....but expensive. I had no intention of quitting at the time.

Here is the deal. If you can't consistantly control your intake after you start drinking you will always have this problem until you quit all drinking. You will never be able to quit all drinking until you decide that a couple of beers isn't a good idea...ever for you. Your husband is your enabler even though he sees your problem. He obviously doesn't have a major problem with alcohol, but he probably doesn't understand why you can't drink like him. For me quitting drinking was the 2nd toughest thing I ever had to do, but it can be done. Trying to limit my drinking once I started was the hardest thing I ever tried to do, and for me it was not possible. For me I had to quit altogether, or live/die with the consequences. I looked at it as quitting something that was really hard was easier than failing over and over trying to do something that was impossible.

[dove]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

funny you write that drifty...hubby said to me tonight he thinks he may have a drinking problem too...hmmmm...this could get interesting...

[CS04]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

Dove, you have been here a long time, as have I, and I respect your longevity here. I have a few things I would like to say. Soon.

[Supercrew]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

Believe it or not Dove, being sober is alot more fun than drinking for me now. I never believed I would be able to say that after my life revolving around drinking for 27 years, but I honestly enjoy life more now than I ever have. I still hang out with drinkers, although less frequently, but I still enjoy the time with most of them, and I never feel depressed or lost the next day wondering what happened or why I hurt so bad.

If your husband really thinks he too might have a problem, see if you can saty sober for 2 months as a couple. Go do things together, go on walks, go to the movies, go out to eat and enjoy each other. Make a pact to have fun together sober and see what happens.

[CS04]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

Dove, we ALL want to just have a couple beers or glasses of wine. But we are not there. And it SUCKS. As much as i want to kick and scream and holler. It ain't happenin'.
It is as hard for me as it is for you. But let these messages be a message to you. Try to hear the message.
I hope you understand. I hope to hear back from you tomorrow. Lots of love.

[Unwasted]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

Dove, my husband was my enabler for the year plus that I was trying to quit (and before that too before I thought I had a problem). Really, drinking together was our main thing if you can believe that. We were true drinking buddies. It seemed that our whole life revolved around it. As I started trying to quit, he would support me by not offering me a drink, things like that. But, he still drank around me at home. As things progressed, he stopped drinking at home period which has helped me tremendously. He will still have two drinks if we go out with other people, which isn't all that often - maybe once a month.

Rather thank insist on my husband quitting for me, which I knew wouldn't work, I thanked him profusely for not drinking at home. I periodically tell him how his not drinking around me is helping so much. When we eat out together he doesn't drink either, which was always a big trigger for me.

Maybe you could try that and since he's now admitting he might have a problem, and he could start making concessions. It's going to be tough for you if he doesn't make some changes, or at least it was for me until my husband changed.

Sending you peace and strength.:l

[ThreeDogNight]

here are my thoughts today...see what you say.

Hi, Dove.

Sorry we couldn't chat yesterday. Anyway, my husband barely drinks at all, and still has a hard time understanding alcoholism. He has gone to AlAnon, but I think he doesn't always like it. Anyway, we don't have any alcohol in the house now, just a few beers in the fridge, and that does not bother me.
It sounds to me like your husband is questioning whether or not he has a "problem." I think that "normal" drinkers don't even have that thought crosee their minds. It is probably good that he is wondering about that. If you can both stop drinking, your lives would be a lot better. My life is much more serene now, and I take the challenges I face literally one day at a time. And I don't wake in the middle of the night with sweats and chills, heart pounding, anticpating the shaky hands the next day.
My husband supports me, even though he has plenty of reasons not to, due to my past lying and deceit.

Take care, and I am usually available to chat!

TDN