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If They Can Do It, So Can We!

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    #1

    If They Can Do It, So Can We!

    Why not? There is no reason in the world that we can't be one of the people on here encouraging others in their A/F journey after successfully abstaining for 30, 60, 100 days and beyond.

    They all did it. Those wonderful MWO friends we have 'met' and who are still here trying to help us gain the same success as they have; they started out JUST LIKE US. We can all find people on here whose drinking pattern and/or lifestyle mirrored or mirrors our own.

    I feel a connection with a few former red wine drinkers here who are middle aged and have nipped it in the bud before it got out of hand or damaged them too badly. I CAN be one of them. I have the same tools they had. I have intelligence, my life is a success in many ways.

    Maybe we should choose a mentor; someone whose pattern and lifestyle is close to yours. Maybe we should find a way to team up with our similar peers and ask them a million questions and follow their good advice.

    Why can't we succeed? The answer is that WE CAN. We can do this too.

    What we need is for the commitment we feel as we write something as honestly and sincerely as I am right now to continue into the evenings when the urges inevitably come.

    I truly want that.
    Tipplerette

    I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
    ? Lao-Tzu
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    #2
    If They Can Do It, So Can We!

    Tipps, I hear what you're trying to say. Can you explain how you envision it working? I'm looking at your goal for 2012. That doesn't sound like you want to be AF. It sounds equivocal - like you want to leave your options open for drinking. Would that really work if you were asking someone AF to guide you? I think it would have to be more along the line of AA where you had to want to quit drinking. Thoughts?

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      #3
      If They Can Do It, So Can We!

      Hey Tips

      I get what you mean, in your post and your goal.
      BUT I don't think any of us will ever have alcohol not be an issue, IF issue is defined as something to always be vigilant about.
      You are right-you can do this; we all can! I was not necessarily a wine drinker. I drank lots of stuff-usually beer, wine and there at the end I;d throw in a shot or 2 of tequila.
      I find it very helpful to be able to read and post here and sometimes PM people. It makes me feel that I'm not alone in this struggle.
      Though I have to admit-I don;t see it as struggling. I just see it as something I CANNOT do, absolutely cannot-because really bad things will come with it.
      What do you think?

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        #4
        If They Can Do It, So Can We!

        I think you need to find your own motivation for this to work-not relying on others...
        it has to be your determination and will-otherwise it won't work. It's good to have a support group-but you've gotta want to make the change-or it will never happen. Give yourself a chance- day by day...until it just becomes an slight thought in your head and not an all-consuming one. Go for it Tipperlette,make it happen FOR YOU- I know it's tough when we have drinking spouses.
        It's always YOUR choice!

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          #5
          If They Can Do It, So Can We!

          I don't see drinking as an issue anymore for me because I love being sober and don't want to drink. Drinking has never been an "accident" on my part, it was always a decision I made. Before I really wanted to quit and before I thought I could live a happy fulfilled life without alcohol and I looked at it as not my decision where "I can't drink", I had to be vigilant. That was my first 6 weeks of cold turkey white knuckling. Once my mind changed from "I can't drink" to "I choose not to drink because I love being sober", was when it was no longer an issue, unless I chose it to be.

          It's hard to describe exactly how and when it clicked for me, but it did.

          Comment

            #6
            If They Can Do It, So Can We!

            I agree about my signature. It's a definite indication of my waffling on my desires and goals. I hear you all and agree it has to be something we really want for ourselves but in my opinion, others successes, especially those who we relate to can be invaluable when they share their tools, their experiences and how they handled the hurdles.

            I have been A/F for weeks at a time and got pretty smug about it. The urges crept up on me and I cockily decided to have a glass of wine. Then, before long, I was drinking daily again. When I see certain people on here and read their stories, I get very motivated and last summer when I joined the Pinksters I saw my longest A/F time.

            I feel that if others can beat the beast, so can I and will stick to that reassuring thought. I am not naive enough to think that simply emulating their actions will fix my problem.

            It's in my hands but I tell you, the closer I get to saying goodbye to poison (and I am getting gradually closer), the more I seek and find people with my 'habits' to follow along and get encouragement from their happy posts.
            Tipplerette

            I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

            "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
            ? Lao-Tzu

            Comment

              #7
              If They Can Do It, So Can We!

              I know what you mean Crew. I can't explain it either. I was a bit sad after finding years of journals
              with the exact same stuff written in them. Endless pages about trying to quit drinking, recent terrible episodes, new resolve to quit, and on and on and on.
              AND why it's different this time? Not really sure except for the fear of what could/would happen.
              It's a change in my MIND; I just can't/don't allow myself to even think about it. Before I would allow the thinking to start, go on, and then boom-my car turns in at the pub whether anyone is there that I know or not.
              Now I just don't go there in my mind at all.

              Comment

                #8
                If They Can Do It, So Can We!

                It's funny you bring up journals, I was cleaning out old emails and text messages to my wife going back 5 or 6 years, basically promising to quit over and over. It was such a dilemma which almost wrecked my marriage, got me in trouble in other relationships, and with the law, and costed me thousands of dollars. I struggled for so long, and yet now it seems like all I had to do was embrace the decision to quit for me. While reading those old messages I almost feel like it was somebody else writing them.

                Comment

                  #9
                  If They Can Do It, So Can We!

                  Reading my journals is so discouraging. They, like yours are so repetitive. Get a GRIP, Tip.

                  No booze tonight and I am past the witching hour.

                  That's a start.
                  Tipplerette

                  I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                  "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                  ? Lao-Tzu

                  Comment

                    #10
                    If They Can Do It, So Can We!

                    Tip, I recall your original signature today...and I don't think it was bad. The first time I quit drinking, I was 22 years old. I didn't question that drinking wasn't an option for me, and I enjoyed 13 years of continuous sobriety. And drinking was a non-issue for me. I didn't struggle at all with urges.

                    When my first long-term relationship ended, I found myself in the dating scene...so many people were in bars. I wondered if I'd really been alcoholic, as I quit drinking so young and effortlessly...most people drink like maniacs when they're college aged, right? I began drinking again, very moderately. It took years, but I gradually worked my way right back to alcoholic drinking.

                    I know that I can reach that state again...where drinking is a non-issue. I won't miss it. You will reach that place, too. :h

                    Comment

                      #11
                      If They Can Do It, So Can We!

                      Thanks, Fennel, I truly believe that I am definitely facing the right direction and have improved quite a bit over the past year. I love your Lao-Tzu quote. I really want drinking to be a non-issue; that is an honourable goal. Glad you are on board again. We'll keep plugging away.
                      Tipplerette

                      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                      ? Lao-Tzu

                      Comment

                        #12
                        If They Can Do It, So Can We!

                        admiration

                        I admire your spirit Tiplerette. I am sure that mentoring goes on a lot on an informal basis already even aside from what we see on the boards (in private messages and meetings). But as someone else said, if you are not sure of your goals, it might be hard to find the right role model. My model would be Sunbeam, who reduced intake over time! I haven't read how she's been doing lately but I was impressed by her posts previously So if she is still doing well, that's what I would want to be like.

                        If you are intent on continuing drinking and your drinking is a problem but isn't that out of control, have you thought about the Sinclair Method with naltrexone? I have been giving that thought again lately.

                        Whatever it takes!

                        You may also want to ask if there are successful AF MWO members who live in your area and might like to meet in person. It does happen.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          If They Can Do It, So Can We!

                          and...

                          You have the option of joining AA and getting a sponsor.
                          And you have the option, if it's available in your area of joining Women for Sobriety.
                          Both groups are abstinence oriented.

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