Hi Everyone: It has been a while since I posted. I have been struggling for several weeks with going back to drinking and trying to moderate. Last Tuesday I had a life changing event that I feel compelled to post about - although I am sure my story may sound common it profoundly affected me and if I can inspire or help even one person by telling it that would be great. If not, then it is good for me to put it down in words.
Moderation will not work for me - never - ever. I had talked myself in to the idea that it could work. I stopped drinking for over 100 days before this, why not just see if I could deal with having a few now and then? Only at social occasions or special events was my rule. However, this was a disaster. Once I started again I just wanted it more and more. I started sneaking it so that my husband would not see. I was shooting tequila and gulping down shots of whiskey when no one was looking just to get "that feeling". I found myself coming home from work actually quite desperate for a drink and giving in most nights to that call.
I am not a religious person, I don't even know what I really believe in but last Tuesday I got a sign - I think of it as a final warning. I was working from home. I had planned to pick my 16 year old son up from his swim meet 2 hours away and continue to our ski house after that for a day off the next day. At lunch I was at the store picking up supplies and I bought a bottle of wine. From 3pm to 5pm I drank that bottle of wine. Then, I got in my car and headed out to pick up my son. I felt "fine". But, I was not fine. I was drunk and I was driving my brand new car to pick up the most precious thing in my life. On the way to the swim meet I veered off the road and hit a guard rail going 55mph. I was okay, but pretty shaken up. I told the police that a dog ran out in front of me. They actually bought it - they asked me if I had been drinking and I said no. I got away scott free. My car has over $10,000 worth of damage.
I feel like the luckiest person in the world. I could have died. I could have hurt or killed someone else. I could have had my kid in the car and crashed. I can not even fathom what I was thinking/doing and feel deeply ashamed about what I did. I risked everything for a drink and I could have lost everything for a drink. I consider this a sign from someone, something, whatever - but this warning is too big to ignore. I have been given a chance to figure it all out and I am taking it. I thank the universe that everything turned out the way that it did. I still cry thinking about what I put at risk.
I WILL NEVER TAKE ANOTHER DRINK. I am not counting days or thinking about one day at a time. I do not drink anymore. I am deeply thankful for my sign and hope that everyone gets the second chance that I did to understand and find the strength to beat this.
Moderation will not work for me - never - ever. I had talked myself in to the idea that it could work. I stopped drinking for over 100 days before this, why not just see if I could deal with having a few now and then? Only at social occasions or special events was my rule. However, this was a disaster. Once I started again I just wanted it more and more. I started sneaking it so that my husband would not see. I was shooting tequila and gulping down shots of whiskey when no one was looking just to get "that feeling". I found myself coming home from work actually quite desperate for a drink and giving in most nights to that call.
I am not a religious person, I don't even know what I really believe in but last Tuesday I got a sign - I think of it as a final warning. I was working from home. I had planned to pick my 16 year old son up from his swim meet 2 hours away and continue to our ski house after that for a day off the next day. At lunch I was at the store picking up supplies and I bought a bottle of wine. From 3pm to 5pm I drank that bottle of wine. Then, I got in my car and headed out to pick up my son. I felt "fine". But, I was not fine. I was drunk and I was driving my brand new car to pick up the most precious thing in my life. On the way to the swim meet I veered off the road and hit a guard rail going 55mph. I was okay, but pretty shaken up. I told the police that a dog ran out in front of me. They actually bought it - they asked me if I had been drinking and I said no. I got away scott free. My car has over $10,000 worth of damage.
I feel like the luckiest person in the world. I could have died. I could have hurt or killed someone else. I could have had my kid in the car and crashed. I can not even fathom what I was thinking/doing and feel deeply ashamed about what I did. I risked everything for a drink and I could have lost everything for a drink. I consider this a sign from someone, something, whatever - but this warning is too big to ignore. I have been given a chance to figure it all out and I am taking it. I thank the universe that everything turned out the way that it did. I still cry thinking about what I put at risk.
I WILL NEVER TAKE ANOTHER DRINK. I am not counting days or thinking about one day at a time. I do not drink anymore. I am deeply thankful for my sign and hope that everyone gets the second chance that I did to understand and find the strength to beat this.
Getting There.......sure I believe in signs..........how else could we find where we're going ! Ha! ! Just kidding......glad your here, keep coning back....Tony
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