Adult child of an alcholic

[thewife]

Some symptoms anxiety ridden, a perfectionist, when things aren't perfect he is self destructive, and sees lying as a normal thing done easily. Insomnia and guilt are part of it and so is never feeling "normal". the symptoms were that it was similar to Post traumatic stress disorder but instead of it being a singular event it was many little traumas over many years. These kids have no idea what "normal" is. They see that lying is normal, and covering up for your parents is normal, and feeling like the adult to a parent that acts like a child when they are drunk is normal.

Some kids with this grow up to want to be "perfect" while others act out and get in lots of trouble when they see there isn't a point to being perfect.

The most loving families and parents I hope will understand that the disease of alcohol isn't benign. even if you are there everyday for your kids, and you don't act like a mean drunk, they pick up on something being wrong and different with their family.

I don't know if anyone has any experience with this but I wanted to share what I am now trying to understand.

[Shiner]

Adult child of an alcholic

Great post. I am def included in that definition. What hit me.in your post is when you said the part about the need to be perfect. I saw a girl that I went to elementary school with a couple of years ago and she said to me that she remembered that I had a slumber party one night and after everyone had taken baths that I had to fold all face cloths that had been used perfectly. I do not remember this. But I do remember cleaning my fridge and all the drawers in the kitchen and fixing them neatly. I had to be about 9 years old. Funny how that seems now. Sorry to go on but your post made me go there.. Thanks
Shiner

[Shiner]

Adult child of an alcholic

One last thing I forgot to add... My mom was a bad bad bad alcoholic most of my childhood and my dad drank daily as well. Very dis functional life my little child life had...

[thewife]

Adult child of an alcholic

You were like a little adult in your house cleaning up your fridge, that's sad. My husband was too and he rebelled constantly as he got older. Never really had a chance to be "free" or a child because he was always worrying about other people. It made me feel a lot better reading about ACOAP there's a lot of books about it and how it affects your relationship with others. It made a lot of sense to me and I was so relieved to understand why he is like this, not necessarily as an excuse but an explanation felt very good.

[jessie]

Adult child of an alcholic

I want to assure you that most recovered alcoholic parents have to live with that burden of guilt every day of their lives. And all we can do is try to make amends by being a good parent and using the pain of the guilt as a life long deterrant. That's true for me anyway.

[thewife]

Adult child of an alcholic

i think being a parent and feeling guilty go hand in hand. It is sad though how when we are drinking we forget that there are little eyes and ears watching us, seeing us and being hurt and disappointed. The only thing that keeps me from drinking are the kids.

[poppykin111]

Adult child of an alcholic

I also come from a similar background but I was lucky because as an adult I work for Children's Services and I have leant so much. If you want to learn more about the effects on adult children of alcoholic's, Google Attachment Disorders.