14 January

[Guest]

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[irishlady]

14 January

Brigid, Good morning....Yes I know exactly what you mean, I can always find more than 100 excuses for not doing things....At the moment I seem to be stuck in a rut with so many things...I know that once I get started on them and finish them I will feel so much lighter in my mind, If anyone out there specializes in KICKS UP THE BUM then I may require your services.....
Had a bit of a bad day yesterday, had some quite severe cravings, don't worry though, I have no intention of drinking, I dont even want to, but I am off work at the moment, had some days holiday to take, so the holiday feeling plus the fact it was Saturday made for a very powerful trigger, so I spent most of the day on here just posting funny cat pictures on the General Discussion board and jokes and things on the Guys Corner, having to search these things out and then transfer them onto here was distracting, another thing which helped, I kept a mental picture in my head of how I would look and feel this morning IF I gave in and had a drink
because as we all know, it wouldn't stop at one drink, or even one bottle!!!!

So to finish, well its sunny here this morning and the gale force winds have gone, so I am going to go and get some exercise and fresh air for an hour or so......Exercise...blah...just one of the things I have been putting off....And yes I know, I will feel so much better afterwards...

Love and Best Wishes to all who come on later...

Louise xxxx

PS..Ok lets get this right before I start....One foot forward then the other will follow....Oh, that was easy, almost to the front door as I type.....

[mikeupnorth]

14 January

Way to go, Brigid! I must say, you are very methodical about these things. And I know just what you mean about how everything you do can help you procrastinate.

Louise, be careful what you ask for. Brigid is an expert at giving kicks up the bum when you need one! I'm glad to hear you found a way through the cravings yesterday. I've had some myself over the past couple of weeks, and another drinking dream a couple of nights ago. It's interesting that I was so worked up and prepared to be tempted over the Christmas break and it turned out not to be a problem.... I wonder if these are the cravings I would have had then, just delayed a bit. But also, like you, I have no intention of giving in after having come this far. I've done that so many times before and I know where that leads. I don't ever want to go back there. I can tough out a few cravings here and there; the sober life is still far superior to the drunken one.

The condo is all painted and cleaned, and today is moving day. I'm sure it will take a while to get everything put in its place but I'm looking forward to getting all the heavy lifting over with! And in all seriousness, I do see this new home as a metaphor for my new life in sobriety. It will be a place where I'll have no history of having had a drink, and I can start with a clean slate and write a new chapter in my life. And this one will not include blackouts, hangovers, panic attacks or regrets about things said or done while under the influence. It will include growth, understanding, wisdom, patience, health, and love.

Mike

[xtexan]

14 January

HI Brigid, Louise, Mike:

Not much going on around here. Cravings? Suprisingly not for the booze, but I have been craving a cigarette in "mini-waves" for the past few days.

An episode of depression hit Friday night, but I powered out of it by making myself busy with household chores. "Drinking Neil" was trying to slip sideways into my brain Friday evening, and I recognized him immediately. "Drinking Neil" does not like doing a lot of menial household chores all at once, so that was my strategy for giving him the heave-ho. It seems to have worked.

I been limiting my exercise to walking 2 or 3 miles, and a few stretches. No hard pushing or straining, as the old bod says to ease up for a bit. I found that pushing too hard for too long, disrupts the sleep pattern. I had a full 9 hours last night with no supplements at all!

I did start taking a new supplement, called grapeseed extract. It has a lot of anti-oxidants, and some studies suggest it could possibly prolong life. It seems to have a subtle effect on mood as well.

Ever play "Whack-a-mole"? You see the little moles are "drinking Neil" and all his tricks. They pop up in random places at random times. Unfortunately, one mallet does not get all moles in this scenario. Each mole has his own mallet that fits just him. So some moles get squished by GABA, another mole by meditation, another by exercise, another by l-theanine, another by lots of water, etc. etc. So it makes the "Whack-a-mole" a real challenge sometimes.

So if I could just find the main power plug for the "Whack-a-mole" machine, you know I would pull it!!

I got my W-2's early this year, and already got the tax software. Today is getting all the preliminaries in place, and hopefully can file on Tuesday. Gotta gol

Neil

[Popeye]

14 January

Evening all.
I had a severe desire to buy some booze on Friday night when I was at the shop for coffee.
I just had to get out of there and home ASAP. I can tell you, I got a real fright. Still, nothing came of it. It made me realise, if I did'nt know already, that I have to be on my guard all the time.
I'm going for a bath now, then to bed with a book, after I log a '0' in the DrinkTracker.
Goodnight.

[Java]

14 January

good to know

[Java]

14 January

I need advice, see today was my day 2af, i am making it, not doing too bad, yesterday was hell compared to today,, but i am noticing something, anytime i read about someone slipping or go into the chat and someone is drinking or someone criticized a method i am using i start to doubt myself, I know i am not yet a long term abstainer but i figured you guys would be the best ones to ask. Thanks for any advice you could give. I guess i am asking how do you take the good with the bad in here, I was fine in here still drinking but it is hard to hear some stuff now that i have quit. Thanks

[Guest]

14 January

Louise,
Mike is right.. I've kicked him a few times!!!! Beware of saying that to me!!!!!

Neil, wish I had a powerplug switch also.. love to feel more in control sometimes!!! or to switch off...

Newgirl.
This is an excellent question. Its a real connundrum on this site that it tries to support different methods of getting off the drink. Its a big challenge for the board and quite hard for those who secretly are still hanging onto hopes of moderation and shakey on abstinence.

My advice..
Be religious about only going to where the posts support you. If going on the moderation thread makes you feel weak (as it has me in the past) dont go there. This can be hard cos you may have formed attachments to people trying that.. but do what is right for you and dont go there if it makes you feel weak. You really have to break some relationships while you feel weak.. and if the relationship is worth it it will survive this period. Long term abstainers are rare in chat cos its often quite drinky in there (do the rest of you LTA's agree with this.. its my opinion). Go in if you know there is someone in there who is doing the same as you or that you KNOW is sober.

Lots of people do different things. Me, I'm anti meds.. others (ask Mike..) support them.. if you are new to a particular method talk to people who agree with you (but of course, do your research first).

The first bit IS hard. There is no getting over that. but time does pass and people DO get through if they stick to their goals and simply dont drink.

Good luck
Brigid

[xtexan]

14 January

Hi newgrl:

Well to start, I am like Brigid, and don?t think I should visit chat that often. The things I tend to want to communicate are many times are thought out over several days, or months, and I try to coalesce them here in this section.

I came to this forum after many months of being AF on my own, when I had hit a point of self-doubt, and needed some support to continue on. I got it, and more. I found that one of the best things I could do for myself, was to describe the things I had done over the previous months of sobriety.

The people I am in contact with on a daily basis at my workplace, are either one of two camps it seems. One still drinks like hell, they used to be my friends, and I had to abandon them. It is because in their eyes, I still need to continue drinking to be their friends. The other camp may not drink that much, but don?t understand or care about the magnitude of what quitting has been for me. I don?t associate with them either right now. So it?s a lonely place for me now, but that?s the price I am more than willing to pay to be sober.

Coming here, there was no judgment either way. I am neither a ?traitor? to those who want to drink heavily, nor am I a pitiful ex-drinker with issues still to tackle. Here I am part of a group that is like myself. Just another person who wants to control or quit.

I know I cannot moderate or control my drinking, so it must be abstinence or nothing for me. Has my life become perfect since I quit? Not by any chance. In fact, several issues that I used to obliterate with booze, have become amplified it seems. Fears, anxieties, angers, all seem to have risen to the top. These things coming out in glaring light, probably drive many folks back to the booze.

I have found that those things have to be dealt with in other ways. Booze does not solve any problem, and never will. It just covers up things, and numbs us to emotions that often times have been there for years.

It is like this. You have a rock in your shoe, and a bottle of booze. You walk and walk, and instead of stopping to get the rock out of your shoe, you take a drink. After enough booze, you don?t care about the rock anymore, because you don?t feel it, or care about it anymore. But the rock is still there, digging into the soul of your foot, and causing a blister, and then a wound. You drink even more to cover that pain. Then you bleed from the wound, and the rock is still there. You drink, and drink, and drink. Pretty soon your liver fails, or fall down or something worse. The rock is still there.

What I am doing now, is STOPPING. I am stopping to pull my damn shoe off, and get that GD rock out of my shoe. I will put a bandage on the wound, and let it heal properly. Then I will put my shoe back on, and walk again. If another rock gets in my shoe, by God, I will get the SOB out of there before taking another step. So this is what it is all about for me.

That?s what we talk about a lot of time here in Long Term. Not about how terrible the rock is, or what it is doing to us, but getting the damn thing out, and healing the wound.

Hope that helps a bit. Harsh, and cold, but it?s the truth of the way it is. Besides, when the rock is out, then you can really run.

Be well.

Neil

[Flip]

14 January

Great advice Brigid! We need to stay away from the places that make us feel unsafe - not only the physical places, but cyber and emotional places.... chat is good for me, because when I talk to the people who are drunk it helps me remember why I don't do that any more. 48 days sober!!! woo hoo!!

Thanks for your fabulous message Neil. I need to remember to take the rocks out of my shoe.

Mike, love your idea of a new start in a non drinking home. We do tend to make a lot of associations. (Want to come and paint my place?)

F

[hidden_gem]

14 January

Wow... Neil, what you said about the rock is so true.

I think the reason I have chosen to stop drinking is because I am finally ready to face the issues in my life that I have covered up with drinking for so long.

I am at Day 15 AF and for the last few days I've been hit with waves of emotion that come from nowhere. I feel like these are my "real feelings" coming back. My plan is to learn to deal with these more effectively.

For now though, I'm not going to look at the rock too closely as that may get me off track. I'm just going to hold on until I feel stronger.

And Abouttimetoo, my thing that I MUST do was to pay attention to my feelings... and the kick from the universe was finding this site!

[hidden_gem]

14 January

Oops and I just realised I posted in Long Term Abstainers... sorry, I realise I don't qualify just yet!

[irishlady]

14 January

Bloody hell Neil, I was so blown away by what you just said, that should be posted on every board on this forum.....I know exactly what you mean about rocks in your shoes, the drink does numb the pain but it doesn't cure the wound, getting and staying sober, looking each issue straight in the eyes and dealing with it honestly is the only way.....

Hi newgrl...I don't go into chat either, and I very rarely read or post on the Mods boards....I suppose anyone new who reads the LTA boards may think that is the finishing line...we have won the race....not so...the lead up to this took a lot of hard work, both mentally and physically...for me failure IS NOT AN OPTION...When I first joined MWO back in Sept last year every hour of every day for the first few weeks I had World War Three going off in my head, so I searched everywhere for weapons and tools to help me in the battle because this time I was going to WIN....MWO is just one of those weapons, the most important one, but I have loads more...The only weapons I will not use are drugs such as Topa etc...I'm not knocking them, they are just not for me....
I did have a bit of a mess around on the Guys Group board this weekend but that was because I was having some major cravings and for me that was just one of my weapons...distraction....also I did eat about a ton of chocolate, but at least I didn't drink, and today I am on a high because I WON THAT BATTLE.....

So as I said newgrl, there is no finishing line, its an on going race but it's worth every second.....

Take care,
Louise xxx

[irishlady]

14 January

Hidden gem....Don't be so daft...If your goal is long term abs, even if it's not, you can post here any time you like.....

[Java]

14 January

Thank you ALL! The Rock in the shoe really hit home, funny thing is i am a runner, that happens all the time, and sometimes i just simply dont have time to take it out and must go one, so next time I have an urge Iwill think of your post and remember about the healing. I also, like some of you had advised have already as of last week stayed away from the mods board(for the most part). Unfortunately, in spite of all your advice I am going to refrain from making my posts so honest or so frequent, I apparently have offended a member who has emailed me and has upset me so deeply. I woke up this morning for the second time sober and ran straight to my computer to tell my new friends, only to open an email telling me I am obviously a very self absorbed person and that the world does not revolve around me( because of the post i made in here). I in no way believe it does, and I am sorry to any of you who feel that way, I will try to make my time on here minimal, i was just trying to be honest with an issue i was having and i thought you all could help, which you did, and i thank you all you gave such great advice. Goodbye all, have a lovely day.