:new:
Hi everyone,
My goal is achieve long term abs. I know for me control of my drinking is just not possible.
I drank from the age of 16. Things steadily got worse, until by the time I was 23 I found myself at an AA meeting. That first night at AA I readily identified myself as an alcoholic. I went to as many meetings as I could get to and stayed sober for 3 1/2 years. I picked up a drink after a rough emotional period, drank for about 2 months and got myself back to AA meetings. Again I went as often as I could and got sober for 9 years during which time I met a woman at AA and we got married, which lasted about 7 years. When my marriage broke up I tried really hard to keep myself together but eventually drank. This time the boozing lasted about 2 years and again I got myself back to AA meetings and got AF for 7 years. Unfortunately even though I was dry again I smoked pot heavily through most of those 7 years.
In March of 2006 I started drinking again, and apart from a few brief periods, including about a month of AA meetings, I've been drinking pretty heavily until now.
Drinking for me is about loneliness and boredom. However drinking for me also means constant sickness, feeling wretched all day, and drinking just to stop feeling so sick and wretched.
So you can see I'm fortunate in that I've had long periods AF. But the only day that matters is today and today after having 2 days AF I let myself have a few beers. I felt I needed them to help me sleep as I'd been up all night and still couldn't get to sleep.
So I'm feeling let down by myself. I slept after the beers for about 10 1/2 hours, waking up at 11 pm. So at least I slept past closing time.
I really want to stay sober tomorrow. Todays slip up shows me that this may be trickier than I thought. My mind will find excuses to drink. I need to be solid and absolutely convinced about the reasons why I don't want to drink. And I'll need help from people who understand.
By the way, these days I have big problems with the AA program.
That's all for now,
Prez
Hi everyone,
My goal is achieve long term abs. I know for me control of my drinking is just not possible.
I drank from the age of 16. Things steadily got worse, until by the time I was 23 I found myself at an AA meeting. That first night at AA I readily identified myself as an alcoholic. I went to as many meetings as I could get to and stayed sober for 3 1/2 years. I picked up a drink after a rough emotional period, drank for about 2 months and got myself back to AA meetings. Again I went as often as I could and got sober for 9 years during which time I met a woman at AA and we got married, which lasted about 7 years. When my marriage broke up I tried really hard to keep myself together but eventually drank. This time the boozing lasted about 2 years and again I got myself back to AA meetings and got AF for 7 years. Unfortunately even though I was dry again I smoked pot heavily through most of those 7 years.
In March of 2006 I started drinking again, and apart from a few brief periods, including about a month of AA meetings, I've been drinking pretty heavily until now.
Drinking for me is about loneliness and boredom. However drinking for me also means constant sickness, feeling wretched all day, and drinking just to stop feeling so sick and wretched.
So you can see I'm fortunate in that I've had long periods AF. But the only day that matters is today and today after having 2 days AF I let myself have a few beers. I felt I needed them to help me sleep as I'd been up all night and still couldn't get to sleep.
So I'm feeling let down by myself. I slept after the beers for about 10 1/2 hours, waking up at 11 pm. So at least I slept past closing time.
I really want to stay sober tomorrow. Todays slip up shows me that this may be trickier than I thought. My mind will find excuses to drink. I need to be solid and absolutely convinced about the reasons why I don't want to drink. And I'll need help from people who understand.
By the way, these days I have big problems with the AA program.
That's all for now,
Prez
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