I grew up an only child and had a stable schildhood.Both my parents drank quite a lot/still do and argued at weekends - but always drank in the house they didn't really have a social circle and didn't trust, like other people very much. Telling me not to go out of my way for people as they will let you down, use you - I have had a career in social work type work so this is the total opposite view that I have of humanity.
I think most people on the whole are basically good and try their best.
I had friends and did well at school, getting good grades and going off to uni. I know that my parents loved me but they were strict, refused to listen to me,rubbished my ideas and views as 'pie in the sky'.
Also if i did well it was almost expected, no big deal but if the slightest thing went wrong my god!!
I remember being shouted at and being told "you're useless" frequently - once for not getting full details of planned brownie camps when i was 7 - that was because we hadn't been given them but they wouldn't believe me. then really embarassed themselves by calling the leader who confirmed what i had said.
I practically lived at my best friend's house when i was 14 -18 every weekend staying and some days in week. All my friends' parents felt sorry for me, felt my parents were unreasonable. I remember being called a slut by my dad in a pub when i was 17 for putting my feet on the legs under a table.,I learnt to keep my anger in as there was no point expressing it, I'd avoid it, go elsewhere.I never remember being told i was pretty and once i asked and was told "you're ok".
I went to uni and got my degree making lots of new friends there. But from when i was 16 alcohol was my confidence giver, i never got very drunk i ]n those early 16-18 years but certainly drank too much.
I also first dioscovered boys at 16 - wasn't allowed to socialise with them until that point.At my first party a few of my friend's male friends thought i was quite cute.this was good for my lack of confidence but also scary - i hated my body and felt i was dull. It also caused problems with my friend who was even more insecure than me and commented that i seemed so confident now (like that was a really bad thing).
She also bitched about me and I lost my group of friends and had to make a new one at 17 - not nice.
anyway at uni did big big drinking and smoking - drank amost every night to point of sickness probably twice a week.
i think that i was deperessed,scared of failing not fitting in. My only experience of getting on with people and having a social life previously was to drink lots - so thats what i did. Still terrrifed that i looked fat,weird, was dull.
I'm always dieting, have since i was 10 I've lost weight a couple of times now at all time heaviest and feeling like I'm condemned to be old and fat - I'm 33 and I know that is ridiculous.it's coming off slowly but i have about 35 pounds to lose
I'm one of these people who come across as vey confident when i'm not - i do have confidence but also wobbly bits.I feel very vulnerable inside, i end up listening to everyone else's problems - whcih is fine - it's important to be there for your friends but not to the extent that I don't think about me,how i feel, what i want.So I'm partly selfish by always being the listener in a way.
I've found that i have let people manipulate me - I'm a very loyal friend to the point that i felt guilty until recently about even thinking bad things about close friends behaviour. Now i have articulated this to other friends and they were concerned all along about this other person's behaviour, and it's impact on me.
I have a very sweet partner and am happy if in a bit of a rut and have a good job and good group of varied friends.
I run away from conflict and don't trust my opinions, gut feelings.I need to build up my confidence and have been in counselling for this several times.
I'm very harsh on myself and am quick to see others good points but not my own.
anyway may addto this when feeling perkier - feeling bit blue today and needed to get it out.
I think most people on the whole are basically good and try their best.
I had friends and did well at school, getting good grades and going off to uni. I know that my parents loved me but they were strict, refused to listen to me,rubbished my ideas and views as 'pie in the sky'.
Also if i did well it was almost expected, no big deal but if the slightest thing went wrong my god!!
I remember being shouted at and being told "you're useless" frequently - once for not getting full details of planned brownie camps when i was 7 - that was because we hadn't been given them but they wouldn't believe me. then really embarassed themselves by calling the leader who confirmed what i had said.
I practically lived at my best friend's house when i was 14 -18 every weekend staying and some days in week. All my friends' parents felt sorry for me, felt my parents were unreasonable. I remember being called a slut by my dad in a pub when i was 17 for putting my feet on the legs under a table.,I learnt to keep my anger in as there was no point expressing it, I'd avoid it, go elsewhere.I never remember being told i was pretty and once i asked and was told "you're ok".
I went to uni and got my degree making lots of new friends there. But from when i was 16 alcohol was my confidence giver, i never got very drunk i ]n those early 16-18 years but certainly drank too much.
I also first dioscovered boys at 16 - wasn't allowed to socialise with them until that point.At my first party a few of my friend's male friends thought i was quite cute.this was good for my lack of confidence but also scary - i hated my body and felt i was dull. It also caused problems with my friend who was even more insecure than me and commented that i seemed so confident now (like that was a really bad thing).
She also bitched about me and I lost my group of friends and had to make a new one at 17 - not nice.
anyway at uni did big big drinking and smoking - drank amost every night to point of sickness probably twice a week.
i think that i was deperessed,scared of failing not fitting in. My only experience of getting on with people and having a social life previously was to drink lots - so thats what i did. Still terrrifed that i looked fat,weird, was dull.
I'm always dieting, have since i was 10 I've lost weight a couple of times now at all time heaviest and feeling like I'm condemned to be old and fat - I'm 33 and I know that is ridiculous.it's coming off slowly but i have about 35 pounds to lose
I'm one of these people who come across as vey confident when i'm not - i do have confidence but also wobbly bits.I feel very vulnerable inside, i end up listening to everyone else's problems - whcih is fine - it's important to be there for your friends but not to the extent that I don't think about me,how i feel, what i want.So I'm partly selfish by always being the listener in a way.
I've found that i have let people manipulate me - I'm a very loyal friend to the point that i felt guilty until recently about even thinking bad things about close friends behaviour. Now i have articulated this to other friends and they were concerned all along about this other person's behaviour, and it's impact on me.
I have a very sweet partner and am happy if in a bit of a rut and have a good job and good group of varied friends.
I run away from conflict and don't trust my opinions, gut feelings.I need to build up my confidence and have been in counselling for this several times.
I'm very harsh on myself and am quick to see others good points but not my own.
anyway may addto this when feeling perkier - feeling bit blue today and needed to get it out.
Comment