New here - feel like a fraud!

[satori]

Hi all

This is my first post here :new: - but I have been around here for quite a while!

I feel like a bit of fraud being on here as I am constantly humbled by the amazing tales I read on here - some of you are doing a fantastic job against powerful demons, I do not think I would have that strength!

I guess I am here because..... I just know it is time!

I want to moderate my drinking. I do not feel I want to go AF (yet?) - as I can not imagine my life without SOME alcohol. (This may change if things do not go well!)

My drinking may not be excessive by many peoples standards - but it has built up over a lot of years to the extent that it has become enough of a problem to me that I am posting here.

I am able to bluff my way thru life pretty effectively. I never get in a car with even 1 drink, I hold down a good job, my kids have never seen me "drunk" (altho' they rarely see me sober of an evening either!), and I rarely drink before 5 or 6 pm.

But - I am tired of being tired, hung over till mid morning and counting down the hours till evening comes so I can drink again.
I want to be able to look in a mirror after about 7pm without seeing that weird guy in there with that accusing "you are wasted AGAIN" look in his eyes!

I won't bore you with any more details right now, but I hope I can come by here fairly regularly just for someone to talk to about how things are going as I try to get my life back.

My aim is to be AF Sunday thru Wednesday and to drink like a "normal" person Thursday thru' Saturday
ie one to two drinks Thursday and Friday and possibly a couple more on a Saturday.

One of my main struggles is due to the fact that I live 55 (yes - I counted!) steps from a late opening store that sells ice-cold beer - and boy do these beers call out to me of an evening!

Wish me luck - I do not think I have been AF for more than two days in a row in twenty odd years!

With you guys help - that changes today.

Satori

[lucky 2.0]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Yes, welcome Satori. Glad to have you here. This journey to a better life will be as hard as you choose to make it. All the best! It can get better.

[Metamorphosis]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Hi Satori!!

Good on you for being honest. I know that crazy look in your eyes you get in the mirror. I have done it too and also the I can walk and function as effectively and accurately as i do with no drinks as with three, or 6.......when we know we can't. I got to a point where I would not answer the phone after 8 p.m. for fear that they would tell I had been drinking....... it's no way to live.

Good on you for taking the step. This website has enabled me to seriously cut back when I didn't think I could.

I wish you good luck a gallons of inner strength!!

Love Trish xx

[satori]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Thanks for the welcome guys, I guess it was for that reason I eventually came on here - you all seem to care! :thanks:

I have no illusions that it is going to be easy - any time I have tried to do this in the past, I have failed.

This time I will have some great people, who understand where i am at, that I can talk to now and then.

Good luck with your own battles - whatever they are.

I will be around here a fair bit I am sure!

Satori

[AAthlete]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Glad to have you on board, Satori.

There is something here for everyone, and I wish you best of success. The people on this site are inspirational as is the MYO program - and I encourage you to take a look at it if you haven't already.

Congrats on wanting to make a change - it is the first step in your journey!:welcome:

[lushy]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Welcome Satori!!! I am glad you decided to make yourself known and we look forward to getting to know you.....

[Beaches]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Welcome and glad you come onboard. You will find many people in the same boat as you. Glad you are here.

[Popeye]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Hi satori.....nice' enlightened' name.
This is a great place. You probably know that already if you've been around a while.
Anyway, I hope you gain as much as I have from coming here.

[obzpodboy]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Hi. I've only really just begun visiting this place, but it already seems indispensable. No adjudication; no B.S., no piety. Just a collection of folk with similar issues talking with openess and honesty.
Best of luck with your objective. Hope to read another posting soon.
Cheers
A.

[satori]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Thanks again for the words of welcome - it really makes a difference!

Well - It is just after 11pm here on the first day of my journey. and the store I normally get my beer from has just closed - without me visiting it!

So, day 1 almost is over and looking good so far - doesn't mean I do not want a drink real bad - but so far, so good!

paulb - I chose Satori as my user name because I guess I have finally "seen the light" as far as my drinking goes and need to make this change!

I think my "realisation" came when one of my kids recently came across a LARGE pile of empties I had "forgotten" to put in the recycling bin but for some inexplicable reason had stashed in a cupboard in the room where I use the computer.
I gave him some lame excuse that I was just too lazy to go downstairs with them if I had been drinking a beer while working on the computer ......BUT:

I felt really ashamed - here I was, hiding the true extent of my drinking and lying to my 12 year old son about it!

This made me take long hard look at myself and I realised that for quite some time now, I have been "forgetting" to put empties in the recycling bin and have become good at bringing alcohol into the house in my gym bag (rather than using one of these non environmentally friendly (and visible!) supermarket carrier bags?) or "forgetting" to take beer out of the car until everyone had gone to bed....or buying a case of beer and replacing most of the cans I had drunk so it looked like I was not drinking it so quickly... the list goes on....and on.

I am sure most of you know how it goes.

I can't fool myself any longer - that sort of behaviour is not normal!

I want "normal" back if that is possible!
That is why I am on here!

Good night - Take care


Satori

[Diana]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Hi Satori,
You have taken the first best and great step. Today is my 24th day AF. On NYE if someone had told me I would be doing this now I would have thought they were nuts. I think God had something to do with it but that is another story. I also intend to moderate but that is further down the track.

I can't believe the change in myself, feel well, sleeping better than I have for years, positve outlook. Not even looking for a drink.

Best of luck and this is a wonderful place to be with lots of help and support.

[Popeye]

New here - feel like a fraud!

buying a case of beer and replacing most of the cans I had drunk so it looked like I was not drinking it so quickly

I used to fill my empty vodka bottle with water to the desired level and leave it sitting in the booze cupboard.
:bonkers: like my wife had no idea I'd drank a bottle of vodka......duh!

[satori]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Hi guys,

Diana: well done on 24 days!! Hope I have your strength! :goodjob:

Paulb: Yep - I guess we are fooling no-one - not even ourselves!!

Well - it is now 9am on day 2.

I did not sleep well last night - and I am sitting at work feeling like a zombie - but at least I am not a hung over zombie !!!!

I also went around the house last night after everyone else was in bed and cleared out all the stashed empties - they only serve to remind me of alcohol when I see them!

I have been this far before - early days.

Hope you all have a good day.

Satori

[hidden_gem]

New here - feel like a fraud!

Hi Satori,

Congratulations on the start of your journey and finding this website.

I just wanted to say that I too had that habit of stashing empties... I used to bang on and on about my "need for privacy"... it was just cause I didn't want anyone going in my wardrobe and finding the empty wine bottles...

To think I ever believed that no one would notice I was drunk!

Welcome. Yes you may have been this far before. It's great that you are doing it again.

Gem x

[livingfree]

New here - feel like a fraud!

A Salute to Satori

I know I spend more time reading the "tell us your stories" than any other thread on this site - but it is because I want to find the hope. I want to read about people who's lives have changed for the better. Forgive me here - but I want more than support for "struggling" I want to see those who have ACTUALLY changed. I am by no means meaning to insult the struggling. I just find lately on the boards there are more people failing than winning the war. That is why - when I found Satori's story posted way back in 07 - I thought it was worth bringing back to the top - FOR HOPE. I know he is on a Sabbatical right now from this site - but I think today should be a SALUTE TO SATORI and all those like SATORI who have actually found success!

I today applaud all those who give unconditional love while they YANK those out of the Fire. We can't let those who are burning alive die while we are hugging and loving on them.

So Salute - to Satori and others who have gone out winners!

Liv