:new: I was engaged to the love of my life for a year, and everything seemed perfect. This man was everything I ever dreamed of, and made me happier than I had ever known. He said he felt the same about me. He showered me with candlelit, gourmet meals that he would cook and have waiting for me when I got home. He would bring flowers and wedding magazines home every week, and was wonderful to my two dogs. We ended up breeding our two labs and had a litter of 13 puppies, which was an experience of a lifetime to share together. Our wedding and our lives were planned, our families were all in favor of our marriage, and all was good. He was my soulmate - corny, but I now believe this can be possible.
Our first date - he took me to the symphony, and I swear we fell in love that night. He picked me up and had a glass of wine in the car, one for each of us, to drink on the way. I hesitated, but thought it to be OK since I was nervous and figured so was he. What I never realized was that he ALWAYS had a glass of something to drink while driving or just relaxing at home. It took almost six months for me to realize that he was an alcoholic, and then I learned that he had been drinking for 13 years. He had even gone to rehab and a halfway house for six months after that, back when he was 18. (After having been to military school for high school due to bad behavior). He always made it sound like so long ago (he is 26 now) and that he regretted his past behavior - I never judged, and always saw the good qualities in him.
As time progressed, and now living together, I found that he also had an addiction to pot, and prescription pills (any and all kinds). I talked to him about it and he admitted (after some arguments that made no sense to me) that he had a severe problem and thought he would die soon if he didn't get help. I told him I would help him however I could, and thought I did just that. I researched rehab and detox centers, made appts with counselors and interviewed them, removed liquor from the house, planned outings for us more often, and encouraged him as best I could.
The day before our one-year anniversary of our engagement, he came home in a drunken rage after I begged him to be sober that night. He drove four hours from a business trip drunk and high - which makes me a nervous wreck. Well, something inside me snapped that night and I told him he needed to move out. I told him I wasn't breaking up with him, just that he needed to live on his own and get clean. The ultimatum was my idea of "tough love" but it backfired. He told me I abandoned him and that I have lost him forever. I haven't forgiven myself for what I did and can't, and even sought the help of a therapist for me - just because of the shock of it all. I cry all the time because I miss him terribly. I really love this man even though I know his issues were there way before I ever came along. I want him back. He hates me now, and says cruel things to me that I cannot imagine are his true feelings.
So, that's my epic novel. There's more, but I wanted to throw it out there so you had the facts. Please tell me your thoughts on my actions, his behavior, and what to do. Thanks so much:thanks:
Our first date - he took me to the symphony, and I swear we fell in love that night. He picked me up and had a glass of wine in the car, one for each of us, to drink on the way. I hesitated, but thought it to be OK since I was nervous and figured so was he. What I never realized was that he ALWAYS had a glass of something to drink while driving or just relaxing at home. It took almost six months for me to realize that he was an alcoholic, and then I learned that he had been drinking for 13 years. He had even gone to rehab and a halfway house for six months after that, back when he was 18. (After having been to military school for high school due to bad behavior). He always made it sound like so long ago (he is 26 now) and that he regretted his past behavior - I never judged, and always saw the good qualities in him.
As time progressed, and now living together, I found that he also had an addiction to pot, and prescription pills (any and all kinds). I talked to him about it and he admitted (after some arguments that made no sense to me) that he had a severe problem and thought he would die soon if he didn't get help. I told him I would help him however I could, and thought I did just that. I researched rehab and detox centers, made appts with counselors and interviewed them, removed liquor from the house, planned outings for us more often, and encouraged him as best I could.
The day before our one-year anniversary of our engagement, he came home in a drunken rage after I begged him to be sober that night. He drove four hours from a business trip drunk and high - which makes me a nervous wreck. Well, something inside me snapped that night and I told him he needed to move out. I told him I wasn't breaking up with him, just that he needed to live on his own and get clean. The ultimatum was my idea of "tough love" but it backfired. He told me I abandoned him and that I have lost him forever. I haven't forgiven myself for what I did and can't, and even sought the help of a therapist for me - just because of the shock of it all. I cry all the time because I miss him terribly. I really love this man even though I know his issues were there way before I ever came along. I want him back. He hates me now, and says cruel things to me that I cannot imagine are his true feelings.
So, that's my epic novel. There's more, but I wanted to throw it out there so you had the facts. Please tell me your thoughts on my actions, his behavior, and what to do. Thanks so much:thanks:
Comment