My story - tryed to keep it short but failed

[kpuk]

Hi

Been reading through the posts today - so helpful and insparational I felt the need to add my own story. I'm determined to get past this drink addiction (alcoholism - let's call it what it is I suppose).

Story is very similar to a lot I've seen - Dad was alcoholic, very violent. I was abused by my brother (something I've NEVER admitted to anyone before now). Mum left Dad when I was 10 and remarried a really nice man who took care of us.

By age 17 I was sneaking cans of cider up to my room to drink. When I met my husband at 21 he drank more than me and I was horrified as he reminded me of my biological father. Nevertheless we married at 25 and are still together at 37. Been through the mill a bit though!

Short of money like a lot of people. Stepdad had a stroke, went blind then died of cancer when I was 26. I was made redundant (not drinking heavily at this point), just slowly increasing.Got another job which I loved. Tried for a baby for 5 years, no success, undiagnosed infertility. IVF - got a daughter! wouldn't you have thought I'd be happy? Not so, maternity leave was so hard I went back to work after just 2 months. Back on the wine (the choice of us women!). Hiding a bottle in the cupboard my husband didn't know about, topping my glass up when he was out of the room, etc.

Then wanted another baby, didn't want ivf, didn't use contraception, got pregnant with twins naturally - major shock. Knew I would have to give up work that I loved. Didn't drink through pregnancy but I've hit the bottle truely since the day I got home from the hospital. I had internal bleeding following their birth and was minutes away from death - given a hysterectomy to save my life and 4 litres of blood transfused. I got home to 3 kids under 3, a lot of pain and bottles of wine.

So it's continued. I'm ashamed of the things I have done, the excuses I've made. The times I've not gone out with them because I'm too drunk to drive in the day.

I wave my husband off to work in the morning and then open a bottle of beer or wine - disgusting. I'm gonna stop, no excuses. You people have been an inspiration to me. My husband has no idea of my problem, or he's in denial. That's also part of my sadness.

Sorry it was long but it feels so good to tell someone at last.:new:

[Accountable for Me]

My story - tryed to keep it short but failed

Kpuk, I am a mom of a young child. I too, brought her home from the hospital and started drinking again. I have hid the alcohol and topped up my drink while no one was looking, not to mention the countless other things I have done to try to hide it. I completely understand. I am glad you shared your story here. Just admitting you have a problem is a huge step towards recovery. I hope you will stick around as you will learn a lot about the struggles, success, options available, and so forth. The support here is amazing. Glad you are here.

:welcome:

[lushy]

My story - tryed to keep it short but failed

Hi Kpuk, I am mom too who loves the wine. You are not alone in this, and I hope by coming here you will find the strength to quit or moderate, whatever your goal may be. This is a great group of people.

[DidItForMe]

My story - tryed to keep it short but failed

Amazing what just getting things off your chest can do, right? I can completely relate to some of the things you say.. topping my cup off when no one is around, hiding bottles. Your husband probably knows, but just doesn't know what to do. Don't be sad, we are all human. I haven't told my husband about this site yet. I'm ready to start, but feel more comfortable with strangers who know what I am going through at this point. No one here judges, just lends support, understanding and love. You have come to the right place. Hugs!!!!

[Fan]

My story - tryed to keep it short but failed

Don't be sorry. And it wasn't long. Us men know :H


:welcome:

And keep sharing and reading. You'll find wonderful support and help here. I know that, too.

[warrenweaver]

My story - tryed to keep it short but failed

3 kids under 3

The demands on what your body has gone through making 3 babies and bringing them into to worldin such treaumatic deliveries would leave you with little goondess left. I empathise with you for the practical daily relentless jobs you will haveto carry out. The absolute overwhelming feeling of "is this it" not relating to anyone or anythything and just wanted to blank it all out with whatever is in the house. I hope your babes are good sleepers although 3 under 3 I cant imagine. Do you have some practical help,do you have a break from the kids so you can think straight for 10 minutes. Dont feel guilty about not talking about your entire thoughts to your husband. I adore mine,he knows I drink too much - he doesnt know its breaking my heart and consuming every living moment. BUT I still believe him knowing and burdoning him wont change it. I welcome too the company on this web site. Strong capable loving people whove been thru stuff and are still here trying for better. Give yourself a treat, a lovely hot bath, you need time to switch off from the sleavery of being a mum and remember the wonderful YOU.

[morrison]

My story - tryed to keep it short but failed

kpuk, way to start the process. We are all here to help you. I wish you the best.

[kpuk]

My story - tryed to keep it short but failed

thanks for your replies.

WW - good sleeping now and then and I get a break now and then. It doesn't help that my twins are visually impaired and developmentally delayed. They are 2yrs 2months but don't walk or talk yet, it's like still having 2 very young babies. They can't feed themselves. Everything is a chore.

However, I really feel I can try with the support on here to make myself better. thank you

[dilayne]

My story - tryed to keep it short but failed

Kpuk, Welcome!
I understand the feeling that you have about husband 'not knowing'..I agree, he probably knows, but it's easier to pretend than to face it..in order for him to face what is going on with you, he has to face what is going on with him (and that he is powerless over what is going on...) A vicious cycle..I suspect as you begin to be honest and vulnerable with him about it, then he will too..eventually. It's a lonely place for sure. I think we all would like someone to be right there with us, holding our hands through the realizations that we need to make to come out of our denial, but we have to take that step alone..but as you see..it really isn't alone..you've just stepped into a huge circle of support..we'll be here for you until your husband can.
Much love to you and your babies..and your husband,
Di

[aquamarine]

My story - tryed to keep it short but failed

kpuk-welcome. I really glad you are here. I can't imagine what everyday is like with you three little ones. Keep coming . I think this place really is helpful. My kids are a bit older but I remember very vividly how hard those days can be to get through.