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shueaddict
June 10th, 2012, 12:26 AM
Morning fabbies,

Thank you all for being there for me yesterday. It really meant lot to me. I really need my coffee this morning, so the French press is full again. I'll make tea for Pap later. Her words are still with me:

papmom3;1332304 wrote:

This is not going to be sorted out in a day or even 2. It's going to take some time and you need to be objective, not emotional. The fact that you have not taken a drink over this yet is very very good but the shock hasn't worn off yet. Please stay strong. Getting drunk will NOT solve this problem, or make the injury disappear or the incident never have happened. You need to have a clear head to deal with this.



With this I start my day, have a great one everyone.

SAUSAGE
June 10th, 2012, 04:56 AM
Morning Shue and all to follow.

Shue I am so sorry about what happened last night but as Pap says given that the dog was in this enclosure and the boy put his arm over the edge, I can't see how you can be really to blame although I fully understand why you feel responsible - I would be the same.

You have had fantastic rational advice from Pap, there is no way I could have articulated this any better. I am glad you have highlighted her words. This is an example of the rational clear thinking that come with living an AF life. So just keep re-reading them, So glad that you aren't remotely tempted to drink. It would only make things worse and solve nothing. Do let us know how things are today.

Hi to all to follow. Live well and have a sober clear thinking day.

Sausage xx
Day 108

ThreeDogNight
June 10th, 2012, 05:41 AM
Good morning, Abbers.
Sausage, keep forgetting to congratulate on your 100+ days. Wonderful, and you stay strong.
Shue, yes, Pap gave you some real pearls of wisdom there. Drinking just makes things worse--much worse. A calm, rational approach will go a long way toward helping you with the doggy situation. Do you have access to good behaviorists/trainers there? I will tell you one little thing that may make you chuckle a bit. When we first took DH--NINE years ago this month!--the rescue group paid for a conference call with a behaviorist. DH was a complete mess--would poop instantly if I just left the room for a minute to go into the garage, threw up all over the place when he saw and heard Mr TDN riding mower for the first time, etc. And the paper guarding thing was awful. Anyway, she instructed me to attach a long lead to him and to my waist. After I almost landed on my nose when he reacted to a loud noise, I gave up on that one pretty quickly! Somehow we found our own "way out" with him, although he is still reactive and has to wear a bark collar much of the summer due to the barking that scares/bothers summer visitors/residents walking by the house. Today, with our cookout for twelve friends, some of whom are not DH fans, I'll give him a mealatonin to calm him a bit. I just know that the right person can help you out!
Well, we are blessed with what looks like another beautiful day--sunny and warm--and I am so happy that we won't fear rain for the party! Mr TDN has spent a few days cleaning the deck, using the blower to clear cobwebs from the porches, driveway, etc. We haven't gotten the mulch delivery yet, due to all the rian, but gardens look great! Now I have to get my food prepped and I have most of the day to do it. Have some pomegranate/blueberry drink to mix with selzer for a nice refreshing AF drink.
Going for a walk soon, and happy to be AF for the day!
Hope you all have a great AF day! Shue, check back in, okay?
:)TDN

Lavande
June 10th, 2012, 07:37 AM
Good morning Abbers,

Glad you are OK Shue!
Life will continue to throw us all kinds of hurdles & we owe it to ourselves to be prepared with clear heads, that's for sure. Good for you!

Greetings Sausage, TDN & everyone!
I am heading out for the day transferring cars with my daughter (long story). Hazy, hot & humid weather will be here for a few days so I will be enjoying the AC in the cars & in my home ;)

Wishing everyone a great AF Sunday!
Lav

shueaddict
June 10th, 2012, 10:23 AM
Hi guys,

Sausage, I know I did everything I could but I still feel responsible. It was my house, my dog, my party. There's no getting away from that.

TND - You truly are one kind soul, that's all I'll say.

Lav - there's no way I am drinking over this. No effin' way

Spent most of the day at the hospital with my son trying to cheer up the boy. Nothing worse than being bored at the age of 8. I actually felt better for making him chuckle a few times. He is extremely brave.

Action plan:
1. Try to do as much as possible for the boy
2. Do the right thing by the parents
3. Deal with the dog

Special thanks to Turn and Pap who are trying to keep me sane through this.
Will chek in later maybe.

Kaslo
June 10th, 2012, 11:22 AM
Good morning everyone. Happy restful Sunday to everyone. Shue, thinking of you and sending kind gentle vibes of support and love all the way around the world this morning.

Here is shot from my garden from earlier this year. These are willow flowers, I dont know if y'all know them as pussy willows. Always a treat first thing after the snow goes. Its so cold this year, that the willows are still blooming in June, as is my Quince which is usually long done by now. And I still have a tulip or too. In June. Its snowed at higher elevation, and I dont know what we are going to do with all of this water. My river bank is up over its usual beach, and into my sawdust piles. Now I can somehow rope in the big piece of driftwood i tethered to a lodgepole pine tree on the beach last year, and get it up on higher ground. So I might be log booming with one of the boats today. If I had hip waders I could wade out to it. That water was glacial last week, so its still really cold. (BTW I dont like that photobucket sizes my photos down, and makes them soft in focus..., or maybe it was just poorly shot. Oh well).


http://i128.photobucket.com/albums/p161/kennstamarack/Salix.jpg

I have been away except for a few days here and there, where Mr. K wants me to go kayaking, and my house is filthy. we spread our work crap out everywhere when we get in, heavy outdoor gear, GPS and radios, maps, forms, camp gear, food, boots, bear spray, bla bla bla, and then load up and go out again, and as a result, its just an unholy mess. Also the garden is overgrown with weeds, its been raining pretty much solid, and so sitting here right now feels like a guilty pleasure.

Also I wanted to relate to you folks my experience yesterday. Mr. K, who is somewhat clueless about AL recovery, brought a bottle of wine into the kitchen from the basement storage where there is or was a big collection of wine from the old days. It all had to be moved because a vent is being installed to remove the radon gas (we have a radon gas issue in the bedrock, another example of how being a toxicologist is a pain in the arse sometimes), so he was just going to leave all this wine on my office desk. It was towering there, several bottles of various things. I sorted out the best ones to give to friends, and took the cheaper ones into the laundry room, and opened them up one by one. I poured them out, and was struck by several sensations all at once. It stank. It gave me an instant headache. The color remined me of either piss or blood. The deeper reds strangely liver colored. It was goulish. The sediments were globs of black shit. And after seven bottles, I realized that was my average consumption in about as many days. To me it seemed like such a HUGE amount of fluid, and yet, a year and a half ago almost, it was barely enough to maintain my habit, and on some weeks that would be 2 or three days supply. I had three bottles of X from year Y. I phoned the vineyard to ask if they were valuable. He said oh, just uncork them, and let them sit and then decant them, and I had to wait to tell him i dont drink. He told me to take them to a beer and wine store and they will buy them from me. I hadnt thought of that. So I will take them there and just give them away, but I dont really even want to go into the store.

I had a friend on here, I am not sure what happened to her. She is Canadian and she lives in China, and she is amazing but she possible has not been successful at quitting, and I remember her not wanting to part with a valuable bottle of wine. I am not sure what I AM going to do with this collection, but it cost me more than the dollars to buy it, and I am not tempted, I really AM done. Most of my friends actually dont drink, so not sure what to do, but giving them away is really the only option other than destroying it. Because although I cant drink it, and dont want it, I do understand that it is a pleasant treat to some people.

ONE thing is for sure.

love to all

greeneyes
June 10th, 2012, 11:43 AM
FABS!!

Kas, what about e-bay? That could be fun and profitable. Can you sell booze on e-bay?

Shu you get the big girl pants award for holding tight with the incident. Consider the law of attraction and try keep the best-case scenario alive in your imagination and keep fear and worry out. :l Not sayin' it's easy but you are a determined sort and you can do it.

TDN and P3 you are amazing with your doggie knowledge!

Lav, I meant to say I laughed out loud over Lily's "lunch" shot. What, she's not vegan? :H

Sausage way to come on here and get over that moment you had recently. BGP award for you too.

I have done laundry, mowed the tundra, finished cleaning the house, changed the sheets, went to the river and the grocery already. I'm just a little fireball. ;)

F-O-O-D!!

Kradle123
June 10th, 2012, 12:13 PM
Good Morning everyone as well:

I'd like to start checking in here because well, I'm pretty bad at constistancy and accountabilty and I am pretty scrambled much of the time so I am so appreciative to Shue for giving us this daily launch pad.
I am 21 days today. I have been thirty once before - I think about a year ago but then I took a WTF position and well, you all know the rest.

Sausage has a line underneath some of her posts where she says she was AF for a long time and then had a drink and didn't stop for another three years. Well I wondered alot about that. As in how could one drink push her off into a three year stint.

Well now that I have some AF time behind me I relalise that I too had AF time with the help of MWO in 2007 but once again I took a WTF position after much unpleasentness on the homefront and my own addictive mindset of course. I went back for 5 Years! :upset: Geez, 3 would have been much beter :)

It's a necessary evil I suppose to gain clairity as you get more AF time but I know for me that with that clarity comes overhwleming guilt and shame and hoplessness. I can feel it welling up with in me even as I write these words. :tsk: And then once again I am pointed towards the WTF stance and well, you all know the rest.

So I am going to check in here daily with my AF count come hell or high water and hopefully this will help me steer clear of the WTF posiion that drags me back EVERY single time.
So if I dont post here daily, please call out the dogs. I know I am out there somewhere.

I hope you guys know how truly magnificent you all are :h :l
Will check in tommorrow- Day 22 :)

greeneyes
June 10th, 2012, 01:10 PM
Kradle, I was listening to Carline Myss Caroline Myss Features | Caroline's Bio (http://www.myss.com/features/bio/) the other day and in her talk, she mentioned addicts. She said if you're an addict (she's not), you are ALWAYS an addict. That component is always there. If you were to subscribe to that idea, then you would have to maintain a level of awareness about that aspect of yourself. So ask yourself... are you? And map out your life plan accordingly. Because it is indeed life long. WTF would be an extremely dangerous allowance to give yourself. Pickles can't be cucumbers. Not even for one evening. :cool:

Special shout out to cinders! :l and :h

Loppy good to see you fighting the good fight again!

I'm glad to see one sunny-butt sitting on the wagon. :)

Fly, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow at your appointment!

Turnip I am so waiting on a link to your youtube accordian extravaganza!

LVT25
June 10th, 2012, 02:35 PM
Hello friends,

I just want to offer my support Shue. I think I know how you must bee feeling, but can't help but be glad you weren't drinking when the incident happened--the guilt and feeling of responsibility would have been so much worse I expect. It was a horrible accident-it could have been much worse--you are doing all you can do.

When my kids were small my sis in law decided to have Easter dinner at the golf course where she worked. Of course the adults were drinking beer.....the kids were infatuated with the golf carts and someone pulled up in one and went inside. Since no one was really supervising the kids one of them got in it and hit the pedal. Unfortunately there was an 18 month old toddler standing in front of the cart--which ran over him. His mom and I ran over there and lifted the cart off. He was a big boy--so he was ok, but when I looked up in the cart imagine my horror when I saw it was my son behind the wheel. It could have been so much worse, but I'll never forget how that felt.

I have been soooo very lucky in my lifetime that someone didn't get hurt or worse because of me and my drinking/partying. I am so grateful for that. Some things can be avoided--others can't. Just remember that Shue--everything will be ok.:l

Kaslo--go ahead and kayak, I will send my boys over to weed your garden and clean your house--as soon as they are done with mine!:H

Actually #1 son did just get done tilling the weeds in my garden and I am looking forward to spending the rest of the day finishing my front yard and some garden work.

#2 son is still playing baseball and I got word this morning that he hit a grand slam home run! I really hate missing that, but hope I can get to the rest of his tourneys. I am really looking forward to getting back to my regular routine without so much volunteer stuff for awhile.

Kradle--Sausage's story is another tool I keep in mind which helps me stay sober. I do not want to take the chance on going back to the way I was over 1 stupid drink. Seeing lots of hungover bikers this weekend was another good reminder. Yuck! I NEVER want to make myself feel that way again!

Have a great sober day/night all!:h

Loppy lugs
June 10th, 2012, 05:16 PM
Hi all,

Day 3 out of the way and am so glad to be back here. Thanks to everyone for the welcome and good wishes.

Shue, my heart really goes out to you.

Have heaps to say to everyone but had forgotten how exhausted I get when I first stop drinking so off to bed now.

Take care all.

Lavande
June 10th, 2012, 08:47 PM
Good for you Loppy - keep going ;)

I love pussy willows Kaslo :)
I have been meaning to get one......must write myself a note.

Greenie, where did you get all that energy? Good God woman :H
Lily just may grow into a vegan, especially if she follows in her mother's footsteps!

LVT, congrats to your son on his grand slam, very nice!
You have been super busy too!!!

Hi Kradle, welcome to the land of serious sober people enjoying life :)

Shue, hope your day was good after all that excitement. Good for you staying strong!

I accomplished what I set out to do today. My 'extra car' has been removed from the hands of my daughter & is now in the hands of my son. Bet you all didn't know I was in charge of family transportation :H
It's my little way of helping out ;)

Have a great night one & all!
Lav

aerojef
June 10th, 2012, 09:23 PM
Congrats Loppy! You should join us in the Just Starting Out section under the Conquering Day 1 thread. There are several of us just finishing up Day 3, and we've kinda banded over there :D

Hopefully we see you there too!

sunshine_gg
June 10th, 2012, 09:46 PM
Late check-in FABlanders... hope you all had a super Sunday!

I know I did - Went to the opening reception and whatnot of a photo exhibit at a local museum, had a visit with #2 peanut, and a lovely belated birthday dinner at the best restaurant on the island. Totally missed my nana nap and feeling it :H

And with that... I'm off to bed, I think. This summer business with gardening, horses, and playing social butterfly is sure tiring! :H

Determinator
June 10th, 2012, 10:44 PM
quick garlic flavored greetings from the extra dry part of the high desert!

Cinders, you around? do check in hon.

Lav you eat your lovely home grown eggs don't you?

movie night with my sweetie,

be well everyone