View Full Version : Is anyone here in Alanon?

February 22nd, 2007, 03:51 PM
My story is that for the last 9 years my husband has been in and out of sobriety either through AA or just being dry and abstaining totally. He has been in two rehabs over the last 5 years. His disease is progressing lately, the last several months have been rough for me to see him struggle. I entered Alanon while he was active in AA, most recently I have been using this 12 step program and it's working for me to keep the focus on myself, have a spiritual foundation, getting support from people who understand, etc. But, now that he is not involved in his AA program (when his disease talks he says it's not for him) and is looking for "other ways out", it's difficult for me to stand by and watch since my understanding is the AA way has proven to be the most effective in treating Alcoholism. What he is reading in this book and is planning on starting soon, goes against everything that he and I have learned about alcoholism, that it can be controlled. So, of course I want to support him in treating his disease, however I'm biased now when he says he is going to try to control his drinking or drink in moderation. Anyone else going through this?

February 27th, 2007, 06:42 PM

Mrs Macks
February 28th, 2007, 04:53 AM
:welcome: Nla XX
What is alanon ?
And yes my husband is trying to moderate, from what i been through its so hard for him to completely give up.......No-one can help him apart from himself.........He has to find out for himself what is best for him, I've been going through this with Macks for 12 years now.......And if i put pressure on him it makes it harder......
:l 's Lisa XX

March 1st, 2007, 12:53 AM
Yeah? Alanon? Don't understand. Can you explain please?

March 1st, 2007, 02:17 AM
I think Alanon is just a short way of saying Alcoholics Anonymous ie AA ???

March 1st, 2007, 04:46 PM
Alanon is a 12 step program that was started by the wives of the founders of AA. It is a fellowship for people who are affected by alcoholics (friends, family, coworkers). It follows the same steps with a few changes in words and basically the same principals, slogans, sponsorship, etc. I have read a few posts on this board where people said they go to Alanon meetings so I'd like to get more support from those that are familiar with 12 step programs and also a program like the one on this board.

March 1st, 2007, 05:16 PM

This program is definitely a different approach to problem drinking than AA. It incorporates many different issues including mind, spirit and body with the use of nutrients, hypnotherapy, group support here on the boards, etc. It may work for your husband, it may not. I guess my only suggestion would be to have him read the book, try the supplements and the CDs and see how he feels about drinking after that. AA is NOT the most effective way to treat alcoholism. It is ONE way. There are many different paths to moderation and/or sobriety and this path has worked for many. In fact there are many, many people on here who are completely abstaining just from being on the boards and doing different aspects of the program. If anything, it could be good to use in conjunction with AA. Certainly cannot hurt to give it a try. I wish you and your husband all the best.

March 5th, 2007, 01:45 AM

I used to go to al anon about my mums drinking (see thread "children of alchoholics"). I found what they had to say quite helpful, but not half as helpful as a good doctor and therapist. Tough Love and 12 steps are all very well, but I really believe that the path that took my mother down was not the right one for her - and if she had only come across this program we may have had a completely different time of it.

I didn't inherit my drinking through genetics but through the habits and behaviours I saw as a child - I was adopted. My coping mechanisms were basically shot to pieces by the time I reached my 20s so I too turned to drinking, though in a different way from my mother - a much easier to hide version.

This program, to me, represents a way of stopping drinking without having to think about not drinking all the time. It is a positive approach rather than a negative one. I know that AA has helped many people, but if your husband is the type to dwell over things, I think AA can be quite harmful. The 12 step program is a constant reminder that you are not drinking, it reminded me of being on a diet, or giving up something for lent - I would obsess about the situation until i'd talk myself into another drink.

This program reminds me of nicotine patches for giving up smoking (apologies if anyone finds this to be a bad metaphor) - it gives you the tools to cope with the addiction and help break the habit of drinking as well. I know there is no "drinking replacement" as such - but there is when you think about it - this shows you how much better your life can and will be if you can stop or moderate. This program also gives you the opportunity to try and moderate - and if you can't (like me) then it demontrates that to you very clearly. I think that's the priceless thing - the fact that you can SEE the problem and face the issues without obsessing about the drink.

I hope this all works for you. I know how tiring it can be trying to help someone, or seeing so many things not work and wondering if there's a point at all.

I do believe you have come to the right place, and that your husband has a good chance if he can stick this out.

best regards


lucky 2.0
March 6th, 2007, 10:47 AM
We are the reason others go to Al Anon-

March 7th, 2007, 09:23 AM
Your AlAnon principles can still work for YOU as you take care of your own recovery. Hopefully MWO can provide some solutions for your husband if he is willing to work this program fully. Meanwhile, you need to continue to take care of yourself.

All the best!