AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

[shueaddict]

Good glorious EARLY morning abbies,

I am up earlier as I am travelling today. I missed making coffee for you these days. So there it is ... Special pot of Jamaican Blue Mountain for my very first day without my dog. I need to stay positive and I am looking at this as a new beginning for both of us.

Sugaaaaar, you decaf is on the side, dear, I am sooooooo happy about the job. I am sure it is hard but man, I am so proud of you.

Kaslo, can I give you a big hug and thank you for the tough love. It is terrible that someone would berate you here but I have seen it happening and in a convulted way the anonimity of the online forums give licence to some people to behave appalingly. I am sure that person woud not have the guts to tell you that to your face. I mean, you do claim you are built like a brick outhouse, right?

As for my own fail, I did not do it to kill the pain or escape my emotional hell ... I think I did out of reminiscence for the good old days, when hubby and I would sit on the terrace of our previous house and share a bottle, chat for hours and just feel really close. I guess I did not want for that night to be the alcoholic again, alaways on her guard. I wanted to be this person that HE wants me to be, which is the old me.

I have a 5 hour drive coming up, plenty of time to think about that and what new steps to take. I feel there is something that I am not doing. I need to step up my game, read more and really kick this.

So thanks, Kas, sunni, lav, det - if I wanted handholding and constant reassurance I would still be in the "conquiring day 1 thread" or newbies. It wasbgreat at the start and it really helped. But now I need you guys to be tough on me, I worry about the WTF moments ... I had a few when I thought I was doing pretty well.

Pap, your tea is coming later, thank you for holding my hand through the whole dog ordeal.

Have an awesome weekend everyone.

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

Good morning shue,
Thanks for the coffee & wishing you safe travels today
Your comment about wanting to be the old you for your hubby sparked something in my brain.
My MIA spouse growled at me that I had changed as he was running out of here a few years ago. Yeah, no shit! I was no longer pickling myself to use as a defense shield to protect me from his shitty behavior Before I started to drink I was pretty much raw & defenseless & that's what he was missing? Feck that!!!

It is a beautiful morning here so I will gladly get some outdoor chores done. I hear a heatwave is on the way next week, just in time for the official summer season ~ wonderful!

Wishing everyone a fantastic AF day!
Lav

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

Cripes-I'm not going off ADs or anything and I almost started a new thread because I thought today was Sunday!! :H

Sorry I've been MIA. It's been a very emotional week as well as tough at work. Now there is a new agility dog gone missing out of an RV park in Utah. Owner is from Iowa and doing this by herself with 4 other dogs to take care of and she has to go home in a few days. So sad. People are rallying and doing what they can from afar. Some are close by and are helping by putting up flyers. I just want to stay inside with the doors locked and never leave the house again!!

I spent yesterday afternoon rearranging how I have the crates in the car. I have new wire crates that are moderately better than the ones I had. But, to be really safe, I will need to save up for crates that cost 1K or better and pray that in the meantime our travels are safe. It was quite the process of rearranging, tying down (can't remember my knots for shite!!). I got myself a case of heat illness for all my efforts and spent last nite in agony and feeling hungover for the first time in 2 years. Feel much better today. I've decided not to spend the nite at my brothers in order to save 40 min of travel time Sunday morning. he doesn't have a fenced in yard and there are BEARS wondering through the yard at daybreak!! Plus all I have to sleep on would be a highly uncomfortable futon. Best to sleep in my own bed and get up at silly o'clock and drive the 2 hours in the morn with lots of caffeine in me.

Shue-I'm sorry you had that WTF moment and thought you could get back the old feelings. You can't. Once we go AF, everything changes and unfortunately either our family and friends change with us or they don't and then we have to decide how to handle that. The minefields of Life will never stop blowing up in our faces. We just have to learn different ways of coping with them. I'm glad you are going to take some time now to reevaluate things. You will come up triumphant in the end. I have faith.

Sugar!! You got a job!! WHOO HOO!!! As someone who is also in the process of job hunting I totally understand how wonderful and overwhelmed you feel right now. Just remember it may not be perfect, but the grass isn't always greener. Enjoy the process of the learning curve and feel very proud. You did this totally AF!!

Bean!! 8 months!! Wow! you rock girl! I remember how helpless I felt, and angry too everytime you relapsed. I just wanted you to "get it" and now you have!! Keep up the great work!

Lav-matilda is really growing up! So sweet!! I love your garden pickings too. If I could I would come down and house/pet sit for you so you could get away. Sounds like the kids owe you one!!

Greenie-going away again? where to this time? have fun!!

Marshy-great to hear from you! Wish you would check in more often but I understand.

Kas-wow does that ferry pic bring back memories!! That was so fun with the cable going across the waterway!! Good luck with the sick kid duties. Hope she feels better soon!!

Det-be careful with the geting off the meds! Hope you start to feel sharper very soon!!

Who am i missing? Please know that altought I don't post daily you guys are always in my thoughts and hearts!!

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

Hello Abbers,

Shue, the coffee was welcome. Thank you.

Lav, Although my husband prefers me sober, I can totally relate to the drinking in order to fortify myself against emotional trauma. I could deal with hubby when we were younger much better after a couple of glasses of wine to ease my anxiety.

Interestingly, as he has gotten older, he has gotten much nicer. Sometimes the old behaviors rear but not as often. I have finally figured out he really does love me. I do know that if I continue to drink, he will leave me. Not because he doesn't love me but because he cannot continue to deal with the worry and the fear, as well as "evil" Cindi that rears her ugly head when she drinks.

One thing I did figure out is that instead of drinking the wine, I should have been asking myself why I felt it was justified for someone to treat me so badly? While one can argue that he never should have acted that way, I have also figured out that there is something wrong in allowing that behavior towards me. Two to tango...

Anyhow, lovely day out there and much to do this weekend.

Love to all,
Cindi

[Kradle123]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

Day. 28.

:huggy

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

Way to peel those layers Cindi!! Keep up the great work.

On your way to 30 Kradle. Great job! Then what???

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

Good morning my Fabeens, thank you Shue, I am on the Pacific Coast and so when I checked last night before midnight this post was already up. So interesting these different points of view on why we drank and how things change.

From a toxicological point of view, we have a brain and body biochemistry that processes over indulgence in AL differently than the non AL person, and I believe there are degrees or stages in passing from the fun consumer to the addicted self-harmer. We all have reasons why we drink to excess some of them start out very dark and uncomfortable, some start out with us just wanting to have a good time. Not everyone has a terrible experience that they are coping with by using AL. Its just that eventually, once we pass the threshold into self harm, for want of a better phrase, there are some pretty sneaky ways AL drags us back into using. Shueski, dahlink. Your husband is no doubt a fun, charming, loveable guy who has fond memories of the wine drinking he did with you, and you with him. What he isnt getting is the other wine drinking you did that he didnt see or turned a blind eye to. And your not really telling him that part either, and I SO GET THAT. I dont tell Mr. Kaslo, because I would be diminished in his eyes. He is kind, fun, and a great husband. And he is just not going to accept that his wife is an alcoholic, but I am, and I spare him the details, but I also spare myself, now.

Just like when we first quit, and we are at a loss as how to inform the general public we dont drink, when no one really gives a rats ass, when weve quit for a while and we dont know how to fit in with family members who drink normally, the confict and the problems are mostly in our heads if but for ONE THING. And that one thing is, spouses who dont know enough to keep the AL away, and Fabbers (thass us) who are wishing we could be normal drinkers again. Because its nice and its fun. Except that it is NOT nice and it is NOT fun for us. Maybe for a few hours, but those few hours turn into ....well y'all know and I dont need to tell you.

Cindi, I love what you have written here. I love that you have a kind husband who cares for you and will help you quit. Because the alternative is for him to leave. That would not be good. You have a much better chance, statistically of making it out.

Cross post Kradle, congratulations on day 28!! By Day 28 I was opening up my eyes to other things out there in life, things I used to do and be involved in but I also had experienced this final final final epiphany, which was no more booze or im dead. Not sure youve had that for lunch but I highly recommend it.

Lav I am so sorry you have this person who persists in your life who is such a negative shadow over your past, and only you can change that. Its never too late to change that. You deserve much better than what happened to you, and you deserve some more out of life if you want it but you have to be the one to take those steps. I wish you could meet me in Budapest or Tangiers or Dublin. (ANd I wish I was there and not in the Chateau Victoria, but thats not so bad either come to think of it.).

Pap3 of many hearts, enjoy your time this weekend.

Well I could go on about whats been going on, but I am going out the door to see the gks here. My sick daughter is somewhat improved, young people bounce back so quickly but she was having difficulty breathing the day before.....pneumonia three times by the age of 28 = not a good prospect for a long life, so I hope she figures out how to prevent this.

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

papmom, enjoy your weekend & please don't worry about things/people/dogs across the country

Cindi, I've spent these past two years working on forgiving myself for putting up with YB's less than stellar behavior & treatment of me & our marriage. We all come here to learn something & I can definitely say, without a doubt that I have learned my lesson. I'm glad that your husband has mellowed & gotten nicer with age. Mine has just become more bizarre & evasive.

Kradle, we will be throwing you a party in a couple of days!

Kaslo, glad that your daughter is improving. Young people do heal quickly! Perhaps a workup with a pulmonologist is in order to find out why she keeps contacting pneumonia. Could be due to a lot of things.
I've been to Dublin but not to Budapest or Tangiers - we'll have to think about that :H

EB couldn't wait until dinner time to come over so I picked him up before lunch!
We've played outside, had lunch & made cookies. Now he's chillin in front of an episode of 'Fireman Sam' - his fav!

[Kradle123]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

I have no plan.
Just breathing for now.


Thanks for asking
:l

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

brain operating on 3 cylinders still but hanging tight. xxx everyone.

ditto Kas on the chemistry. for me, I had to understand this malady from a neurological/medical perspective in order to resolve myself to recovery. the simple observational 'you can't drink because XYZ' just did not compute with my analytical brain. I had to know why. now I can accept and move along. I just cannot imagine what it must have been like to be an alcoholic even a short 200 years ago when it was believed this was the work of 'demons'. egad.

be well peeps xxxx

[MumOfTwo]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

Hello Fabbers..

Weekly post from me LOL...however I do try and read back every few days

Kas - you are so wise and your words just ring true..thanks for being in our corner and kicking butt when needed

sugar - congrats on the job..what are you doing?

Det - I am also trying to get off my AD (without the Dr's help)..will Pm you the details..but it is all so good to actually experience the emotions..good and bad. Looking back, I think AL was the major cause of my depression..so now that is out..these will go too. I am so much more aware of me and how I feel now, so can monitor it better.

hello to all others..hope you are having a magical weekend..

off to lunch with family that I have not seen for years..should be fun

xx

[shueaddict]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

Hi peeps, it is 5AM here and I am going to bed. I officially partied all night since I am now on my hotel room balcony enjoying the sunrise spectacle over the sea. I haven't been up this late since university. I did not have a single drop of AL and I am having such a wonderful natural high. I swear I had more fun than all the people who drank, I danced and chatted and walked the sea garden ....

I am keeping this high in my heart ...want to hold on to it and remember just how much fun not drinking can be .

Sweet dreams.

[LibraryGirl]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

Shue, that's so wonderful to hear! I cannot imagine it. How lovely it would be to dance and socialize unselfconsciously. I'm glad you enjoyed the evening and sleep well.

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

very well done Shue!

Mum2, please let me know. I'm having a pretty bad time. feeling debilitated. like fog in my head really bad. and a weight on my spine. out of desperation just had a few sips of fruit juice. we'll see...

sorry to be a downer. just need to connect a sec.

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Saturday, June 16th

ok, it seems this is somewhat common

Coming off Citalopram - No More Panic