Long Term ?

[Changeling]

Just popped over here from monthly abs, interested to know how you define long term....
I am on day 63 AF today and my goal is to remain abstinant.
Would like to start posting here and benefiting from all the accumulated experience of the "masters" .
Happy wednesday everyone
Changeling

[xtexan]

Long Term ?

Hi Changeling:

I'm up late, as I don't have to go to work tomorrow. Stayed up, and watched a rental DVD called "Man of the Year" about Robin Williams (there's a long-term abstainer who struggles for sure) who gets elected president. Not a bad movie, but not a great one either IMHO.

On to your post. I only speak for myself, but I think a few of us here with months under our belt define a long-term abstainer as one who has decided to become sober for good.

Whether you are 1 day abstinent, or 10 years, if your intention is to go all the way, and make the serious commitment, then you are with us.

Myself, been AF for over 14 months now. I guess what I am trying to say, is that I don't know of anyone who says, "Well, I have a big problem, so I will go 12 months AF, and then I will be OK, and can start drinking again!"

It is a state of mind, and the most serious of commitments. Maybe more serious than even marriage or parenthood in some ways. I certainly have got it in my mind, right now as I write this, that I intend to live the rest of my life AF.

Even after 14 months, I'm a long way from becoming as sober as I want to become. It is an ongoing thing, that requires hard work everyday for me still. Sure the nature of the recovery changes, as I no longer fight the gross urges to just get wasted, but there are many issues I have yet to tackle.

One thing, I have written about, is how many of us are well aware of those who go a year, 2 years, 3 or more, and then get blindsided by something that sends us back into the hell. If anything, long-term abstainers is about defining those "somethings", and helping each other to be ready to deal with them.

It is a state of mind. A state of mind that says, "I am OK, and will be OK for the long haul, and alcohol is no longer a part of my life."

Thats my take on it. You have gone over two months now, and that is a great thing. One begins to see all sorts of new things about the world and themselves the longer one goes. Long-term AF, in my mind, is about seeking the best of those new things, and keeping them close to our souls.

At least that's my take on it.

Be well.

Neil

[irishlady]

Long Term ?

Hi Changeling,

Well I was going to write loads of stuff about being a long term abstainer, but Neil has just about said it all....

For me, in the begining it was all about me, but that is how it should be..... The things I had to deal with were more physical, the cravings for instance, once I got a handle on them then it was time to work on erasing old habits, and these were habits which had built up over years... For instance, shopping, every time I went grocery shopping my last port of call in the supermarket was the wine and spirit aisle.... I would walk up and down it deciding on white or red wine, maybe a bottle of vodka for backup.... Well at first I had to make a very conscious decision not to go down that aisle, now, I don't even think about it...I do my shoping, pay at the checkout and come home and I can honestly say I never even think, should I/ shouldn't I .....

I am now entering my 6th month of soberiety and I have never felt happier, physically I feel better than I have in years, though I still need to lose about 14lbs in weight, but that will happen slowly, the biggest change in me though is psychologically... I was using alcohol to help me deal with things, especially emotional pain, but that is like someone having severe headaches and living on aspirin to cover the pain rather than dealing with the root cause.... Also like Neil I have work to do in that area of my life, but I am working on it now in a sober state and making progress.....

I have said before, when I looked at the years I have left, the thought of never drinking again would fill me with panic and depression, now that I have left all that behind and I think of all those years yet to live without alcohol, I feel as if I have escaped from a very dark place and am now living in the brightest light and its wonderful....

I had reached a stage in my life where I was drinking because I HAD to, now I am at the stage where I am sober because I WANT TO BE, God, what a difference....

Congratulations on 63 days AF, and if abstinence is for you then I wish you success... The funny thing is though, I found in the early days that the few people who knew what I was doing, if they asked how many days I had been AF I could shoot the answer back straight away....17 days, 25 days or 50 days, now when asked I have to think about it and add up the months in my head, that makes me happy because it means that soberiety is no longer a new thing but it is now just a part of my everyday life...

Well, this was going to be short, I nust have kissed the Blarney Stone in my sleep, but you don't have to serve a certain length of time on the forum before you post on here, you can do it from day 1....

So, look forward to seeing more of you Changeling...

Love from Louise xx

[Rocky]

Long Term ?

Very well done... to all of you!

[capto]

Long Term ?

Mindset

Hello Changeling,

Two of our ?masters?, Neil and Irishlady, have responded with their typical empathetic inquiry and discovery. Neil is right on. It?s not the length of AF time, but the mindset. It took me some time to understand that.

I?m one day from 90days AF. I look forward to the day when I can walk down the grocery wine aisle without averting my head for fear of gazing too lovingly at those long slender bottles. I look forward to the day, when after a week or maybe a month, I don?t think about alcohol. I know this though; I want to remain AF. I?m soaring with the abundance and options that are flowing my way now that I?ve decided to be sober.

You have made HUGE progress at reaching 2 months+. I really think 30 days is almost a Tipping point, particularly if the intent is there. But yes, of course, welcome. I look forward to your posts and reflection on our journeys together.

Best,

Capto

[mikeupnorth]

Long Term ?

Hi Changeling,

"Long Term Abstainer" is not about how much sober time you have behind you -- rather, it's about how much sober time you have in front of you. Like others have said, it's a decision, a commitment, a state of mind. In fact, I tend not to use the word "abstinence" because it implies giving up something, which is not my point of view. I'm not giving up anything; I'm gaining my health, my sanity, and my life back. So I tend to use the word "sobriety" instead, which is a natural state of being.

In any event: welcome. I'm glad you're here.

Mike

[cpn1004]

Long Term ?

Once again, great posts by y'all.
Thanks for the support.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[Accountable for Me]

Long Term ?

Good question Changeling! I was wondering what defined 'Long Term' here too.

And great posts by you all once again!!! I just love you guys!!! Very inspirational. Keeps me going for sure!

[Newyear]

Long Term ?

As I was reading this I got to Louise's post and I realised I didn't know what day I was on, and hadn't added it up in a little while either. So I added it up, and today is day 124 Af.

I think I have a way to go towards understanding why I got to the point that I did with alcohol. I have kind of tiptoed around it a bit- which may be why I have not 'fully committed' to the rest of my life af.
But for now, I am enjoying the benefits of being sober....each and every day.
For some reason, this stage of "will I ever drink again" has lasted awhile for me.
But each time I think - should I try?, the answer always comes back - NO.
Why would I want to do that and mess up this great feeling I have? Then I think...but maybe I'll want to some other time.
I have no great desire to drink because I don't want to feel the way I did before. I don't want to live the way I lived. I was just surviving day by day.
I'm not going to push it and force myself to commit - but secretly, I'm pretty sure I'm already committed.
Reminds me of the Kurt Russell and Glodie Hawn relationship....committed but not written down or documented!
Guess I have their same fear of committment. But ...I think they have been together for 20 years - cause it's working.
Not drinking is 'working' for me.

Thanks for listening to my rambling.....
Changling - you are doing great. You should post where you like :goodjob:

Lisa