AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

[shueaddict]

Good morning, fellow abbers, rise and shine!!!

I made a pot of strong French roast and a nice Jasmine green for Cantoo. Mick, sorry for getting ahead of you, if I don’t post in the morning , poof, the chance is gone.

Porquoi, your post had me worried so much, don’t leave us, keep reading and keep posting. The route to sobriety is different for everyone but we can all agree on one thing – feeling depressed after we drink. Pick up the pieces, love yourself and as they say … “keep calm and carry on”. I think it is safe to say that in this present company I am probably the queen of slips. This is how I learnt half my AL avoiding tricks. The early cravings I found to be mostly physical and really strong … those were the easy ones . Later, what would start as a niggling thought at the back of my mind was actually the onset of a slip because I had to learn how to deal with stress, grief, joy, disappointment, frustration etc without AL. I am still learning how to cope.

But it is not just about coping … as Kas so eloquently put it …

Kaslo;1364721 wrote:
Quitting alcohol is not for the faint of heart. It takes cojones, balls, chutzpa and daring. It takes determination and time and a safe place and help from people who know what’s going on.
I found out the hard way that quitting AL means having a super sober look at my life and change what is not working , what is holding me back.

Which brings me to Lilly and not being good company – I speak for myself , after about 6 weeks AF I took on the reality of my life (that I thought was perfect, save for the drinking part and gaining weight). I have previously been on a pink cloud … yey, look at me, not drinking, sober life rocks! Coming off the pink could, the “now what?” phase set in. And it was not pretty. My eyes were wide open and I could see in clear detail everything that is wrong in my life, the mistakes of the past and chilling contemplation that it is going to take a long time to work on repairing things that I chose not to address by drinking myself into oblivion. I was ANGRY … I felt angry with myself for days and have been horrible to those around me. Byrdie’s GSR brothers (guilt, shame, remorse) are a horrible legacy. And they showed up again, even when I got sober. It passed too, I let go of the past, made new plans for the future and I am trying very hard to stick to them.

Doggy – so wonderful to have you here … I took a lot of inspiration from your posts.
Doggygirl;1364428 wrote: I went from being a party girl in my 20’s to excessive corporate executive drinker in my 30’s.

. I guess this is where I have been for a few years now. I really really do not want to continue this progression into the 40’s.

Lifechange, you have such a good heart. No AL in the house is what kept me AF the longest.

Satz – I hope you get a break from the liquid sunshine.

TND – How are you holding up? How is your troubled colleague? I hope the three stooges are treating you kindly and not waking you up in the middle of the night.

Cantoo – how long did you run for ?

Yahyah – are you still tired? Try juicing apple and fresh ginger, I find it great for an energy boost.

Mick – those naughty bunnies should know better … or maybe they do … that they will not get a swift kick up the arse while you are still toe challenged.

[shueaddict]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Ok … now me … I am going on holiday for 2 weeks+ tonight. During a year of trying to quit over and over again I have yet to manage a whole 2 weeks holiday AF. One week into my January break in Argentina I decided to have a beer (stinking thinking that “hey, beer is virtually AF”) … within 3 days I was sneaking shots of rum in the pantry … but hey … I did not touch the wine !!!

I DON’T want to repeat that. But I know myself, I will relax, let my guard down, turn off my blackberry and think that I need a break from everything, including trying to quit AL. Hubby is convinced I am “cured” so he will offer me a drink. His parents are joining us for the last week – I know he will offer me a drink in front of them so that he can avoid facing his parents about my drinking.

My holiday plan is to :
a. store all AL away the first week – I told hubby I don’t want to drink ( he needs reminding)
b. keep checking your posts
c. keep reading Jason Vale
d. keep waking up at dawn to work out
e. tell my in-laws I am not drinking (volunteer no explanation); if questioned, answer “I feel better this way, wine gives me heartburn”

So please feel free to PM me and keep tabs on me. Any other suggestions are welcomed.

[Mick]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Hi Shue...beat me to it..so I will post mine on the end if thats ok yep enjoy your hoilday..will pm you
if you are ok with that..One thing..why would your other half try and offer you a drink in front of his parents?????Dont get that one at all

good morning all..ooops really late..apologies been up early, but been putting a shelf in the bathroom..so here we go..tea and coffee on the go and yes there is green tea!!!Hang on I am going to have a brew now.
Before we get on, just want to say PQ....welcome, think we all knew what had happened,dont know why it happened, only you (maybe) know the answer to that, but if you want to talk about it, there is enough people here to listen.Ok, so you had a drink,but hey at least you had the guts to come back,and if we are honest there is not one of us can say with hand on heart tat we have not fancied a drink at one stage.I for one came pretty close yesterday..it took just sheer guts and a lot of effing and jeffing in my head to sort it out, so you arent alone in that.There is a song by Chumbawamba.."I get knocked down but then I get up again, nothings going to keep me down."....there you go that is you up.. again, on the board in the game,so dry the eyes lets think about the hows and whys and what we will do next time!!By the way if there is a gun in the post, you can bet your bottom dollar you are going to have quite a few people at your door/through your roof in the windows plus a few a/t squads and armed units, so I would sack that idea!!!Kas got it right triaged, endex lets move on..just dont forget we are here for each other,that is the point sharing hopes ideas skills pain etc

Was at the docs yesterday foot is cured on a temp basis..just got to see how it goes in the future wheter Ineed the op or not but at least I am back to normal..says who??:H Dentist today

Morning TDN...how are you today? glad the al thoughts haven't appeared,so good on you but don't forget stay strong and focused..little shit sneaks up on you at any time!!!What are you doing today? At work?With regards to your co-worker yep it must be hard.. but you cant help someone who wont help themself..(is that a word)

Good morning Lav..how are you today? anymore lightning shows? love watching it.When i was in the army, once I was in Canada, and there was a lightning storm..we were all sleeping outside in sleeping bags,and the lightning hit the zip on one guys sleeping bag and killed him..not a mark on him externally, but internally it frazzled him..guess its like the sea, needs to be respected!
The way these rabbits eat think I need to plant up another garden!!!What are you doing today?On your own or grand child watching?

Morning YAH..you ok? drink for you?tea coffee.Need help to wake up today?Yep toe got temporary clean bill of health so lets see..soon be back on my treadmill.You are right they are as crafty as anything..still wouldnt be without them.

Shue..Dobro utro...kak si? nice to see you even though its a flying visit..well done on the weight loss...oh yes and the spring in your step???silly me and there was me thinking this was about improving your golf!
How you doing with your af..seem a lot more chirpy again..well done you..any plans for Friday?

Hi doggy girl.. and how are you this fine day??What is your volunteer project about? how often do you go?
Yes you are right..you only fail when you sack it.

Hi Satz...whats with the new avatar?appreciate its raining in Ireland..but not pengy weather yet :H.How are you doing?Yep will let you keep that lead.for a good while

Morning lifechange..get into the garden..will bring a brew to you!! Besides presume your friend is still with you? gets you out of the road then.How are you today? any plans..apart from dodging gardening?

Cantoo...wow new name..new avatar whats going on with this girl? good morning to you mrs full of beans..and how are you today.Green tea coming up.Did you go for that run?
Certainly got a new outlook on your life ..well done you..trying to work your av out..go on tell me its you!!

Hi Lilly E..how are things in your part of the weorld today?zooming in and out as per I see.Must be pretty busy.Yes you are fright about the advertising for alcohol..its crap.. Romanticises the whole caboodle..doesnt show you the downers,the stomach pumps the cramps , vomit and screwed up lives..do you think it would sell if it did?

Kas good morning to you...wow love it when you talk posh!!!go on say it as it is how are things in Kaslo land?You in reading mode again?

Right folks I am off now..its 0950 am..now that is late!!!
Take care all,was going to say welcome back to PQ..but she never left.......have a nice day

Mick

[ThreeDogNight]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Good morning, Shue and Mick and all to come today!

Day 8!

Shue, love your post and all you say is so true! This is why I love coming here every morning. So much wisdom and experience and encouragement. I hope that you can hold on through the holiday. I think the heartburn idea is a good one, as AL can cause acid reflux, and it isn't always easy to tell somebody--like the in-laws--why we aren't drinking. I guess your hubby just doesn't want his parents to know you have a "problem." Anyway, stay close to us and re-read your posts.
Mick, sounds like you are really on the mend from the toe issue--hope the dentist has good news, too You are always so cheery and chipper--love reading your posts to get me going. We had a lovely man from London in the shop yesterday. He has been here for about two weeks visiting family, and is so excited to be in the sunshine! Even our nightly thunderstorms and downpours--the one we got after midnight was a doozy, and it is still raining--don't bother him! He een said that our shop is his favorite place to visit! He put a smile on my face that lasted all day!
PQ--glad you posted again last night. So worried about you, because I ahve been there, done that so many times in the past. It is hard to get back on the "wagon" after a slip, but it is een worse if it becomes a relapse. Just let us all know what we can do to help. You can PM me if you want me to call you or if you want my phone number. One day in July when I was having a terrible time, Lav gave me her number and I called and she was so very supportive. We all "get it," and we just want to help each other.
YahYah, I am still a little tired and get a mild headache, too, but it's going to get better and better and is a small price to pay for remaining AF. I sleep, but it feels like I am never fully asleep. And last night the thunder and heavy rain kept me awake. But I am okay during the day.
Don't want to lose my post so will continue in another one!

[ThreeDogNight]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Okay, will continue here and then need to brave the rain and go next door to feed and walk the neighbors' dog. They always wait until last minute to ask me to do this.
Anyway, had a lovely dinner at our friends' last night. Beautiful eening, and we were able to sit outside on their porch overlooking their beautiful gardens. Chicken curry and peach melba--our friend is a gourmet cook--and I brought a diet Cranberry (Cape Cod brand) that I shared with friend, and it was delicious and I had no desire for wine. The wife had white wine, Mr TDN had one beer, and that was that! Then we watched a DVD that a customer brought me yesterday. This man is from Ukraine, can speak literllay no English, but has bought a lot in the hops over the past few days, and came with his wife and daughter--who does speak some English--then with a friend, and was trying to tell us about how terrible things are in his country. Seems he has been granted political assylum, and MR TDN had seen him and the friend at a friend's gun shop with a guy who seems to maybe be his host or sponsor. Anyway, the DVD was dubbed in English, but the English was so stilted and so fast that we couldn't understand a lot of what was being said. But seems this man had a business --car dealership--that was just bulldozed by the governement and covered up by politicians. Odd that he gave this to me, but I think it is because we tried to talk with him and show him some attention and maybe the other shops didn't/couldn't. ANyway, it is pretty fascinating.
Work at 9:00 today, and was hoping Mr TDN could come and pick me up by boat, but looks like the rain may continue and turn into storms later. We'll see. I expect that we'll be busy if this keeps up. I'm ready for it!
I need to go and take care of the dog, but will check back before I go to work.
Hope eerybody has a great AF day!
:lTDN

[Lavande]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Good morning Abbers,

I'm up bright & early thanks to puppy Matilda & the always energized EB!
3 1/2 yr olds rarely take a break :H :H


shue, I wish you a restful vacation. Pack your BGPs & a heaping dose of my Lavan-ittude.
I won't let anyone question me about my decision to not drink AL ~ it's none of their damn business. Few people have pushed me & the ones who have tried just saw me walk away!!!!

Mick, lightning truly is a force of nature & not something to be messed around with
The weather is nice today so there will be no shows in the sky!
Glad to hear your toe is mending, wishing the same for your tooth. I am just hanging out with my grandson this morning but have some business to attend to this afternoon so he'll have to go :H

TDN, awesome on your 8 AF days!
Your friends sound rather interesting, certainly not run of the mill types. Hope you have a great day.

porqoui, I'm sorry yuo are in a bad place at the moment. Don't hide, let us try to give you a hand:l

I hope everyone has a terrific AF Thursday!
Lav

[porqoui]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Hi
Still trying to stop the tears.
Talked with my son this morning and he told me how proud he is of me.
Shit happens but he's so glad I talk to him about things.
I think if I lost his support I would die.
I'm reading/absorbing all I can and trying to get myself back to a point where I feel ok about posting and asking for help.
I have read lots of posts starting with Back to Day 1 and thought really? If you've committed to quiting AL what's the problem? Boy was I wrong. I apologize to all the Back to Day 1'ers for not understanding the struggle.
I do not want to loose the support of my MWO family, hence the post, and to be honest this is a struggle to write.
If I ever figure out how to turn the PM on I would really appreciate one-on-one support. I'll work on that today. Thanks for being here. :upset:PQ

[Kaslo]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Whew, glad you posted PQ. Sorry you are having such a struggle, but its wonderful your son is there for you. Dont worry about underestimating how tough this is. It can seem very easy at first then creep up and ....welll you know. I wish I had a dollar ok I wish I had a hundred dollars for every fall I had.

To send a PM I think you go to the USER CP tab in the far left hand corner top of screen there. You need to unblock where it says you can recieve and send PMs there, I think . Then on the left had side there is a tab for sending messages, and it recognizes peoples "names".

All the best and remember, we are all pulling for you, as Red Green would say.

kas

[Kaslo]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Hi to alla you other Fabbers. TDN you are starting to sound so much better. And Shue, I realise this is kind of harsh sounding, but working through everything you worked through to get to where you are committed and focused is rare and its what Lav has and its what we all want to get. I think its like growing up, actually. I think despite being Miss Science Panties and all, I was in a state of arrested development, mourning several things in my past and using alcohol as a treatment. So when I finally grew up... bingo.

Shu... Good luck on your two weeks off you TOTALLY deserve some R&R and rubbing shoulders with your relatives in an environment that is safe and fun and healthy for you. You can talk, and swap stories, recipes, memories, and have a great time. Why not tell your husband ahead of time to forget about the offerings of wine in front of others. If this doesnt come up, believe it or not, non alcoholics dont even notice it. (Life for an alkie is like living in the fairy tale the Emperors New Clothes.) By now he should be an ally not a hidden liability in your journey toward a normal existence w/o AL.

One thing is for sure.

And before I bog off to what every scientific horse hockey I am up to today, I just want to say its been over 19 months for me, and still last night I had a dream I said yes to just one glass of wine. And in my dream I was thinking, how am I gonna get this past MWO? And feeling cheesy about it, but then the dream shifted before I took the glass. And that is my life in a nutshell. I think I can I think I can. I think I can.


Kas

[Mick]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Hi PQ..how are you?Not sure how to turn pms on think Kas is right in how you do it.You want to pm me or any of us..we are here.Yes you are right..shit happens..heres one for you..went to the dentist this morning to get the root filling done 3 needles in my mush to start with then starts drilling and faffing about.Nearly hit the roof,him the nurse the full shebang.The nerve was supposed to have been dead....was it ........(put your own words in there!)end result..got to go and get that done by a specialist before they can think about doing the root work.Cost?? a mere ?460 ...aaaarggggh
Best diet ever..thats a lot of pounds to lose!!

Chin up ..keep going

Mick

[lifechange]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

good rainy afternoon everyone! i did make it to the garden this morning and it was a nightmare! it's a rooftop garden 3 stories high and i hadn't been there in god knows how long--i thought, ah, its been raining. it should be ok. it's so overgrown with weeds and mostly dead! the only little surviving edible plants were chilies--being smothered by chard.! so my emergency plan is to pull everthing up, re-soil a bit and plant an autumn garden. what do you gardeners think? this is a terrible result of having been inconsistent because of drinking the past months. i killed lots of innocent little plants. very sad.

Porquoi, i am so glad and relieved that you are getting back on here asap. i also, ashamedly, had an attitude of, "what's their problem?" with people who "slipped". now i know how easy it is and what a job it is not to. i agree with Shue, that the most difficult thing is getting rid of this nasty little voice that sneaks up on you out of nowhere. that is what we are all learning to do here. now you need to do whatever you have to to get through the next couple of days. don't be down on yourself--listen to what those with lots of experience have to say and follow it. i'm not an aa pusher--have only been to a few meetings--but i do think it can help sometimes to get in there and listen to what others have to say in person. i was pleasantly surprised. big hugs to you!!:l

[lifechange]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

TDN, you sound great. i can't figure out what kind of a shop you work at!! sounds like you meet a lot of interesting people. and how nice to get a ride in a boat to work.

Shue, i hope you have a wonderful vacation-- i agree with what Lav said. you actually don't owe anyone an explanation--you've worked so hard for your sobriety. i would also like to see your husband be very understanding and supportive to your wishes and needs. maybe you can talk to him ahead of time.

Kas, i also had a drinking dream last night! i was with friends and was offered a glass of wine. i said no, no, no and they accepted my no-- then i went ahead and drank it. dammit!!
i was so happy to wake up. and this morning (at 2am) i heard my BF get up for a headache pill. is it rude for me to say haha..? i read what you said on another thread (daisy's i think) and thought it must be very helpful for those struggling with a "slip". as usual, i love reading your posts.

i have to write one more, 'cause i know i'm forgetting something. have a mind like a sieve. several people have said the memory improves again with time. is this true? i sure hope so as playing memory with the girls is a bit embarrasing right now.

[TheSunFlower]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Just checking in. Life has gotten full and real busy. Kids in school means homework and sports. I am focusing on getting healthy....eating good, working out and yoga. And still getting as many aa meetings in as I can.

Some days I fly through them, but others the thoughts come in. I don't pay them much mind as I know they will pass.

Porq...slips happen. They happen to people with years of sobriety. What I think is dangerous....is the thinking " what's the use I'll never make it" or "I slipped....so let's make the most of it" and allow it to drag on to a relapse. What I have found useful is to look back and see what led up to it. It makes me keenly aware when I start down that road....sometimes days ahead of a coming slip. The ones that I find hard...are the ones that come in a flash....and they still scare me. But, I always dust myself off and get back on track ASAP. A slip does not have to be devastating.....but, it is always a chance to learn.

One thing I stopped doing was all the counting of days. For some reason regardless of the number.....it does not motivate me....even at 9 months sober. Then if I do slip.....Knowing that I have to start over counting...can give me good reason to drink another day or two. And for me those nine months did count....even though I did drink again.

So I am off to a day full of client meetings, AA meeting, sports practice.....and I already squeezed in the workout this am.....and gotten loads done at work. But, it's time for me to quit goofing off at the office

[lifechange]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Mick, youre lucky your garden is only suffering because of bunnies! one huge problem i have is that everything is being grown in huge boxes--so of course we don't get the regeneration from mother earth. glad to hear the good toe news! will definately be here tomorrow a.m. for a coffee before work!
Lilly, hello and big hugs to you. i will keep you up to date on the whole sponsor thing. what i like about her so far --and the group in general--is that it doesn't seem to be to dogmatic. she is younger than me--prob. 35 or so--and is super serious about sobriety and working the steps, but not in a pushy, "this is the only way" kind of way. she insisted that we have contact each day for the first 90 days--per phone or email--and that we meet once a week in person. i think, from reading the steps and some of the book, that doing the steps will be helpful for me in many aspects of my life. keep us posted on kimberleys book.! i want to get over to that thread tonight.

hi to everyone else stopping in tonight--Sunflower, Satz, Yahyah, Lav

Life

[CanToo]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Shueaddict - Yumm Jasmine I didn't get that run in last night - had a late meeting with our corp. lawyer and it sucked all the energy out of me. I have remembered a saying from my sky diving days - For those who don't understand, no explanation is possible. For those who do, no explanation is needed. Have a great vacation.

Mick ? LOL yes that?s me. Spring training camp in Florida. Thanks for the re-fill. What are those Brits doing to your teeth?

ThreeDogNight ? Yay, on to week #2 and a dinner party. You Rock!

Lavande ? Ditto on the none of their business!

PQ ? You are a Canadian. Yes we like to drink but we?re strong. These guys are here to help. Glad you?re here today.

Kaslo ? We?re watching

SunFlower ? Interesting. I can see how the counting can make it worst after a slip.

I have an interesting couple of days coming. Tomorrow is our company golf tournament and at night I'll be volunteering at a CFL football game....... selling beer. I'm hoping to be totally exhausted at the end of the night that I go straight home and to bed.

Then Saturday I'm going for a bike ride (motorcycle bike ride) through the mountains with a neighbour. After my first AF weekend I told this neighbour that I was not drinking he glared at me then turned around and walked away. That was 10 days ago and he's said nothing more about it. People are so strange.

Have a great rest of today and a better tomorrow. I may not be back until Sunday.