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Lavande
August 16th, 2012, 06:19 AM
Good morning kids!
Thought it was time to start the week 3 thread ;)

So far today I have watched the sun rise (thanks Matilda), I'm on my 2nd cup of coffee & watching the Wiggles (thanks EB) :H :H
I am also being told that I need to get some new baby chickens ~ I don't think so :)

OK, I need to figure out what I'm doing today.
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Thursday!

Lav

dill
August 16th, 2012, 06:50 AM
Good Morning Awesomes!
Lav, thanks for starting us off on week 3. I really can't understand where the time is going and why it has to go there so fast! Not going to get chicks? This is not a good time of year to do that, but are you going to get some in the spring, or are you fazing out of the hen business?

SD, I hope your first day back at work is not too traumatic!

I watched the sunrise with Lav while walking the dog, Tessa. The light was just beautiful. Now I too must figure out what I'll get into for the rest of the day, but it will be gotten into with the confidence of AF!!!

ladybirdheart
August 16th, 2012, 01:15 PM
Greetings on Week Three. Time flies, it is already now too dark to see what I am doing in the garden at 5:30. Dill, regarding your stepping in to help your family, it is an interesting change for me as well to be ?available? when people call in the evening. I still prefer to be left on my own after seven or so but at least I can rally if need be:). I have been thinking a lot about something you said in passing about revealing problems with alcohol??people sometimes have so much to lose when they get honest. It changes everything?. For a long time I did not talk about my addiction with Lord Bird Heart and others. I told myself that it would diminish me in their eyes and kept on telling myself this even though I knew Lord Bird Heart had a history of his own. I told myself this even though in truth functional people with addiction can be really good role models for easing the shame of others, it is something that can happen to anybody and often does along the way. For me not being honest, however, had nothing to do with any of that. My secrecy just gave me another level of protection against stopping drinking, I could still go back to drinking without causing alarm or worry, if I told someone they might try and stop me and I didn?t want to have to deal with that, I didn?t want to risk not having access to an easy drink, that?s what I thought I had to lose. Fortunately I am finally getting to the place where I genuinely don?t want to drink any more so whatever side of the closet door I am on is irrelevant. Oh happy day:). Once I got away from it then tried controlled amounts from time to time, I realized whatever I had once found in it was gone, no more buzz, just impaired, no more floating, just dim, no more relaxing, just stupid. Impaired, dim, and stupid, now that is something to lose:H. Hi Rusty, Lav, SD, Chill, IMT, Nellie, Cyn, Jolie, Rustop et. al. Where in the world are you my thoughtful Stargazerlily? And Pappy:h? Love, Ladybird.

Kaslo
August 16th, 2012, 01:39 PM
Wow, very powerful post Ladybirdheart, and very applicable to my own situation. Its really only HERE that I discuss this failing of mine, even though my two adult daughters both know exactly what is going on and what has gone on. And Mr. Kaslo seems oblivious, but maybe its one of those things that goes to the grave.

My grandfather was a binger, used to fall in the ditch with the town judge and the two of them spent time drying out in the hoosegow. There are still people in the city where he lived (it was a cow town then) that remember this and think of my gf as being an unreliable cheat, which he most certainly was. Famously handsome, and devil may care, and a total souse. His problems were in the street and on peoples lips for decades after he died. I always wanted to avoid that like the plague and play the role of the professional toxicologist with no problems....and most I did but just because you control a situation doesnt mean its not potetially life threateningly toxic...

In the end it doesnt matter if we reveal ourselves or not, I think. I dont want to go back to where I was on the brink ever.

I enjoyed your post so much, I read it a couple of times.

kas

dill
August 16th, 2012, 05:40 PM
LBH, that is exactly it. You got honest and it changed everything, but in your case for the good. Because you were ready. I think my thought process when I wrote that statement was more along the line of Rusty's Uncle. What he might risk by being honest with his wife about her drinking and deciding not to cover up for her anymore. That's a game-changer and relationship-ender very often, if the drinker is in denial like you (and I) were. I know that when Mr. D confronted me in 2009 that he would leave me if I didn't get it together...well, he came pretty close to having to do just that, because I was not ready to give it up. I was close to choosing the bottle over him. I didn't want that though so I started trying to quit. But there was a lot of resentment in my effort.

Like Kaslo, I liked your post very much too. It gave me an honest look at my own reasons for not coming out of the closet about my drinking. You went right to the core.

Kaslo, that loss of public image and being fodder for gossip, the shame I might bring to my family, has been a huge fear of mine. I think it may be one of the most powerful reasons I had for trying to quit. I didn't want to be that person that everybody "knew" had a serious alcohol problem. Keeping up my professional image was a stumbling block for me in terms of getting help. I dragged myself in secrecy to a counselor. I spent a few sessions, but I came to find out that I knew one of the people in the practice and it threw fear into me. I didn't want him to mention seeing me there to anyone. I never joined the group counseling and I quickly left the individual sessions as well.
whatever I had once found in it was gone, no more buzz, just impaired, no more floating, just dim, no more relaxing, just stupid. Impaired, dim, and stupid, now that is something to loseThat about sums it up for me!;)

Lavande
August 16th, 2012, 05:52 PM
Hoosegow
Now that's a word I haven't heard in ages Kas ;)

I feel no need to explain myself to people......
Everyone has something that they keep to themselves, right?

I subscribe to Carl Jung's belief -
'I am NOT
what happened to me
I am what I CHOOSE
to become."

I don't have room for new chickens Dill ~ EB will just have to get over it :H

LBH & Kas - great to see you :)

Greetings to all the MIAs

Guitarista
August 16th, 2012, 06:52 PM
Hiya Lav, LBH, Dill, Kas, anyone in the Hoosegow, and all youse Awesome AAAer's to come,

Yep, cool post LBH. Thankyou.

I strongly relate to when you talked about 'coming out of the closet' and the pressure that can put on us if we haven't decided, or arrived at that point where we finally accept and 'surrender' to the realization we cannot drink safely again.

Dill, I know for me in my recent struggles with AL, i seriously considered a 28 day style rehab (even longer), but i balked at this, and didn't pursue it 'cause i wasn't sure if stopping drinking was what i wanted, but also as i work pt. time as a community mental health outreach worker, this is something i wouldn't want work colleagues to find out about. Having said that, if i was still struggling today, i would have no hesitation in asking for help, putting my job on hold, and getting treatment. I'm sure my employers would support me, but i'd prefer they didn't know, cause if i take time off in the future (to drink), then the game is up. But, once we come to the realization that it is unsafe for us to drink, and in my case, the evidence is consistent, then the decision has to be made. Getting my brick head around this has proved to be a bit of a challenge, but the truth is slowly seeping through! :)

P.S. Around 22 days AF here and going great. Reaching for the stars.

Wishing everyone a safe, sober and magical week, and if you need time in the ol' Hoosegow, then get to it! ;)

Lavande
August 17th, 2012, 06:24 AM
Good morning Awesome Ones :)

Hi G!
Congrats to you on your AF time ;)
Hoping everyone stays out of the hoosegow today :H

Have lots of little things to do today so may as well get started!
Wishing a wonderful AF Friday for one & all!
Lav

dill
August 17th, 2012, 09:47 AM
Hi Lav, lots to do here as well. The first is to use my gift card to Chili's!:) I haven't been there in a long time so I am looking forward to seeing what's on the menu. Mr. D and a gf of mine will be along as well.

G, I am a step behind LBH on exiting the closet in a big way. That said, I am definitely past the realization that you mentioned. I know I need to stop, and I am for the most part af, but I still have that little part of me holding on. You aren't the only one with a brick head!:H We'll win in the end, I'm certain.

Happy AF Friday everyone!

ladybirdheart
August 17th, 2012, 12:26 PM
Thanks, Kaslo, I have found in you a strong combination of science and heart. I too come from a line of charismatic and charming alcoholics, they tended to die young, however, fell off horses, boats, trains, cliffs, committed suicide, crashed automobiles and little planes, and I was raised alone and far away from their legends so nothing to so personally live down. It?s good to see you again here also G, I think we have both similarly flirted with drinking but found the returns diminished. I am in a good long stretch of AF time and it seems easier now, more natural. I think I have had to go back to drinking a few times to figure out what if anything it still meant to me. It certainly has not helped me recapture any feelings of youth and that sweet sense of an open ended future; there is something sort of pathetic about drinking for me now, more like buying a sports car I?m too blind to drive properly or having a stupid affair. I don?t seem to be a person who quits drinking per se but rather just gets further and further away from it, and I think you might be like that also Dill. Just ease away:cool:. Love to all, Ladybird.

Lavande
August 17th, 2012, 06:51 PM
Hi Dill, LBH & all the MIA ;)

This AF thing does get more natural as time goes on ladies & gents.
Actually, that took me by surprise as I really did not know what to expect when I walked away from the madness :)

Awaiting some thunder storms & the arrival of some cooler weather ~ at least that's what the weather geniuses have promised :H

ThreeDogNight
August 18th, 2012, 05:53 AM
Good morning!

I usually post in the AF Daily thread, but started reading this, and wow--LBH, you hit the nail on the head! I never completely revealed everything to Mr TDN, as I always kept that thought os another drink with me, and couldn't risk his knowing all! But he knew ALL my hiding spots--had found them while I was in rehab months ago--except one. He found that 11 days ago (I'm on Day 10 now.) I was sloppy and stupid, and am now grateful for that. You have captured that horrible place where drinking is pure misery and nothing else, and I think about that every day now.
Hope it's okay if I start posting here every day, too. This forum has been my lifeline for a long time--depsite relapses.
G, didn't know you'd had another relapse, so good for you with 22 days! I did go to a great rehab last Nov-Dec, and it kept me AF for over six months. I also did AA, but haven't been there in a couple of months, and not sure if/when I'll go back. But the time away helped me heal. But I wouldn't go until my second DUI--job, money, etc. The money I've spent on the related DUI's is a whole lot more than the rehab.
Have a great AF day, all.
:lTDN

Lavande
August 18th, 2012, 06:21 AM
Good morning Awesone Ones,

I'm up way too early ~ Matilda couldn't wait :H

Nice to see you here TDN ;)
Please stick around, the more the merrier.
So happy you are moving forward with your AF plans.

I'm waiting for this nice weather to arrive. I really need to get caught up with stuff outside. The summer's heat & PI really put me behind.
Have a great AF Saturday all!

Lav

itsmytime
August 18th, 2012, 06:40 AM
Good Morning Everyone,

Great post LBH, that is where I am. My hubby knows my intention to stay sober. I haven't come right out and told friends I quit, but I am just not drinking right now. I am too early in my journey and like what was said, if, I mean big IF I do drink again I don't want anyone pointing it out etc...That's my AV working overtime.

How long have you been AF LBH? I am on Day 34 and don't want to drink, but not thinking in terms of forever, only one day at a time.

It is getting more natural as Lav says, it hit me last night being Friday. The first thing I would have done 35 days ago would be to make a drink as soon as I got home from work. Any running around would be done before I got home because once I got home, that was it I'm not driving any where.

Boy, it feels great to be free from that and be available 24/7 not worrying about slurring on the phone. Drunk texting, facebooking, whatever.

It feels great to make plans without thinking about how we were going to get there and home.

It feels great to fall asleep reading, rather than passing out

It feels great to remember conversations from the night before

It feels great to enjoy the sunshine and not wish it was raining so I could lay on the couch all day

It feels great, to be present for myself and my family

It just FEELS GREAT!!!

Have a wonderful Saturday Awesome People!!

Rusty
August 18th, 2012, 07:43 AM
Hi Everybody!

I am delighted with the really heartfelt posts this week that I have read and re-read.

TDN..it's so great to see you here! I read your posts on the other threads and love your openness (sp?) Yes, please post here every day. I am so proud of you that you have not given up the fight. I admire your courage in telling us about your DUIs, the expense, and your husband finding your bottles hidden all over the place. When I read your post, I think of the movie, "When A Man Loves A Woman."

LBH-what an impact you have had on people with your post about secrecy. Oh yes, it gave me a level of protection....keeping my drinking problem a secret the best I could. My reasons for keeping my drinking problem a secret not only had to do with avoiding disappointing family members, but I was so afraid it would ruin my career that I had worked so hard to build. I read "The High Functioning Alcoholic" and I could see myself in alot of that book. My position is well-respected, high profile, a leadership role, and I didn't want my clients knowing about my problem. I had won numerous awards and oddly enough, when my drinking was at its worst, my income was well over $100K/year. I have no reason to feel deprived....only grateful, as my career is still intact as is my reputation. I could have easily lost it with the path I was on. Am I glad I kept it a secret? YES. It was worth it. When you said that the secrecy gave you an "out" so you could drink again, I confess that when I started seeing this therapist (see my post to Dill) she told me she and her husband had a summer cottage VERY close to where I live, and all I could think of was, "what if I am out drinking one night and she sees me?

For other opinions on my post, please read the other threads.:H;)

Dill-I totally agree with you that the honesty about our drinking can be a dealbreaker relationship-wise. I could have written your post when you mentioned going to see a therapist and knowing somebody in the practice. Our journeys are so similar. My family did an intervention October 13, 2008, and told me I was going to rehab-or have a plan to go to one....SOON. Well, I was not about to go...so I had to come up with another method that would show my family that I was serious about quitting drinking. I wasn't. So instead, to get them all off my back, I went to see an AL therapist who was an hour away from my house....thinking I could go anonymously. This therapist was great, but on my 4th visit, I recognized a man in the waiting room whom I'd been friends with in my running club. We hadn't seen each other in probably 8 years, and I don't know if he recognized me or not, but I was NOT going back. I was so ashamed. Regarding my uncle's enable my aunt's drinking....Anne confirmed what I had thought....if he told her to quit or curtail her drinking, then she would have fired right back, "well then you'll have to quit, too." He wasn't about to do that. He liked vodka, too. Despite the fact that he still likes his whiskey, at 90, he still plays a wicked game of tennis, drives, lives alone, is in a VA choir, and is very active. I think he's very happy. The constant care of my aunt must have been exhausting.

Mr. G:h, congratulations on your string of AF time. Even if you do have a brick head, it sure is cute.;)

Kaslo-good to see you here!

Jolie-did I tell you that a bunch of the people at the wedding in July were from MD? Inner Harbor....one of my favorite places.

SD-you're busy as ever....I can't believe you're already going back to school. Did you see the Packer game on Thursday? You asked me about my sister, and I told you I would send you a PM sometime to explain, well now is as good a time as any. My sister has ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS supported, and defended me. She she protected me. Still does. The turning point for her was when I had passed out drinking and forgot to pick up my mom at the airport. My mom called me after she had waited 45 minutes and said "where are you?" I lied to her and said I was sick. If my drinking had not had such a negative effect on our mother, my sister would have kept on defending me and refused to confront me. My family's full intervention left me so horribly humiliated that I drank even more after that. I had never been shamed like that before and that shame kept me drinking more to try and block the shame I felt. What I wanted to tell you was that I think since my sister and I were so close, that if she had pulled me aside even months before that intervention and said, "look I love you and I am so worried about your drinking," and given me examples of things I did while under the influence, I would have gotten help on my own and much sooner. I had no idea that my behavior had gotten so bizarre. She loves me so much and that intervention was NOT her idea....she was against it altogether. However, my manipulative sister-in-law bullied my mom into thinking that rehab was the BEST and MOST EFFECTIVE way to keep drinking. My SIL is a big know-it-all. Due to that incident, and a few others, my SIL, whom I really loved for many years, is now someone I have to grit my teeth to see it all. She has done things to embarrass my sister and her daughter, and me as well. I also think she was furiously jealous of how close my sister and I were, and continue to be...and she wanted nothing more than to put a wedge into our relationship. Well, it blew up in her face big time. My sister and I snicker at her now.

Star and Papmom-come out, come out....and let us know how you are.

Has anyone seen the documentary on Showtime about Ozzy Osbourne? It's on late at night (with good reason). It was produced by his wife, Sharon, and son, Jack, who is in recovery and has been sober for several years now. It's quite compelling as the program shows many of the lewd and abusive things he did whilst under the influence of drugs and AL....including biting the head off a bird, and numerous lewd acts. The saddest part was when Sharon talked about how he beat her, and all 3 of his kids said while he was drinking and drugging, he was not a father. They would come home from school to find him either passed out with a bottle of vodka in his hand, or he would be in a tirade. It also showed him watching some of his own concerts with Motley Crue, and he doesn't even remember them.:confused: I guess he's been sober for a few years now. Interestingly....Sharon Osbourne said Ozzy didn't get serious about getting sober until Jack went to rehab first. Talk about a career relapser....Ozzy and his friends said he had been to 10-12 rehabs, several being over 90 days. The longest he was sober was 6 months.

Geez....I've been on here for over an hour.:wow3:A big hello to Lav, Rustop, Chill, Star, Papmom, Cyn, IMT, Nellie, and anyone I may have missed....have a great AF Saturday.

I know this was a long post but it was therapeutic for me. Thanks for being here!

Rusty
August 18th, 2012, 07:45 AM
IMT...sorry, cross post! You sound so great....and wow, you are over the 30-day mark already:goodjob:

dill
August 18th, 2012, 10:44 AM
Greetings Awesome Ones,
Lav, you really help us "serial relapsers" when you say that it does get surprisingly easier. Can't hear that one enough! I do know it's true though, I've seen enough stretches to know that.

TDN, we would love to have you post with us. I enjoyed reading your post and of course saw some of myself in your story. I was impressed that you had the grace and presence of mind to be grateful your husband found your last hiding place. I still have a measure of resentment toward my hb if he involves himself in an active way in my quit. It's mixed up, I'm sure, in the framework of our relationship in general, and my feelings of independence. (How did G put it? 'brick headed'?) Your attitude will carry you to the winner's circle!

Rusty, I don't know why it didn't occur to me that your Uncle was covering so he could preserve his own habit!:duh::H Something to lose is something to lose in any case! He must have been able to keep his drinking in bounds though, was he? Good for him making it to 90! Thanks for sharing so much of your story with us today. I know you have shared it in the past, but it was nice to read it again and kind of more completely. (I ran over my amount of 'smilies' or I'd insert a hug here.)

:bowIMT, CONGRATS on breaking past 30!!!!:woot: Keep that focus on the positive going and thank you so much for sharing it. I think it is rubbing off!;)

LBH, yes, just moving further away gradually over time does seem to be what I've been doing. Making a subtle exit, shall we say? I never was one for drama! ;) Thanks for all the times you've managed to clarify my thoughts and experiences, hopes, frustrations and fears, into words.

Rusty
August 18th, 2012, 11:23 AM
Hello, I'm back for a bit before I take off for a fun-filled AF Saturday afternoon.:)

Dill:l, I hate that we only can post 6 images...I had to reread and revise my post 3 times so that I would only have 6 or I would have put a :l in my post to you, too. Thank you for tolerating me telling my story AGAIN....I did it in the hopes of responding to LBH's great post and to SD, whom I promised long ago to tell her the complete story of my sister's role in the intervention.

LBH-yes, moving away from AL or the whiff of it in our lives. Brilliantly said, as always!

IMT-you are an inspiration to anyone on any thread.:)

Ok, off for more fun. I'll be back later.;)

FlyAway
August 18th, 2012, 11:53 AM
There are so many profound statements in this thread! I love reading here. It gives me much to consider.

Dill--"People sometimes have so much to lose when they get honest. It changes everything." Yes! It can end a marriage, end a career, cause one to lose his self-respect, or cause the loss of the ability to drink. For me it was the last 3. My husband, for some odd reason, loves me completely and this wouldn't cause him to leave me. But it could end my career, I am deeply ashamed of my problems with alcohol (self-respect), and was afraid to say anything about it because then I knew everyone would be aware and that would hamper my ability to drink if I relapsed. But I have now crossed that bridge. I have told numerous people that I no longer drink, including many at work. Work people know that I have health issues and assume that is why. And I'm going to continue to let them think that. As I said, this could end my career and I still fear that. About being ready to quit; I agree with you 100%. If my husband had asked me to quit a year or two ago and gave me an ultimatum, we'd probably be divorced.

LadyBirdHeart--I tried to pull parts of your post out to quote but really, the whole thing resonates with me. Thank you for another thoughtful and heartfelt post.

Kaslo--"In the end it doesnt matter if we reveal ourselves or not, I think. I dont want to go back to where I was on the brink ever." It matters mostly to the ego I think. But in the grand scheme of things I guess it really doesn't matter. Choose to reveal or choose not to reveal, the problem is still there. Deal with the problem one way or the other. I don't want to go back there either.

Lav--"I subscribe to Carl Jung's belief - 'I am NOT what happened to me I am what I CHOOSE to become.' " Simply beautiful. I feel no need to explain myself to people either.

Guitarista--Getting our brick heads around the idea of never drinking again and embracing it can be a huge relief! No longer trying to make alcohol work was a burden gone from my shoulders. One less thing to worry about. Congrats on 22 days.

TDN--It's a relief when it's all out there, isn't it? I love that you are embracing gratitude for what you once feared.

IMT--"Boy, it feels great to be free from that and be available 24/7 not worrying about slurring on the phone. Drunk texting, facebooking, whatever." Ugh. I can relate.

Rusty--Oh my gosh, an intervention would have made me run the other way and drink even more. The desire to quit had to be my desire, not someone else's desire. Btw, I hate the limit on 6 images too!! Especially if you're quoting someone who used the smilies in his/her post. :H

dill
August 18th, 2012, 03:13 PM
I know that when Mr. D confronted me in 2009 that he would leave me if I didn't get it together...well, he came pretty close to having to do just that, because I was not ready to give it up. I was close to choosing the bottle over him. I didn't want that though so I started trying to quit. But there was a lot of resentment in my effort. Hi Fly, nice to see you. I would like to add more on this. Mr. D didn't give an actual ultimatum. It was more that he explained that he was so very unhappy in the marriage because I was no longer present. I was absorbed in the bottle and he was lonely and felt all the weight of being the only one capable of handling things if they came up in the evening/night. The implication was that he would leave because he felt deserted and alone already anyway. In a sense, I had left him. This conversation took place at a point after I had already acknowledged that I had a problem both to myself and to him and that I wanted to do something about it. I was lurking on MWO but had not yet joined. I was hoping to be able to moderate at that point. We all know how that goes.;)

papmom3
August 18th, 2012, 09:36 PM
Evening my awesome friends. papmom checking in.

Still struggling to find my mojo and some consistent joy. Pets keep getting sick-now Mickey is dealing with a digestive problem that resulted in a vet visit yesterday. good news is she didn't hear the heart murmur anymore. He's now on some meds to deal with the inflammation and possible bacteria. he still vomited a few times today despite hand feeding him a tablespoon at a time throughout the day. Sigh.

What I did find some joy in the past 2 days are:
A butterfly bush COVERED in Painted Ladys and Monarchs. Apparently it is an irruption of Painted Ladys in the region. They aren't that common to begin with so this is pretty exciting.

I saw 2 fishies yesterday. 1 today but I'm sure the other is hiding

I have 2 frogs living in my pond now!! they mysteriously appeared today! Could it have been raining frogs last nite? I noticed one of them seemed to be having trouble climbing up out of the pond so i found a large rock and placed it in the shallow end for them. they were using it within minutes!! I've wanted frogs since I started this pond 5 years ago so I totally stoked and hope they stick around for a while.

2 whole days to myself with no committments. I was supposed to go sailing with my dad and sis today but weather was not condusive. Rescheduled for tomorrow but I just don't feel right leaving Mick while he's not feeling well. He stresses out big time when he vomits. Almost like he's afaid he's done something wrong. Poor baby.

I've finished the quilt top to my nephew's quilt!! On tuesday I have to peice together the backing and then off to the quilter it goes along with the the very first quilt I made. I'll be sure to post pics when I get them back and when I've finished the bindings.

I've heard from the IT job-they are hoping to make a decision by the end of next week. Totally baffled as to why this is taking so long but I've waited this long......

I've been almost happy today and expect more of the same tomorrow as I do chores around the house, spend time with my boyz, listen to the sound of the party next door (I'll probably go over for a few minutes just to be neighborly. Yes I was invited), watch the frogs and butterflys and read.
Too bad I have to go to work on Monday. I'm sure the depression will return then.

Secrecy. My way of handling this very private decision was to let my family and a few close friends know how bad it had got and that I was quitting for good. A number of people at work know I don't drink anymore but I've told them it was for health reasons. I was just thinking today that I would no more put AL in my body anymore than I would smoke a cigarrette, inject heroin, snort coke or smoke a joint. AL may be legal, but it wreaks more havoc than help at this point. They are all poison to me. Quitting AL doesn't mean life will be a bed of roses. Many of us on here can attest to that! But it does mean we have a fighting chance of dealing with whatever life throws our way. AL = Doom. no AL = hope.

probably should get to bed soon. good nite all!

Lavande
August 19th, 2012, 06:13 AM
Good morning Awesome Ones :)

Matilda has become an early riser so I am definitely up with the chickens!
Beautiful out there, 55 degrees 0 humidity, nice ;)

Papmom, I look for something to be happy about every single day. Some days I have to look a lot harder but there's always something to find. Maintaining a positive outlook is essential for us I believe, we don't ever want to take a step backwards, do we?;)

My long unemployed son-in-law just started a new job this past week. It's an IT manager for a small but growing local company. This is what he likes to do & I hope there are no layoffs in his future. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I spent 7 hrs with a relaxed YB yesterday ~ apparently his AD is doing it's job :H
He still doesn't want to talk about what happened inside his head so I don't push it.....just trying to move on. Went to the outlets for some shopping & stopped at one of the numerous buffet type places for dinner. With all the food offered in those places I had a hard time finding something on the healthy side without cheese & cream sauce, ugh - a dairy nightmare :H

I hope everyone has a fantastic AF day!
I intend to enjoy this beautiful weather today,
Lav

ThreeDogNight
August 19th, 2012, 06:14 AM
Good morning!

Rusty, wow--your post was great! I have to go back and read your posts so I know your "story." I had read some previously, but can't always remember what I should! That sister-in-law sounds toxic. I feel that way about my sister sometimes.
Pap3, so sorry about the pups!! You know how much I relate to that! I wonder if Mickey got into something he shouldn't have? Have you tried the S&C's with them? Do they still let you buy vouchers at half price? I found six of them last week--had forgotten I'd bought a bunch last fall. I have fingers crossed and prayers in for the job! You deserve a break. You amaze me with your commitment to staying AF no matter what! That is what I am striving for now.
I just posted in the Monthly Abs section, so won't repeat all of that. Had my first manadatory counseling session yesterday, and the counselor is very nice and said that my case is a "mess."" That is putting it mildly! Having two DUIs in two different states ain't fun! But I am meeting with her for two hours a week from tomorrow.
Have to finish making an orzo salad now, as we have friends coming over tonight, and I work until 3:00. Then shower and dress to get to work by 8:30 to oepn the shop. Making my tomato pie when I get home.
Will be back to read all your posts later! Love this thread!
:)TDN

itsmytime
August 19th, 2012, 07:56 AM
Happy Sunday Awesomer's,

Wow it's the 19th already, nice to remember each and every moment of the month. I feel like the veil has been lifted and everything is brighter. I really feel free from the shackles of the poison.

We were at a wedding yesterday for my dearest friends daughter whom I 've known since she was a baby. I was with my closest friends who love me so very unconditionally and I love them with all my heart. My not drinking did not and will not make one bit of a difference with them and for that I am so very grateful. There was wine at the table, and to be completely honest I did not have one craving, not one!! I could jump for joy. The music came on and I was on the dance floor without any hesitation - I do love to dance so AL really never played at part in that. But still, I was 100% me without feeling any deprivation at all. We had a great time with no anxiety today taking that joy away from me.

This is something I always remember K9 saying - You never wished the next day that you drank - so true, I woke up clear headed and anxiety free ready to enjoy another beautiful day.

Thank you so much for your kind words, the support here really does help. I feel accountable to you my virtual friends and it is cathartic to come on this site and type my feelings.

Have a Wonderfully, Awesome, August Day!!

ladybirdheart
August 19th, 2012, 09:20 AM
Good Morning! Late start for me today as I slept in for the first time in weeks. I let the doggies out at five, and when they came back they joined me in the ?Big Bed? where I had impossible dreams and only woke up when the parrot started yelling ?I see you? and (whatever this means) ?Trick or Girl? from the other room. So good to hear from you Pappy, I had a perfect image of you moving through your life, butterflies, fish, frogs, quilts, and little measured spoonfuls for your ailing butterfly dog. We love you. Catch up more later with everybody, it's great to have you here TDN, now it is off dig up a big patch of invasive daylilies and inflict them on a couple of neighbors who have room for them to roam and will like their bossy ways. I think I am going to take Rusty with me to supervise and make me laugh, Star to make me reflect, Dill to visit my soul, Lav to keep at least one of my feet on the ground, IMT to make me feel the light that is not the sun, and everybody to else to have a little dance! Love, Ladybird.

dill
August 19th, 2012, 04:22 PM
Late check in from Ohio! It's been a busy day cleaning fence rows, walking the dog, playing with the grandkids and doing household chores. This was my last day of summer break. Nose back to the grindstone tomorrow.

I'm dog-tired at the moment so haven't energy for much more than to wish everyone an AF finish to the day!

nellie78
August 19th, 2012, 05:00 PM
Hi all - it has been a mad weekend. Have had family to stay and wedding to go to both of which would normally involve lots of you know what. Guess what? Not once was I even tempted! Something has definately clicked. It's so weird I'm actually feeling BETER not drinking and I do not want to ever drink again! Before I've aways been on a route to moderation. Now I never want to taste a drop again. I'm so happy it's untrue. And thankful. And aware that I won't always feel like this so I'm cherishing it and using it to build up my armour for if/when temptation rears its ugly head....

Lavande
August 20th, 2012, 06:03 AM
Good Monday morning Awesome Ones,

Dark & damp here so far ~ oh well.
But it is on the cooler side, thank goodness :)

nellie, nice to hear you are doing so well!
Moderation is a pipedream for most of us, just doesn't work. The founder of this program finally gave up on her efforts to moderate & ended up abstinent as well. It is just plain easier & healthier too ;)

Dill, I wish you a pleasant return to work tomorrow! I hope this final year is a good one for you!!

LBH, Matilda didn't get me up until 6 AM today so I suppose I am grateful for that......
If I could just get myself to bed a bit earlier at night this wouldn't be such an issue for me.

IMT & TDN, wonderful to have both of you on this journey with us :)

OK, off to get my day started.
Wishing everyone a terrific AF Monday!
Lav

Stargazerlily
August 20th, 2012, 06:41 AM
Good morning to all...

I have been MIA due to being very busy and trying to just get through things. I have caught up with the posts and amazement at all the wisdom posted on this site made it a pleasure to reflect on.

Lots of family issues here, with old parent emptying out house, and the emotions that go along with all that. Plus, I have had allergy problems, with lots of swelling, and actually had to go to the doctor it got so bad. Basically, I have been a mess. However, there is now light at the end of the tunnel and I will make it through.

I liked LBH's post, Rusty's, Mr. G's, Dill's, etc about basically drinking less and less often and being honest first with yourself, and not always with everyone in your life. I liked Lav's view that our journey is our own business, period.

Right now my focus is being healthy, getting through the next few weeks sane, and alcohol has no part in that goal. Drinking would weaken me and add to my anxiety and stress, it no longer is a relaxant, but a burden. I hear everyone on this thread saying the same thing. We just keep getting farther and farther away from alcohol serving us in any way. It has come to the point where it is always a negative outcome.

Greetings to all, have a lovely day. :)

itsmytime
August 20th, 2012, 08:14 AM
Way to go Nellie, it feels great doesn't it :)

Stargazerlily, you are so right. AL was becoming such a burden and I feel a weight has been lifted getting it out of the equation completely.

LBH - your posts always bring a smile to my face - let's dance!!!

Lav, Dill, TDN & all the Awesome ppl on this thread, thank you for your insight, words of encouragement & wisdom.

Chillgirl
August 21st, 2012, 12:54 AM
Good Morning Guys :)

Sorry for being MIA but life has been incredibly hectic and I haven't had a moment to myself. The remainder of my belongings went into storage last night and today with some clothes and personal items I leave the city for good and start my new life in the beautiful County of Suffolk! I hope to find a place to rent within a few weeks and can then have my furniture and stuff delivered down there. I'm very excited about this new start, my life has had so many changes in the last 18 months through necessity and for once I'm doing something that I really want to do and my dream of living back in the countryside is coming true.

I also received my Diploma in Nutrition with distiction which I'm incredibly proud of considering I dropped out of school at 15. All these things would never have been possible unless I was AF and I'm so very grateful to have had the chance to live again.

LBH - your post also struck home with me, for years I had the internal voices telling me my drinking was out of control and I actually knew that I just couldn't say it out loud to another person as it would mean having to face the reality of it. Even after finding MWO and admitting it to everyone here it still took time to say it to others. Looking back I'm so very grateful to certain people who showed up for me, I had a wonderful ex addict friend and another from AA who rooted for me so much in the early days.

Papmom - your appreciation of life's beauty is inspiring and it's these things that really make us see the wonder of living. Your mojo isn't far away. Sending love to the pups.

I will check in again once Im safely in sleepy Suffolk. Goodbye city life, Chill is going home.....!!

ThreeDogNight
August 21st, 2012, 05:39 AM
Good morning!

Good luck to you, Chill, in the new life! And congrats on your diploma!:) That is a real accomplishment! Is this the field you work in? Have to refresh my memory by re-reading your posts.
The concept of AL as a burden is so true. I have to remember that every day.
Lav recommended Amoryn for anxiety, and it has helped me. Of course, my anxiety level goes way down when I stay away from AL, but the Amoryn--which I now try to take late in the afternoon, has helped keep me calm and focused. I have two bottle in my freezer in addition to the bottle I am using.
Almost finished reading BLAME. and do recommend it. A novel, but coule be non-fiction IMO.
Lav, cloudy and looking like a bit of rain before it clears for the day. The clear sailing for the rest of the week! Perfect weather!
I hope everybody has a great AF day!
:)TDN

itsmytime
August 21st, 2012, 05:53 AM
Good morning,

TDN - I just finished Blame a couple of weeks ago, it was a good book. I have also started taking Amoryn and feel the positive effects kicking in. I have tried so many AD in the past but the side effects were horrible. Amoryn seems to be good so far in that aspect.

Feeling quit amazing to be honest. I had a good friend ask me yesterday how long was I taking a break from drinking - I haven't committed to saying I quit yet, even though I have - but I was able to with this friend and she was totally supportive and said ya, you gotta do what is best for you. I am feeling so free that I really don't want to drink again. I feel more like myself than I have in years.

Have a great day all.
IMT

Lavande
August 21st, 2012, 05:55 AM
Good morning kids :)

I'm up early, watching my grandsons today - all day! Hope my energy holds out :H

TDN, glad to hear you are feeling better ;)
We all know what we need to do ~ staying focused really does help us reach our goals. I am very happy for you!

Chill, wishing you the best in your new location! Congrats on the diploma, good job :)
I hope you find peace & everything you have been searching for, very exciting.

OK, gotta get going, wishing everyone a terrific AF Tuesday!
Lav

Lavande
August 21st, 2012, 05:57 AM
Cross post IMT!

Another Amoryn poster girl, awesome :)

ladybirdheart
August 21st, 2012, 12:51 PM
So good to hear from you Star and to find you enduringly sound and level headed in your quest for a healthy life, just moving along toward your goals. I have been thinking of you back at work for your final year there, Dill, for me the last year of my career position ended up being unexpectedly sweet. No matter what happened that was lousy or stressful, there was an end in sight to it, it was the LAST time something or other would happen, the LAST fear or worry I would have about that particular challenge or event. This caused a real cognitive shift for me, things that I would have dreaded became not only manageable but sometimes even precious in all their mess, just like when we manage to live in the NOW, the MOMENT, this impending ending threw me headlong into the present tense. I hope it is that way for you and that your continued recovery path will be eased by it. Enjoy your move Chill and I hope you soon find work there in your new field or another vocational area of your choosing so that you are able to independently stay as happily long as you like. I have been following your memories of your years with your mysterious husband Lav, some of your comments have been hilarious, others touching. I don?t know if any of us started out envisioning our lives as they turned out or as they will continue to unfold. Might have been overly daunting:). Rusty, I loved your long interesting reflections, and got a good laugh when you said, ?For other opinions on my post, please read the other threads?. Your days as a media personality have not lost their charm (or fan club it seems:)). Hello SD, IMT, Nellie, TDN, Pappy, Fly and all on the sober bus (or leaping upon it, chasing after it, waving from the side of the road...). Love, Ladybird.

ThreeDogNight
August 22nd, 2012, 05:48 AM
Just a quick check in here. Started the AF Daily thread, filling in for our beloved Mick:) Love reading the posts here--LBH, you have so much wisdom to share! I didn't know that Rusty was a media personality!! Makes sense when I read her posts and hear about meeting with clients all over the world!
Dill, are you a teacher? I was a teacher for 26 years, and the last five were horrible. Had changed states and districts and the change was like night and day. Best career was after I left and did educational sales. Only changed companies because the manager who hired me and whom I adored left abruptly. Was laid off from that second company after there was a merger a year later. Anyway, hope the return to the school year is not too crazy!
Okay--going to read the other threads before going for a walk. Work at 10:00, but get in by 9:30 or so. Beautiful weather here, and that helps me start the day in such a positive frame of mind!!
Have a great AF day, all!
TDN

Stargazerlily
August 22nd, 2012, 05:56 AM
Good morning to all...

Chill, wow, you have had such a year so far, I know you want to find satisfying, fulfilling work, a comfortable home, and likeminded community, and you will keep on looking till you find it. Sending you positive energy, letus know how it is going when you can.

LBH, you are such a sweetheart, and so brave on your journey. An inspiration to me, and I too just keep getting farther and farther away from alcohol. You are right about invisioning our lives as they turned out, I don't think I really thought about being over 40...

Lots of work today, then a four day weekend to move furniture to my daughter's house, so lots of family time. It will again be bittersweet, but I am becoming accustomed to saying goodbye to so many things. Everything changes, nothing stays the same and I keep telling my self that it is OK.

Hello to all, have productive days filled with good things. :)

Lavande
August 22nd, 2012, 06:11 AM
Good morning kids!

After a long, long day watching my grandsons yesterday I slept like a rock last night :H
Today I go to pick up my grandaughter which will be a nice change :)

Greetings LBH, TDN & Star. Greetings to everyone!
Wishing a terrific AF Hump Day for all of us!

Lav

dill
August 22nd, 2012, 05:18 PM
Hello Awesomes, I have been SO BUSY these last 3 days what with the start of work and things to do with my grandkids. I have not had any time to post. I just managed to read the last couple of day's posts.

TDN, I am a school-based speech therapist. This is my last year. I enjoyed reading LBH's perspective on her last year. Lots of wisdom in those words. It can be more bearable, knowing there is an ending soon. I love working with the students, but everything around that has become tedious and stressful. Always new demands, never less.

I hope you are feeling much better, Star. I missed you.

Chill, so happy for you! I often think of you when I am driving through the countryside. It's as if your spirit is along with me somehow.

Lav, Pmom, nellie, IMT, Rusty, we'll all just keep moving away from alcohol. It's a good thing.;)