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**ThreeDogNight** · August 20, 2012, 06:13 AM

af day Monday 20th Aug

Good morning, Abbers.

Glad you are back! Always mis you on Sundays! My cell phone is not an Iphone or smartphone--I probably should have switched when I got a new one last spring, but I refuse to text and I can take pics with my phone--just don't know how to sae them, etc. Texting hecking email by phone and cdrives me completely crazy! The girls I work with are constantly doing both, and customers are rude enough to stand texting as I am ringing up their sales. And people walking on the street texting is another pet peeve. And I know some states ban it while driving.
PQ, sounds like the AA meeting was a great help to you. That is wonderful! I lied at AA when I got home from rehab and did the coffeee a couple days a week for about 4 months. And if you have a good sponsor, she can really be a source of support and strength. You sound so much better.
Sunflower, take Mick's advice and come back, no matter what. Everyone here understands, and their experience can really help you. Helps me!
YahYah, how are you doing? Still AF, and that is what is important. Maybe you'll hae something to post today--if not, reading the posts is helpful.
Lilly, how was the weekend?
Life, hope your week goes great! Hang in.
Shue, hope hubby is being supportive during the holiday. And hope you are having a great, relaxing time. Is the golf pro back today??
Lav, I hope your weather is like ours--yesterday was described as the perfect summer day, and it sure was! Today is supposed to be a repeat, and no rain until maybe tomorrow night, then clear for the rest of the week! Matilda could come here--my guys are usually up early, except for the 15 yr old, who is a little lazy

I am actually thinking of c

alling our holistic vet to see if acupuncture would help him. He has a hard time getting up.
DG, good luck with school this week!
Kas, I want you to know that I did not commit a felony. DUI here is a misdemeanor, although at one point it can become a felony. I cannot enter Canada for five years, so know it is more severe in Canada. I am sorry that a drunk put you in hospital for so long, and I am fully aware of the severity of what I did. You, however, do not know Barney Fife and his mean nature, and that was the point I was trying to make. I doubt that he's had to pull a child from a burning car, but maybe I'm wrong. The entire community has nothing good to say about him, and he has not prosecuted somebody who had a DUI because dad is a selectman in town and Barney's budget was up for review. Enough said.
I don't have to be at work until around 9:30, opening at 10:00, so should be a good day. Going for a walk soon to start the day.
Yesterday was great, and our friends came for dinner and they don't drink much, and nobody had any AL. It was nice to see them alone--we are usually in a group of at least 6.
Okay--wishing everybody a great AF day! Check back later.

TDN

**Lavande** · August 20, 2012, 06:15 AM

af day Monday 20th Aug

Good morning Mick & All Abbers!

Enjoying the coffee, thanks!
Sorry about the remark I made yesterday.......
You see I was blindsided one year after I got married when my husband came home & gave me the news that he decided he was going to be a cop. It changed everything in our lives including where we could live, who we could see, etc, etc. Small town police departments are like prisons, in & of themselves

I put up with all that crap for 37 years, then he walks off. I am not thrilled.

Wishing great strength to porqoui & Sunflower today. We are a strong group here so please lean on us if you need assistance

OK, I have a large list of things that need my attention today so I'd better get busy!
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Monday!
Lav

**LillyE** · August 20, 2012, 07:38 AM

af day Monday 20th Aug

First things first... Sunflower, I am so, so, so sorry to hear that. You can pull yourself OUT of this relapse you know. You don't have to spiral. Either way, please do keep posting here or elsewhere on MWO if you can. Don't let it get more out of control than you have to. And PM any of us anytime if you need to talk off the boards.

Well, I've had a stupendously shitty and trying day, for reasons I won't bore you all with. Suffice to say, while I had a moment of thinking, 'Wow, I could murder a bottle of wine right now', mostly I thought about how being AF makes such days easier. For one, here I am catching up with work stuff I need to do and you guys at 10pm. Normally after a day like this I'd have drunk a bottle of wine by now.

I'll try and keep this quick as I need to get to bed but…

Porquoi, I'm so proud of you for getting to that home group! And sharing even! That is GREAT! I'm really glad you stuck around and didn't find that gun.. I hope you keep going there and can get the extra support ongoing, I think you need it. The more you can get right now the better really. Keep it going! And keep posting here too.

Life, awh, thanks for your lovely words about me not being boring - you are so great Cooking class?! Excitement! What style would you teach? To who? I've been wanting to know more about what your cooking job entails exactly? How awesome you got asked.

I had two totally contradictory thoughts about your question though, so here they both are for whatever they're worth (or not): Firstly, your sobriety IS the most important thing right now and needs to be for the foreseeable future to get completely on track. Therefore, you shouldn't do anything that might seriously jeopardize that with undue stress. The work and money don't mean shit if you relapse, right? (Interesting you said you read to be gentle with yourself for 90 days - did they give a reason why 90? I'd kind of mentally told myself the first 100 should be a time for that.)

Buuutttt, having said all that, I love this idea of recovery being about a time to grow and change in positive and holistic ways. Could it be a new challenge to focus on? One you need to be sober for? I guess you have to weight up the positives you'll get from it with the risk. How stressful will you find it do you think?

I hear you re public speaking too. I used to teach adult ed classes in writing and I found it sooo hard (if good for building confidence) that I eventually stopped doing it. On reflection I think I drank heavily after almost every class too. (A great way to cope, huh? Not.) I also seem to have inadvertently volunteered to lead a writing workshop for high school students this Sunday. I totally did not mean to do that! I was merely offering to come up with ideas for exercises. Arrrggh! Still, maybe it's good for us to get outside our comfort zone? Let us know what you decide.

YahYah - Nice to see you! Was wondering where you were! Hello!

Kas, I'm so sorry to hear that about your accident Kaslo. I didn't realize it caused by a drunk driver! My best friend's brother died driving drunk when we were 15, so I've always been quite negative about drunk driving and hassled friends if they were.

HOWEVER, I haven't had a car in years for various reasons and I cannot at all guarantee that had I had one these last several years that I never would have driven drunk. In fact, in all likelihood I would have - possibly frequently. How sad is that given all that? I know all too well how easy it is to kid yourself when you're drinking.

ThreeDog, I'm just so glad for you that it wasn't worse - that you didn't hurt yourself, your partner, your kids, or anyone else - and that you're taking steps to confront your addiction so it does't happen again. And Barney sounds like a true douche bag, frankly. So screw that guy

Ok, time to collapse. May tomorrow be a better - still sober day.

**porqoui** · August 20, 2012, 07:44 AM

af day Monday 20th Aug

Good Morning all

Day 5 and all is well. Got a half decent sleep last night and am feeling stronger. Going to make a couple of lists of what I need to do. Wonder where that idea came from?

Sunflower just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hope you're ok.

Thanks again everyone for being here and understanding.

Have a good af Monday.

PQ

**shueaddict** · August 20, 2012, 09:35 AM

af day Monday 20th Aug

hello peeps,

I am late checking in today but never too late for coffee, Mick.

Sunflower, my post did not make it yesterday, please stay with us, the mere fact that you posted to say "good bye" for a while speaks volumes to me. So many people here just dissapear when they relapse. To me it means deep down in your heart you really want to eascape the black hole pull that this relapse has on you. It takes guts to come clean about drinking again, despite knowing better. You did that already. Look deep into your heart and come back to us.

Porqoui, well done on going to the meeting, I am really glad you felt better, now go hug the sleep fairy.

Kas, yikes! The most terrifying and shameful thing I did in my drinking days is drunk driving, over and over again. Completely irresponsible! but then, when I drink I am no longer in a position to make intelligent decisions.

Tnd, people like Barney are everywhere. Take the high road.

Lilly, good for you for not drinking. And I am with the growing and developing part after the firat 30 -60 days pink cloud wears off. I set a new set of goals for myself, that are not measured in no. of AF days but they are paying more attention and spending quality timewith my son and hubby, working out in fresh air, eating healthy and giving more back to my friends and my parents . I need to be sober for all that.

be right back, don't want to lose this post to dodgy wifi

**shueaddict** · August 20, 2012, 09:48 AM

af day Monday 20th Aug

as for me ... I was angry yesterday. Angry that I could not drink. I did not WANT to drink but I was angry nevetrheless. Weird! I guess this is the result of all the conditioning that AL and holidays and relaxing go hand in hand. So I took my anger in the kitchen and made fresh basil pesto and a pavlova.

In the end, the most unlikely person got into my line of fire: the old and crancky Dutch pro, who during my lesson complained about the price of everything and how uncivilized he found Bulgaria comparing to his previous job in Spain (duh!) and how it did not meet his expectations! Out of the blue I just snapped that I expected him to be young and hot and Swedish too but we must all learn to live with dissapointment. For a split second I thought that he was going to walk out on me then we both burst into peal of laughter and then got on swimmingly.

The anger is gone today, there is AL and people drinking all around me ( just not in my villa) so ....all feels better.

apologies for the atrocious spelling

**Doggygirl** · August 20, 2012, 10:47 AM

af day Monday 20th Aug

Good day fABies!

PQ - I am SO GLAD you went to the meeting. Reaching out and asking for help when I am struggling is one of THE hardest things I have had to learn how to do. Admitting weakness or failure at anything was just NOT something that was ever done in my family. "Keeping Up Appearances" was our sitcom, only it wasn't funny like the actual show LOL! It is still hard but getting easier - and things always work out SO much better when I can just put my ego aside and be HONEST about what I'm doing and where I'm at. I am really proud of you!!!!!

Sunflower. Yesterday is over. If you are lurking around here today, I hope you will consider just working on not drinking for just this moment. Then maybe try it for another moment. If you are not up for thinking about one whole sober day, then how 'bout a smaller part? Isolating from your support system is not your friend. :l

Mick - I can relate on the new v. old phones!!! I had an iPhone for a long time (Mr. D got us both iPhones) before I learned how to use it for texting. I thought is was just all silliness to have the touch screen and all those features just to make phone calls! Little did I know! One of my AA friends dragged me kicking and screaming into the world of texting. Now I can't imagine going back to an "old fashioned" phone! (still don't get why people like "internet" on that tiny screen - but that's just me showing my age! (29))

TDN - people texting (or talking) on the phone while doing absolutely everything makes me

. Also just makes me more aware of staying present with others (regardless of the type of distraction) and give people my full attention while we are transacting whatever.

Lav - wow. That WAS quite a bomb YB dropped on you early in your marriage. :egad:

LillyE - I hope your day today is better. You are SO RIGHT that AL does NOT make anything better. For me, it generally made things worse. And in the end, a LOT worse.

Shue - AL not only kills my brain cells but immediately takes my IQ down into the single digits! Very bad decision making was going on. Glad that's behind me. That is HILLARIOUS about you and the golf pro! :H

Hello to all other fABies I missed at the end of yesterdays thread, and yet to check in today.

On the subject of drunk driving... I drove drunk a LOT. I don't think I recognized the full seriousness of the lives I had put in danger until I heard a woman tell her story in AA which involved her driving drunk and hitting a tree. The passenger in her car was her fiance, and he died. She did time for manslaughter. I always viewed my driving under the influence from the perspective of how it affected ME. "OMG! Thank goodness I didn't get a DUI! My life would be REALLY inconvenient if that happened!" or..."God please get me home OK! The lines are blurry! If you get me home safe I will never drink again!" I really never stopped to think about what would happen to OTHER PEOPLE if I made a serious driving error while intoxicated. Once I thought about what it might be like to actually kill someone.....Wow. That gave me a whole new perspective on DUI and also a much more serious view of my own self centered behavior in that regard.

This morning I got some errands and running around done. Now I am heading to the Mission to help serve lunch. This afternoon is more stuff around the house I have been procrastinating all summer.

One thing is for sure...no AL for me today.

DG

**Kaslo** · August 20, 2012, 11:13 AM

af day Monday 20th Aug

Too funny, Shue. Laffed outloud when I saw that. Your spelling is much better than all of the languages you speak that I dont.

Life, PQ, Lily, Mick, Lav and TDN... thanks for thinking of me and cutting me some slack re drunk drivers. I am sitting here forty years later, and I have two replaced hips, one rebuilt knee, a permanently fractured ankle (talus) bone and severe arthritis not to mention all of the fun stuff re brain injuries, and I am LUCKY.

I still have worked in the bush for 35 years and I myself maybe drank way too much at times, but I never drove drunk. And I can forgive those who do, as long as they just suck it up and take the punishment and dont complain about speeders. TDN..? Sorry, I am glad its just a misdemeanor where you are. Here we can go to jail. We can have our car impounded on the spot. We just have had way too many deaths from drinking and driving. Its one of the few places where Canadian Law is harsher than American law.

I dont think cops can be too hard on drunk drivers actually. If Barney hasnt personally had to clean up after an accident caused by a drunk driver, as a long term police officer, he has likely had SOME experience with this stuff somewhere, and let me tell you it doesnt take the sight of too many of these episodes with on the one hand people having died of injuries, while some drunk driver responsible for the whole thing is sitting in the back of the p/c looking stunned. But intact. Its worse when its their own family they have just killed. So maybe I am making too much out of this, mentioning it too much. Sorry.

I am no princess. I have done some stuff while drinking i am deeply ashamed of. Driving wasnt one of them, but I definetely behaved like a total ass.

**Lavande** · August 20, 2012, 01:49 PM

af day Monday 20th Aug

Kas,
I think behaving like a total ass when drinking is pretty standard - you can't own that one :H
I am grateful each & every day that I will never have to worry about doing that again

DG, my bitterness towards YB & his secretive behavior goes way back

All I ever wanted from his was honesty but I never eally got it & still don't. His boy scout demeanor with the public, his collection of officer & volunteer FF of the year awards, etc. fooled most people, just not me. I should have saved myself somewhere along the line, can't even explain why I didn't....

shue, a cranky Dutchman is no substitution for a young, hot Swedish stud :H :H

Hi Lilly & porqoui

I'm considering a short granny nap - tired!

**shueaddict** · August 20, 2012, 02:31 PM

af day Monday 20th Aug

hi guys,

just saw sunflower's post on relapse in "general". it is a terrible story.

Sunni, I'll say a prayer for you tonight.

**shueaddict** · August 20, 2012, 02:43 PM

af day Monday 20th Aug

doggy, I could have written that about drunk driving.

Several countries in Europe have moved towards zero tolerance. no limit, no 2 drinks, no 0.5, simply ... you drink any AL you don't get to drive.

Not here though, but here's hoping.

best get to bed, I am going hiking tomorrow.

thank you so much, guys, you are keeping me focused ... and thank you for listening

**porqoui** · August 20, 2012, 02:57 PM

af day Monday 20th Aug

Doggygirl I'm not going to not reach out again. It isn't worth it. It's great to hear about everyone's af living but hard to say HELP when everyone is so positive. Won't make that mistake again.

Shue I also laughed out loud. Don't know what you look like but I could just picture you there saying that.

Kaslo Your'e welcome. Lav Hi back.

Had a good day at work today. Felt like my old self again. Stay safe all.

PQ

**Doggygirl** · August 20, 2012, 04:27 PM

af day Monday 20th Aug

Lavande;1366743 wrote: Kas,
IAll I ever wanted from his was honesty but I never eally got it & still don't. His boy scout demeanor with the public, his collection of officer & volunteer FF of the year awards, etc. fooled most people, just not me. I should have saved myself somewhere along the line, can't even explain why I didn't....

Lav... :l It is never too late to move on with your life (in the romantic sense!) What is "volunteer FF award?" I have a few ideas about what FF stands for when it comes to YB.

shueaddict;1366758 wrote: Several countries in Europe have moved towards zero tolerance. no limit, no 2 drinks, no 0.5, simply ... you drink any AL you don't get to drive.

We were talking about that in one of my classes last semester - policy as it pertains to alcohol and other drugs across the globe. Interesting differences from country to country. I think things would be much simpler with a zero tolerance policy - no drink, no drive. And if you do, _______________ is the sentence. (jail I'm thinking) The up hill battle in the US for a simple and straightforward law like that (actually this would probably ahve to happen state by state)

1. Large liquor manufactuing lobby
2. Large attorney lobby (there is big money defending people with DUIs)
3. Lots of liquor selling establishments with $$$$ who don't want the laws to be any more limiting

It is amazing though the inroads that MADD have made. We talked about that group from the standpoint that ONE PERSON really can make a difference - look what she started! I know MADD has influenced Illinois law which keeps getting stricter every year.

Personally, I would have called a cab every time if I knew I would go directly to jail if I got behind the wheel. My corners of the world would have been much safer places with stricter laws back then. In the old days, the consequences were pretty minor until multiple DUIs occurred. So I always figured that was my "get out of jail free" card. Obviously I was thinking only of myself and not the other people on the road.

porqoui;1366762 wrote: Doggygirl I'm not going to not reach out again. It isn't worth it. It's great to hear about everyone's af living but hard to say HELP when everyone is so positive. Won't make that mistake again.

PQ

What?? I don't understand what you mean?? Asking for help was a mistake?

I'm so excited for school to start. 2 more days! LOL I bought my text books and notebooks, etc. LOOOONG ago! All I need now is a batman lunchbox.

One thing is for sure...

DG

**LillyE** · August 20, 2012, 05:48 PM

af day Monday 20th Aug

Annnddd today is looking like forecast set for annoying too. My internet is on the fritz, right when I have deadlines aplenty, so if I'm quiet for a day or two that's why. I'm connecting through my phone's hotspot right now, which gets exxy if you use it too much.

Porquoi, I don't understand either. I hope what you meant is that NOT reaching out was a mistake and you won't do that again

I can totally see why a lot of people are sounding strong and positive (Newbie's Nest is good for that as there're lots of people in the early days also struggling - if you haven't checked it out already) but hopefully you know now that we all totally know what you are feeling and it's fine to be feeling weak and fragile here and admit it. Can I mention again that it took me a YEAR of trying to reach 30 days? I've been on that miserable Day One Again too many times.

Shue, sooooo funny re the instructor! OMG. And for some reason I could just picture it too even though I have no mental image of you - except a vague impression of fabulous shoes. That is perfect. Ha.

I've already totally forgotten what else I logged in here to say and best jump off again but have a lovely day all!

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