good morning all...and how are we today? is it a toxin free Tuesday for you all too?
Weather out here is pretty cold ,snowy and icy..some happy chappie on the weather was telling us last night that all the plants were going to die because the weather was wrong..Glad all mine have got cloches over the top of them!!Just weighed myself ...12 stone? eat less weigh more! think something has gone a wee bit wrong here!!Rethink time
Tea and coffee and lemon available for all who desire/require it
Evening T ...well where are you ? very conspicuous by your absence!! take it you are a busy bee..dont forget your me time!!
Morning Blondie ..(start with you today!) how are you? looked at that link re the Epsom salts.. thanks for posting it ...didnt realise it had some many uses in life...wont be using it as the hair scrub though!!Going to get some today..need to see if I can get ot wholesale somewhere..it talks about 2 cupfuls etc..all they sell in the local shops is wee piddly packets. Yep the rabbits had their bottles last night.ANy plans for this evening for you?
Morning Lav and how are you today? ...sounds like you are busy..not off to your exercise ..oh dear.Daughter went back yesterday, so its time to get the house back in order..not that she is untidy ..yeh right!!You any plans for today...after this coffee?
Morning SL...how are you today?Lets hope the "never again " attitude remains.As for feeling like kids round our parents..think we all do that at times irrespective of age.That was a good cause your daughter donated her hair to..just goggled it to have a look..must be 10 inches ,to be of use, so she must of had pretty long hair!!
Read through your strategy plan that ppqp found ...looks pretty good ..go for it
Morning SF...you ok? glad you are back on track..think you are right ...one day at a time ,and be determined.You can do it.Looks like you are having things tough ..but dig those heels in lass
Hiya yah..try saying that fast!!!welcome back..kind of thought somethin had gone wrong when you didnt reply to all the posts....people did miss you you know
so youre 3 weeks in now? Not everybody does it firsttime round,and as long as you understand how and why it went pear shaped thats the main thing.Oh ho the word chuffed now appears in your vocab too!!As for the house..wheres the piccies?
Hiya Cat..wow how many hours were in your weekend? did you not stop?Sounds pretty packed to me..no wonder you slept in Haven looked at the research bit re epsom salts but will do..thanks
Morning PPQP..one extra large to go..though my memories of Canada, as I recall it was all large!!Bearing in mind this is millions of years ago, remember asking for a coke in Ralston, and the woman brought out this huge bin full of coke!!The names bring back memories for me ..Banff,Calgary Lethbridge Medicine Hat....hmm maybe one day I ll do a General McArthur quote!
So the word chuffed has now been introduced into both the American and Canadian vocab.....well chuffed wi that!!:Has the construction work started yet?
Good evening Kuya ..and how are you today?Went swimming yesterday again ...getting to be regular this is!! Confession time..I watched the beginning and end of Cory last night..just to see the meerkats..you know the ones that sponsor car insurance? well they sponsor Cory now too..programmes crap but they are ace..not that I know much about them..Sergei Alexander Vassily Maiya Bogdan and Yakov !!!:H:H
So what have you been up to mate? things settling down any better for you? fingers crossed
Hi Freefly ..you ok? how are things with you ..Welcome to the thread..hope you stay and enjoy
Well Molls ..big silver bird day for you ..hope you enjoy yourself...methinks wont be too long before I am back ..have a great time
Right folks for the off might be snowy but the sun is coming out so take care and have a great day
The teacher came up with a good problem. ?Suppose,? she asked the second-graders, ?there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left??
?None,? answered little Norman.
?None? Norman, you don?t know your arithmetic.?
?Teacher, you don?t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!?
old but good
Asked about his views on euthanasia, Clinton replied, ?Youth in Asia are just like kids everywhere else.?
When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, ?I don?t know. I never had one.?
Clinton?s mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.
The American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as ?Walking Eagle? because he is so full of shit that he can?t fly.
Clinton is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe!
President Clinton confounded critics when his job approval rating went up to 69%. ?It?s no secret why most Americans love him. He?s the only person on TV who?s not talking about Monica Lewinsky.?
How many members of the Obama administration does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Bush for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Obama, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Obama was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how Barrak Obama has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don?t fit right in the crotch!
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn?t keep asking for beer.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
What?s a man?s definition of a romantic evening?
s*x.
What?s a man?s idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What?s the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What?s the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What?s the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot?s been spotted a several times.
What?s the smartest thing a man can say?
?My wife says??
What?s the quickest way to a man?s heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why can?t men get mad cow disease?
Because they?re all pigs.
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn?t want any advice.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you?re always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do doctors slap babies? butts right after they?re born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it?s time to go back to his childhood, he?s already there.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
A Post Office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of 100 dollars. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn?t receive some divine intervention.
The worker organizes a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig deep and come up with 96 dollars. They get it to her by special courier the same morning.
A week later, the same postal worker recognizes the same hand on another envelope. He opens it and reads: ?Dear God, Thank you for the 100 dollars. This month would have been so bleak otherwise. P.S. It was four dollars short but that was probably those thieving bastards at the Post Office.?
A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it.
?Don?t do that, that was a honeybee,? his father said, ?he wasn?t doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week.?
Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped on it.
?That was a butterfly,? his father said, ?he wasn?t doing anything to you, and for killing him you will do without butter for a week.?
The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy eating his toast plain with no honey or butter.
Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped on it.
The boy looked at his father and said, ?Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I??
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, ?I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.?
The second responds, ?Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.?
The third surgeon says, ?No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.?
The fourth surgeon chimes in: ?You know, I like construction workers?those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.?
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: ?You?re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There?s no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.?
These are actual answers on a McDonald?s application submitted by a 17 year old kid someplace in Florida. They actually hired him too. I think this kid?s gonna go far?
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
s*x: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company?s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever?s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn?t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that?s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I?m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they?re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be ?Do you have a car that runs??
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb s*xy blonde super model who thinks I?m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I?d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
Weather out here is pretty cold ,snowy and icy..some happy chappie on the weather was telling us last night that all the plants were going to die because the weather was wrong..Glad all mine have got cloches over the top of them!!Just weighed myself ...12 stone? eat less weigh more! think something has gone a wee bit wrong here!!Rethink time
Tea and coffee and lemon available for all who desire/require it
Evening T ...well where are you ? very conspicuous by your absence!! take it you are a busy bee..dont forget your me time!!
Morning Blondie ..(start with you today!) how are you? looked at that link re the Epsom salts.. thanks for posting it ...didnt realise it had some many uses in life...wont be using it as the hair scrub though!!Going to get some today..need to see if I can get ot wholesale somewhere..it talks about 2 cupfuls etc..all they sell in the local shops is wee piddly packets. Yep the rabbits had their bottles last night.ANy plans for this evening for you?
Morning Lav and how are you today? ...sounds like you are busy..not off to your exercise ..oh dear.Daughter went back yesterday, so its time to get the house back in order..not that she is untidy ..yeh right!!You any plans for today...after this coffee?
Morning SL...how are you today?Lets hope the "never again " attitude remains.As for feeling like kids round our parents..think we all do that at times irrespective of age.That was a good cause your daughter donated her hair to..just goggled it to have a look..must be 10 inches ,to be of use, so she must of had pretty long hair!!
Read through your strategy plan that ppqp found ...looks pretty good ..go for it
Morning SF...you ok? glad you are back on track..think you are right ...one day at a time ,and be determined.You can do it.Looks like you are having things tough ..but dig those heels in lass
Hiya yah..try saying that fast!!!welcome back..kind of thought somethin had gone wrong when you didnt reply to all the posts....people did miss you you know
so youre 3 weeks in now? Not everybody does it firsttime round,and as long as you understand how and why it went pear shaped thats the main thing.Oh ho the word chuffed now appears in your vocab too!!As for the house..wheres the piccies?Hiya Cat..wow how many hours were in your weekend? did you not stop?Sounds pretty packed to me..no wonder you slept in Haven looked at the research bit re epsom salts but will do..thanks
Morning PPQP..one extra large to go..though my memories of Canada, as I recall it was all large!!Bearing in mind this is millions of years ago, remember asking for a coke in Ralston, and the woman brought out this huge bin full of coke!!The names bring back memories for me ..Banff,Calgary Lethbridge Medicine Hat....hmm maybe one day I ll do a General McArthur quote!
So the word chuffed has now been introduced into both the American and Canadian vocab.....well chuffed wi that!!:Has the construction work started yet?
Good evening Kuya ..and how are you today?Went swimming yesterday again ...getting to be regular this is!! Confession time..I watched the beginning and end of Cory last night..just to see the meerkats..you know the ones that sponsor car insurance? well they sponsor Cory now too..programmes crap but they are ace..not that I know much about them..Sergei Alexander Vassily Maiya Bogdan and Yakov !!!:H:H
So what have you been up to mate? things settling down any better for you? fingers crossed
Hi Freefly ..you ok? how are things with you ..Welcome to the thread..hope you stay and enjoy
Well Molls ..big silver bird day for you ..hope you enjoy yourself...methinks wont be too long before I am back ..have a great time
Right folks for the off might be snowy but the sun is coming out so take care and have a great day
The teacher came up with a good problem. ?Suppose,? she asked the second-graders, ?there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left??
?None,? answered little Norman.
?None? Norman, you don?t know your arithmetic.?
?Teacher, you don?t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!?
old but good
Asked about his views on euthanasia, Clinton replied, ?Youth in Asia are just like kids everywhere else.?
When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, ?I don?t know. I never had one.?
Clinton?s mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.
The American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as ?Walking Eagle? because he is so full of shit that he can?t fly.
Clinton is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe!
President Clinton confounded critics when his job approval rating went up to 69%. ?It?s no secret why most Americans love him. He?s the only person on TV who?s not talking about Monica Lewinsky.?
How many members of the Obama administration does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Bush for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Obama, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Obama was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how Barrak Obama has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don?t fit right in the crotch!
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn?t keep asking for beer.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
What?s a man?s definition of a romantic evening?
s*x.
What?s a man?s idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What?s the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What?s the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What?s the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot?s been spotted a several times.
What?s the smartest thing a man can say?
?My wife says??
What?s the quickest way to a man?s heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why can?t men get mad cow disease?
Because they?re all pigs.
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn?t want any advice.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you?re always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do doctors slap babies? butts right after they?re born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it?s time to go back to his childhood, he?s already there.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
A Post Office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of 100 dollars. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn?t receive some divine intervention.
The worker organizes a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig deep and come up with 96 dollars. They get it to her by special courier the same morning.
A week later, the same postal worker recognizes the same hand on another envelope. He opens it and reads: ?Dear God, Thank you for the 100 dollars. This month would have been so bleak otherwise. P.S. It was four dollars short but that was probably those thieving bastards at the Post Office.?
A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it.
?Don?t do that, that was a honeybee,? his father said, ?he wasn?t doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week.?
Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped on it.
?That was a butterfly,? his father said, ?he wasn?t doing anything to you, and for killing him you will do without butter for a week.?
The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy eating his toast plain with no honey or butter.
Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped on it.
The boy looked at his father and said, ?Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I??
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, ?I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.?
The second responds, ?Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.?
The third surgeon says, ?No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.?
The fourth surgeon chimes in: ?You know, I like construction workers?those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.?
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: ?You?re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There?s no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.?
These are actual answers on a McDonald?s application submitted by a 17 year old kid someplace in Florida. They actually hired him too. I think this kid?s gonna go far?
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
s*x: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company?s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever?s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn?t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that?s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I?m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they?re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be ?Do you have a car that runs??
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb s*xy blonde super model who thinks I?m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I?d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
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