mornin all...well Good Friday it is...so lets hope so..got off to a pretty good start the sun is out..wee bit cold but thats nowt!Maybe,just maybe we have turned that corner into spring!!Any plans for the easter weekend anyone?
Ok then orf we go...tea and coffee..and lemon on the go.
Morning TT..dont know where you will be but hope you are having a decent flight..you will be doing a stopover somewhere but havent a clue where, so take it easy
Morning Cat...how are you today? see the computer gods got you yesterday and pinched your post!!..its a real pain when that happens
good morning SF...wow impressed ..you certainly are doing well ...excellent...better than my jokes!!! It really is a great feelikng when I need turns to dont want isnt it?
Morning BHOG and how are you today? glad the jokes keep you going too!!
HiYAH...how are you today ? slogging away doing up the house?Might be a pain just now but think of the satisfaction in the end, when you can turn round and say "I did that "..and no al involved!!!
Hi ltlw..how are you today? wow seem to be lot of posts going west today?glad you ae on the road ..well done and keep it up.
Morning ppqp..and how are you today?yep use any of the boss lines and actions any time!..still on the casting couch are we..cant really see much on this webcam...but I think you should be wearing more than that..youll catch the cold
Sounds like lawyer things are starting to work for you...wow the legal wheels ..how slow they grind...all oiled by money...or is it justice? heres a coffee for you
Morning Lav...how are you this morning?..talk about early? its 8am here..clocks change forward tomorrow..but been up some time and done quite a bit of work..its actually great to get out into the garden which I will in a wee while.Yes it tll take some time for little un to get better but they heal better than us old(ER) people!! no doubt he will have a load of Easter eggs for the weekend!!!Anyway heres a coffee to sit and ponder over
Evening KY...how are you today?Yes like you I have got to change my habits ..eat way too late at night...usually 9/10 pm for me ...down to 11 8 this morning..these last few pounds are a pain to drop...was 12st7 on 18th of Feb so its not doing too bad..Aching a bit today..did 55 lengths in the pool yesterday ,and during the day 200 press ups and 200 sit ups..and 15 mins on the treadmill..need to start thinking about rest time..probably give the pool a ret today..all the kids are off school anyway ,and there is nothing better than to try and dodge binlids when you are swimming!!!
You any plans for the weekend mate?Have a goood one whatever you do
Right peeps...have a happy easter wherever you are ..be safe and sober
Great truths about life:1. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.3. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires. 5. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts. 6. Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy. 7. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. 8. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts. 9. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day. 10.You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled... isn't she adorable?" Friend: "But your kid didn't smile." Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
Can u believe what people do in the church these days? I was in the church listening tothe priest's sermon when i saw a guy smoking cigarettes inside the church. I was so amazed that i didn't know when the bottle of beer i was holding fell on the floor.
Taoism: Shit happens
.Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit
.Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
!Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.
Evangelism: Send more shit!
!Atheism: No shit.
Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happenin'.
Christian Science: Shit Happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, an hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept over board into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.""Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords when one of the enemy cut my hand off.""Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate."You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked increduously."Well...", said the pirate, "..it was also my first day with the hook."
A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says. "I'm sorry but I've given my body to God." she replies and then leaves. Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some. The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you." She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ass." The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says, "Surprise I'm the guy on the bus." With that the nun turns around and says, "Surprise I'm the bus driver."
Grampa and Billy were working out in the garden. Grampa spies Billy trying to put a worm back into the ground. "You'll never get that worm back in his hole," said the old man. Suddenly, Billy had an idea. He ran into the laundry room and came back with a can of spray starch.After a few sprays, the worm was as stiff as a board and Billy was able to slide him back into the earth."Billy! You're a genius," exclaimed grampa. He hugged Billy, gave him a dollar out of his pocket, grabbed the starch, and ran inside.Thirty minutes later, grampa comes back out smiling. He gives Billy another dollar. "Grampa," said the boy, "You already gave me a dollar.""No," replied grampa, "That dollar's from grandma!"
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows when to stop."
Ways to Annoy People At A Pool
Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
Hit strangers with your flutter board.
Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, "Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....".
Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
Swim near a stranger and say, "Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here.".
Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say, "HA-HA, fooled you!".
Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.
Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.
Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.
Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say, "Wheee! I'm Batman!" while running around.
Hit strangers with your wet towel.
Throw people's things into the pool.
Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.
Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
Ok then orf we go...tea and coffee..and lemon on the go.
Morning TT..dont know where you will be but hope you are having a decent flight..you will be doing a stopover somewhere but havent a clue where, so take it easy
Morning Cat...how are you today? see the computer gods got you yesterday and pinched your post!!..its a real pain when that happens
good morning SF...wow impressed ..you certainly are doing well ...excellent...better than my jokes!!! It really is a great feelikng when I need turns to dont want isnt it?
Morning BHOG and how are you today? glad the jokes keep you going too!!
HiYAH...how are you today ? slogging away doing up the house?Might be a pain just now but think of the satisfaction in the end, when you can turn round and say "I did that "..and no al involved!!!
Hi ltlw..how are you today? wow seem to be lot of posts going west today?glad you ae on the road ..well done and keep it up.
Morning ppqp..and how are you today?yep use any of the boss lines and actions any time!..still on the casting couch are we..cant really see much on this webcam...but I think you should be wearing more than that..youll catch the cold
Sounds like lawyer things are starting to work for you...wow the legal wheels ..how slow they grind...all oiled by money...or is it justice? heres a coffee for you
Morning Lav...how are you this morning?..talk about early? its 8am here..clocks change forward tomorrow..but been up some time and done quite a bit of work..its actually great to get out into the garden which I will in a wee while.Yes it tll take some time for little un to get better but they heal better than us old(ER) people!! no doubt he will have a load of Easter eggs for the weekend!!!Anyway heres a coffee to sit and ponder over
Evening KY...how are you today?Yes like you I have got to change my habits ..eat way too late at night...usually 9/10 pm for me ...down to 11 8 this morning..these last few pounds are a pain to drop...was 12st7 on 18th of Feb so its not doing too bad..Aching a bit today..did 55 lengths in the pool yesterday ,and during the day 200 press ups and 200 sit ups..and 15 mins on the treadmill..need to start thinking about rest time..probably give the pool a ret today..all the kids are off school anyway ,and there is nothing better than to try and dodge binlids when you are swimming!!!
You any plans for the weekend mate?Have a goood one whatever you do
Right peeps...have a happy easter wherever you are ..be safe and sober
Great truths about life:1. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.3. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires. 5. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts. 6. Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy. 7. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. 8. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts. 9. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day. 10.You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled... isn't she adorable?" Friend: "But your kid didn't smile." Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
Can u believe what people do in the church these days? I was in the church listening tothe priest's sermon when i saw a guy smoking cigarettes inside the church. I was so amazed that i didn't know when the bottle of beer i was holding fell on the floor.
Taoism: Shit happens
.Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit
.Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
!Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.
Evangelism: Send more shit!
!Atheism: No shit.
Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happenin'.
Christian Science: Shit Happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, an hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept over board into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.""Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords when one of the enemy cut my hand off.""Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate."You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked increduously."Well...", said the pirate, "..it was also my first day with the hook."
A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says. "I'm sorry but I've given my body to God." she replies and then leaves. Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some. The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you." She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ass." The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says, "Surprise I'm the guy on the bus." With that the nun turns around and says, "Surprise I'm the bus driver."
Grampa and Billy were working out in the garden. Grampa spies Billy trying to put a worm back into the ground. "You'll never get that worm back in his hole," said the old man. Suddenly, Billy had an idea. He ran into the laundry room and came back with a can of spray starch.After a few sprays, the worm was as stiff as a board and Billy was able to slide him back into the earth."Billy! You're a genius," exclaimed grampa. He hugged Billy, gave him a dollar out of his pocket, grabbed the starch, and ran inside.Thirty minutes later, grampa comes back out smiling. He gives Billy another dollar. "Grampa," said the boy, "You already gave me a dollar.""No," replied grampa, "That dollar's from grandma!"
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows when to stop."
Ways to Annoy People At A Pool
Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
Hit strangers with your flutter board.
Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, "Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....".
Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
Swim near a stranger and say, "Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here.".
Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say, "HA-HA, fooled you!".
Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.
Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.
Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.
Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say, "Wheee! I'm Batman!" while running around.
Hit strangers with your wet towel.
Throw people's things into the pool.
Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.
Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
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