Help to stay focused

[MinStar]

Hello all,
Thanks for taking the time to read this :thanks:

I have been AF mostly since November 2011. For various reasons I have some drinks through Christmas and new year last year and again march until now. I don't know why I just can't get back on the wagon

I do so want to and know I can. But every few AF days later I have the odd drink or two. Then this goes on for a week or so and I stop again. I just need something to get me back on again.

Anyone else gone through this?

I've started Jason Vale's book again, got rid of all the alcohol I drink in the house. Hubby has beer and whiskey. I don't go for beer but may have the odd whiskey. I've placed it in the living room so I can't sneak it in when I am in the kitchen.

I have posted in the newbies nest but it is soon busy in there I feel perhaps I would get more support and advice on a separate thread (hence this post) for the time being.

I feel empowered and strong when I think I will stop today :-) most days I am strong when the cravings come but then I get a little complacent. I just am so scared it will take a strong hold.

Anyone have support advice or just simply hold my hand :thanks:

[learningtolovewinter]

Help to stay focused

Well, I don't have much insight as to how to get a handle on the resolve you need to quit, but I can say that I know exactly what you are talking about. I don't think there is a formula, not that I know of or I would be using it and spreading the word.
Maybe order one of the Rescue kits as a starting point? I bought L-glutamine last week and it makes me feel calm, which is definitely a good thing, however, I still drank. Pharmaceuticals scare me, to be honest, unless prescribed by your doctor. Maybe you should go visit the GP? See if they can help you get on back on the wagon. No harm in considering it, right?

I think you have to have a plan. It is my experience that if there is no plan than we just keep falling of ye ole wagon.

[kuya]

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Minstar. :l:l

This is hard. I don't know whether it will help but perhaps understanding the chemistry behind it may help you gain some traction.

When you got sober you started changing all the damaged biochemical pathways back to normal......this process takes about two years in total. When you drank again you did not immediately revert back which is why you did not feel as bad as when you first quit.

That is the good news, you can get that part back on track easily.

The bad news is the pleasure receptors for alcohol never forget, in fact when you quit they actually increase in number. When you drank they released endorphins which gives an intense pleasure rush ( regardless of any hangover or shame guilt and remorse). Even though it is not a conscious thought your brain is trying to stop you going through the deprivation of your last quit......

It makes quitting again a little harder, which is why repeat relapsing is so difficult.

The other factor is simply that having given in to the spoiled child ( the addicted part of your brain) it is now trying harder, knowing that you gave in before.

What will help is to use glutamine regularly through the day, even when you are not craving alcohol, take a range of reparative vitamins and supplements.

Also try saunas to sweat the alcohol out quicker.

Mostly make this a major project, the fact you have done it before makes us think it should be easier, it is not. I have gone through exactly the same process recently with smoking. Same rules, same struggle.

[MinStar]

Help to stay focused

Thanks LTLW and Kuya. I love your thoughts and ideas.
lTLW- a plan is an excellent idea. Today was just- try and get through the day, I had a pretty ok day even though I had a few drinks last night. I licked my daughter uo and lo and behold the evil AL loomed saying " hey great day- relax and enjoy with some wine!" I came home without stopping off and made some fizzy water with lemon and orange. I still had the thought to go out and get some mozzarella but knew really my cunning AL mind was tricking me. I need t be really on guard ALL the time.

kuya- 2 years??!! Really? My goodness I don't know. Do you know how long it takes for our liver (and other organs) to recover, I have begun the old pattern of worrying myself sick that I have damagd my liver irreparable :-(

I haven't looked into glutamate but am talking lots of multivitamins. Actually hubby and I are going to try for our second baby so I am on pregnacare tablets. I also do normally et well. Just recently (having some fertility problems) have been self medicating with the few drinks and not really editing well.

Today I am strong I hope tomorrow is the same.

Once again ladies. Tanks again for your posts. I came on around noon and was so disheartened to find no responses. So really appreciated. :-)

Off to read and bed. Oh and one trick which worked last time and still does is to eat et. Thought of AL go away after I had dinner. Even a little with my daughter was good enough today :-)

Stay safe x

[MinStar]

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Glutamate I mean. Not glutamate. Also what reparative vitamins are you thinking about Kuya?

Well done on quitting smoking too :-) x

[retteacher]

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MS: I have had the relapse problem as well. In 2009, I joined AA & stayed sober for 3 years. I then relapsed & am now 7 months sober. It has been more difficult staying sober after the relapse I had last year. I can only say that I try to take my sobriety one day at a time. I don't think in terms of NEVER, EVER having a drink. I've stayed active in AA which helps.

Before I joined AA, I relapsed regularly until I finally hit bottom. I was really drinking alot when that happened.

Mary

[kuya]

Help to stay focused

MinStar;1505182 wrote: Glutamate I mean. Not glutamate. Also what reparative vitamins are you thinking about Kuya?

Well done on quitting smoking too :-) x

GLUTAMINE?

Multivitamin, large doses of B vit, minerals. Look, the easiest way is to get the starter pack from Biorecovery in the states.

The number of people who struggle without these supplements makes me sad.....it is soooo much easier with them.

Sometimes I think folk are punishing themselves feeling that they SHOULD be suffering. The odd person will claim they can't afford them but are spending four times that on booze

I understand because I did it too......my reason was that I honestly still wanted to drink and knew I would drink so it WAS going to be a waste of money.

If you want to get sober again you MUST invest in it, money as well as time.

If you are planning a baby it is an investment in another life also

[Mick]

Help to stay focused

Minstar.hi ..its easier if you can deal with the cravings for alcohol when they happen...said this before,but when you get the urge to have a drink its just like coming up to the peak on a wave crest..you surf it.whn the urge comes on ,give your brain some other actions and thoughts to deal with rather than let it focus on drinking...write down your feelings,ask yourself why you want to drink is it going to do you any good /harm...basically ask yourself all these questions, write them down whatever until the craving subsides.Another thing to do is what I would call "buddy link"..what it is ..you buddy up with someone, and the two of you do it together ..when you feel like drinking, tell each other ,support each other.The big thing with this is it makes you also respect your buddys feelings...how would they feel if you had a drink?they are doing their best to help you and you let them down.The wish not to let them down is very powerful...hoe this helps you a bit

[Stargazerlily]

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Welcome Minstar,

I agree with you that eating can change the craving, ending the need to drink. Have you ever heard of HALT: Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Those four instances speak of danger. Feeling any of those things, address them immediately. Hungry...eat, angry...talk, lonely...ask for support, tired...nap. Identifying weak times is important and having a plan and actually following it.

Good luck in your journey.

[MinStar]

Help to stay focused

Thank you everyone:-) :hug:
Retteacher- I haven't looked into AA. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I will look into anything I can attend. With a toddler work and housewife duties and not a single cyber soul knows of my troubles- I find getting to session difficult but will look.

When you had your relapses did you find it harder to get back to a AF lifestyle because you felt you had done it and therefore could do it again?
Congratulations on getting back on and the 7 months you have done. I think your right in taking it a day/s at a time. That's all I'm focusing on a the moment.

Kuya- Iol. Yes glutamine! Spell checker keeps changing it back to glutamate :-/ which ones did you have in mind from biorecovery- jus had a look on their site :-)

Mick- thanks for those suggestions. I like the idea of writing them down. Funnily I did purchase a diary for writing things down and have not even out a letter in it :-/ I have been meaning to start a diary a long time ago. Even thought to have one to write things down for my daughter ( obviously separate to the drinking thoughts one!) so she could read about it when she is older. I like your analogy to surfing waves. I do find if I am quick to eat the thoughts eventually subside. Buddy link is a brilliant idea and I am going to post for one as soon as I am done with this post :-) thank you!!!

SGL- I had read something about HALT but hadn't really paid too much attention to it. Generally H can be hunger or Happy. If something good has happened I do think- oh how nice to have a glass of wine and chill- eg yesterday. Thankfully I am becoming are of the triggers and figuring out ways to divert them.

Thanks again everyone. Coming on and being able to talk and get ideas is tremendously helpful.....

[retteacher]

Help to stay focused

MS: It is difficult to find the time for AA though there are meetings all times of the day & night. i COULD NOT get sober on my own. I tried & tried for years only to repeatedly relapse. It was discouraging. I joined AA because I had no choice. I hit a disgusting & humiliating bottom. I then had 3 wonderful sober years & am now 7 months sober after a brief (& hopefully only) relapse last summer. I cannot stay sober wo/AA, but plenty of people can. My brother & son are both sober wo/AA, so you can do it too. Mary

[MinStar]

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RT-- thanks for being so honest and truthful. I would be pleasantly surprised if we have one I can make. At the moment I am asking on day t a time. Just came back from working and tucked up in bed.
How are yu finding it this time round. Is your resolve stronger. It is so good your brother and son are also AF. My hubby isn't but is a normal drinker. I am doing this on my own for the moment.- well alone as one an be with all the cyber help :-)

Do you feel AA sessions help because they make you accountable to someone or lots of someone's? Or going there to talk helps?

Sorry for being nosy- you don't have to answer :-)

[retteacher]

Help to stay focused

MS:

After the relapse, it was much harder to stay sober...especially the first few weeks. My husb is also a normal drinker, & we had kept some bottles down in the basement of our home for company. That's the stash I used during my relapse. We've now gotten rid of those bottles. When we have our normal drinker friends over, we serve wine only & get rid of it after they leave...either they take it w/them or we pour it into the sink.

AA is a fellowship, & it's quite impossible to go to meetings while drinking. I've made many friends...especially in my home meetings. In addition to confessing my relapse to my husb, I also went to my home meeting & publicly confessed there. It did make me much more accountable. Many of my friends in AA have many multiple years of sobriety.

Good luck to you. Keep coming here to MWO & look at all the threads. You'll find support.

Mary

PS: I also revealed my relapse here in a thread. Again, I must hold myself accountable.

[MinStar]

Help to stay focused

Thnks retteacher. It is so good you have your husbands support. My husband and family haven't been told all. My problem is I started hiding it and as soon as I did that I knew thugs were out if hand. All started with just heavy social drinking but turned to secret drinking. That's been about 4-5 yrs. actually since I got married :-/ but sure that's just a coincedence.
I like te idea of being accountable. Unfortunately no buddy link as yet but hopefully. Meantime I'm working on staying AF one day at a time.

Stay strong RT x

[retteacher]

Help to stay focused

MS: I too hid my drinking. It too started out as social drinking. Then, I began drinking before I went out or before people came here. I did this while my husb was otherwise occupied. That habit morphed into hiding bottles & drinking whenever i could (in secret). Alcoholism is a progressive disease. I'm a retired teacher & started drinking during the day, even in the morning. Eventually, when I got dead drunk at a dinner party, my alcoholism came out. While it was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life (I was taken by ambulance to the hospital), it also allowed me to admit my drinking. I hid it very, very well. My husb says he didn't suspect it at all. I think my son-in-law knew, as he's a police officer & knows all the symptoms/signs. Now, sitting in a AA meeting, & openly saying: "Hi, I'm Mary an alocholic"...I know I'm not hiding anything. I think, in addition to the physical damage I was doing to my aging body, the spiritual damage of all that hiding, lying, betraying, etc. was worse. Good luck. M