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View Full Version : Everything is Great?? Or not??



neifile
June 8th, 2013, 09:52 AM
I am in a situation and I am not sure what to do about it. I have been dating a man, who very obviously drinks a lot, for about three months. Whenever we are together he drinks - it varies between 5 drinks to 2 bottles of wine per day. In three months, we have not been together one day when he hasn't had a drink (and we spend 3 -4 days a week together) He admitted to me that he takes Naltrexone, because alcoholism runs in his family, but he does not seem to moderate his intake.

I am debating breaking up with him but am hesitant because there are no apparent negative side effects to his alcohol dependence. He is sweet, kind, and stays present in our time together. He has an amazing job (owns his own very successful business for the past 17 years) and is brilliant and interesting. He doesn't get sloppy or sick and his alcohol use doesn't affect our sex life. We have great conversation, he is generous and thoughtful and makes me feel beautiful and special. He really is an amazing amazing person.

I am not sure what to do - I know that it will always worry me that his alcohol use will cause him to spiral out of control or affect his health in some way - but other than the fact that I can see he drinks, what I perceive as, too much, there doesn't seem to be any negative effects of his drinking.

Is it possible for a person to drink "too much" and not be an alcoholic? Should I care about him drinking "too much" when there are no obvious negative effects on me or our relationship? What's my problem with this when it seems pretty obvious he can handle it? Should I just wait and see? (these are mostly rhetorical questions)

:new:

Siren136
June 8th, 2013, 09:57 AM
neifile;1517227 wrote: Should I care about him drinking "too much" when there are no obvious negative effects on me or our relationship? What's my problem with this when it seems pretty obvious he can handle it? Should I just wait and see? (these are mostly rhetorical questions)

:new:
I think it's too late - you already care about him and his drinking. Share your concerns for his health with him. Alcohol is a dangerous drug and will eventually harm him. Drinking like he does will shorten his life, even if he is highly functional at the moment.

Best of luck to you!

gyco
July 11th, 2013, 06:58 AM
Goodmorning or good Evning from wherever your from hahah it's odd I come here once in a while and then read something like this,did you no that alcoholism like cancer has been around forever,I can't say my hole family suffers from cancer but then i can't say my hole family are alcoholics,but addiction can be controlled cancer on the other hand ? I think if your willing to be there thro thick and thin it's your call,my wife has for almost 40 years

Kradle123
July 11th, 2013, 12:07 PM
neifile;1517227 wrote: I am in a situation and I am not sure what to do about it. I have been dating a man, who very obviously drinks a lot, for about three months. Whenever we are together he drinks - it varies between 5 drinks to 2 bottles of wine per day. In three months, we have not been together one day when he hasn't had a drink (and we spend 3 -4 days a week together) He admitted to me that he takes Naltrexone, because alcoholism runs in his family, but he does not seem to moderate his intake.

I am debating breaking up with him but am hesitant because there are no apparent negative side effects to his alcohol dependence. He is sweet, kind, and stays present in our time together. He has an amazing job (owns his own very successful business for the past 17 years) and is brilliant and interesting. He doesn't get sloppy or sick and his alcohol use doesn't affect our sex life. We have great conversation, he is generous and thoughtful and makes me feel beautiful and special. He really is an amazing amazing person.

I am not sure what to do - I know that it will always worry me that his alcohol use will cause him to spiral out of control or affect his health in some way - but other than the fact that I can see he drinks, what I perceive as, too much, there doesn't seem to be any negative effects of his drinking.

Is it possible for a person to drink "too much" and not be an alcoholic? Should I care about him drinking "too much" when there are no obvious negative effects on me or our relationship? What's my problem with this when it seems pretty obvious he can handle it? Should I just wait and see? (these are mostly rhetorical questions)

:new:
Hi Neifile-

If you've been Reading around the boards Then you have a pretty good picture of what lies in store for you and your BF

I wish it weren't. I wish I could say, 'wait and see' , I wish I could promise you a happy ending...
But I've been here too long.
I see you haven't checked in in awhile. Hope your ok. Thinking of you. :l

neifile
July 23rd, 2013, 09:51 AM
Update - he went on a massive bender over the last three weeks. This last week he's been staying with me and we are slowly weening him off the massive amounts he has been consuming during the bender. He seems committed to managing this himself. He's on naltaxone (sp) via the Sinclair method to try and help but I think he's not using the drug properly according to what I've read.
I have enrolled in our local addiction unit's "Family of addicts" course to learn what I can do if anything.
Am I up for this long term? I am not sure.... He's such a great person.