af Monday 8 July

[treetops]

MAE - just a quick whizz round of the tea and coffee as I have to get ready for work - its meetings day :durn: so thats a joy (not)!
Don't think the sleep helped in the beautification department and can't feel any new brain cells but am rested and ready to seize all comers today!

Hi there Darkest Diamond - you are well on the right path, will be almost day 3 for you soon. Lots of good advice on the Newbies thread and us old timers can share a secret or two. We are a pretty determined lot but we have our crappy days and some more than others, cravings, as well as a bucket-load of other issues! Lots of humour here though even if we come from different cultures, nationalities, time zones, genders (although there seem to be a lot of us old gals !), religions, - but we all have appalling drinking histories, and decades of collective experience of living with addiction and afflicting it on hapless others - esp those we love most. Some of us use the word alkies (I do) with abandon but others are not so comfortable - but I don't think we get into fights over this. You will understand some of the Anglo-Celtic in-talk (from Bear, MicK) but sometimes the Americans (like YahYah, and Lavande, Cat, Cinders, SF) confuse us ('hump day' was one that got me) and then we get the weirdos from the real, lovely gorgeous part of the world (here! Kuya is part of this loveliness) ) and across the ditch (MR G and Blondie). There is a Canadian contingent as well (PPQP) and we have some based in continental Europe from time to time.

There is a creature called Det who live in an air conditioned cave and hunts garlic monsters!

Thats an introduction - sorry if I have left anyone off the synopsis - but I warned you all that my brain cells have not increased overnight.
Have a great sober week all!

[treetops]

af Monday 8 July

Here I am replying to my own thread!
Still feeling flat/down - and this worries me as my 9 month sobriety is coming up in a few days time. I am putting the flatness down to the time of the time of the year and my usual swings and lows. These are not extreme or manic but the lowness has kind of slowly crept up on me in the past.

I also found myself tempted to cook with wine tonight - I know the AL burns off - but again, it worries me that I had these thoughts. I wanted to give my lasagne 'that' Italian kind of taste - herbs, tomatoes, slow cooking etc. I have not acted on this and anyway I know my daughter would not like to eat food that might have had AL in it - even if it was not alcoholic.

This will pass but I can't quite shake the flatness.

Sorry to bother folk but thats what we do sometimes isn't it??:

[blondie]

af Monday 8 July

Hi TT - sorry you're still feeling a bit iffish. I reckon a few more of PPQ's Ps are needed. And probably some more of Mick's jokes. :l

[Catbuddy]

af Monday 8 July

Hi Treetops,

I've had the same urges recently. Just say no, and take them seriously. It doesn't mean you will drink, but it's something to respect and give wide berth.

I've been thinking I might change my tag line to something Lav inspired. She told me once that there are no slips, only decisions to drink.

I'm thinking of the following: Own your decisions.

Too brash?

Cat

[Mick]

af Monday 8 July

I DONT BELIEVE IT......just taken me an hour to write the post and the b***tard thing has gone!!!!!grrrrrrrrrrrrrrWe.ll I aint doing all that again!!!

big hi to everybody..
welcome DD ...its not usually like this ....actually it is!
Lav .sorry about your loss ....at least he is at peace pain free
ppqp did you buy that dresser ?
hiya Cat ..you ok with your bf coming from france ..do you converse in French,English or both?
TT sent you a pm
Cinders ..take it hubby back at work today..peace reigns again!!
Turn nice to see you..your avatar will soon be in vogue!!!
Hiya Det ..you ok?
Blondie hiya..yep still have the knotted hankie!!!

Apologies to those I have missed ..you are on the other bloody post whizzing around the atmosphere!!!

oh and just to top it all me phone is broken and is going back!!!!

have a wonderful day :H

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...
The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''
''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

If my main parachute doesn?t open and my reserve parachute doesn?t open, how long till i hit the ground?
- the rest of your life?
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.

Billionaire Richard Branson has withdrawn from a sponsorship deal of Chesterfield Football Club. He stated that ?he couldnt have the name VIRGIN on the teams shirts ? when they get f*cked every week !?

Just been to the gym and there?s a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything ?Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps? !

Q. Why did the golfer wear tho pairs of pants?
A. In case he got a hole in one.

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Generally, he was driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, ?What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!?
The guy answers, ?My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.?
His partner ponders this for a moment, and then replies:
?Forget it man, you don`t stand a snowball`s chance in hell of hitting her from here!?

Paddy asks Murphy, ?Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards??
Murphy replies, ?If they fell forwards they?d still be on the f*cking boat!?

Why did the blonde tip-toe across the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn?t wake up the sleeping pills.

Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, ?Are we venomous??
The other replays, ?Yes,why???
?I just bit ma lip.?

[treetops]

af Monday 8 July

Thats it - next time I do a long post I am composing it in a word document and then pasting it in - may have to cut down on the fancy smilies.
Have a sane rest of your day Mick
I forgot to tell folk that yesterday I was blending soup in the blender and I left the lid off.
Bright yellow pumpkin all over me and the new kitchen - pics not allowed!

[Lavande]

af Monday 8 July

Good morning Abbers!

The disappearing posts are quite annoying TT ~ happens from time to time!
That feeling of flatness will go on it's own but it may be better to be pro-active. Is there something new & exciting you can do besides clean up pumpkin yuck from your new kitchen? :H
Something fun, something that will hold your interest & focus? I think the beast lives in the background for a long time after we quit & we need to be diligent about telling it to shut the F___k up!!!!! Do not listen to the monkey mind BS!

Greetings Blondie, Cat, Mick & everyone!

I am starting something new today. For the next 5 weeks I will be watching my granddaughter Monday - Thursday evening while my daughter takes an intensive anatomy & physiology class. She is preparing for a career change & wants to go into physical therapy.
I still have my occasional long day time grandson watching events too. My business has picked up a bit too so I am busy

Thanks for the well wishes concerning my brother. He's had serious health problems for quite some time but you always hope they will be around longer.

have a great AF Monday everyone!
Lav

[bear73]

af Monday 8 July

morning all

sorry you feeling flat TT - try to do something nice for yourself today and try to remember that it will pass. I've had a super clumsy few days, exploded salad all over newly cleaned kitchen floor yesterday sandwich all over my dress. It's good you are aware of the BS wine voice ahead of getting into trouble.

Lav - you seem to be hanging on in there, sending you my good thoughts.

Last day of my holidays today - tomorrow is a training day tho so a nice gentle start back. I have been to doctor to talk about weight loss,have a plan of initially power walking or swimming every day in the park and swapping junk snacks in evening for carrot sticks/celery sticks and salsa/strawberries/frozen grapes. Still having takeaway once a week as a treat. This feels doable - and about health and self care rather than beating myself up about not hitting hardcore gym few times a week .

Then I went for laser hair removal patch test, then to vets to pay a large bill and pick up prescription food, eye drops then did small food shop, then filled car with petrol ready for the week ahead.

Now I am having a lazy afternoon in the sun - I will be sat in my half finished garden and ignoring the housework - OH doing hoovering later and today I am doing NOTHING! Odd sensation for me there,all I plan to do is give myself a pedicure,listen to the radio and hydrate Meeting friend for cheap sushi in early evening.

[Cinders]

af Monday 8 July

MAE Abbers!!

TT, Oddly, and I have posted this before, in AA you get chips for the following milestones: Day 1, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, 6 months, 9 months and yearly after that. One of the old timers told me that those chips are not just milestones but also what they have found in AA to be frequent relapse times. Isn't that odd? Here you are at 9 months and having those thoughts. Makes me wonder.

As for feeling flat, I went through that a few weeks ago. It was odd. I wasn't sad or depressed or anxious. Just "flat." My counselor and I discussed it and I told her that when I quit I was prepared for the crap days and the manic days, etc, but not the nothing days. She laughed.

What we did discuss, though, is that society in general has placed too much emphasis on how we feel. If we are depressed, we should take a pill to make that better, if we suffer anxiety, we should take a pill to make that better, etc. She feels that society is doing more harm than good in many cases. It is absolutely normal to have bad days, good days, flat days, anxiety, etc.

She does not discount those who suffer severe and deep clinical depression, serious anxiety, bi-polar, etc. Those are very real issues and need to be addressed.

Oh well. Enough about that. Just stay focused on your sobriety for now, TT. As in all things we face in life, the flatness and these thoughts shall, too, pass. :-)

Lav, Condolences to you and your family about your brother. I understand the statement about his no longer suffering. I have the same feelings about my mother. I very much feel so badly for her that her dementia has her in such a state of anger, paranoia and fear. It breaks my heart.

I have to run about now but will come back later.

I hope all have a wonderful day, today. I am so grateful hubby is back at work. :-)

Love,
Cindi

[caysea]

af Monday 8 July

Hi All
Good point about those dates Cindy.TT it has been discussed in MWO in the past the aspect of PAWS ---- post acute withdrawal symptom. It comes around those dates in our recovery. Please read about it in MWO or google it. Paws can last up to 2 years after the start of recovery. The more we know about what to expect in recovery the better we are prepared to deal with it..


Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF. 5-16-08

[Determinator]

af Monday 8 July

happy un-hung Monday ABerooooos!

had a great sleep and I'm feeling dangerously good. look out!

TreeTops, so proud of you coming up on 9 months. that's just stellar and I hope you feel more perky soon.

Caysea! good to see you here mate. wise words. knowledge is key for my recovery as I'm a very logic/facts-oriented person.

Bear did you say cheap sushi? you may consider putting a cheap bucket by the bed tonight. hahaha , sorry not that funny. the first tradeshow I did far from home I fell victim to bad sushi and it wasn't cheap either. owie!

Cindi, this is so right on: What we did discuss, though, is that society in general has placed too much emphasis on how we feel. If we are depressed, we should take a pill to make that better, if we suffer anxiety, we should take a pill to make that better, etc. She feels that society is doing more harm than good in many cases. It is absolutely normal to have bad days, good days, flat days, anxiety, etc.

I have been watching with amazement as modern society gets more and more upset about smaller things. you can't do or say anything without disturbing someone anymore in some way. it's as though people are looking for things to be upset about. this may be due to the fact this generation has had things so easy in so many ways. one good economic depression should fix us up again....
my dear grandmother survived the great depression in the US and she has the wonderful combination of being tough and compassionate.

Lav, enjoy your grand daughter. great to hear your daughter getting into the noble arts of healing. if I were starting again that's where my field of study would be now. although my doctor complains bitterly that he's being turned into a paper-pushing bureaucrat instead of a healer. oh well.

off to enjoy an AL-free day

be well

[Turnagain]

af Monday 8 July

MAE FABulicious ones not so near yet not so far....

Another great discussion this morning. I don't specifically remember what 9 months felt like, but I do remember feeling 'flat' every now and then. Cindi brings up a great point about that - it's just part of normal life.

Many of us never learn how to deal constructively with the 60-70,000 thoughts that zap through our heads every day. Before I stopped drinking, I would say the majority of my self-talk was negative. In fact, even before I was an addicted drinker, my thoughts were mostly negative - and had been for much of my life.

In this past year, I have made a concentrated effort to take control over that part of my brain that churns out thoughts. I specifically blast out the negative chatter and replace that with a more positive pattern. I've found that reframing a situation in the context of gratitude is really helpful. Here's a simple 'for example:' Yesterday I did not get everything done that I wanted to on my To Do list. Rather than beating myself up for that, I put the focus on what I WAS able to achieve - conjured up some gratitude for that - and then added some more gratitude for the fact that I will have time to finish those projects today. It's been a revelation to me to be sober AND to finally have some mind-peace and control over the nattering, negative mind chatter.

Another huge relief for me was learning that it is also quite NORMAL to get surprised with cravings even after we've been AF for a long time. When we first quit, we know how to deal with the obvious cues. I remember having to take the 'scenic' route for months to avoid driving by my usual liquor store. But it can sure feel alarming when we get hit with a craving 'out of the blue' after months or even years of sobriety. Here's the reality - it's not a sign of weakness or a flaw in our being. Nor is it a sign that our sobriety is somehow in danger. There are a lot of cues that tickle the old neural pathways in our mid-brain - or as our lovely Lav calls it...the Monkey Brain. That's the part of the brain that goes: Feels good. Get more.

Here's the good news: We no longer are compelled to obey the monkey. Now, when a seemingly random craving pops up in my head, I acknowledge it and then squash it like the annoying pest that it is. My inner dialog goes something like this. Wow. Where did you come from? I am so grateful I can recognize this for what it is and have the power now to remain in full control of my actions. SPLAT!

How do you other long-timers deal with the random craving? Let's add some more ammo to the arsenal.

Onward....friends!

[porqoui]

af Monday 8 July

MAE ALL...

TT...thanks for kicking us off this morning. Lets see, loose a post, paint the kitchen yellow, did #3 happen yet? Hope you're feeling better. Wish I had some great words of wisdom for you...maybe Mick's PM helped. :l

Blondie...good thing I never run out of "P"s...hope your day is going good.

CB...I like your new tag line "Own your Decisions"...not at all brash me thinks.

Mick...going to make this quick cause doesn't these things happen in 3's? Didn't get the dresser yesterday as for some reason I got into a cleaning mood. Never interfere with that when it happens. :H Early into work this morning to let a "temp" employee in so left at noon, in the pouring rain. Man we've had enough somebody find that tap and turn it off!!! Hope your day has improved and good luck with the phone.

Lav...will the g/daughter be spending the night or getting picked up? 5 weeks is a long commitment, one I'm sure you're up to. Glad to hear the business has picked up. Things seem to be going in the right direction for you at the moment.

Cinders...I have never heard of that chip theory before but boy does it make sense. And I totally agree with what your counselor said about the good, the bad and the ugly are normal. Thanks for sharing that.

Caysea...I have done my research on PAWS as well. I agree that it's easier when I know what to expect. It's the not knowing that always got the best of me.

Det...and you're sounding dangerously good as well. It's so good to hear you happy. I agree with your analogy...this generation does not understand the work/reward concept and that's sad as they are missing out on a lot.

Turn...you sound like me only it's Wow, where did that come from followed by What would Mick say? :H I do find myself using HALT and asking myself if I'm Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. I find even asking myself if I'm one of these is enough to SPLAT the beast. Don't even have to answer.

Time to put the kettle on and have a Bovril, well in my case it's a "Beef-n-Mug"...have a great AF Monday all and all to come....PPQP

[Lavande]

af Monday 8 July

Despite all the sadness - I had a nice day with a happy, energetic & very smart 2 yr old
She's at a stage now where everything is funny - or so she says :H

PQ, both my daughter & granddaughter will be staying overnight tomorrow night. They can stay all week if they want to, I love the company!

Hope everyone has a nice night!
Lav

[Catbuddy]

af Monday 8 July

Mae, all.

I just love this place. Such great conversation on topics relevant to all of us. As I don't have freedom in my schedule for group meetings (note I'm usually on this site once my son is in bed), I am so grateful to come here. I learn and am reminded about so many things critical to sobriety.

I came back at 9 months: 9, not 8 or 7.5 or whatever. Coincidence? I'd been feeling a bit at risk. The thoughts that I wanted just one, just one night, just a vacation, etc. MWO is a slap of reality, from friends who haven't forgotten the risks. My sister caved just after her five year anniversary. Something to remember.

Here would be a neat innovation for MWO: an online treasure box, where we put our chips once we earn them. Now I love the moons and party hats from NN, but they were fleeting. I wish I had something tangible.

Mick, good question about the language. He speaks French, Spanish, English and German in that order of fluency. I speak English and Spanish. Sometimes we use Spanish, just to keep it interesting. He is not able to say everything he wants to say in English, and I certainly have to choose my words carefully.

I almost didn't date him because of this. If you recall, my ex husband is brain damaged and lost the power of speech, about a 95% loss in expression, and a 50% loss in understanding. This happened a year before we married. I never had a husband I could talk to. AT ALL. So language barriers in a new relationship? Bad cosmic joke? Proven source of loneliness for me as such a verbal woman? I thought long and hard, and decided to try anyway.

There are two beautiful unexpected benefits. First, I could not lead with my intelligence. I usually fall back to that when I am nervous and first meeting someone. I want them to like me, be impressed. No go with that tendency here. I was much more reserved, fewer words, fewer tales of my professional life, which is complex in structured finance and commodities trading. After more than a month, he finally learned some of what I do during a dinner party. Later, he told me how struck he was by how humble I am - that I had not already told him this stuff. No greater compliment could be given. I'm learning humility, and it's a much nicer Cat.

Second, if you choose your words carefully, you choose your words carefully! A good friend has a husband who is Austrian, she is British. Since English is his second language, she both learned German and has taken care her whole marriage in how she expresses herself. She told me it is good for the relationship. I agree.

One downside of being French - it took a while for him to accept that I would never drink with him, not even when he brought an aged bordeaux and selection of cheeses one night. I have slowly shared the extent of my commitment to healthy eating and living, and the risk of addiction and depression when I don't follow the course. Slow going here.

Cat