af Saturday 27 July

[treetops]

MAE folks! Thought I would start the thread before I head into the wilds of Saturday morning consumerism. My cold/aches seem better - I slept a bit longer than usual.

PPQP- have a fabuloso break and you will sail through it AF. Sounds lovely. Baking soda is an old way to neutralise strong smells - sprinkled liberally around - left for a while and then vacuumed up. Classic way to get rid of vomit smells. Pong is what we call strong smells.

Mick - hope you had a good feed after fasting. Treat time for you! Especially with all the disasters and expenditure of the cash.

Lav - we have a female only gym franchise here that sounds the same as Curves but it does not appeal. I will keep to walking/climbing (at least I have good leg muscles!) and add weights. Good idea. Might take up some yoga again for relax and supple-ness.
Looks like now our thread includes Pet Surgery as well! I have to take our psychologically challenged cat in for his yearly check-up soon. He has been piling on the weight - better give him a cholestoral test!! :H I think he has two homes - is getting fed somewhere else as well - so I might have to become a cat detective.

Hope your weekend goes well - Cinders, Cat, SF, Pauly, Blondie, June, No Sugar, Det and the rest of Abs gang. :yougo:

[blondie]

af Saturday 27 July

early morning here (why can I never sleep in on the weekend?!) Some storms are due this morning, so a good time to sit by the fire..

Enjoy your shopping TT.

Off back to yesterday...

[NoSugar]

af Saturday 27 July

Hi, Det, and anyone else interested in nutrition .

On another thread, Unwasted suggested a Diane Rehme show from this past week. I just listened to it and thought it was a pretty good discussion of the downside of eating too much sugar: Richard Cohen: "Sugar Love: A Not-So Sweet Story" | The Diane Rehm Show from WAMU and NPR.

It relates to a story in the next issue of National Geographic: Sugar.

This is a little odd to be posting on a future date. Do most of you check 2 days worth of posts when you come by MWO?

Blondie, I don't think I have slept past 7 a.m. in my entire adult life and usually wake up automatically earlier - no matter when I go to bed or what kind of shape I'm in. I guess that is why I've always liked to go to bed fairly early.

TT, I'm glad you are feeling better. Have fun acquiring stuff .

Have a nice tomorrow, all :H !

NS

[TheSunFlower]

af Saturday 27 July

TT.....guess I realized I am too sensitive about the whole alcohol comments people make as it directly affected me. Interesting note you made about health messages being directed at the young people.....but, I guess the idea is to stop it before it starts. We all know how tough it is to get out of the web once we are in it. So glad you are feeling better.

Mick....sorry you've had a crappy few days. Glad you are still up for jokes.

Lav...I need to start thinking about a regular exercise routine....especially to kick me off in the morning. Stair master is literally next to my bed...

[treetops]

af Saturday 27 July

No Sugar
Well since I have been here we do end up with two days active. I know it's confusing.
It's also just good to have a daily thread started off - at one stage we had about 5 people posting from the Southern Hemisphere on my side of the dateline. This also means we can step in with emergencies when someone posts out of usual waking hours- that is if they are online.
And we go thru phases of posting a lot and then not so much. I have found regularity helpful for myself.

No shopping today apart from groceries. Couldn't be stuffed!
Curtains will have to wait:upset:

[Mick]

af Saturday 27 July

mae everyone...and how is the world of boozebusting today?we doing ok folks? excellent.glad to report that yesterday went better than the previous one!!!Carpet hasnt stained at all..mustve been an impressive sight to see me rain dance on the floor on towels to soak it all up, but up it came eventually..put bakin soda down ..turned it brown..the smell is still there ,but not as strong ,guess it will just take time.In one way when the decanter fell ,was quite lucky ..just split the neck off...managed to glue it back together, so doesnt look too bad.Had blood tests yestrday ...and after that went out to Bury market ..the home of black puddings..if you goggle it you will find its got a big write up.Anyway, we are both not allowed to eat certain gthings...(he has had a heart transplant)so when we meet up its like kids in a sweet shop..he had meat and potato pie ,chips gravy and peas,I had fish in batter chips and peas. and we also had some black pudding.then went bimbling about ..as Julie say like the 2 old geezers in the muppet show!!!!She thinks it is crazy...less than 3 years ago ,he was in charge of a prison and I was the deputy..now we are like 2 old gossips talking about anything but the prison service..just shows how your life can change...and we both agree for the better

right enough woffle...wont be here tomorrow ...early doors start ..tis Sunday.so out on my usual ...........ing activities !!!
tea and cawfee on the go

evening tt .how are you? yes had a great day..probably the crap I ate wasnt too brill but what the hell once in a while..back to normal today. how has your day been?hope fully ok.Pong in carpet is still there ..any suggestions? just read your post about the southern hemisphere and the rationale..you dont sell cars too do you?:H

Hiya blondie and how are you?yep weather over here is looking a wee bit dark ..methinks wet weather on the way.any plans for the weekend?Dont think the rabbits would be too chuffed with a couple of Jack Russells..we used to have one years ago..heart and courage of a lion ..brain like a pea..got kicked by a cow and that was it

Hiya no sugar...how are you? yes it is pretty weird checking 2 dates , but you soon get used to it...blame it on that woman from upside down land!!!! :H Would say I am interested in nutrition..but not into the big names like ymes ins etc!

Hiya SF...how are you today? ok I hope..what a comment..lets write this one down.
looking for a new exercise routine to start the day with...
Stairmaster right next to the bed

Yeehah ..the land of opportunity is here go fir it girl!!!! :H

Hiya Det how are you? back home after travelling all over grappa valley.Watched a programme last night ..that sons of guns..where they mess about with weapons vehicles etc.Last night they were making a crowd control vehicle for the police with water cannon and grenade launchers as well as some chopped back main armament..couldnt believe it when a saw the vehicle they wer using for it.Ex British Army ferret scout car..was either a Mk4 or 5 still had its markings on...belonged to A squadron 9/12 lancers and had been used in Cyprus..used to teach people to drive them at one stage..pretty sure we used to mount a 30 cal on them..they had a nasty habit of turning over and squashing the commander ..especially the turreted ones.Just thought I would share that piece of useless info with you!!have a great day

Hiya ppqp ..how are you? fanx for the ug and the pp s ..and yes days gone by would have been gibbering in the bottom of a bottle about how shit the world was, but hey we move on.Glad your day was good too.who knows maybe your sister will join you on the af road
have a cuppa and a great day

Hiya Lav..so you had a kid free day yesterday? enjoy it? dare I say it? is the weekend kf too?here is a brew for you too.whatever it is you do ..have a good one

Hiya Pauly hows you today? great to see you posting regular..if the glasses help you ..then get em ..who gives a sh.t?about the fashion police?

right peeps need to get this posted so have a great day

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
?Are you crazy?? yelled the customer, ?with your hand on my steak??
?What? answers the waiter, ?You want it to fall on the floor again??

A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, ?Hey aren?t you going to pay for that?? The man says, ?Excuse me, Castro?s Army.? The bartender says, ?Alright then? and the man leaves.
A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, ?Hey aren?t you going to pay for that?? The man says, ?Excuse me, Castro?s Army.? The bartender says ?Alright then? and the man leaves.
The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, ?Hey aren?t you going to pay for that?? The Scotsman says, ?Excuse me, Castro?s Army.? The bartender says, ?Hey where is your big black beard?? The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, ?Secret Service!?

A drunk staggers into a bar and says to the bartender, ?I?d like to buy everyone in the bar a drink and get one for yourself too!? The bartender makes the drinks and everyone raises their glass and yells ?CHEERS!? and downs their drinks.
The bartender says ?That?ll be $37.50.?
The drunk says, ?I don?t have any money!?
This infuriates the bartender who then jumps over the bar and beats the living daylights out of the drunk and throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks into the same bar and says, ?I?d like to buy the whole bar a drink, and get one for yourself, too.? The bartender figures that maybe he was a little hard on the guy the day before and decides to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.
He makes the drinks and they all say, ?Salute!? and down the drinks. The bartender says, ?That?ll be $42.50.?
The drunk replies by putting his thumb to his nose, wiggling his fingers, and making a loud raspberry noise followed by, ?I don?t have any money!?
This angers the bartender even more than the first time. He jumps over the bar and beats the hell out of the drunk and throws him out into the street onto his face and kicks him a few times for good measure.
The next day the same drunk walks into the same bar, but before he can say anything the bartender says, ?Let me guess, you want to buy the whole bar a drink and I should get one for myself, too, right??
The drunk replies, ?No way, you get too violent when you drink!?

NS and Det !!!

For those of you who watch what you eat, here?s the final word on nutrition and health. It?s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

A six-year-old boy called his mother from his friend Charlie?s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.
?But, Mom,? he said, brightening, ?you don?t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie?s mother said it was irreplaceable.?

Three men, an Italian, a Jew, and a Greek, are crossing the road, when a bus runs them all over, killing them instantly. They appear before Saint Peter, who prepares to let them into Heaven.
The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they?re only young and haven?t led full lives. Eventually Saint Peter relents and lets them go back to earth ? on the one condition that they give up the one thing that each of them wants most of all in life, not even to attempt to attain it.
BANG!! They?re back in the same street they came from, all a bit shocked by the experience.
Within a few minutes, they?re passing by a pizza shop. The Italian can?t help himself, he runs in, and just as he?s about to take a bite of pizza, BANG!!, the Italian disappears ? he?s gone back to Heaven.
The other two are quite shocked by this, but then continue on walking. Just then, a dollar coin rolls across the footpath in front of the two men. The Jew can?t help himself, he bends over, and just as he?s about to pick up the coin, BANG!!, the Greek disappears.

Two animals meet in the woods, both blind since birth. Neither one knows what kind of animal it is, so they decide to feel each other to try to figure it out.
?What do I feel like,? the first animal asked. ?You have soft fur all over you, strong back legs, big back feet, a puffy little cotton tail, two long ears, and a twitchy little nose.? The first animal, full of joy, exclaimed, ?I know what I am! I?m a bunny rabbit.?
?Now it?s my turn,? said the second animal. The bunny felt him, describing, ?You?re very long, narrow, and low to the ground. You?re cold, and slimy. You have long, sharp fangs and a little forked tongue that keeps darting out of your mouth.?
?Damn,? sobbed the second animal. ?I?m a lawyer.?

Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, ?I don?t know what to get my wife for her birthday ? she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I?m stumped.?
His buddy said, ?I have an idea ? why don?t you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it ? she?ll probably be thrilled.?
So the that?s what Joe did.
The next day at the bar his buddy said, ?Well? Did you take my suggestion??
?Yes, I did,? said Joe.
?Did she like it?? His buddy asked.
?Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling ?I?ll be back in an hour!!?

A young couple in love were in an automobile accident the night before their wedding, and both were killed. In heaven, they approached St. Peter. ?My fiance and I really miss the opportunity to have celebrated our wedding vows. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married??
St. Peter replied, ?I?ll tell you what ? after you have gone through an appropriate waiting period, we will talk about it again.?
Five years pass and the couple still wanted to get married. They approached St. Peter again, and he told them, ?I?m sorry, I know that five years was a long time to wait, but there?s a problem. You?ll have to wait a little bit longer.?
Another five years pass, when St. Peter excitedly approached the couple. ?Your wait is over, and you may marry now. Thanks for your patience.?
The couple got married.
Unfortunately, soon after the wedding, the couple realized that they were not compatible. Going to see St. Peter, they asked if their was such a thing as divorce in heaven. St. Peter gave them a cold stare, and said sternly, ?Look, it took us ten years to find a minister up here. Do you have any idea how long it?ll take to find a lawyer??

An elderly lawyer was about to die. One day he told his wife he had come up with a way to take all of the money he had with him to heaven. He told his wife to put all of his money in the attic so when he died he could grab it on the way up.
A couple of weeks after he died his wife was cleaning out the attic and saw that the money bags were still there. ?That old fool,? she chuckled. ?I told him that we should have put the money in the basement!?

A man went into a lawyer?s office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer?s office.
The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, ?Can you tell me how much you charge??
?Of course?, the lawyer replied, ?I charge $500 to answer three questions.?
?Don?t you think that?s an awful lot of money to answer three questions??
?Yes it is?, answered the lawyer, ?What?s your third question??

tips for husbands

DANGEROUS: What?s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here?s fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn?t overdo today.
SAFEST: I?ve always loved you in that robe.

Real Stories from a Virtual World


Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command ?Press Any Key? to ?Press Return Key? because of the flood of calls asking where the ?Any? key is.

Technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn?t read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into his typewriter to type the labels.

A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes.

A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put the disk in, asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and closing the door to his room.

A customer called to say he couldn?t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the screen and pressing the ?send? key.

A customer needed help setting up a new program, so the technician suggested he go to the local Egghead. ?Yeah, I got me a couple of friends,? the man said. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, ?Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks.?

A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then he removed all the keys and washed them individually.

A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was ?bad and invalid?. The tech explained that the computer?s ?bad? and ?invalid? responses shouldn?t be taken personally.

An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn?t get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response ?I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.? The ?foot pedal? turned out to be the computer?s mouse.

Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn?t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked ?What power switch??

Applicant Speak: what they say and what they mean by it
Work Jokes

I know how to deal with stressful situations:
I?m usually on Prozac. When I?m not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication & organizational skills:
I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I?m extremely adept at all manner of office organization:
I?ve used Microsoft Office.

I take pride in my work:
I blame others for my mistakes.

I?m balanced and centered:
I?ll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunchroom.

I have a sense of humor:
I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.

I?m willing to relocate:
As I leave San Quentin, anywhere?s better.

I?m extremely professional:
I carry a Day-Timer.

My background and skills match your requirements:
You?re probably looking for someone more experienced.

I am adaptable:
I?ve changed jobs a lot.

I am on the go:
I?m never at my desk.

I?m highly motivated to succeed:
The minute I find a better job, I?m outta there.

I have formal training:
I?m a college dropout.

I interact well with co-workers:
I?ve been accused of sexual harassment.

Thank you for your time and consideration:
Wait! Don?t throw me away!

[treetops]

af Saturday 27 July

Mick - actually my brother-in-law was a used car salesman!

[Mick]

af Saturday 27 July

it certainly rubs off!!!:H:H:H have a nice evening ..off to buy a double carrier for rabbits ..vet check up time

[YoungAtHeart]

af Saturday 27 July

MAE Fabbies,

I just wanted to check in and say hi to everyone, and welcome to those who are new on this thread.

I'm happy to have learned in the past few days what a courgette is, at long last. Just a zucchini, right?

Thanks for all the support about the job. It looks like I have a good chance of getting it, as I spoke to the director yesterday. He told me he had set up one more interview in August before he interviewed me, and he felt obligated to follow through with it, but he felt that I would be a very good fit with the practice.

Today is Maddie's moving day, so in a little bit, I'm on my way to get the truck and head down to help her move back here. Tomorrow should be a day of rest, hopefully.

Anyway, hugs to everyone so far and those to come later, and of course, all lurkers.

:l
YahYah

[Lavande]

af Saturday 27 July

Good morning Abbers!

Up & at it already :H
My dogs do not believe in getting a few extra minutes of sleep on the weekends. One of them was up at 4 am - I put her out & went back to bed :H

TT, I used to love going for long walks but don't do that much anymore for several reasons. I just read an article last night about a woman in France, walking her dog near a wooded area was attacked by 6 feral cats!!!!! They knocked her down, injured the dog as well
I would definitely carry the handweights ~ at least you could use them as weapons :H

Greetings blondie, NS, SF, PQ, YahYah & everyone!

Mick, I absolutely have to agree with you & Julie about becoming gossipy old geezers :H
My husband is the same way when he sees old friends from the police & fire departments. I always thought he had dual personalities anyway!!
Glad your home survived the booze attack.

I have no plans for today so I will just try to catch up with the week's worth of sticky kiddie prints & dog hair - yay. My life is so exciting :H

Have a great AF Saturday everyone.
Lav

Cross post YahYah - good luck with the move today!!!

[Determinator]

af Saturday 27 July

ahoy ABerooooonies!

no rest for the weary. up at quarter to six to get in a hike/shoot with the boys. Mick, you can still get those little armored Ferret cars here on the surplus market. I'd probably have one if I didn't have my dear Dx to keep my finances in order actually I've been looking at an M35A1 'deuce and a half'. shhhhh don't tell....

NS thanks for the link, will check it ooot.

lets all have a kickass booze-free weekend! woooo!

be well

[porqoui]

af Saturday 27 July

MAE ALL...

TT...thanks for kicking us off and for the Pong definition. Glad you are feeling better and the curtains will be there when you're ready.

Blondie...morning to you. Storms rolling in here this morning too. Envy the fire!

NS...you'll get used to TT's futuristic postings. I read tomorrows posts, before going to bed, but don't post till it's my tomorrow. In the morning I always start by reading any new posts from yesterday's thread first. It's when 2 threads get started on the same day that gets me. I just wait to see which one takes off and then join in. Thanks for the link, will be checking it out directly.

SF...I hear you about the sensitivity, that was me at one time too. It will ease off as your confidence in yourself grows.

Mick...so glad yesterday was better. Can't stop picturing you as one of the geezers. Are you Statler or Waldorf?


Looking forward to a relaxing weekend starting with a long Dad visit. Don't know where all this energy came from but I'm liking it. If you just give us the first letter of "...........ing activities" we can all play hangman. :H

YahYah...your chances definitely sound good...you must be feeling pretty chuffed. Good luck with the move today!

Lav...ferral cats :shocked: who would have thunk! Enjoy your no plan day...I'm right behind you.

Dr D...glad you enjoyed your evening yesterday. Seems you're full of energy these days too, isn't it great. Boys and their toys...I'm telling ya! You have a kickass BF weekend too.

Off for my second cuppa and to try and figure out why the Greek disappeared.
Have a great AF Saturday all and all to come....PPQP