How often do you think, just screw it all?

[spincycle]

Just wondering if its me. I get so damn dissapointed when I fail my abs, and guilty. I drank Tuesday and said some really, I mean REALLY rotten stuff to my wife that I was out of line on.
I've already destroyed my business and reputation, I think my wife is at the last straw, I cannot get out of my funk/depression, no damn meds make me feel better, and every day I am constantly exausted. Counseling is not helping, nor is campral/kudzu at this point. The only thing I looked forward to was the drink, but just temporarily as I woke of the next day feeling like hell.

I feel like a$$ sober, and only slightly worse drunk. I have a baby who I adore, I want to do this so I can see him grow up. I do not think I am suicidal, but I'm halfway to resigning myself.
WTF is the point of quitting booze if I just feel as bad, or maybe worse. I cannot win.
Even in my horrible state people who don't know me think I have some wonderful/fruitful/engaging life but every day is the worst day of my life. Each day I have to will myself to get out of bed and simply do the most mundane and mindless tasks. I've tried nearly dozens of anti-depressants yet nothing works. I've spent a few hundred hours in counseling with the bare minimum of result.

So...do you ever just say "screw it all to hell?"

[AMELIA]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

Yep Spin,
I have said that before, but normally when Ive had a skin full.

Have you had a general medical check up (blood tests) and had your diet looked at?

Do you actually feel better when you have had a period of abs? What is the longest period of time you have had of straight ABs? I am only asking cause sometimes it can take a while before you start to feel normal, then begin to feel positive again.
Amelia

[sammys]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

Spin, you sound down in the dumps that is for sure. I am hoping you find some comfort today at least. I agree a good physical and a good hard look at doing the whole program is in order. Maybe try a walk in your local park, or a nice hot shower to wash your cares away would help. You definetly sound like you need something to change.

Sammys

[spincycle]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

Well, my blood work was done when I got the campral. Liver/kidney are perfect but sodium/fat is high. Other than that, totally normally. Part of me wonders if something is piggyback'ed..you know? If its not just the drink, but something else with it? Longest abs recently was 32 days after rehab. I was sober, but still really miserable.

AMELIA;128268 wrote: Yep Spin,
I have said that before, but normally when Ive had a skin full.

Have you had a general medical check up (blood tests) and had your diet looked at?

Do you actually feel better when you have had a period of abs? What is the longest period of time you have had of straight ABs? I am only asking cause sometimes it can take a while before you start to feel normal, then begin to feel positive again.
Amelia

[spincycle]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

sammys;128280 wrote: Spin, you sound down in the dumps that is for sure. I am hoping you find some comfort today at least. I agree a good physical and a good hard look at doing the whole program is in order. Maybe try a walk in your local park, or a nice hot shower to wash your cares away would help. You definetly sound like you need something to change.

Sammys

If anyone knows somewhere in texas, I really want to spend a couple days taking every freakin test imaginable, sober. Mental, physical, blood work. I could care less about cost at this point, something has got to change for me, and soon.

[Guest]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

Spin....TRUST ME PLEASE....I was at the very bottom...THE BOTTOM...wanted to die...even tried a few times, why I didn't only God can tell you....if you can get a few AF days behind you the depression will get better and you can start thinking clearer and the meds and supps can start working better. Topamax is what is working for me. Have you tried that? I would be happy to talk to you....would you like to talk? I am not saying I am a counselor or I have ANY answer OR know a DAMN thing...BUT, I have been at the bottom I mean the bottom....if I can help you, I would like to...PM me.

[irishlady]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

Hi spin,

you say you did 32 days AF, but you were still miserable.. Did you look forward to a new life without alcohol during this period, or were you looking back with nostalgia to the days when you used to drink ????

Are you perhaps looking on alcohol as a friend you have lost instead of the enemey you have finally got rid of ??

It was just a thought as to why you feel so miserable... I know when I finally realised I could crack this demon and never drink again, I was overwhelmed with such a feeling of lightness and warm happiness, it was wonderful.. I just wish I could parcel some of it up and send it to you..

Please don't give up trying though, and do keep on coming here to read and post, the people here are so helpful and supportive, you never know, something may just click with you soon..


Take care, Louise xx

[stillcrawling]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

Spin one more option ...

... have you had your thyroid tested --- hypothyroidism is more common in women but does occur in men ... it does not always appear in blood work either ... take your body temperature in the morning -- keep the themometer by your bed and take your temperature (put it under your armpit) before you get up ... if it is below normal check with your Dr. don't give up ... yout thyroid is literally your thermostat and impacts our entire adrenal system... good luck Liz

[happycamper68]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

Hi Spin,
I know where you are coming from.
I have to say I've been a pretty cranky abbser, I have said awful things to my hubby, I have no idea why he is still here. I've always had a depressive disorder, low-level always, sometimes worse. Despite all my jokes I am a cynic at heart- my friends would be shocked to hear this, they say I am one of the funniest people they know. I like to be around people, yet at the same time I also really like or am drawn to being alone. That is the lazy depressed side of me.

I'm going through a rough period in my life right now, dealing with my 3 1/2 year old daughter's autism and other health issues, a hubby who is barely home because his job requires he work a lot of hours (yet he makes very little money). I allow this sacrifice because he loves his job but where does that leave us? I have no job because I got laid off in Nov from my marketing job in Manhattan and can't find a new job until my daughter's therapy is situated, meanwhile we've been through 4 therapists already and they all sucked. My dad is supposed to babysit her when I go back to work but my daughter is just not taking to him at ALL (my mom died when I was 24 and she was my rock and her death was extremely traumatic for me so we have no help because my in-laws are in Canada- they stink anyway) . It would make more sense for me to work and for him to stay home because I can make a LOT more money than him doing far less hours.

I don't think I'll ever escape my tiny rented apartment. Every day is Groundhog Day. I started abs on 4/7 and have had a few bad days but overall I am proud at the progress I have made compared to what I was drinking before (a bottle to bottle 1/2 per night of wine). Still though, my life sucks. I find joy in my daughter but my overall situation is making me feel trapped and claustrophic. I feel like a single parent most a lot of the time. This wasn't what I envisioned my life would be like at 38 years old.

Hubby ditched us this past Sunday (the only day of the week he can spend with us) to go see his friend in NJ and crashed our car, he hit a woman and her baby, rear-ended them, thank god everyone is fine, but now we will have to pay whatever our insurance company won't.

My daughter had a cat scan this a.m. on her sinuses at the hospital, again very traumatic (they had to knock her out) waiting for results on that. Just feels like nothing good is going on and when things finally settle down something else happens. I guess that's life but it doesn't mean we have to like it do we? I try very very hard to be a good mother and I think that's all I have to give right now. Sorry this totally became about me!!! I feel your pain is all. :h

Hey Louise send me some too.

[Guest]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

Or perhaps a fasting blood sugar analyst ? we all know how blood sugar can effect mood.
M

[lushy]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

I am a huge believer that we need to feed our brain what we depleted from too much drinking. The supplements suggested in this program are incredibly good at doing that and help the mood. Are you taking any of the supps Spin? Or the CDs? Sometimes sheer willpower alone is not enough, especially if you are miserable. And Louise brings up an excellent point about changing the mindset of how we view alcohol in our lives.

Wishing you happier days!!

[happycamper68]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

I take some of the supps some of the time, but I really hate that All One. Maybe a crapload of garlic would help...It does in pill form online, I don't think is had everything the powder does but it's better than a regular multivitamin or NOT taking the powder. Right?

[Determinatrix]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

Spincycle,

In our home we call this the f@ckits... Usually 1000mg of dammit-all will take care of it.

Hopefully Irishlady will bottle and sell her "feeling of lightness and warm happiness" and make a million off of us. I would pay!

Dx

[spincycle]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

happycamper68;128306 wrote: Hi Spin,
I know where you are coming from.
I have to say I've been a pretty cranky abbser, I have said awful things to my hubby, I have no idea why he is still here. I've always had a depressive disorder, low-level always, sometimes worse. Despite all my jokes I am a cynic at heart- my friends would be shocked to hear this, they say I am one of the funniest people they know. I like to be around people, yet at the same time I also really like or am drawn to being alone. That is the lazy depressed side of me.

I'm going through a rough period in my life right now, dealing with my 3 1/2 year old daughter's autism and other health issues, a hubby who is barely home because his job requires he work a lot of hours (yet he makes very little money). I allow this sacrifice because he loves his job but where does that leave us? I have no job because I got laid off in Nov from my marketing job in Manhattan and can't find a new job until my daughter's therapy is situated, meanwhile we've been through 4 therapists already and they all sucked. My dad is supposed to babysit her when I go back to work but my daughter is just not taking to him at ALL (my mom died when I was 24 and she was my rock and her death was extremely traumatic for me so we have no help because my in-laws are in Canada- they stink anyway) . It would make more sense for me to work and for him to stay home because I can make a LOT more money than him doing far less hours.

I don't think I'll ever escape my tiny rented apartment. Every day is Groundhog Day. I started abs on 4/7 and have had a few bad days but overall I am proud at the progress I have made compared to what I was drinking before (a bottle to bottle 1/2 per night of wine). Still though, my life sucks. I find joy in my daughter but my overall situation is making me feel trapped and claustrophic. I feel like a single parent most a lot of the time. This wasn't what I envisioned my life would be like at 38 years old.

Hubby ditched us this past Sunday (the only day of the week he can spend with us) to go see his friend in NJ and crashed our car, he hit a woman and her baby, rear-ended them, thank god everyone is fine, but now we will have to pay whatever our insurance company won't.

My daughter had a cat scan this a.m. on her sinuses at the hospital, again very traumatic (they had to knock her out) waiting for results on that. Just feels like nothing good is going on and when things finally settle down something else happens. I guess that's life but it doesn't mean we have to like it do we? I try very very hard to be a good mother and I think that's all I have to give right now. Sorry this totally became about me!!! I feel your pain is all. :h

Hey Louise send me some too.

Wow, other than the parenting part (dear wife does much of it as I'm so solitary) I sure can relate to so much of what you said. I'm really glad to hear you are on..20 days today?:goodjob:
That is no small feat, let me tell you. Sometimes I wonder if I am simply not wired to deal with stress? I saw a tv show on aspergers syndrome, and I thought it sounded alot like me...but who knows. I'm really sorry you are also have it really rough. I used to be such a happy go lucky, nothing got me down, no drinking problem, etc.. about 5 years ago. Something flipped like a switch inside me and I just literally think I melted down.
This is generally an uplifting site, so my apologies to all. I've got to figure out some solution to al this...

[spincycle]

How often do you think, just screw it all?

lushy;128309 wrote: I am a huge believer that we need to feed our brain what we depleted from too much drinking. The supplements suggested in this program are incredibly good at doing that and help the mood. Are you taking any of the supps Spin? Or the CDs? Sometimes sheer willpower alone is not enough, especially if you are miserable. And Louise brings up an excellent point about changing the mindset of how we view alcohol in our lives.

Wishing you happier days!!

Well, I am on a supplement called "Usana" that is some super hardcore very similar to MWO supps. I also have the Kudzu/Campral as well as the CD's (but I've not tried the CD's yet)