Feeling Scared

[aquamarine]

I haven't posted in awhile so I thought I would start joining in again. I am trying to be AF. Basically I know , really know , that this is the only way to go forever. Sometimes I just think what the h*** is wrong with me that I can't do this. This is really crazy that I can't stop this.I'm doing better- only drinking 5 times in a month as opposed to everyday but I have to completely stop. I know that I am a good and caring person. But this makes you feel so bad about yourself. It is such an unhealthy way to feel. My husband is so mad at me right now, disgusted with me actually, and he has no idea that he can't imagine how low I feel about myself. The alcohol totally obliterates everything good about me. Sorry for such a dark, complaining post. I really needed to vent and don't have anyone to talk about this with.

[SKendall]

Feeling Scared

Welcome back Aqua, just jumpon board and we will support you where we can.

[Bella]

Feeling Scared

Aquamarine, its a lonely old business isnt it! My husband doesnt have a clue either and just shows me anger and frustration when i drink too much. thats why i started to hide the bottles. I have noticed something strange lately. Before i knew i was pregnant, i was keeping off the drink but would give in when times got rough, because i could! now, i know i cant give in at the moment, because i dont want to endanger baby and its not as hard as i thought. Its all down to the fact that i really really want to stop. I now have a reason to stop. Can you think of a really good reason why you must stop? Is your life getting out of control? Maybe, it will be easier for you if you can think,WHY am i drinking? Alot of the reasons why i drink is lack of love for myself. If we can only learn to love ourselves, i reckon we'd be alot better off. What do you think? Bella xx

[weemelonhead]

Feeling Scared

Hello again Aqua:h xxx

OK missus...first of all, let's take a BIG breath...done? Good
NOW....lets just remove a bit of that rotten pile of 'no help' called guilt...You're doing much better dear, I hear that it's not as good as you would like, but you ARE making progress!!!

From everyday to 5 times a month??? Give yourself a bit of a break sweetie...try focusing on all the good bits...guilt is a buggar for bringing you down even further and therefore giving you another 'reason' to have a drink, which is carrying on the cycle..

For most of the month now, you are sober, hangover free, and really thinking about, and DOING something about, your addiction....can your husband not see that you are definitely taking these major steps?? I sort of understand though...if I was to have just ONE drinking day a month like I used to everyday, my other half would be full of the 'I thought so' faces, for some reason completely discounting all the 'good' days...I guess that they get soooo fed up with it all, they become sensitised (which I completely understand), and soon, the only thing that makes partners of alcoholics feel better IS abstinence, although I guess they still freak out, wondering when it will end and another bender may take place.
My partner has said nothing about my (nearly 5 months now) abstinence...I just get the feeling he is waiting for the crash.

Therefore, you have to count the good things sweetie if he isn't able...you're getting nearer your goal but i do go with Bella, when she says that you really have to WANT to stop. I NEEDED to stop for a LONG time, but never really got my head around the idea of wanting to. It all seemed too hard without a kick of the vino..and in my panic, my abstinence sometimes only lasted a couple of hours!!

Keep posting dear...stay here lovey, as it's the best place to come...it's good to see you again, and GREAT to hear about the amount of alcohol free days you are now having.

Read the book again..start with the supps if you're not already taking anything...give yourself a helping hand AND a BIG hug.

Much love Aqua.....melon xxx

[Arial]

Feeling Scared

Hi Aqua, and Welcome back :l

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said so eloquently If you want this badly enough we can help you on your way, but it has to come deep from within. Good luck with these next steps - as Wee has said, you've come so far already you know you can make drastic changes. So for yourself, your future, your dreams, move forward now with the absolute belief that you're going to beat this and get the life you deserve.

Warmest wishes,

[aquamarine]

Feeling Scared

Thank you all for your wonderful responses. Each one has really helped. Janie- I'm actually not a Pisces but a Sagitarius. I know what set this low off was giving in to those cravings and then dealing with the consequences. But I have jumped right back on the AF and not having a hard time at the moment. That is such an improvement because a year ago I would not have been able to do that so quickly. Bella it's so true you have to really really want this to keep going with it. I really do but there is that something I can't pinpoint that can interfere. I think maybe it is a lack of confidence that I can do it. Congratulations on your pregnancy. That's wonderful news. I know some people don't feel great when they are pregnant but I always loved it and once I got started didn't have trouble not drinking. Best of luck- stay healthy and well. Weemelonhead- you are so right you really have to look at the progress that you make and not the mistakes. And I am really happy with how far I've come. It might not be my final goal but I really feel like I am getting there. I really do feel like when you mess up it can truly be used to make you stronger. With me that has definately been the case this past year. Thank you, thank you, can't thank
you enough. You are great people! Aquamarine

[paula]

Feeling Scared

Aqua,
Only just read your post. Know exactly how you feel.
My husband also had no idea of how bad I felt about
drinking,so when I was feeling particularly bad after
a drinking session, I decided to write him a letter
telling him how bad and guilty I felt. It really did help
I have managed not to drink for almost 8 weeks now
and just knowing that he understands me a little better
makes all the difference.
Glad your feeling better today.
Love x

[tylyr]

Feeling Scared

Bella and Aquamarine - I feel exactly the same. Worried about my health, can't understand why I can't do this one thing - it goes on and on. I've managed weeks without in the past, and then it all comes back. Tylyr

[PeggySue]

Feeling Scared

Aqua,
Don't give up. You can do it. You have so much love and support here! We have ALL been where you are, and it is so easy for a husband who doesn't understand the cravings and what we go through to understand how we feel. You will be okay. Just don't get down on yourself!!
Hugs to you.

[Elizabeth]

Feeling Scared

Its ok to feel scared

Hi Aquamarine, your reduction in alcholic intake is fantastic so don't go putting yourself down. Its ok to feel scared, and I'll let you into a secret......there's a lot of us out here feeling scared too. Show your husband this site and the threads you've written (this one in particular because it says so much). It'll help him realise your determination over this battle, help him understand and see your struggle in a new light. Warmest thoughts.:l