Well Heck....

[gabby]

I sure hate to complain about my situation. So many other peeps have so many worse things goin on. But this damm divorce crap sure gets me down. And the kids....sure continue to break my heart.

Dont get me wrong anyone. I dont want any sympathy. I really dont want anyone to say "I'm sorry gabby....things will get better."
Really......I DO know that.

The thing that really bugs me the most right now is I am so ashamed myself. Cuz after all this time of not drinkin....now 11 months. I have that to be so proud of. But guys.....still with all this crap and all. With my heart breakin and sometimes my self worth just slammed. Thats exactly what I wanna do. Just get slammed.

MY HEAD JUST HAS TO HAVE MORE CONTROL THEN THAT. I CAN NEVER THINK THAT!

So I'm not gonna.....dont worry. But the shameful feelin that I have from just wantin to really bothers me. Is that what I AM gonna do someday? Just throw all this hard work and my sobriety all to hell? It makes me so mad at myself that the mere thought even comes to mind.

Please guys.....no pity. I just hate that. Just wanted to vent. Goin to work now so bye.

[Popeye]

Well Heck....

Heillo Gabby,
You're not complaining..you're just saying the way it is.
You are a wonderful lady.....and life can be a bitch.

[lushy]

Well Heck....

Okay I won't give you any pity but I will say I think you are a VERY strong woman and I admire the heck out of you. And I am sorry about your situation.

[Guest]

Well Heck....

Your a tough gal Gab, you have had a lot of stuff throw your way and you have handeled it very well. I belive you will continue to do so. Your not a quitter. I know that through your posts. you'll see it through.
smiles
Mar

[Paddy]

Well Heck....

Smiles, Gabbers! Life's a bitch as Paul said! But, hey, we're all here and fighting. And you're not alone. My lady has been living with a bastard of a husband for 12 years. Finally got a divorce, and I have the privilege marrying this wonderful woman at the end of the year. Listen, she sometimes thought what the f... why am I going on? But at the end of the day life is worth living for ...

Gabbers HEADS UP DARLING!! What was that Zen crappy proverb? Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

[pixie]

Well Heck....

Gabby, at least you're getting mad at yourself at the thoughts of drinking, instead of giving in to them. That shows how far along you are. Take care.

pixie

[Breez]

Well Heck....

I know what you're saying Gabby. Those thoughts of just wanting to take that day & forget everything ...like the good ol' days~ no repercussions.

But you know what-we've been there, done that....Now we are wiser, smarter & some of us SWEETER. You have come such a long. You're an inspiration and a breath of fresh air.
No pity~just admiration!

[hereatlast]

Well Heck....

no pity gabby BUT 12 years ago i was where you are or somewhere simillar crappy crappy divorce ex giving me no money struggling with 3 kids now the 3 kids grown and doing fine all with good jobs i have a fab hubby and a 9 yr old that makes me laugh now if i can just sort the damn alcohol out things will be ace at least you are adressing your alcohol issue now i left mine too long and blamed circumstances, i take my hat off to you that you can have any af time so no pity just huge admiration

[dilayne]

Well Heck....

You are just telling it like it is woman, and that's better than stuffing it in a bottle. You've been going through a LOT, enough for ANYONE to want some relief, so I wouldn't be ashamed of wanting some relief from the pain..you are human, so the drink likes to slip in there and raised it's hand, that's all it is..a thought. You are doing such an amazing job and are showing so many the way. I'm so proud of you!

[Guest]

Well Heck....

It just freaking SUCKS and you think sometimes just a fews drinks would make the stress better for a few hours anyway...BUT reality....we gotta wake up the next mornign with the hang-over and start over and it won't be worth it...so skip it. Stay strong!

[Accountable for Me]

Well Heck....

Gabby - divorce is NEVER easy or stress free. It comes with heartache, turmoil, elation, and depression. Doesn't matter even if it was a mutual thing or something that just has to happen. Your accomplishments in your life including 11 months of sobriety during all of this just says you are indeed a strong person. The boards are here for whatever may be happening in our lives - good or the bad! This place is what keeps our minds focused. We all need to vent, share and get the support we probably could not get anywhere else. I have never ever seen a post where one is looking for pity! We are human and we all deserve love and respect. Post away gabster - let it all out!!

[gabby]

Well Heck....

Thanks guys for talkin back to me.

Popeye, thanks for sayin I'm wonderful. Makes me wanna laugh. So that is good.

Lushy, Ya did good.....no pity. And your right....I do have a sucky situation and I dont have a choice but to be strong. So popeye.....hand over the spinach.

Simey, your so good at givin support and belivin in others. thanks for that.

Paddy, Isn't it somethin how life is female.....and the people in are male. (hee hee) hey.....read your post and laugh with me on that. Plus I don't get that crappy Zen proverb....could you explain it to me. (sometimes I can be blonde)

Pixie, I think so far you have said the smartest thing. Ya know.....ya got me thinkin about that one. good one. thanks. : )

Breez, thanks for the admiration. To be admired feels pretty good. Lushy and Hereatlast thanks to you guys for that too.

Dilayne, thanks to you also for your support and encouragement to keep on goin. I really dont think I know "the way" as you put it until I take a look back. Then I see where I have traveled from. That does give me a boost.

Luv, You are who I am thinkin of when I say I hate to complain about anything. When I read your posts I dont even know what to say to you with all you are goin through. My heart just aches for you. I feel so bad. Wish there was something more than just prayin that I could do to help. Then is when my crap seem so small. Know that I am thinkin about you and your family. And remember what you posted....the drink wont help so skip it - and stay strong. (popeye.....the spinach please)

Accountable, yep, yep, yep, to all that. Thanks for remindin me especially about my accomplishment of 11 months of sobriety. That I pat myself on the back for. And ok......I'll ease up on myself for thinkin about drinkin.
Its the NOT doin it that counts. Smiles on me. :goodjob:

hugs....

[Breez]

Well Heck....

gabby; wrote: .
Its the NOT doin it that counts. Smiles on me.

a big horse tooth smile! you go girl!

[nancy]

Well Heck....

I would like to point out a possible misconception in your post that might make you feel better.

relax. even if you had a bender, you wouldn't have wasted your 11 months, far from it.

i am not suggesting a bender would be a good thing-- no way.

but i would advise not building it up so much in your mind as if -- oh my god-- that would be the end of everything. maybe with a more relaxed attitude, trusting of yourself, you will get through this without resorting to alcohol, and based on your post, i expect you will!

[lushy]

Well Heck....

Such a good point Nancy!! And Breez, while I always enjoy your art work, that horse scares the hell out of me........