Discussing old girlfriends

[Paddy]

As so many girls are hanging out on this site (i.e. Betty Boop and Lushy, ha, ha), I have a question. Lately, I've been wondering how appropriate it would be to discuss old girlfriends with my fianc?e (I mean there are no skeletons in my closet). Indeed, even here in our small community, whenever I'm out for lunch with one of my female colleagues, with no agenda, I tell my girlfriend, who is still in Europe. She'll join me at the end of this year here.

It's not that this leads to any argument, but with the girlfriend issue, I don't really know how far I should go in telling her all of that and burden our relationship ... And with the female colleague lunch thing, for me it's a normal work-thing, no nothing attached. The fact that they talk about their personal problems to me, and that I give them some tips, that doesn't bother me. Though my girlfriend doesn't seem to take it so well when I tell her :-(

Sounds all a bit confusing. And I know it's not a dating site. But as Betty Boop is yearning for some juicy guy stuff, well it's out now ;-))) Any input appreciated.

[tawnyfrog]

Discussing old girlfriends

Paddy

whether there's skeletons in your closet or not ... I would suggest when it comes to talking to your fiancee about other women, - you sit on your mouth. Just sit on it.

[Beaches]

Discussing old girlfriends

My husband and I never talk about ex's because it would just open up doors that maybe we don't want to open. The past is the past and we leave it there.

[Paddy]

Discussing old girlfriends

Thanks for the input Tawns and Beaches! I appreciate it very much.

[lucky 2.0]

Discussing old girlfriends

I agree. Pretend you had no love life before her. There is no good that can come from talking about past relationships.

Tawny said it best- just sit on your mouth.

[MDBiker]

Discussing old girlfriends

OK Paddy, here is my opinion for what it is worth.

If she ask you specifically about a relationship I think you have to pony up. But as a general rule, it will do nothing but hurt her and your relationship to bring them up. As far as the lunch thing, "The fact that they talk about their personal problems to me, and that I give them some tips, that doesn't bother me." is not just a lunch thing. Lunch is eating with another person and maybe talking about work or the weather. When you start geting into their personal lives and their inner workings, it becomes too intimate to be casual. Women see this type of relationship as threating if not a form of emotional cheating.

This is what I have learned through personal experience, it may not apply in all circumstances.

Bear

[Guest]

Discussing old girlfriends

guess, I'm the odd duck, (no pun intended Lucky) I don't get jealous of lunches with
co-workers, Greg tells me what they talk about without my asking. Usually it's so and so relationship problems. Past relationships, I have no control over them; but if he wants to to tellme about them, fine. Gives me more insight into him. with that being said if it bothers your girlfriend, as tawny said sit on your mouth. You love her and don't want to hurt her. She probably just really misses you and hates being so far away from you right now.
Smiles always
Mar

[sammys]

Discussing old girlfriends

I say let by gones be by gones. Work lunches with current people in your life is totally different and I do it quite a bit. Have fun and enjoy this time with your new fiancee'.

Sammys

[betty boop]

Discussing old girlfriends

WOW, juicy stuff eh .....

Well, I think that it depends on the type of person that your girlfriend is. I for one agree with Mar, men and women can be just friends, throughout my life some of my closest friends have been male ....

However My hubby doesn't agree, so to keep him happy for the first few years of our marriage I avoided male friends, but now being older and wiser I'm thinking why should I???? I like having male friends, but the change in me has caused chaos in our marriage recently .....

I guess that my advice is be honest, tell her the truth about current female friends, don't hide the 'real you' ....

As for past relationships, Ditto Tawny ..... LOL

[lushy]

Discussing old girlfriends

I am still trying to figure out how one sits on their mouth? I have been trying for the last hour and I think I threw my back out.

My hubby and I are not the jealous type so I cannot give much advice here. Your fiancee is probably a little worried since you are not living close by each other and I can understand that.

[zincityzen]

Discussing old girlfriends

I have mild interest in hearing about exes as long as they're in THE PAST ... never have been comfortable with guys who need to maintain a "friendship" with an old flame (one ex-fiance of mine actually married the g.f. he had before me not long after we broke up - and had always pooh-poohed my jealousy!) Also you ALWAYS run into the danger of giving too much information, and so I'm with LUCKY. It is safer to let the past stay there. Most affairs start as friendships, so getting chummy and personal with a female co-worker is something that I wouldn't do, ESPECIALLY if my fiance was not living nearby. I guess you are having a long distance courtship?

[southernbelle47]

Discussing old girlfriends

What MDBiker said..... and sit on your mouth.....

Also lunch should just be eating....no personal information...

[Determinatrix]

Discussing old girlfriends

Paddy,
Past relationships helped develop your choice to marry your fiance, and can be discussed as a path of discovery.
Inquiries about old girlfriends are usually about you, not about the old girlfriends.
Trust is the bottom line, as well as things to never look "as if" you were doing anything inappropriate.
(Sorry - I think I gave 5cents instead of 2cents.)
Dx

[Rocky]

Discussing old girlfriends

Building trust would be good...

If the man could communicate it by saying the right words, in the right tone, with the right facial expressions, at exactly the right time...

Since that's not possible.... Zip It!

[Beaches]

Discussing old girlfriends

My husband and I aren't the jealous types either we just don't really care about each others past relationships. If she asks she may just be trying to figure out what "didn't" work before and avoid doing that. Just walk lightly....if you go there at all. Women are crazy sometimes.