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hardtime
June 7th, 2007, 08:32 AM
Hi there, my husband has had a serious drinking problem for about 4 years. He has been drinking since we met 27 years ago but it was not all the time. Now it is a lot. I am not even sure of the amount he drinks every night because he swigs cider out of a 3litre bottle. We, my two daughters and myself notice that one minute he is fine and the next he is totally drunk. We have nagged, cried, shouted and pestered him all to no avail. Finally last night he admitted to me he has a problem. I was so overcome with emotion I nearly cried. Anyway we want to support him but we are not sure how. I don't drink and neither of my daughters do when they are at home. Anyone with any advice please help.

bluesky
June 7th, 2007, 09:17 AM
Hardtime
I feel so sorry for you and your family for the hurt and pain your husbands addiction is causing you. At least he has finally admitted that he does have a problem with alcohol, just like thousands of us all over the world have. Anyway, you have stumbled on a wonderful site and I think the best thing to do is to let your husband browse through the various forums here at MWO. He will see that we are all alike in one way or another and that we are all here to help each other. This is an amazing place to be with wonderful, intelligent, supportive members, we are just like a big family helping each other from day to day, we even have laughs along the way also. Thanks to RJ who has thought of everything and as you have seen there is even a thread for family members. I just wish this had been around when I was growing up with an abusive alcoholic father, unfortunately, in that day and age we had nowhere to turn to. Anyway, I think that after browsing through the site that you or your husband should order the package of Roberta's book/cds and supps. It is easily done and the help team in the States are amazing. I'm living in Europe and received my order in two weeks. In the meantime ask your husband to join us here at MWO, there are many forums with different topics. We have a thread running for newcomers under the General Discussion Forum "June Newbies in Need Day….." , it will be a start, but he will be welcomed with open arms no matter which forum he decides to participate in.

Hardtime this info should get your husband motivated for the time being, someone else will come along in a bit with more words to comfort and help you. I'm glad you have found us, you have come to the right place.

Take Care and good luck to you and your family on your journey to a better life.

Bluesky :l

hardtime
June 7th, 2007, 09:40 AM
thank you

Hi Bluesky, thanks for the kind words. Unfortunately I think it will only be me talking on this site for a while as I dont think he is ready to admit to anyone else yet about his or should I say our problem. He has stated he is not going for counselling and has no interest in meetings. Hopefully in time he will change his mind as I think it is a great way to get support. I have told him I will go with him but he still says he doesn't want help from anyone outside. I don't want to push him into anything as it has taken this long just to get him to admit that he does have a problem with drink. I, however, will be on this site more than you know as I have no idea what we are facing and in time I probably will order the books & cd's. Thanks again for your input. Much appreciated.
Hardtime

bluesky
June 7th, 2007, 10:22 AM
Hardtime

Hang in their gal, we can work this out together, I'm rushing off at the mom. and really can't write but I'll get back to you tomorrow..... this site is not like AA etc. it is very anonymous here, it can work for your husband. Look I'll write again tomorrow. In the meantime I'm sure someone else will come along to help. Chin up

Bluesky :l

Kitty
June 7th, 2007, 11:26 AM
Hi Hardtime,

I just wanted to welcome you to the site and say welcome. Your husband has made a big step admitting to you he has a problem so you are on the right track. Read as many posts as you can and you'll find loads of info.

When he feels ready you can introduce him to the site. We are one big happy family.

No meetings no counseling, just friendly advise from people who know and understand your husbands problem. There are people from all over the world here so there is always someone at hand with an answer to your questions. Tell him aswell there are alot of guys here if he doesn't feel quite comfortable yet. By reading the posts you'll get to know who the guys are and you can ask them any questions you may have.

Good luck for you and your family, just take baby steps each day and I'm sure you will all be fine.


Kitty

nancy
June 10th, 2007, 12:53 PM
I wonder if he is internet friendly.

there are so many advantages of this site.

a lot of people feel shame about their drinking problems. if you read the threads you see that people share things for the first time. the anonymity helps so much.:welcome:

take care, all is not lost,

louise
June 13th, 2007, 11:47 PM
Welcome Hardtime, One wonderful thing about this program is it can be done privately with online support so he does not have to go to meetings. I hope he will at least take a look at the book. In the meantime, you please take the best care you can of yourself. You may find AlAnon for family members helpful.

hardtime
June 22nd, 2007, 01:24 PM
down in the dumps

Firstly I just want to thank you all for your support....now I really need it. I was so excited about the fact that my husband admitted he had a problem but now we have gone backwards. He is drinking more than ever and when I say something about it he tells me to leave him alone. That is just what I feel like doing. He is such a nice person in the morning when he hasn't been drinking but at night he is like a different person. I am so miserable and my daughter's dont think he will ever give up. I don't know what to do anymore.

Mags
June 30th, 2007, 08:51 PM
Hardtime
I want to say that you are a very brave woman for coming here and being so honest with us and for caring about your husband so much and wanting to help him. I was years ago in the same place your husband was so can understand a bit of how he is feeling. An alcoholic knows he/she needs help and sometimes desperately calls out for it, but rejects it all the same. It is so hard to get over that hump of really accepting help. It is much harder than admitting that you need help.
Please let him know that this site is not a bunch of meetings and no one tell seach other you must do this or that. This is definitely not AA and we have no real rules except to care for each other and help in any way we can. And most important - to always respect each other.
Hopefully he can start coming here and lurking around in private on his own time (no one has to see) and just reading posts. No expectations - just reading. He doesn't have to become a member to read the very helpful and sometimes totally funny things we have to say here. We laugh and we cry together.
I guess what I am trying to say is hopefully you can get him to just read some of the newbie threads, some of the life stories, even the jokes and pictures. There is no need for him to feel ashamed. We will never know or even care who he really is or what he really looks like. I personally look like toes, but who cares?
I wish you all the luck in the world. Be patient. He really is crying out for help - he just isn't to the point of accepting it yet.
He is very lucky to have you for a wife.
:l :l

boycie
July 1st, 2007, 12:40 AM
Hi There,
We are hard creatures to deal with or workout, on the inside we are crying for help but on the outside we hate anybody that try's to stop us having that drink. That is the alcohol paradox I have been drinking for 20 plus years and I can't explain it. I regret every single drink i have had and still have but can i stop, no. I have lost everything that has ever mattered to me through grog and i still drink. He has to make the decidion to want to stop himself before anybody can make any difference. Hang in there, this place is great i have cut back and been at some points AF 105 days. Encourage him to have a look around the sight, it may just be the encouragement he needs. Take care of you and the girls first though alcohol takes no prisoners it is a dangerous thing it destroys all in it's path. Look after you first and formost. We are all here for you and hubby we will be as supportive as we can. Cheers kim

louise
July 1st, 2007, 12:03 PM
I'm so sorry things are getting worse. He has admitted he has a problem. He is now telling you to leave him alone. I'm assuming you have told him about this site. You may need to just leave him alone, take care of yourself, go to alanon and back completely off and completely ignore his drinking and him when he is drinking. Very hard to do, but it may be the only way.

betty boop
July 2nd, 2007, 07:22 AM
Hi Hardtime and :welcome:

I admitted to my husband that I knew that I had a problem last July, but I actually got worse before I got better. I discovered this site in November last year and have never looked back ....

Good luck,

BB xx

uda
July 5th, 2007, 01:48 PM
Hi hardtime. I'm really sorry things seem to be getting worse. I too had the experience where things got worse before they got better. I 'admitted' I had a problem two years ago - stopped drinking for 6 weeks and then fell of the wagon spectacularly. Prior to this I only every drank in the evenings (drinking in the daytime meant you were an alcoholic, after all - yeah, right and drinking at least a bottle of wine every night is, of course perfectly 'normal') but after this I started drinking anytime and anything (spirits I hated included). I think that admitting to the problem and then 'failing' at the first attempt made me feel guilty and despairing, which led to more drink in an attempt to drown those feelings, to more guilt and despair and so on down the never-ending spiral. It was only in October last year, when I started counselling, that things really started to change. I don't think it's at all uncommon for there to be 'drink' reactions like that though I truly feel for you having to live with it.

I totally agree with the others about the first and foremost importance being taking care of yourself.

Take care
Uli

wishful
August 30th, 2007, 08:35 AM
my story

scared to death of loosing my husband. I have been drinking heavily for four years. It has increased to 2 bottles of wine a day in the last 6 months. I have been experiencing blackouts. a very scaryone 2 nights ago where i dont even remember my husband walking through the door and having dinner. woke up in the middle of the night, don't even remember going to bed. very scary. my husband came home told me he is fed up. has come to realize he is an enabaler and has noi choice but to leave if i dont stop. we love each other have a beautiful home and beautiful children. im so scared. i have so much more to say it could just keep pouring out. tried group therepy with severe alcholics that live on sight i felt very intimidated to talk. would rather stay annonymous.. my older child is very attached to what is going on i feel like a complete looser.my husband is not a drinker. he will have a beer sometimes 2 a night with dinner. when we go out he'll have 3 rarely 4. i could keep going! and at times have! can be pretty embarressing to him im sure. i always feel like he's so perfect and i can't measure up. he will not tolerate this im told. the pressure is on from him. i am at the point privately of being hungover everyday, and sick. trying desperatly to hide the severity of my dring from him and my family. i want to stop but dont know if i can take the pressure of his watchful eyes.and judgement.
need alot of help i think.

satori
August 30th, 2007, 10:15 AM
Hi Wishful - welcome :welcome:

By coming on here and posting the details you just posted - you have made the first BIG and sometimes most difficult step.
You have admitted that you need help.
Well - you came to the right place!
This place is truly life changing.

Can I firstly suggest that you download and read RJs book you will find a load of useful information there.
Everyone on here has been in a similar position to yourself at some point - that is why we are here!
No-one will judge you - and everyone will support you and give you great advice.
What you are embarking on is hopefully a journey to a better place!

Everyone here takes what they want / find useful from the programme.
I dont take any medication or use the Hypnosis CDs for example - some use everything - we use whatever works!!!!
The thing that helped ME most was the fact that there was always someone on here 24/7 who I could talk to if I needed to.

Oh another thing - you might want to post and introduce yourself in the "Just starting out" section as others may miss your post way down here!

Lastly - a word of caution - this place is not a magic bullet that fixes everything overnight - YOU have to want to stop drinking - for yourself!
If that is truly what you want, we sure can help make the process easier for you.

I have been here about 7 months and have gone from 20 years plus of drinking (a LOT) every day, firstly to moderate drinking - 4 drinks in a week - and finally to where I am now - it is 42 days since I last had a drink of alcohol.
And - I might add - I feel GREAT!
I too was secretly hung over ALL the time until I started the next session of drinking - this life I have now is SO much better!


Best of luck

Satori

xxx

IAD
August 30th, 2007, 08:45 PM
Hard Times,
You can find all the help you need right here ! Who else can deal with this problem than those that had the Problem !IAD.

Aussie
September 1st, 2007, 06:10 PM
Welcome Wishful
I understand & sypathise with your situation. Wine(especially) got the better of me and I was losing control of my life. I joined MYO 3 weeks ago, downloaded the book (only $12)and have read as many posts as I can to help me on my way. I have not worried about the CDs or medication yet as I want to see what is actually working doing it step by step. My wife didnt threaten to leave me but I know if I dont stop drinking it will ruin our marriage. We have 4 lovely kids and a great home and it is certainly not worth losing all of what we have worked so hard for because of an addiction that CAN be rid of.
You wrote: i want to stop but dont know if i can take the pressure of his watchful eyes.and judgement.
You sound like you do really want to give up so the secret for you I think, is to make the most of his watchful eyes and judgemental character and use it as a positive. By that I mean be PROUD of what you are about to do and let him see how strong you are by giving up. As each day passes that you dont drink you will start to feel so much better about what your doing and he will be proud of you as well. Hopefully he will acknowledge your acheivements (as well as other family & friends) and this will be the driving factor for you.
Its a good thing the pressure is on from him because if it wasnt you would just continue on a downward trend.
I hope you give it a real go and keep on reading and posting so you are not alone.
It has worked for me so far and Im now up to 19 days of alcohol free bliss.
My wife is very proud of me and my kids are loving the new Dad they have. (Slightly grumpy at times).
Best of all though is I feel like I have turned my life around & am bloody proud of my acheivments so far.
Good luck - YOU CAN DO IT.
Aussie