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fluff
October 19th, 2014, 08:14 PM
Hey all,
Just like everyone here just trying to make the quit happen. Everyday is a new "I wanna quit day " but just can't seem to find day one.

Byrdlady
October 19th, 2014, 08:32 PM
Head on over to the nest, Fluff, we have several folks just beginning again. You will have lots of quit buddies! Pinecone wrote today that the nest provides two things he didn't have on his own, tools and support.
Tomorrow never comes inour world, start today, dont let AL take another day of your precious life! We have had some wonderful conversations today that might be helpful to you. Link is in my signature line. Hugs to you, Byrdie

abcowboy
October 19th, 2014, 09:11 PM
Fluff, Byrdy speaks the truth, for us tomorrow never comes, we only have today, we get through today and then deal with the next, every day is a new experience with it's own challenges, but, you don't have to face them alone. There are so many here that have walked in your shoes, and found a way to a better life. Why not make today your day 1, then worry about the next.....and stay here and keep coming back for any help and support that you need....it is just one day at a time you know....

fluff
October 20th, 2014, 07:05 AM
Hi- and thanks for the replies! :)
Okay Today IS day one-I'm up early, feel okay- having my coffee and getting ready for work soon. I'm so tired of the drinking cycle- I function pretty well during the day but it's always tiresome- I'm always so tired- and it's from not getting a good night's sleep because of drinking from dinner time right till I go to bed. Ugh.
So, I'm going to work, then to watch my daughter's volleyball game at 4:00- then make dinner and just not drink.
One day at a time!

NoSugar
October 20th, 2014, 08:19 AM
Fluff, I'm so glad to hear that you've begun day 1! I read your post last evening and have been trying to think of the "magic words" that would convince you to begin. But of course, this isn't magic. It is a matter of choosing, over and over and over, not to take one drink. It truly is a leap of faith - faith that what people here are telling you is true: that you can gain your life back, that you will make it through your cravings, that it won't always be so hard, that you are stronger than you think, that you will love yourself again, that you'll never regret making this change, that someday your main regret will be that you didn't do this sooner, and that you will always be able to come here and find someone who is more than willing to listen to you and offer support. Congratulations on beginning what can be one of the best times of your life!

abcowboy
October 20th, 2014, 08:39 AM
fluff, to be totally honest, all of us join you on your day 1! For each and every one of us, today is day 1 on the road to the rest of our lives! Glad you decided to start the journey today and not "someday", and we're all here to support that decision!

fluff
October 20th, 2014, 02:10 PM
Thanks NoSugar and ABCowboy-
I got home from work at 1:30, ate lunch and really feel soooo tired. Why the heck do I repeat this habit after feeling like crap- it makes no sense.
Anyway gonna lie down on the couch and try to get a snooze in before my daughter's volleyball game.

fluff
October 20th, 2014, 08:36 PM
I did it ! Got through day one and now onto day two! Going to bed at 9 after I watch "The Millers". :)

NoSugar
October 20th, 2014, 08:41 PM
Way to go, Fluff :thumbsup: ! Enjoy the movie.

fluff
October 21st, 2014, 06:49 AM
I feel so much better this morning-even though my sleep was a bit off. I had trouble falling asleep even though I was tired- finally I took a melatonin tablet and that worked for a few hours and then woke up and had a hard time falling back to sleep again but eventually did- so even with a night of fitful sleep I am feeling so much better than yesterday morning.
I'm loving my coffee this morning!
It wasn't too hard to stay away from drinking last night because I was sooo tired and tired of the habit. I actually didn't want to drink- no craving- just wishing I was a week ahead of where I am at now.
Have to get ready for work!
Can't wait for day three and more! :)

NoSugar
October 21st, 2014, 12:46 PM
Coffee is much better on a non-quesy stomach! So what's the plan for today? Until not drinking becomes your new normal, it really is a good idea to know exactly what you're going to be doing during those dang witching hour/s. Keep tomorrow morning's coffee in mind :wink:.

fluff
October 21st, 2014, 01:34 PM
Hi NoSugar!-
The plan for today is to repeat what I did yesterday- not drink! :) Went to my daughter's volleyball game at 4pm then came home. Instead of turning on the news and having a g&t- I jumped on the computer, and also did some housework. Then as I started to make dinner I turned on the news but kept out of the living room. After dinner watched tv till 9pm and then went to bed- which is pretty much what I'm going to do again today. I also want to get used to being in my surroundings without alcohol.
I felt pretty good today just a bit tired but a good tired not like a withdrawal tired.

fluff
October 21st, 2014, 09:39 PM
Going to bed at 10- after watching NCIS New Orleans- onto day 3! :)
Made chicken quesadillas for dinner and spent my witching hour at Kohl's -I had a 30% coupon so how could I resist?

NoSugar
October 21st, 2014, 10:07 PM
Don't you just love it at Kohl 's when your receipt tells you that you SAVED about twice as much as you SPENT??? Hope you found some good stuff :).

fluff
October 22nd, 2014, 07:01 AM
Hi Nosugar!
Yes, I love that about Kohl's! :)
Hello day 3!
Having my coffee and reading around the threads.
Thinking of going out for a walk around 5pm-if it's not raining-just to switch up my daily routine, and get some exercise.

fluff
October 22nd, 2014, 09:31 PM
Got another day down! Onto day 4! :)
Off to bed, and hopefully a less fitful sleep.

abcowboy
October 22nd, 2014, 09:43 PM
:goodjob: You're doing great fluff, keep it up!!

fluff
October 23rd, 2014, 06:48 AM
Thanks AB!
I slept better last night- and I actually fell asleep almost right away.
Had some crazy dreams!
Enjoying my cup of coffee and off to get ready for work- Hello Day 4! :)

NoSugar
October 23rd, 2014, 08:06 AM
You're on a roll, Fluff! I was just thinking about you as I took my first sip of coffee this morning :hug:. Have a great AF day!

fluff
October 23rd, 2014, 01:51 PM
Thanks NS!
I just wanted to mention some "side-effects" I 've been feeling- kind of foggy like I'm not totally awake and a bit achy-like I had a work-out.
I read about this actress dying the other day and they just released the cause of death- this will scare you into not drinking!

http://xfinity.comcast.net/articles/entertainment-eonline/20141023/b591019/

NoSugar
October 23rd, 2014, 01:57 PM
I felt like I had the flu for a couple weeks, Fluff. Plus, it was January and I was freezing!

That at is sad about that actress. Just shows you that this problem doesn't develop because you're not rich enough or pretty enough or whatever. It can strike people who seem to have it all.

fluff
October 23rd, 2014, 09:06 PM
Hi NS- Yeah that's kinda how I feel- a bit out of it or off. But, much better than dealing with a crappy hangover, I say!
Anyway- Nightly check-in- I made pork chops for dinner- then watched " The Biggest Loser".
It's 9pm and nothing on tv now that interests me, so off to do some crosswords in bed and hopefully have a good night's sleep. :)
On to day 5!

SoberSoul
October 23rd, 2014, 11:01 PM
You are doing fantastic fluff. You are almost at one week already. You are wise to report in every few hours. Stay strong and be aware of getting complacent. I'll be eagerly following your progress.. I'm right behind you..

fluff
October 24th, 2014, 06:57 AM
Hello Day 5! :)
Thanks SoberSoul!
I can't remember the last time I went this long without a drink- and I know 5 days isn't much but it's a lot better than I've done in the past- 3 days in was it and then I'd cave. I 'm not caving now because I'm more determined than before and I don't want to live my life in an alcoholic haze- and even worse die from the consequences. I am really determined to take care of my health and am looking forward to how my body and spirit changes. I love how I am calm and centered in the morning now. My morning anxiety is gone and I'm not dying of thirst in the middle of the night. I also love the feeling of being in control of me and not having the alcohol control me. I have power over this. I feel really strong.
My husband is a nightly drinker- and just the past few evenings the smell of the gin was nauseating. I don't like seeing him after he's had a few- he's just very awkward to talk to. So, I leave the room.
Anyway, so happy I've made it this far! I look forward to the double digit days!
Gonna finish my lovely cup of sober joe- and get ready for work!

fluff
October 24th, 2014, 05:57 PM
Checking in- it's 5:48 and drinking a cup of coffee. I have absolutely no desire to drink. I keep thinking of that actress who died or basically bled to death from complications of cirrhosis and that really scares me that if I keep drinking that that will happen to me. So, that continues to spur me on.
Plans for the evening- make nachos from quesadilla mixture from the other night- watch t.v- then go to bed with a pile of crossword puzzles. I need to find a good book to read-The last books I read were from the same author that wrote "Gone Girl"- I need a good book to really chomp into. Any suggestions would be great!- I love murder mysteries and books by Michael Crichton - anything light-hearted and funny like Sophie Kinsella- or even a good easy-read beach book.

NoSugar
October 24th, 2014, 06:13 PM
http://www.suegrafton.com (http://www.suegrafton.com/)

The Sue Grafton alphabet mysteries are fun (although I must admit I only made it to M or N).

Glad to hear you are going strong - have a great weekend!

SHADES_of_IDAHO
October 24th, 2014, 06:36 PM
U will get the one day at a time. This is UR battle. There r so many here to encourage you.

I hope u r doing well and understand that I along with many other are here for you day and night.

Much success....goes to u and yr new life. One more day...

fluff
October 24th, 2014, 09:04 PM
Thanks NoSugar and Hi Shades-

I've heard of but never have read Grafton's books- so I'll give 'em a try.
Well, heading up to bed- doing some crosswords first and then hopefully have a good night's sleep!
Can't wait to wake up to day 6! :)

NoSugar
October 24th, 2014, 10:59 PM
With the right attitude, this can be more of an exciting adventure than a difficult change and it seems like you've got that, Fluff. As long as you're eager to live another AF day, you'll be fine. xx- NS

fluff
October 25th, 2014, 09:00 AM
Thanks NS- I really do feel a great attitude about this- I feel very positive and not begrudging of this quit.
And....
Hello Day 6!!!!! :)
Aaahhh gotta love a sleepy don't have to get out of bed early Saturday morning! Much better than feeling like you don't want to get out of bed cuz you feel like crap!
Sorry for all the "!"'s! ( I'm just so excited )....:welldone:
Last night I didn't fall asleep till around midnight- I tried and then couldn't and then came downstairs and watched the end of a movie with my husband ( who, by the way, wasn't drinking probs because he felt like crap from drinking the night before.)
I waited for my daughter to come from a Halloween party- and when she came home I went back to bed.
Anyhoo feeling just great and drinking my cup of joe.
It's a beautiful fall day today- and the plan is to get out of the house for a 3 mile walk/jog and breathe in the crisp Autumn air!
Got my daughter's volleyball game at 5pm- and then figure out what to do for dinner after that.

fluff
October 25th, 2014, 03:56 PM
I had a fantastic walk! Not too hot or cold- and a light breeze with leaves crunching under my feet- and the air smelled so good!
Getting ready to see the volleyball game-will check in before bed-
Adios! :)

fluff
October 25th, 2014, 08:45 PM
My daughter's team won the semi-finals! Now they're in next Saturday's finals- this is so exciting! :)
Another successful day down and looking forward to tomorrow- I will be 1 week alcohol free! Unbelievable!
Not heading to bed just yet- but just checking in and saying I made it through another day.
Can't wait for tomorrow!
:sohappy:

NoSugar
October 26th, 2014, 08:38 AM
Congratulations on a full week AF, Fluff. Now there's no day that you "always drink". All the best for your next exciting week!

fluff
October 26th, 2014, 08:52 AM
Yep, I made it! Hello Day7- Hello 1 week!!!! :)
Thanks NS!
I stayed up late and watched a movie " A Hundred Ways To die In The West" with Seth Macfarlane- it was pretty funny.
I noticed while watching that and my husband drinking and watching the movie, too, that I had no desire to drink- even though he was. I was ambivalent about it- kinda like a kid- you know, how you were when you never drank but someone else did.
I was happy to be sober in the present and happy to remember everything from the night before and the movie itself!
Another walk is on the plate for today!
:love:

fluff
October 26th, 2014, 08:02 PM
How do you come in here on the same day you pronounced you would never drink again and then drink. Well, I did- gosh darn it. Especially after standing high on my soap box proclaiming I will never drink again! The thing is I really had this string of momentum and believed in everything I said and then , what- an inkling of well "Yeah you're okay, just one night won't hurt. " Ugh , I am sorry for such a build up which I was so invested in. I really am disappointed in myself and I don't know why it just hit me.
I guess this will take time.
Thanks for the kudos, everyone who posted to me.

NoSugar
October 26th, 2014, 10:22 PM
Hey, Fluff, that is an example of just how powerful this addiction can be. I bet everyone on MWO has been just as mystified, disappointed, frustrated and maybe scared as you feel right now. I've felt that way more times than I really want to remember :hug:.

I hope you can learn from it and then let it be. You can reread your posts here and see that you can live - thrive! - without drinking.

Start again tomorrow, a little bit wiser, but undaunted. See you then, NS

NoSugar
October 28th, 2014, 05:33 PM
Hey, Fluff! How are you doing? I hope you come back soon to give it another go. NS

fluff
October 28th, 2014, 06:59 PM
I will- Thanks , NS!
I really progressed on my quit here- and I 'm going to start again- tomorrow is day 1 again but I'm shooting for longer and hopefully forever. :)

abcowboy
October 28th, 2014, 07:04 PM
then commit every day, one day at a time...it's that easy...

fluff
October 29th, 2014, 07:10 AM
Day 1 again!
I flirted with disaster- but I'm back and doing this again- I really loved how I felt when I wasn't drinking.
So, I have a lot to look forward to!
Hello! :)

See the Light
October 29th, 2014, 09:04 AM
Hi Fluff- forget about yesterday, it is history. You can do this and you will get that feeling back. Hang in there

fluff
October 29th, 2014, 05:10 PM
Thanks STL! :)
Checking in- it's 5 pm- or a little after 5. Had a meh day- nothing exciting going on- no volleyball games- and it's raining.
Staying sober.

fluff
October 29th, 2014, 06:38 PM
Making garlic-lemon pork tenderloin with a mushroom risotto and broccoli for dinner- maybe I should post a picture of it like everyone does on facebook? :)

abcowboy
October 29th, 2014, 07:04 PM
Yummy!! post away!

fluff
October 30th, 2014, 06:26 AM
Day 2- All is well. Up earlier than usual-made my daughter lunch , sipping my coffee, and it's super dark outside!
Something funky was going on with this computer this morning- I turned it on and all the monitor said was "Operating System Not Working" ha! ha! ... that's about how I feel, too! Funny computer! I unplugged it and plugged back in and obviously it's working now.
Well, Off to get myself ready for work...( thinking of calling in sick using that excuse..." My Operating System Is Not Working today, sorry...")

NoSugar
October 30th, 2014, 08:53 PM
How was day 2, Fluff? Hope your computer isn't preventing your journal update!

Roadside
October 31st, 2014, 12:56 AM
Fluff, we all go through this; one part is our mind's incredible ability to adapt by blocking out certain info (I.e. Traumatic events) but sometimes it clouds even our short term memory. Second part is AL's lying deceptive ness; he is like the harmless old lady with the apple, "come have a drink..." He stands in the shadows waiting for vulnerable moments...

Glad to hear of your day two; I am on day 2 myself and feel good.

NotHappyHourHappyLife
November 2nd, 2014, 01:51 PM
Hi Fluff, Welcome to MWO... there is another website called "women for sobriety" and they promote writing affirmations to keep your quitting reason front and center.... the first one really resonated in my heart: "I have a life threatening problem that once had me"...

Whether I like it or not, my relationship with alcohol is similar to yours. I pretended, I rationalized, I faked it. The people I couldn't fool were my kids. While they love me unconditionally, they had no choice but to put up with my behavior. Ironically, I felt the same way about my mom. So for me to break the pattern, and to keep it broken, I have to not drink. And yes, I sadly still have that life threatening problem.

As for your husband, that is the scary part. I thank God that when I told my husband, "it's me or the booze", he chose me. I am so so grateful, Fluff, because I didn't want to lose my husband of 20 years, but I knew that I couldn't be successful not drinking if he was hitting the rum/coke every night.

Hugs! Patty

fluff
November 27th, 2014, 09:43 PM
Starting over again- didn't drink too much tonight- but tomorrow is going to be another day one of quitting. Just feeling really tired lately and need to dial it back a bit.
Happy Thanksgiving!

cuckoosnest83
November 28th, 2014, 04:31 PM
Hi fluff, glad to see your post. On day 5 today but feel like crap because of lack of sleep. Hope you have a good day 1 tomorrow. Keep posting.

Cuckoo

fluff
December 2nd, 2014, 07:07 AM
Day 2- here- Hi Cuckoo!
I don't know why I go full-steam ahead with quitting and then crash and burn on around 7 or so days- can't seem to make it to two weeks. And then I end up back into the evening drinking and feel horrible the next day. By horrible I mean, light-headed and emotionally bad- my spirit's down and I just feel guilty.
And I wish I could bottle up the goodness of how I feel sober- and I'm at peace and not battling with myself.
Well, feeling good this morning- got my coffee and going to get ready for work. :)
I think the good thing about keeping a journal is seeing your history and trying to find out what made you slip and trying to correct that.

abcowboy
December 3rd, 2014, 08:43 AM
Hi fluff! The funny thing is, if you made it to day 2, then to day 7, day 8 is just 24 more hours.. We all hear and read it so often, it's just one day at a time, don't pick up that first drink! Such simple words, but also so complex..so very hard for those who don't understand. So, if you can't seem to do it for you, then do it for me, because I think you're worth it! How about you come here each day, and tell me you made it through another day, and when you "think" you need to pick up that first drink, see my ugly old weather worn face in that drink... And you will be helping me as well because, I also need help and support, I know I can't do it on my own...

cuckoosnest83
December 4th, 2014, 04:44 PM
Hey fluff, I'm glad to see you made it to day 2. Fluff I also seem to crash and burn around day 7 and I think my big trigger is lack of sleep. I so enjoy it when I'm not drinking but the lack of sleep really wears on me and I talk myself into the "if I only had one or two drinks to help me sleep" but it never turns out to be one or two. I have tried numerous all natural sleeping aids such as melatonin, Alteril, etc. but with little success. I'm back on day 3 but I won't give up as I know you won't. I think for me I just have to get it in my head that until I have at least 2 weeks AF sleep will be a problem for me. Bought some sleepy time tea today and hope that along with an Alteril will help the sleep deprivation. So glad to see you back and posting. Let's keep our thoughts positive and know that we can do this. Wishing you success on day 3 and hopefully many more AF days to come.

Cucks

fluff
December 5th, 2014, 05:38 PM
Well, I've progressed now to drink one day not the next. Which is a lot better than drink every day for a week- then quit for a few days- so, I'm getting there.
Maybe drink for one day- then quit for two- and a few days later quit for three- and then so on.
I don't know! But, it'll come. :)
Ps- Thanks AB and Cuckoo- so glad to see support here

cuckoosnest83
December 5th, 2014, 05:56 PM
Hey fluff, if you want to try tapering off I think there are some threads about that. I agree with you that drinking every other day is better than drinking everyday. I think we all need to find what works for us. Some people do better with total AF and others seem to do better with tapering. We all need to find our own path that works for us. Sending you positive thoughts.

Cucks

fluff
December 5th, 2014, 06:30 PM
Oh Cuckoo - I don't know what's best- but, it is better than it was. I still , in the back of my mind, want to do the long -term quit, but just can't find the motivation. I am a creature of a habit that I loathe.

cuckoosnest83
December 6th, 2014, 02:05 PM
Hi fluff. A friend of mine who has been sober for 4 years gave me a lot of her AA books. I've gone to a few meetings but not sure if it is for me. I've been doing daily readings in the Twenty Four Hours a Day book. Yesterday the question was posed "Am I convinced that I can never get anything more out of drinking?" For some reason this question really made me start to think that if I break down and buy a bottle what do I hope to attain from that. I wake up feeling horrible and do not get anything accomplished. So I'm going to keep hanging in there and get as many days AF as I can and I know one day it will stick both for me and for you. Keeping you in my thoughts as we go through this together.

fluff
December 6th, 2014, 05:13 PM
Hi Cuckoo-That's a really good question! The thing that I get out of drinking is just the "reward" factor- or maybe it's doing something I know I shouldn't be doing- maybe a deviant thing I need to fulfill.
Or maybe it's self-sabotage- and then I fight it- and then give in. The hamster wheel.
How many days quit are you?
What is your drinking M.O.? You know- your pattern.

cuckoosnest83
December 7th, 2014, 01:04 PM
Hi fluff, today is day 6. My drinking M.O. is mainly boredom and loneliness. There have been many nights where I make it home without buying anything to drink but then when I get to my empty house the loneliness and boredom take over. It is very ironic because when I drink I really tend to isolate which is totally at odds with what I want to do. I want to meet friends for lunch, go out shopping, run errands, volunteer, etc. but instead of doing that I would make myself a drink "just to take the edge off" but as my sober friend says you take that first drink and then it takes you. I wish I had more of a support system where I live but most of my family and friends live in a different state. I know I need to change my routine and yesterday as miserable as it was here (dreary and raining) I did get out for a short walk.

How about you? What is your M.O.? I think in an earlier post you said your husband drinks too. I think that would be very difficult to handle when trying to go totally AF. Do you exercise? I know when I was exercising on a extremely regular basis my thought process was much different. I enjoyed the health benefits and didn't want to drink because then I knew I would blow off the gym.

Today my plan is to make a healthy dinner, finish my laundry, take my dog for a walk, make a cup of sleepy time tea and do some inspirational reading.

I hope things are going well with you and remember that every day without a drink is an accomplishment.

I'm in your corner and pulling for you to get off the hamster wheel just as I hope one day I too will be done with this cycle of self-abuse.

Cucks

fluff
December 7th, 2014, 05:15 PM
6 days is fantastic, Cuckoo! Keep it up -I'm rooting for you!
When I don't drink I start getting on the healthy track-too. I think we both live in the same area- I'm northwest NJ- and yes! It was rainy all day yesterday- so I didn't go out.
You've spurred me on, Miss Cuckoo- So I think tomorrow will be a new start!
I drink on the weekends mostly because of boredom, as well. My problem is I need to constantly be doing something or else I drink.
Thank you for being such an inspiration in here! :)
See you tomorrow for your day 7!

fluff
December 8th, 2014, 06:58 AM
Back at it- Day 1!
I woke up with a stuffy nose and can feel this cold progressing-ugh.
Just having my coffee- and going to get ready for work.

cuckoosnest83
December 8th, 2014, 03:55 PM
Hi fluff, thank you. I'm in southern NJ and it looks as if tomorrow is going to be another one of those dreary days with rain all day. Like you I need to constantly be doing something or I drink which is really maddening because when I drink I don't do anything but drink. Let me know how you made out today and maybe we could start a exercise regimen together. Whether or not it is just getting out for a walk, taking a bike ride, or going to the gym. I know it really helps my frame of mind. Well just got home from work so I'm going to make some dinner and maybe try for a short walk but it is really cold out. A cup of tea and some reading sounds much better. Take care, fluff.

cuckoosnest83
December 8th, 2014, 03:58 PM
Didn't see your second post. My brother has been suffering from a nasty cold since Thanksgiving weekend. He was going to the doctor's today. There is a medicine called Zicam (I think that is the name) that if you start taking it once you feel a cold coming on it is suppose to help shorten the cold duration and lessen the effects. You might want to google it.

Cuckoo

danpeet
December 9th, 2014, 04:14 AM
Just try until you find the right day that you make a decision that you want to quit drinking

fluff
December 9th, 2014, 08:59 AM
Ugh-My cold is getting worse- and today I have an eye doc appointment-so this'll be fun, my eyes tearing up and my nose running.
Thanks, Cuckoo- I'll try the zicam.
Hi Danpeet-thanks
Today is day 2-
It's also mega rainy and windy today- my daughter's school had a two-hour delay because of some ice on the roads. I guess this is another nor-easter we're having- we seem to get a lot of those.
I don't have work today so -just nursing this cold and maybe put up a few decorations.

cuckoosnest83
December 9th, 2014, 04:46 PM
Hey fluff, sorry to hear you are feeling under the weather. My brother sounds awful and his cold has been lingering for a while. Congratulations on day 2. It isn't really rainy here but we have a bit of wind. Just cold and dreary. It's suppose to be like this through Thursday. On the bright side the weekend is suppose to be sunny but chilly so I guess that is a plus. I googled the Zicam and it said it is homeopathic which I like. How funny and/or sad that I hate taking chemical meds and prefer natural but I don't mind putting alcohol in my body. A friend of mine who knows about my drinking problem once told me "you are the healthiest minded alcoholic I know." I try to eat healthy, exercise, don't like taking prescription meds, etc. but boy do I want to indulge my alcohol habit. I hope you are feeling better tomorrow and glad your not working today but just nursing your cold. Take care, friend.

Cuckoo

fluff
December 10th, 2014, 07:05 AM
Day 3 here- The bad weather has left and my cold remains.
A nice hot shower always helps- I'm finishing my coffee and going to call in sick for work- there is absolutely no way I am going in with my eyes all puffy- and watery and I am losing my voice!
So, Cuckoo- you're a healthy alcoholic! Ha! Ha! The irony...
Keep on the right path! :)

cuckoosnest83
December 10th, 2014, 05:06 PM
Hey fluff, glad you're taking the day off and taking care of yourself. I hope your cold doesn't linger as long as my brother's has. I am going to call him tonight to see if he finally went to the doctor. When I spoke with him on Monday he said he was starting to feel better but the cold was still lingering.

And yes, fluff, my best friend calls me a "healthy alcoholic" and it is ironic.

I'm really enjoying reading the AA daily inspirational guide. When I get up for work I read the AA guide and also some Native American daily inspirational readings. I will have to send you some of the Native American readings. Some of them really hit the nail on the head but they are not preachy.

Hope you are feeling better tomorrow and I love being in touch with you. Great job on day 3.

fluff
December 11th, 2014, 09:58 AM
The inspirational readings sound good- I'll have to look around on the internet for some.
Day 4 here- called in sick today, as well. I think the last time I called in sick was around this time last year.

cuckoosnest83
December 11th, 2014, 05:22 PM
Fluff, there is one (of many) of the Native American readings that hit home for me. I will make a copy of it in at work tomorrow and send it to you. To quote the first sentence it states "even with free choice. each of us has a tomorrow for which we are responsible". When I read this it made me think that tomorrow I am responsible for my choices and that choice can be to continue down the path I'm on or make the choice I don't want to do this anymore. Tonight I made a list of what I wanted in life and alcohol was not on the list. Congratulations on day 4, close to a week without alcohol. Take care and hope the cold is better.

fluff
December 12th, 2014, 07:05 AM
Thank you Cuckoo-
Day 5- feeling better so I guess I must go into work-ugh.
The weekend is upon us so let's be vigilant and strong with our quits!:)

fluff
December 13th, 2014, 02:31 PM
How's it going Cuckoo- today is day 6! :)
Did some more Christmas shopping last night.
Not sure what my plan is for this evening- but will steer clear of any triggers.

cuckoosnest83
December 15th, 2014, 05:32 PM
Hi fluff, sorry I haven't posted lately but I've been busy decorating, shopping, etc. Unfortunately I am back on day 1. Went to a brunch with some friends yesterday and succumbed to 2 bloody marys. Not that bad but not what I want. I've decided that I will not count down days anymore. I just want my life to be AF. I keep going back to that statement in the AA one day at time book I've been reading about being convinced alcohol has no more rewards for me. And I know it doesn't. Congratulations on day 6 and I hope the cold is gone.

Cuckoo

fluff
December 17th, 2014, 06:54 AM
That's okay, Cuckoo- hope you jump on board again. :)
Anyhoo- I am so sick of this- and am starting over again-
So, Day 1 again-
Got my tree decorated and now just have to make cookies to send to my parents- so that's "to do" when I get home from work.
Having my coffee and going to get ready for work.

cuckoosnest83
December 17th, 2014, 06:26 PM
Well fluff, I am back on board. I realize I don't want to drink but at this time of year it is very difficult with all the Christmas parties and socializing. I also realize I get no satisfaction out of drinking. It is an addiction/habit that we have gotten ourselves into. Glad you are also back on board. Good luck with the cookies. I am not a baker. Years ago I made a cake for someone at work and forgot to add the ingredient that made the cake rise. It was a coconut cake and it stood about an inch high. Needless to say I got quite a ribbing about that. Take care and let's keep posting, good or bad.

cuckoosnest83
December 19th, 2014, 04:48 PM
Hi fluff, well today is another good day. I just got done having a facial and it was so relaxing. I feel like a new woman. Tuesday night I go for a pedicure. I'm trying hard to take care of myself and spend the money I spent on alcohol on helpful treats for myself. Having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year but I do have plans for Christmas Eve (no alcohol involved) and then spending Christmas at my sister's (again no alcohol involved). What are your plans for the holidays. Hope you are still going strong. Take care and hope the tree looks gorgeous and the cookies got baked.

Cuckoo

fluff
December 22nd, 2014, 07:02 AM
Hi Cuckoo-
I'm on day two again-
Had a great sleep last night without waking up all full of anxiety, high blood pressure, and just tiredness. Why do I do this to myself? It's obviously affecting me physically.
I love just the calm of a sober morning.

cuckoosnest83
December 22nd, 2014, 06:42 PM
Dear fluff, we do this to ourselves because we are conditioned to do it. I know for me my drinking started on weekends, then it would be a glass of wine while getting dinner, then it became a cocktail when I got home from work to relax. Then I just spiraled downwards.
I think one of the biggest things in getting sober is start a new routine, instead of making a drink go for a walk, go shopping, just don't do what you did that triggered the drinking. It is a very hard merry-go-round to get off of. Congrats on day 2. Stay strong and PM me if you want, I know I can use the help too.

Thinking of you,
Cuckoo

ShawTHo
December 23rd, 2014, 03:23 AM
Hey there! Great to hear that from you. How are you now?

cuckoosnest83
December 24th, 2014, 02:24 PM
Fluff and ShawTHo, just want to take a moment and wish you a Merry Christmas and Joyous New Year.

Cuckoo

fluff
December 24th, 2014, 03:43 PM
Merry Christmas ! :)

cuckoosnest83
January 16th, 2015, 04:05 PM
Hey fluff, where are you? I miss you.

cuckoo

fluff
January 24th, 2015, 10:50 PM
I'm back- Thanks ,Cuckooo
Hope all is well with you!
No drinking tomorrow- just watch me!
I will make it !

SoberSoul
January 25th, 2015, 08:20 AM
Fluff, we are very similar in that we've been around these boards forever and never managed a long term quit. I am on day 14 and, like you, feel that I can do it. We have to make sure, while we celebrate our victories, that we remain vigilant and aware that booze will sneak in when our guard is down. When we are on a great roll; (I had 108 days under my belt last time) with no warning whatsoever, a glass of gin or wine or beer just seems like a lovely thing to do. We conveniently forget the progress we`ve made or that we will inevitably begin another day one in the near future. We drink.

That`s the scary part. Just like you, one day I was beating my chest in pride and glee at being 108 (or one week or one month) sober and the next my tail was between my legs and my heart was defeated.

I don`t understand alcoholism`s strategy but it`s a good one. It is a formidable foe and we have to use comradery, consciousness, accountability and whatever other tools we have in our arsenal to combat it. When you are tempted to join hubby in a gin come on here!! My hubby and everyone around me drinks. We had six for dinner last night and I was the only one besides the 18 month old who was not drinking. Being wide awake to the wolf in sheepskin`s clothing was the strategy I had to pull from my tool belt. Another day, another weapon.

With you 100% ... I know exactly how you feel. Now when I am tempted I tell myself that I don`t want another inevitable day one. Period.

cuckoosnest83
January 25th, 2015, 01:37 PM
Nice post, SoberSoul.

Glad to see you back, fluff. Let's keep this thread going. I feel exactly the same as SoberSoul. We can do this together.

cuckoosnest83
January 26th, 2015, 05:02 PM
Hey fluff, how did you make out today? I'm trying to stay warm and debating if I want to go into work tomorrow. It is suppose to be really nasty weather but sometimes they make a mountain out of a molehill when it comes to storms. Hope you did well and thinking of you.

cuckoosnest83
February 10th, 2015, 03:48 PM
fluff, miss you. hope you are doing okay.

fluff
February 13th, 2015, 10:42 AM
Well, I am trying again! Today is day one- and hope to make it stick as I am having anxiety issues due to the alcohol. My doc has me on xanax and a blood pressure med, as well.
So, in order to stop the physical madness, I need to stop what started this mess.
Once I kick the alcohol- I'll see how I can wean off the xanax- and then probably won't need the bp med anymore.
How you doing Sober and Cuckoo?

fluff
February 14th, 2015, 11:37 PM
See- this is what I totally do not like about this website- it's slow. No response for days! That 's just wierd.
I guess I will stay with my other site there's so much more interaction there.
If you're interested it's http://wqd.netwarriors.org/

abcowboy
February 15th, 2015, 08:52 AM
fluff, don't give up on MWO! I used to be on another site, but it was too busy for me. It's great to see you back and trying again to beat this thing. This is a small forum compared to some of the others, but it does have a great bunch of people here. Might I suggest that you post on a few other threads as well? When people get to know you, you'll be surprised at the support your own thread gets! Take care, because I care!

fluff
March 7th, 2015, 07:14 PM
Went to work today because we had a lot of snow on Thursday so we were closed. Still drinking and hate it so much!:mad:
How do I stop talking myself into this insanity? I am now on blood pressure meds and xanax- I am a freaking drug addict, seemingly. Yet am able to get to work at 8a.m. do my job - and not drink till around 5pm.
I am seriously looking into AA places around me. I need help- my husband drinks a lot too.

fluff
March 8th, 2015, 01:37 PM
Rereading my earlier quit posts and seeing how well I did- I need to get back into that state of mind again. This is the good thing about journaling- you can look back and learn.
Ready to make today day 1- although it is early- only 1:30 pm- will force myself away from my 5 pm lure- by staying on the computer- also just downloaded a new book from i books-so anxious to start in on that, " The Girl On The Train".
I really want to get off the alcohol wagon and stop taking meds.
Want to start exercising again but there-s too much snow out and it's freezing.

NoSugar
March 8th, 2015, 01:52 PM
Hey, Fluff

I think the journal is a great idea but you might want to consider also participating in another thread or two where you'd have more interaction with people with the same goal. I found the support of an active community really helpful, anyway. I read and post in Ladies on a Mission and the Newbies Nest. You'd certainly be welcome there!

Congratulations on getting back to day 1 - best thing you can do for yourself! Take care, NS

cuckoosnest83
March 8th, 2015, 04:34 PM
Hi Fluff.

fluff
March 8th, 2015, 06:12 PM
Hey, Fluff

I think the journal is a great idea but you might want to consider also participating in another thread or two where you'd have more interaction with people with the same goal. I found the support of an active community really helpful, anyway. I read and post in Ladies on a Mission and the Newbies Nest. You'd certainly be welcome there!

Congratulations on getting back to day 1 - best thing you can do for yourself! Take care, NS
You're right- NS- I've tried in the past to join a few threads but felt like I just walked into a room and everyone just shut-upped- I felt like I was intruding on the conversations, and had no right being there.
I might try the Newbies Nest again- or Ladies on a Mission.
Thanks for the suggestions. :)

open halo
March 8th, 2015, 06:33 PM
Fluff, come join us in the Anyone in their first week of their next quit thread, great group of people and very welcoming! Wishing you the best. We all need support trying to kick AL to the curb, and there are so many people willing to help.:hug:

cuckoosnest83
March 9th, 2015, 04:23 PM
Hi fluff, tried to pm you but I am at my limit for messages. Will subscribe to MWO so my message capacity increases.

cuckoosnest83
March 9th, 2015, 04:44 PM
Hey fluff, re-subscribed and I should be able to pm shortly. Take care.

fluff
March 10th, 2015, 03:55 PM
Hi Cuckoo- I never received a pm.
Hope you are doing well- still doing it one day at a time here. Exercised today and felt great afterwards!

cuckoosnest83
March 10th, 2015, 04:46 PM
Hi fluff, they used the wrong credit card to renew my subscription. Re-subscribed again today using the right credit card but haven't heard anything back. Exercise is a wonderful thing. I always felt my best after a nice walk in the woods.

fluff
March 10th, 2015, 06:19 PM
I didn't need a credit card to subscribe- I guess you're getting the premium access?
I feel much better after exercising, although, I am on bp meds, and think this is slowing me down a bit.
So happy Spring is on the way!

cuckoosnest83
March 12th, 2015, 03:53 PM
Hi fluff. I use to have my membership subscription automatically taken out of my paypal account but my card expired on that site and I never updated my info. I updated it the other night and re-subscribed but for some reason it is not going through even though I updated my info. Anyway this is what I had planned to PM you.

Fluff, like you I also get the feeling that I am intruding on a thread that has been active for a while. I don't believe it is a deliberate attempt to exclude me but more my own feeling of wishing I was further along in my sobriety. For me it is difficult to start posting on a thread when everyone else seems to know one another and I am the new person on the block. I realize though that unless I start posting and truly get serious about not drinking, I will always be the new person.

fluff
August 23rd, 2016, 08:02 PM
Can't believe it's taken so long to quit this..but...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BD7zvRgr58U

abcowboy
August 23rd, 2016, 08:07 PM
Just keep wanting to make it happen fluff, and one day it will!

fluff
November 30th, 2016, 07:25 PM
Starting day one again- December 1st. Medical issues have arisen due to my drinking. Wish me luck and continued sobriety.

fluff
November 30th, 2016, 07:26 PM
I think this will be my new " home" now that wqd is a sinking ship.

paulywogg
November 30th, 2016, 07:46 PM
Welcome back Fluff:)

abcowboy
December 1st, 2016, 06:47 PM
Great to see you back fluff! Hopefully the medical conditions aren't too severe? I've pretty much made MWO my new home as well since the news of the end of WQD. I also started posting again on SR, so far just the 24 Hour Recovery thread. Trying to post on 3 forums is just too much for a simple minded guy like me lol. I'll probably contribute more on SR once WQD officially shuts down Jan 1st.

Day 1's are always a tough commitment, especially if we look in our rear-view mirror, but that's all it is, a rear-view mirror, meant only to remind us the pain and suffering we're leaving behind! Hope to see you active on other threads as well, caring and sharing is what its all about!

fluff
December 6th, 2016, 08:04 PM
I'll get there or probably die- who knows. It's an addiction. I gave up smoking a long time ago- just don't get why I can't give up drinking. Well, I kinda do know- no one I know smokes and everyone I do know drinks- makes it tough to quit.

abcowboy
December 7th, 2016, 07:14 PM
I was in the same situation as you fluff, being from a small rural town all my friends drink, heck, everybody drinks! But we can't let that stop us. I thought for sure I'd have no friends at all when I quit, but it didn't matter, I had to quit or die. And all my friends don't mind, it took them a while to understand that my answer would always be, "no thanks, I'm still not drinking" but they finally caught on. Yep, it took a long time to be comfortable around them when they were having a few, but I didn't want to end up living like a hermit either.

If I remember correctly, your hubby is a heavy drinker? That will make things a bit tougher, but not impossible. Remove yourself from the situation when he's drinking and stick to your quit. I know you can do this!

fluff
December 15th, 2016, 07:46 PM
It really gets harder and harder to quit- I wake up in the morning depressed- I go to work come home and am just I think clinically depressed. I have no desire to do anything- even just lying in bed on a day off bothers me. This holiday season was so hard to put it all together. Do you know what most women have to do to make it all happen- decorated the outside of the house- put candles in the window- send out all the Christmas cards- buy all the wrapping, the food etc... You really have to think ahead!Have the time to get my daughter from college- Yes I have that grueling drive into NYC to pick her up at NYU. Prepare the perfect dinner for Christmas Day with a daughter that doesn't eat red meat..Son hates ham...And no-one wants turkey 'cause we had that that at Thanksgiving! What the fck?! Who ya gonna please? This is why I drink. Well- one of the reasons- but the end of the year is hard- plus everyone's birthdays are in December and January. Except mine. Rant done.

madonmehndi
December 16th, 2016, 02:47 AM
Hi Fluff,

A womans work.... It is really hard work preparing Christmas and we don't even do Thanksgiving (I am in UK) so I really feel for you, I am very early in my quit (day 41) and struggling with the whole concept of being AF this Christmas, sending you ((( hugs))) and hope you can find the strength to give quitting another go :)

fluff
December 16th, 2016, 07:56 AM
Thanks Madon- Something weird happened- I woke up for the first time feeling " normal" not depressed or anxiety ridden- I think this is my day to start this new quit.

abcowboy
December 17th, 2016, 09:38 AM
Hi fluff, how did your Day 1 go yesterday? Yep, a woman’s work is never done they say. And telling you that not every household is like that doesn’t help because that’s the way it is in your household. There are some days that I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders as well, but I know it’s nothing to drink over. The day will pass and tomorrow will be brighter.

Your kids are hard to please? Who said you had to please them all the time? It’s up to you to get the house ready for Christmas, try cutting back on what you do. Be thankful that you have healthy kids who love you. Be thankful for what the Christmas season is all about, there’s no need for all the bells and whistles to make it more joyous. But above all, think of yourself, get some time in for you and think about what makes you happy. Sure, drinking will take away the problems for a short time, but that’s not real happiness. I know how much you love music, and when I read your post a song came to my mind, Ricky Nelson’s – Garden Party. You can’t please everybody, but you got to please yourself….

Hang tough, you’re a wonderful woman, you’ll be able to do this….

fluff
December 18th, 2016, 09:51 PM
Aw thanks!
The thing that stresses me out is this holiday season! I'd rather be on on beach somewhere without even thinking about it, to me it's just a farce and I've never believed in it- even when I was a kid- I knew it was all a lie. And now the lie continues- to my kids like we all do. But they know better now- they're in their late teens- early twenties. So - what , we continue the fake music and retail crap? Ugh.
But if I said any of this to my family and friends I would be thought of as a pariah. I don't believe in Christmas- it's not even when Jesus ( if he really did exist ) was born. He was supposedly born in September- but they changed it to the winter solstice.
I think I get stressed out due to the fakeness of this holiday. It doesn't mean anything to me- but I still have to go thru the motions.

abcowboy
December 20th, 2016, 08:39 PM
Fluff, I know that a lot of people don’t believe in the real meaning of Christmas, or the commercialization of it. Even saying “Merry Christmas” is politically incorrect now, but to heck with them, I still say Merry Christmas and always will. But if you don’t believe in it, why not just make the season “Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards Men” men being a general term of course. Why not donate some time at your local food bank, or helping serve Christmas dinner at a homeless shelter? Even our small town hosts a free Christmas dinner for those less fortunate. By helping them you are helping yourself, seeing firsthand the things you should be grateful for, and knowing that you did something good in a season where doing good is a great way to show appreciation and gratitude.

abcowboy
December 25th, 2016, 09:13 AM
3198

fluff
February 21st, 2017, 12:31 AM
Funny how three years ago just flies! I was into my daughter's high school volleyball and now she's in college studying at NYU in Berlin for the semester. I was so involved with her life back then -her and my my son- but more hers. He grew up faster.
Three years ago was the the last time I wrote to my journal. I was able to make a clean slate for only a week- but I did do it. I'm hoping I can do it again.
I so miss being a part of their lives- on a daily basis- being someone that meant something to some one -having a purpose in life.

Lost Soul
February 21st, 2017, 05:26 AM
Hi fluff,
Gosh we are at polar opposites with kids. My two are 5 & 10 & it's hard to imagine a time in my life when they won't be dependent on me! It is a hard & devoted job to be a parent & requires self sacrafice because alot of it (rightly so) is one way support, guidance etc.You sound very proud of your two & they sound like they are doing so well :heartbeat: As hard as it may be that as they've grown & become independent, it is also a credit to you for what you have given to them x
Perhaps it is an opportunity for you to take some time for you now & spend time caring & support you? Only my opinion, but I think you just need to trust that you deserve it xxx
Take care
LS

fluff
February 21st, 2017, 12:16 PM
I guess three years ago was when I started this journal -not the last time I wrote in it- I should have said. But time really does fly!
Hey Lost -I wish my kids were back in my life on a daily basis- this whole empty nester thing is so hard for me, anyway. I guess there are a lotof people who feel the opposite.
What makes things worse is I quit my job back in December- due to management-and bad politics there. I couldn't stand it any more- so now, I need something else-to get that sense of purpose back and be more social. I did find a gym I think I'll join- but still job-hunting, as well.

Lost Soul
February 21st, 2017, 06:30 PM
Aw, I'm sorry to hear about your job Fluff :( My friend left a job due to stress in April last year & was very worried financially & also about getting work. However in September/October time she got a new job & really loves it & has made some new friends - so I hope you find something that you are happier in x
Gym sounds really good - I'm not great with that sort of motivation so I take my hat off to you!
It must be so hard to not have your kids as close by, sending a hug & warm thoughts & take extra special care of yourself xxx
LS

abcowboy
February 24th, 2017, 07:18 PM
Hey fluff, how's it going? Did you check out the job opening at the boutique?