Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

[Rosie C]

Hi everyone, I posted once her back in mid May when I first came to this site and have been reading all your posts since. I can't wait to get started here, I ordered the supps and cd's back on May 16th. All the supps arrived 10 days ago, I have the topa ready (although am scared of taking it as I am worried about the Topa Dopa, may have to order some adre... whatever it's called) but I am still waiting for the CD package to arrive.
I have read the book from cover to cover and really want (NEED) this to work, as it says you need the CD's I am afraid to atart without them as it seems best to attack from all angles.

I have emailed 3 times asking for an update on my order but get no response, can't see a contact telephone number anywhere for the health store, does anyone by any chance know how to make contact other than via email?

I hope they come soon, I went on another real bender on Sunday night and to my horror was confronted by my 8 year old at 2am (the shame - I feel as though I have so let her down, I am normally quite good at keeping my problem from them, obviously it is getting worse). The next evening when I was putting her to bed she said I had scared her, I feel like a knife is stabbing me in the stomach when I think about it, I love my kids so much, they are everything to me, I have to get myself under control. I so need to get started and fight this.

Apart from keep emailing I don't know what to do, part of me thinks I should just start without them but the other feels I need all the support of the full programme to be successful.

If anyone can help I would be so grateful, I never want her to find me like that again. The whole family is also asking how I got the bruise on my arm, it's a bad one this time.

[betty boop]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Hi Rosie,

You can do it without them, all you need is a true desire to stop, and you sound like you have that. lots of people here have done it without the cd's, go for it, we are all here for your weak moments.

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[Guest]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Hi Rosie, welcome to the group.

I don't have the CD's or the book, but I am taking the supps. Along with that and these lovely people I'm starting to feel like I can beat this. I crack every now and then, but I don't find myself wanting a drink at 7:30 in the morning now and I don't nearly drink as much. I am trying to go for healthy moderation, and if that doesn't work..AF for me.

Welcome!

[rachel28]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

i can sympathise

hi its sounds like u r 1 step further than me, i drink in the morning , go work, come home , drink more, then drink in evening , i dont seem that drunk to my bf tho, i suppose cos its just topping up in the mornings by afternoon its all worn of, i have a 10 yr old who has witnessed in his life some horrible beatings i have had taken from 2 partners , he has seen me pass out drunk many times while my brother lived with me, 4 yrs ago, in the last 3 yrs i have found a lovely guy but he likes a drink 2 he can moderate where as i cant, after 1 row last month my boy turned of the computer as i was chattin to another bloke on internet, turned of the bath tht i had started running an was about to overflow, an covered me up with a blanket, i have cried an cuddled that boy so many times an swore id stop this crap, i feel more controlled than ever but the guilt of what ive done really does eat me up an i do it again, my kid is so grown up 4 his age he is street wise, but how can any of us tell what we r doin to these innocent minds, i cant blame my parents 4 my drinking , i can make excuses 4 y i started i felt unhappy with my life at 12/13 an i started binge drinking then, i know i have got to sort this out, all week i hace reduced my intake, felt bloody awful physically, but mentally im starting to feel positive, a feeling i havent felt in a long time,i look at my lad an think i need to sort this out soon i pray its not to late an my lad will follow in my footsteps i couldnt bear that, im cryin now as im writing this my poor lad , u have got the will to do this, u r on here i think every person who finds this site must of reached the point where we r no longer denying a problem, if were not denying it then we r open to accept advice , encouragment an critasism, regarding the demon drink, i wish to u all the luck in word and hopefu;lly we can do this an support each other on this rocky journey, there r so many good people on this site that have given me a lot of clarity in the last week, i bet theres a few tyhat wish id shut up !!!!! as i do go on an on an on rather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! take care xx read some of the posts on drunk again they do make u realise its not just me!! it may make u giggle 2, just keep tryin to reduce the amounts u r drinkin even if its by a small bit , get your head around breakin habbits an i think it gets easier, not sure im tryin it xx

[paula]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Hi Rosie,
I have the book and supps but not the cds, I did get a good cd from amazon,
if you would like I will pm details to you. I know how you feel about your kids,
but maybe that was your wake up call. Like Betty says you can do it, if you
truly have the desire, and you sound as though you have.
Best of luck Paula.

[Rosie C]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Thank you for the posts all.

Paula, that would be great Amazon orders generally only take a day or two so I will get onto that, thank you. After these messages maybe I should stop procrastinating and just get on with it, when the cd's come they can only be a bonus and yes I think this was my wake up call.

I am worried about the tops without the counteracting medication though, I have Father's Day lunch on Sunday with my husband, our kids, my Dad and his wife and her Dad, my family have no idea I have this problem and I am worried about being dopey or weird for that day, I have read about people getting their words mixed up and all sorts, everyone would wonder what the hell was wrong with me.

Rachel, I'm glad you are here, things seem to have been pretty tough for you and your son whilst being a little trooper is sadly the one suffering the most , I guess and it's the kids we have to think of. My mother drank when we were kids and my brother took the brunt of it and whilst I made excuses for her and tried to empathise, he won't and it is too late for them, he was older though and if you can pull through now, your relationship with your son can hopefully inspire you and go on to be really strong and he will be proud of you and feel secure himself. I wish you luck and will look out for your posts.

As for me, I have to stop this NOW I will not let my kids grow up the way I did and I have such a fantastic relationship with them (thus far) the thought of losing that is unbearable. The other night was a reality check for me they are getting too old to hide things from and I cannot let them down in this way, I brought them into the world, they look to me to set an example and make them feel secure in this world and safe and what my youngest saw obviously shocked and upset her - I can't let that repeat itself, God I hope I can get a grip before its too late.

Thanks everyone.

[rachel28]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

u got guts lady !

my parents dont really drink so im lucky in 1 way i think, i dont really talk to my mum much we dont get on,well i never got on with her new husbands!!!! i know i dont want him 2 b like me, an i genuinly dont think he will, we get on well hes my little man, u seem like u dont need to relyy on cds u got guts, just we all ned determination, kids shud be enough right, i got to go work but im sure ill b bk, this place is my sanity at mo, xx

[bluesky]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Welcome Rosie C

Unfortunately, most of us have known these feelings, unexplained bruises, complete black outs, etc. etc. the worst thing of all of course is the pain we cause our children and husband/wives/partners. And yes, the problem just does get worse and worse, it is just not worth it is it?

I started my challenge cold turkey (the first day I set eyes on this site) whilst awaiting the arrival of my book/supps/CDs (14 days) and yes it was difficult, I never expected it to be easy! but thanks to the great family here at MWO I stuck it out and am now proud to say that today I am starting my AF Day 40. I went from 1 + 1/2 bottles of wine 7 evenings a week to 0 - you too can do it with the help of all the wonderful people here at MWO.

Rosie C you are only missing the CDs, you already have the rest of the package + the TOPA that's enough to get started with, go on, you can do it. There is no time like the present Rosie C - think of your family - they don't deserve it do they? Continue to read the threads and you will see that you are not alone, we are all in this together, Go on, be strong, make today your first day, do it for your little girl.

Health Store - I had to mail them a few times - and they were so very pleasant and efficient - I always had immediate, positive replies. This is the link I used:

helpdesk@capalo.com. Sorry, but can't be of more help there.

Go for it Rose C, Yesterday is but today's memory, and tomorrow is today's dream.

Bluesky

[Rosie C]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Thank you Bluesky.
Wow, well done on the AF 40 that is fantastic, and for getting started day one like that. Since I found this site I have had more AF days than not because I felt so much better after being here, but when the monster rears its head and I think oh I can just have one or two, I am doomed, which is what happened on Sunday - so stupid we had had such a lovely family day, no reason for it. Like you once I get started a bottle plus of wine later is where I end up, I just can't stop when I start, so I have have been forcing myself on most days to have none at all which is hard to say the least but I feel so much better the next day and feel like I am the person my children deserve, so I am determined that when I really get underway here I can make this work, my ultimate goal would be to eventually be able to moderate like other people seem to be able to but in reality AF is going to be the way for me for the time being anyway.

Thank you for the support, it means a lot.

[cassy]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Hi rosie..a lot of people do better and clearer thinking when they do 30 days AF / It gets the booze out of your system too.

why not have that as a bigger goal and do it one day at a time.

get some plans in place to treat yourself.

work out your "danger zone time" and change the routine...go wax your legs, bubbly bath, go walking with partner/ kids, go take a swim. read etc anything except booze.

clean the cupboards, check out a new image..throw out the stained clothes!!!MOST IMPORTANT NO BOOZE IN THE HOUSE.
if the plan is to moderate then only but on day the plan was made for and only a small quantity/


get through fathers day feeling good about yourself with no booze on board..watch how you son apppreciates his sober mom!!!

There are lots of moms of young children on this site..seek out their posts and get support from them too.

I cam on here several months ago and my life has changes so much...i did 46 days AF for lent(feb/march..gave me the confidence to keep going for my goals of AF.

now i dont drink weekdays monday to fridays inclusive..no home drinking and only drink in company if i go out over the weekends.

i,m not smug about this as i have fallen many times or else i wouldnt have come to this site would i...the point is that small changes have turned my life arounfd and i love it!!!

My habits were for nearly 40 years so i dont expect to change overnight...small steps but keeping them going......

you can do it Rosie as i can hear the desperation you feel to change your behaviours for your self esteem and for wanting the best for your son.

keep posting and dont give up or feel crap if you find it tough...we all have bad days when you just cant get it together.

good Luck Rosie..appreciated your honesty ...
regards Cassy

[bluesky]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Oh Rosie C, aren't we just so alike - how many days have I had like yours "It started as a lovely family day??.." It doesn't bear thinking about does it? The wine gets popped, the first glass automatically de-stresses us and gives us that all over warm buzz, the second takes us even higher, a few more and we feel all airy, fairy, life is wonderful and this is the best feeling in the world?. A few more later?... Oops, it's too late we have fallen down the never-ending black pit, just to awaken from our drunken state to think "oh no not again", we can't remember anything, we feel sick to the stomach, we avoid our children and our husband/wives/partners because of what we might have said/done, we look ashamedly at the unexplained bruises, we check the telephone log to see if we called anyone and if so "oh no what on earth did I say", we look deep into our minds to see anything can jog our memory of the night before, but no we had fallen too far into the pit. We then go through our day torturing ourselves, feeling ashamed, guilty, panicky, useless, shaky, lousy. Then what do we do, yes we start all over again the very same evening, it is just a horrendous, vicious circle, not a pleasant experience at all.

Rosie C, I like you would absolutely love to moderate one day and be a normal social drinker. Oh how I would love to be able to treat a glass of wine the same as a cup of tea, but I know that I'm not ready yet. There are many people here who can moderate and I suppose we won't know until we try, but in the meantime I am loving the experience of being AF so will continue to enjoy this wonderful AF experience until I feel strong enough to take it one step further.

Rosie C - there is a thread under "Just Starting Out" entitled "Newbies in Need - June Day ?.." pop over some time. We are all "Newbies" and just check in for a chat/encouragement on a daily basis (bit like a coffee break). It's lighthearted and it's fun and we would love you and any other "Newbie" reading this to join us if you so wish.

Good Luck Rosie and well done on all your AF days so far!

Bluesky

[Cinders]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Rosie,

My doctor finally gave me my topamax prescription. I get to pick it up today.

She told me to titrate up VERY slowly. She recommends I start at 25 mg for two weeks, 50 mg for two weeks, etc.

She said that will greatly reduce the topa side effects. She has many patients on it for migraines and with this slow titration, very few have had bad results with the side effects.

I know exactly how you feel about your children, Rosie, pretty much all of us moms do. Unfortunately, in my case, my daughter has a drinking problem, too. (She is 25)

I pray very much that I can be strong on this program and hopefully be an example to her. She has a 5 year old and is going through the same guilt you are. If I can lead by example maybe we can break this chain of addiction!

My hope is for all of us to succeed. Good luck and let's start this journey TODAY!!

Cindi

[beatle]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Wow, this is an amazing thread, and everything everyone has said has rung so true for me.

Rosie C, we've all been there or are somewhere near there, and we're all struggling, but with your attitude, and the support from this site, I know you will lick this.

[buckledown]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

Welcome Rosie!
I too have children and my wake up call was much like what you described ...my 10 year old asked me why I drank so much when I was putting her to bed one night after drinking too much....YUCK...it really freaked me out...my parents are both HUGE drinkers and I swore i would never do this to my kids....and then look ...i'm doing it to my kids...its like you said...they are too old to hide it anymore ...and really - they probably have been for a long time...I have just been pretending...I have loomed on this site off and on for a while...I tried once before (not very hard).....but it was before this happened with my 10 year old....I think it was that wake up call I needed ...maybe for you too...Last Time I tried, I had started drinking again before the topa got here.....this time I had it all...As of today I am 10 days AF...Not much - but huge for me ...I was at LEAST a bottle and a half of white wine a day drinker a day for years and years - so for me that is a big accomplishment..... I really feel that the Topa has made the biggest difference...and as far as the topa dopa...well its not that bad really - most of the time it is not even there...and it can't be as bad as I act when i'm drunk:H ....As far as starting without the CDS...DO IT! ....you have this board and there are other places to get CDs if you need some now...its is great to have more than one set anyway.....All i can say is we can do this ...first for ourselves and second for our kids.....we all deserve it....This place has been a life saver to me and i am here for you if you need a chat....Everyone is......Welcome and Good Job! Buck

[rachel28]

Can't put her through that agian, need to get started

WELL DONE 4 9 DAYS IT IS HUGE!