mornin folks how are we musketeers?all good I hope...small pot for coffee again I see ...well man with grinder finished grinding out the pointing...jeez what a mess...but that is the messy bit done now..if you look at next doors wall thats how it will end up..stops the bad weather getting into the bricks...
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well Sam how did the new job go..all good ?I hope so mate....detector got to go back to the manufacturer ....the good ole post office wanted to charge me a fortune to send it because of the value in compo if it gets broken or damaged..£1600 replacement price ..they wanted £57 to send it...it is going by private courier..£22..no wonder they are losing business...
hiya pauly hows you today then in fact how are you all?feelin any better?hope so...aha so you were laffin at the wheels on the hutch idea?well.......heres the hutch I made to bond Jeeves in ...have a good day :hug:
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hiya Lav and hows you then?ok I hope....brew time ..theres lots left ..help yourself!! pork and fish.....not a lot of difference really!!is your weather good enough to plant in yet?
right peeps off we go ..so have a good one wherever you are..
A man is intensively washing his jeans, mumbling:
- You cannot trust anyone these days! Not a single person! Even yourself... I was only trying to fart.
A couple is celebrating their 30 years anniversary of marriage. The husband asks his wife:
- We have grown 12 kids. But Johnny is different from the rest. Please, tell me honestly, I will forgive you, but I wanna know – maybe you have cheated on me?
The wife replies:
- Yes, I was. Johnny is your real son...
Wife to husband:
- Honey, Robert called you.
- What did he want.
- He asked to pass the message to you that you will not go fishing tomorrow.
- Why not?
- Because the bar was closed for the repair works.
How the Trump Administration Changes a Light Bulb
How many members of the Trump administration does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Obama for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Trump, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Obama was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how Donald Trump has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn't get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn't leave, so the farmer explained to him, ''Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses.'' Obama angrily replied, ''Hey, are you saying that I'm a horse's ass?'' The farmer answered, ''No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse's ass. It's hard to fool them flies though.''
Cows & Politics Explained
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
Bush, Einstein and Picasso at the Pearly Gates
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, ''You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?''
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, ''Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?''
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. ''You really ARE Einstein!'' he says. ''Welcome to heaven!''
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.
Picasso asks, ''Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?''
Saint Peter says, ''Go ahead.''
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. ''Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!'' he says. ''Come on in!''
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, ''Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?''
George W. looks bewildered and says, ''Who are Einstein and Picasso?''
Saint Peter sighs and says, ''Come on in, George.''
This guy said to me
" taught my dog to retrieve a stick 100 miles away".
I said
"That's a bit far-fetched"
20160516_173618.jpg
well Sam how did the new job go..all good ?I hope so mate....detector got to go back to the manufacturer ....the good ole post office wanted to charge me a fortune to send it because of the value in compo if it gets broken or damaged..£1600 replacement price ..they wanted £57 to send it...it is going by private courier..£22..no wonder they are losing business...
hiya pauly hows you today then in fact how are you all?feelin any better?hope so...aha so you were laffin at the wheels on the hutch idea?well.......heres the hutch I made to bond Jeeves in ...have a good day :hug:
20160516_173719.jpg
hiya Lav and hows you then?ok I hope....brew time ..theres lots left ..help yourself!! pork and fish.....not a lot of difference really!!is your weather good enough to plant in yet?
right peeps off we go ..so have a good one wherever you are..
A man is intensively washing his jeans, mumbling:
- You cannot trust anyone these days! Not a single person! Even yourself... I was only trying to fart.
A couple is celebrating their 30 years anniversary of marriage. The husband asks his wife:
- We have grown 12 kids. But Johnny is different from the rest. Please, tell me honestly, I will forgive you, but I wanna know – maybe you have cheated on me?
The wife replies:
- Yes, I was. Johnny is your real son...
Wife to husband:
- Honey, Robert called you.
- What did he want.
- He asked to pass the message to you that you will not go fishing tomorrow.
- Why not?
- Because the bar was closed for the repair works.
How the Trump Administration Changes a Light Bulb
How many members of the Trump administration does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Obama for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Trump, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Obama was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how Donald Trump has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn't get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn't leave, so the farmer explained to him, ''Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses.'' Obama angrily replied, ''Hey, are you saying that I'm a horse's ass?'' The farmer answered, ''No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse's ass. It's hard to fool them flies though.''
Cows & Politics Explained
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
Bush, Einstein and Picasso at the Pearly Gates
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, ''You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?''
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, ''Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?''
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. ''You really ARE Einstein!'' he says. ''Welcome to heaven!''
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.
Picasso asks, ''Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?''
Saint Peter says, ''Go ahead.''
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. ''Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!'' he says. ''Come on in!''
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, ''Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?''
George W. looks bewildered and says, ''Who are Einstein and Picasso?''
Saint Peter sighs and says, ''Come on in, George.''
This guy said to me
" taught my dog to retrieve a stick 100 miles away".
I said
"That's a bit far-fetched"
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