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**Mick** · September 1, 2016, 03:49 AM

next one...

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made a little step way on the right, a raised banking at the back,with a gap at the back so that I can change the fence panel,when I need to without digging everything out but also I can put tall plants in pots along the back,and change them with the season,,,

ok jokes time.....

If one more person asks me to do a somersault.
I swear I'm going to flip!!..

Don’t you just love the English Language?
Only in Britain -Complaints to Local Councils from public housing estates
Extracts from letters written by council tenants:
1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3.. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6.. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen..
10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife...
20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

I rung up work this morning..
"My wife passed away in the early hours." I told them. "I'm going to need some time off work."
"Oh dear, sorry for your loss." The receptionist said. "And of course, we understand. Take as much time off as you need."
"Thank you." I replied. "It'll be about eighteen years, if I behave myself!!

I think I'll be safe taking a trip to Legoland. At least when the ride packs up, we'll be able to rebuild it.

"Sarge need a bit of advice here"
"whats the problem?"
"women just shot her husband for walking on a freshly mopped floor!"
"have you arrested her yet?"
"Are you kidding? the floors still wet!"

I decided to use the self service checkout at Walmart this morning.
Next thing I know I am employee of the month.

"Too much sex damages your memory"...............

At least that's what I read at the bottom of page 34 at 8.49am on the 24th May 2006 on flight KL534 from Amsterdam to Rome while I was sitting in seat 14F

I sat down, coffee in my hand and switched on Big Brother.
Then thank fck I remembered that I had some finger nails I needed to pull out with pliers instead.

Today I'm sitting in the bus when this old lady that's been standing up for hours says to me
" will you be a gentleman and let me have your seat ,please?".
I gave her the seat .
5 minutes later she crashes the bus.

**Guitarista** · September 1, 2016, 05:19 AM

Thanks for the laughs Mick! Your garden looks ace mate. Love Jeeves' cocky look these days lol.

AND..........................Kuya. 4 years sober today September 1st! Congratulations my friend. Raaawk star. :sohappy: :welldone::black::bravo:

**paulywogg** · September 1, 2016, 07:27 AM

Mae everybody, Mick, thanks for the link,pics and jokes haha!! I haven't laughed so hard in a bit

wonderful convoy in the Army I agree, I read there regularly, I'm considering going to the doctor, one day I feel ok and the next day floored now my chest feels tight but I think they'll just say allergies and give me more bullshit meds I won't take, see how the rest of the week goes I guess, May just pay out of pocket and go somewhere else, I'm tired of the crappy docs at my Indian clinic, most of them not really docs anyways, practitioner? Lav,would know, oh its PA's physicians assistant,I just can't afford insurance,$650 a month is a lot to me, so I take what I can get, SF,I only ever bought beer at the gas station but it's funny cuz the 2 I usually went to are not a trigger but if I pass one that I bought at once in awhile it triggers a memory isn't that weird? Wishing hubs a speedy recovery

hello to all,much love to all and I hope we all have a great Thursday

**Pie** · September 1, 2016, 08:00 AM

MAE All, Mick the humor is stellar this morning, thanks!! PQ - your community garden is much more extensive than I'd pictured; very cool video of it too. Det, seems you've outed several of us as broccoli admirers. :eek-new:

Forecast here calls for 1st day of no rain in many moons, meanwhile our friends on the east coast are facing a tropical storm. Take care y'all.

**Pie** · September 1, 2016, 08:03 AM

Morning Pauly. I can't afford monthly health insurance premiums either, but I can afford an $85 trip to my doctor of choice, when needed. Maybe you have more options than you realize?

**paulywogg** · September 1, 2016, 08:38 AM

Yeah Pie,there's a walk in clinic that is only like $50 to $65 bux,if this weekend feels worse I'll probably go there,I liked too many of those complaint jokes,his cock wakes me up ,huge erection in his backyard hahaha!

**Lavande** · September 1, 2016, 01:47 PM

Good afternoon Abbers!

Yep, I'm back & just in good time before the rain began & now I understand there's a hurricane due to arrive by Sunday ~ not fabulous.
WE had a nice, relaxing time on our mini getaway

Mick, your garden looks so nice. I am ashamed of my gardens, even the raised beds this year grew mostly weeds. The excessive heat just murdered everything out there. I hear it almost got YB the other day. Good thing our EMT/Paramedic son was here to revive the old man - geez. Consequently, not much work was done on the greenhouse.

Hi there G, Pauly & Pie!

Pauly, I have to agree with Pie. You can get some decent routine medical care from the walk-in clinics staffed by nurse practitioners - give them a try. I hope you feel better soon & get those allergies under control.

Have a great AF afternoon everyone!

Lav

**porqoui** · September 1, 2016, 06:51 PM

MAE ALL....

Just popping in to stay accountable.
Was an exhausting day, no boss, new hire, Sep 1st!!
Off to make some dinner and relax.....:smile:PPQP

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white rabbits!!!! soon be chrimbo..................................ho ho ho

white rabbits!!!! soon be chrimbo..................................ho ho ho

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