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    #1

    Won't be here for a while

    I'm sorry-- I messed up and now I don't know what's going to happen or where I'll be.

    After 4 weeks AF, I failed. I drank two of those supermarket vodka drinks. Don't know why. Stress, anxiety, negative thoughts. Whatever, there's no excuse.

    After a lunch with a former colleague I came home and we went to an end-year school thing for the kids. My spouse said I stinked of alcohol, accompanied with a lot of anger. I had to admit I'd been drinking but didn't think it was so much to stink. Well. looks like I'm persona non grata around here so I'm packing up my stuff.

    I can't say when I'll be back in touch but hope the best for you all out there. You've given me a lot. The tears make it hard to write much more. Thank you all.
    Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

    Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005
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    #2
    Won't be here for a while

    Beatle,
    Are you sure you both aren't just over reacting? Are you sure it isn't just the alcohol talking?
    Honey this is a huge step to take when you are completely sober let alone when you've had anything to drink. Please don't do this. Take a nap and then re-think/ re-talk this over with him.
    If I ruin my body where will I live? :ranger

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      #3
      Won't be here for a while

      Beatle please dont go, now is the time you need us when you feel as you do.Sit down take a breath and think calmly. Dont think of what you have failed at, think of what you have achieved. Four weeks af that is fantastic, now weigh that up against a small slip up ie supermarket vodka and you know you are still winning. Do not give up on yourself because someone is angry with you or because he said you smell of alcohol. Anybody can have a sip of alcohol and smell of it. You are just beating yourself up because you feel like you have failed and now you are full of guilt. Well get rid of the guilt, look at what you have achieved, pick yourself up and start that climb up the mountain again. You have just had a little stumble, we all do. :l

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        #4
        Won't be here for a while

        I don't think it is re-talkable. I was not, and am not, drunk, although admittedly I drank a little. I think it's a matter of f--king up trust. I did it. It's too late. now I gotta keep packing.
        Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

        Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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          #5
          Won't be here for a while

          Its never too late, try talking, regain the trust, look at the last four weeks.

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            #6
            Won't be here for a while

            Beatle,
            I wasn't accusing you of being drunk. Can a couple of drinks really destroy that much trust that a sincere apology can't start to heal? If you walk out it may set wheels in motion that don't need to be set in motion. Did he ask you to leave? Can't you just sat in your room for a while and let things cool a bit?
            If I ruin my body where will I live? :ranger

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              #7
              Won't be here for a while

              yeah, a couple drinks could do that at this point. There's too much water under the bridge. A sincere apology won't be enough. no I was not asked to leave the house but I was asked to leave the school-end party. I really was not drunk. I was just fine. I don't know what our kids must be thinking right now. What am I gonna say when they come home? No, I think it's better I'm not here. And I am bitter now, I have to admit. Really bitter after all I have tried and worked on. Shit. it's like I am in control, well, hello I'm not! But I'm doing evey f--king thing I can.
              Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

              Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

              Comment

                #8
                Won't be here for a while

                beatle I dont know your situation but I do know all that all children need their mum, and they need you to be there when they get home.Just sit and wait and ride the storm. Thinking of you.:h

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                  #9
                  Won't be here for a while

                  Dear Beatle I haven't got children but I have been one and they need you.

                  I know your partner is angry and you are very angry with yourself but please do not do anything rash, take a deep breath and drink some water.

                  I don't know your whole situation but I'm sure your partner will calm down. It is difficult when our partners scutinise our drinking, they cannot gauge what we have drank by the smell so I can see why tempers may have flared.

                  Please keep in touch with us and let us know how you are.

                  Kitty
                  Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
                  Confucius

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                    #10
                    Won't be here for a while

                    garden girl, for gods sake get another avatar.
                    Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                    Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Won't be here for a while

                      OOps. family just got in before I could make my break. I'll keep you posted.
                      Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                      Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Won't be here for a while

                        ok beatle avatar changed hope your ok, keep us posted please.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Won't be here for a while

                          Beatle,

                          Hope you will work things out and not leave. From reading your posts it seems like you have accomplished a lot in recent weeks. I guess it is hard for those w/o a problem to see the progress if there are slips along the way. You made me think of something that happened the other night. We were walking our dogs and our neighbors stopped us on the street to talk. The woman had a drink in hand and we all chatted for 15 mins or so. When we walked away, my DH asked if I could see she was a bit drunk and slurring her words. I honestly did not think she appeared drunk, maybe just a bit relaxed, and to me her speech sounded fine. Then he told me that is what I sound like when I have had too much! Now believe me, I have had too much many times, but when he would tell me how I acted the next day he had me thinking I was slurring left and right and half falling down. I am not sure if this makes any sense. What I am trying to say is that the nondrinkers can be very sensitive to our drinking (and maybe we are too insensitive), and sometimes overreact to a particular incident because they are upset about the issue. It doesn't seem like your hubbie is seeing the progress. Wish there were a way you could talk it out because your kids do need you dear.

                          Hugs.

                          And please don't leave us.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Won't be here for a while

                            hi its garden girls twin , i just logged on, beatle, oh please dont go, i know u r not drunk , can understand, y u feel u got 2 , but come on, u have done so well, u have given so much good damm honest advice, listen to yourself in your heart , and stop bloody packing woman xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx
                            :upset: lol the assmaster!! im slowly tryin to unwedge my head out my arse !!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Won't be here for a while

                              yeah, ducky, it all makes sense. everything everyone says here makes sense.

                              and now it's too late for me to leave 'cause the whole fam came home and then we all got caught up in putting the wee ones to bed and now I'm back here typing.

                              Don't know if anyone noticed my valise packed by the door.

                              Thanks for the crisis help all of you-- it was like being in the middle of a storm and there you guys were. Amazing.

                              And now the storm has kinda blown over but there's gonna be some hashing out tonight, you can bet. I might still need that valise.

                              Life sucks. But what else do we have?
                              Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                              Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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