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    1. #11
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      Accountable for Me's Avatar

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      Children of Alcoholics

      Hi DidItForMe. Just think. You are here and you are talking about it. That is a huge step in breaking the cycle. Keep at it! Silence is just as bad as words they say.

    2. #12
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      Children of Alcoholics

      Absolutely, this place allows you to open up, to kick the habit of silence and to reach out.

      You are not your parents, and neither am I - we are both here and talking and admitting something's wrong - we have survived the silences.

      Nothing like lifting up that carpet and having a good vacuum underneath.

      Love

      Cashy
      xx

    3. #13
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      Children of Alcoholics

      just an experience from my life
      my dad was a raging alcoholic.he would go on benders until the money ran out.the benders would range from a week to 3 months.i am serious when i say i saw my father drunk for 3 months.he even got poisoning from drinking rubbing alcohol.
      the effect on me at 4 or 5 years old was that i felt that my dad didn't want me.he wouldn't play with me.so no sports training.i felt like i didn't exist for him and so that's where the sense of shame and not being good enough tends to come from and really leads to low self esteem.this took me years to understand and all of the effects that follow from that.guilt,shame,embarasment,anxiety,worry.insomni a etc.that's why we have to heal ourselves and develop understanding.

    4. #14
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      Children of Alcoholics

      My dad was also an alcoholic, not abusive just absent. He is now recovered but unfortunately I have followed in his steps, maybe not to the extent he was but it's enough to be an issue. Having been on both sides, the victim of alcoholism and the alcoholic I know all to well how difficult each road is. I take comfort in knowing that I'm on the road to recovery to break this cycle for myself and my children. Support and communication is crucial.

    5. #15
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      Children of Alcoholics

      Deniselb;101098 wrote: My dad was also an alcoholic, not abusive just absent. He is now recovered but unfortunately I have followed in his steps, maybe not to the extent he was but it's enough to be an issue. Having been on both sides, the victim of alcoholism and the alcoholic I know all to well how difficult each road is. I take comfort in knowing that I'm on the road to recovery to break this cycle for myself and my children. Support and communication is crucial.
      Just a question: Is alcoholism a hereditary disease?

    6. #16
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      Children of Alcoholics

      this is my life!

      OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! everything everybody says is what did happen to me! My dad drank and used to get violent but I was there! The little warrior that I was! would stand up before dad so he wouldn't hit her! Well sometimes it worked but most times he hit me! Reality sucks. I don't think I have ever had a good night sleep in my lifetime. I still lie awake of a night worrying (Hummm spelling) about what could happen and I do always worry about my mum. My dad is dying now and even though I can say I love him I do not have the depth of love to give him. How sad is that? I am like him! I have hated him most of my life! Karma does pay bigtime doesn't it................be cool Shas and just breathe.
      PS I am just so over being strong for everybody else (secret.........I want somebody to be strong for me)
      Much love

    7. #17
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      You have been through a terrible time. Your story reminded me of how my son is growing up and all the more reason for me to turn my back on alcohol. Thankyou for sharing your story with us. It must be hard for you to recall those painful times. B xx

    8. #18
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      Children of Alcoholics

      Sharyn44.
      Your post struck a chord.
      With me it was my mother and my step-father who I still feel ruined my late childhood and early adulthood.
      My natural father is and always has been, a gentleman - he didn't show us his love until we were all grown up though.
      My mother took us away when I was about 13. My siblings ended up back with Dad. I stayed.I have very little recollection of the next 10 tears except that I learned to hate my mother and the man she eventually settled with.
      They both drank very heavily. I can remember going home to no food for days at a time. The were both very violent to each other and the man was violent towards me. I bided my time until I was strong enough to fight, and I beat the s**t out of him. I'm not proud of it. I got the blame for that,which is OK as he never touched my mother or me again. Eventually my mum left him and went to a women's refuge, and he ended up staying with me. By then I was married and he was so full of prescription drugs that he was no longer a problem. He had nowhere else to go. He died in his room five years after my mum left him, aged 51. He choked on his own vomit while drunk.
      My mum carried on her drinking quite merrily on her own. I would go and see her in her own flat occasionally, but she was always drunk, or about to drink. Six years ago she developed inoperable lung cancer. She died four years ago, aged 63.
      In the intervening years, she made a great effort to get her family back. She asked us all for our forgiveness, which I gave her. We ended up as friends which made me extremely sad about missing all those other years with the lovely lady I remember as a child.
      You'd think that I would have taken heed of what happened instead of embarking on the road I did.......still, I'm trying to find a better road now.
      Thanks for listening.

    9. #19
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      Children of Alcoholics

      I had an alcoholic abusive father and most of my siblings have alcohol problems
      so I do think heredity could have something to do with it,although my mother never
      drank but she never cared or showed any love to any of us,but thankfully i'm not like
      her i love my family and show it.I know about violence,embarrassment,hunger,shame,
      but thank god thats in the past,supposedly what dosn't kill you is supposed to make you
      stronger, lets hope so.
      Thanks everybody.

    10. #20
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      Children of Alcoholics

      Paul and everyone, thank you so much for sharing. I also grew up in an alcoholic family without the violence. Quite the opposite. The only time affection was shown, by my father, was when the alcohol was flowing. I learned to resent affection because it only came with the smell of alcohol. My father was absent much of my childhood due to workhours and later finding out that I don't think children fit his lifestyle. I guess he felt he needed to make up for it when he was home.
      My mother still drinks although she likes to comment on the amount I consume and take no accountability for the volume she takes in. Especially now since I have opened up to her and told her that I am trying to get a handle on it.
      Alcoholism runs in every level of my family that I can remember. I am hoping to break this chain for my kids.

      Irony: I am here now doing this and my father only drinks NA beer. Go figure.

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