• Amused
  • Angry
  • Annoyed
  • Awesome
  • Bemused
  • Cocky
  • Cool
  • Crazy
  • Crying
  • Depressed
  • Down
  • Drunk
  • Embarrased
  • Enraged
  • Friendly
  • Geeky
  • Godly
  • Happy
  • Hateful
  • Hungry
  • Innocent
  • Meh
  • Piratey
  • Poorly
  • Sad
  • Secret
  • Shy
  • Sneaky
  • Tired
  • Wtf
  • Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
    Results 11 to 17 of 17

    Thread: Last Resort

    1. #11
      Registered User.
      This user has no status.
       
      I am:
      ----
       


      Join Date;
      12th October, 2010.
      Posts;
      889.
      Post Thanks / Like

      Last Resort

      Hi Nikki you can point him in the right direction but if he doesn't really want to get sober he won't , everything you have said about him is all caused by drink and that's not going to change, as has been said before get out while you can . i would really move on if he doesn't make any changes also how well do you know him sober? has he been drinking all the time you have been with him ?
      he is 36 and has been an alcoholic for 15 years. He has already lost 2 LT relationships due to his drinking problem
      This was me at 36 i'm 41 now.
      There is hope for him but he has to make the change, show him this thread and tell him your gone if things don't change.

    2. #12
      Registered User.
      This user has no status.
       
      I am:
      ----
       
      DarlingNikki's Avatar

      Join Date;
      14th April, 2013.
      Posts;
      7.
      Post Thanks / Like

      Last Resort

      Madmans: I only know him sober. He has detoxed in my company, but has never drank. We had a discussion about his drinking 2 nights ago, and he had said that he has been thinking about our future together and that he's already started planning great things for us. But last night he was about a little more than halfway through a fifth of rum. He started crying and shaking because he was out of control and wanted to stop so badly
      but couldn't stop himself. He asked for help, and I've never heard such raw emotion in his voice before. He sounded like somebody begging for his life that was about to be the victim of a murder.......so desperate, so intense, just overrun with emotion.....I guess he sounded like a victim (begging for mercy and his life). I gave him the link to MWO and a few other sites, but I doubt he looked at them. Idk if looking at support sites is a trigger for him, or what the deal is. He likes to believe that he is stronger than he is, and can obtain sobriety on his own. I've tried to help SO MUCH, but he is incredibly stubborn and wants to do it himself.

      Thank you for your continued advice and support.

    3. #13
      Forum Subscriber.
      is so glad to have found this
      site
       
      I am:
      Cool
       
      satz123's Avatar

      Join Date;
      6th May, 2009.
      Location;
      IRELAND.
      Posts;
      16,159.
      Post Thanks / Like

      Last Resort

      Nikki you need to leave him. Why do you feel you need to 'fix' him ?

      Let's look at it :
      • You see him one night a week
      • He sends you home when he wants to to drink that one night ?
      • He has no jobHe promises to stop drinking WHILE he is drinking - but doesn't even try.He has lost 2 LT relationships rather than try
      Why are you with him? Really why? You are wasting your life on his man. If you walked away would he change to get you back ?

      Try it and see !
      Sorry Nikki but it's not worth ruining your life.

    4. #14
      Registered User.
      This user has no status.
       
      I am:
      ----
       
      DarlingNikki's Avatar

      Join Date;
      14th April, 2013.
      Posts;
      7.
      Post Thanks / Like

      Last Resort

      Satz123: I have had a horrible life filled with abuse (drug, and physical) and have basically withdrawn from everything. Slowly getting better, but am frightened to meet new people and go out in public. I detest going out because nothing positive happens, and the people I have always met end up hurting me. My best and only friend moved away 4 months ago to England because she was getting married (her husband lives in England). My boyfriend has been there for me and has been supportive. He is the only guy I've been in a relationship that has been a gentleman. He is the sweetest most respectful guy I've ever been with. He makes me feel loved, and special. Our relationship is picture perfect aside from the drinking. He has never hit me, yelled at me, or verbally abused me. My parents absolutely love him......that's how amazing he is. My parents don't like anybody I've brought home. My life has been crazy (i am a professional makeup artist that tours with several famous bands). He is just about the only person I trust. Yes, he dropped me off once so he could go drink......but that's the ONLY hurtful thing he has ever done (besides drinking himself into oblivion). We only see each other once a week because I live in the city (Chicago) and he lives in the burbs (i don't have a car, you don't need one in the city).

    5. #15
      Forum Subscriber.
      is so glad to have found this
      site
       
      I am:
      Cool
       
      satz123's Avatar

      Join Date;
      6th May, 2009.
      Location;
      IRELAND.
      Posts;
      16,159.
      Post Thanks / Like

      Last Resort

      Ah Nikki :l:l
      I really don't know what else to say. You were strong enough to turn your own life around perhaps you will be able to change him. .....
      How many years are you prepared to spend doing this ?
      5 ?
      10?
      The rest of your life ?

      Just saying ....... tell him to quit or you are gone. See what reaction you get.

    6. #16
      Registered User.
      This user has no status.
       
      I am:
      ----
       
      DarlingNikki's Avatar

      Join Date;
      14th April, 2013.
      Posts;
      7.
      Post Thanks / Like

      Last Resort

      Satz123: thank you for your advice.

      UPDATE: last night (friday, the night my bf and I always have plans) my bf called me at the time he was supposed to pick me up and cancelled our plans (for the 2nd week in a row) so he could hang out with his friends and watch the hockey game. FYI his friends live in the same apartment complex he does. I told him that I would be interested in watching the game with him too, but he told me that he really just wanted a sports night with the guys. He then offered to do something on Saturday, but I already had a prior commitment with my family during the day. Later, I had let him know that I was available during the night, but he said sorry and that he was hanging out with his friends. He always spends saturday nights with his friends, so I thought that he might want to do something just to make up for ditching me on Friday night. Nope. He wants to do something during the week.....probably because his friends don't drink during the week. I got so sick of feeling like I wasn't good enough to spend time with, I told him that we need to downgrade our relationship to just dating again, or be friends. I just can't take it anymore. Alcohol is his girlfriend, not me. He shows more loyalty to the bottle.

    7. #17
      Registered User.
      This user has no status.
       
      I am:
      ----
       


      Join Date;
      15th January, 2011.
      Posts;
      408.
      Post Thanks / Like

      Last Resort

      nikki I hate to say it but I don't hold out much hope that your BF will get sober any time soon. It's easy to get drunk and melancholic and full of self pity, it's easy to berate yourself when you're hungover and scolding yourself, (Im sure we've all been there many times) but it takes effort to do something different and change things. He seems to have lots of excuses to drink, but ignores all the reasons to change. Honestly, I think he has just checked out of life and decided it's easier to drink because then he has lots of excuses not to do other things, like not work, not to be a good bf, not to be productive and engaged in life, not to have friends. There are people here who have easily drank what he does or more and still held down a job so is the drinking the real reason he doesn't work, or does he just not want to work regardless, you know? If he really wanted any of these things he would at least try, if he was really that unhappy with his drinking, he would make some effort to change. It's also very telling that you are the one seeking out help for him, something he could be doing for himself if he wanted to.

      I think you have decide if this relationship is going to continue to be about some pie in the sky future where everything is rosy and different, or if you're ready to look at the reality of what it is and whether it really is going to change. My take on when he makes fun of people at aa, or when he says your meth addiction wasn't really an addiction, I think what he is really saying is "no one is as addicted as me, my addiction is so much worse than everyone else's" and you know what that is? It's just one more excuse why he can't or won't change, and if he could do it on his own, he would have done it by now, it's been 15 years so his plan of doing it himself isn't going very well is it?

      Only you can decide if he's worth it, but I think you should give yourself a deadline to see something happening, and if he isn't making some effort towards it, you need to walk away and do better for yourself.

    Bookmarks

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •