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    1. #1
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      11th February, 2008.
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      Vicious cycle - is it Karma?

      I will make this as concise as possible, raised by a severe abusive alcoholic Irish father who beat the crap out of my Mom quite often. Began my own partying at a young age....stopped drinking about a year ago (I was a total binger...and of course hooked up with another more severe binge drinker.) He has also stopped drinking (thank God) but I almost feel like I am with another person now (myself and him) - we were party buddies and now we aren't and can't be - I love this guy but I am insecure about our relationship, he has cheated (mostly online and he is not very smart about it) he is secretive and anxious all the time. What hurt the most was when my Mom was dying of cancer and he was too busy sending pics of himself and his daughter to strangers online - BUSTED - so stupid he left his computer on and had me HELPING him with his business and she sent him an instant message while I was working on an Excel spreadsheet. Turns out the woman lives about a block away from my home? HMMM how coincidental is that? She had some bs moniker sunset69 (jeez come up with something more original) - anyway she says they never got together but I have not been able to trust him since......should I dump this guy and move on - just not sure what to do and how to regain broken trust?:new:

    2. #2
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      Vicious cycle - is it Karma?

      What I'd do is talk to him. Tell him you know all about her and you don't know if you can trust him again. See how he reacts. Some folks just like having someone talk dirty to them, might not even want to get together with them. But on a deeper level. You might not be able to have a relationship with each other while sober. Drinking might be the only thing you have in common. I don't know. But you definitely need to clear the air. Living with this kind of deception is no kind of living and may very well cause you to go back to drinking. And that would be a shame hon. I'm hoping for the best, because you deserve it after beating the drink. You are worth it!!!!!

    3. #3
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      Vicious cycle - is it Karma?

      I wish I could talk to him but he is not receptive to it at all. I found him drunk at a dive hotel a couple of years ago with 2 "working women" working him - basically they were taking money out of his wallet - I overreacted (???) and should have left him then - I was actually frightened for him as it appeared they were ready to roll him and steal his truck, I did scare them off.....this is all old news but I am so uncertain about my feeling for him now........and it has been seven years (six of them sober) but it went on for so darn long........now he is going out of town to a work convention and I don't think he can stay sober with his alco buddies attending...I am praying but I can't babysit him he is a grown man, I am scared....scared of being without him and scared of being with him - do we have a future? I am so ambivalent......scared to take the next step....Maybe we were only together as drinking buddies, maybe there really isn't anything else but then why are we still together? So many questions....so many doubts, thanks for your advise though...I just feel I never did and never will truly "know" this man, so many secrets???

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